Saturday, July 31, 2004


i better call quality control for the hershey company. i just ate a kit kat that had no wafer thingy inside. it was shaped like normal but was solid chocolate. they lost my wafers! if you happen to open a kit kat and see that you're missing one of them and only have a couple wafers sitting there nekkid, then please contact me.

eww, that's kinda gross. i just happened to see the ingredients on the wrapper. they use nonfat milk, but then they add in lactose and milk fat seperately from the milk. so with the lactose they're purposely screwing over the lactose intolerant population, and then they're just making it all fatty after they went through the hassle of getting nonfat milk. you could have save the milk people some time by getting a fattier milk and skipping a couple steps. but that's just me. now carry on with normal life... like reading my other posts! ;)


P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Important messages... 

all of this is important, so stay tuned.

first, i have come up with an incredibly important message for the bitter ultra conservative republicans: EVEN SCROOGE LEARNED TO SHARE!
grow up and learn from kindergartners everywhere. from childhood stories. from the Bible. from almost any moralistic source. share what you have with those who have none.

second, go see a day without a mexican before it closes. it opened a couple months back, but i just learned about it. it's funny and may help you to appreciate the people who make a difference in your lives. you know, the people you may look right past.

third, i need a question answered by my engineer readers. i know there are at least a couple, plus another couple who know a lot about autmotive design. alright, so here's the Q. why is the horn put on top of the airbag if you use one in a vain attempt to prevent a wreck and need the other one when the wreck happened anyway? they say not to put anything between you and the airbag, but you're going to have your fist up there. so what gives? there was no other location in which to put the horn? it confuses me.

i realized that it was a bad setup when i nearly got taken out twice today. at least twice. probably a couple more times but i was just too tired of reacting at that point. dumbass acts all pompous and entitled because he's in mall traffic that refused to move. every lane except the one i was in. the one that was a straight shot over to the service ramp for the freeway in the direction i needed to direct me out of that traffic hell. after i dodged the first idiot who pulled in front of me to get over into the lane next to me, this dude going the other direction decides to turn left into a shopping center to my right and cut across all the lanes. since the 2 lanes to my left were at a stand still, they had left an opening for him. i was hauling since i was in the free and clear. so he gets 3/4 of the way into my lane and stops, just waiting for me to careen into him and t-bone the dumbass. so i lay on the horn and the brakes with all my might. i prayed that my brakes didn't just decide to give out (i need to get them replaced soon) and stop juuuuuust in time. did the guy look spooked, apologetic, like he was at risk of getting killed and/or getting his ass kicked? oh no. he gives me a "what the fuck is your problem?" look and then pulls into the driveway of his destination. dumbass. but as if that wasn't bad enough... there was another guy following him through the lanes of stopped traffic and into the shopping center. did he wait for me, the only car driving in that lane and the one with the right of way go before he went? oh no. he looked at me with his own little "fuck you" look and drove right in front of me into the shopping center. damn fucking assholes. one of the rare times when you breathe a sigh of relief to get into freeway traffic. at least you know everyone should be moving in the same general direction without cross traffic.

ok, so that last paragraph was more of a story and less of an important message, but it was background information for the 3rd message. ok, doing a little more work before i start the evening festivities. like going to the liquor store. for boxes to move with. i know, exciting. but hey, after that one little task, the night's mine for the taking and enjoying.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Slow death... 

just when you think you're safe from that old evil group, it resurfaces. we have to do group evaluations. now normally that's not too painful. you give a score of 1-5 or 1-10 and maybe even list underneath why they deserved that score. but no. i have to write a page per person, detailing everything they did, everything they failed to do, how they contributed, and how they failed to contribute, etc. and figure it out on a scale from 1-30 or something weird and awkward. i mean, with 1-10 you know that 9 and 10 are really good and 7 is like giving somebody a C. but on this scale is a 27 like they weren't the best but pretty damn good, or how's that work? weird. anyway, i'm just annoyed that i have to spend my saturday dredging up old memories and minute details about this stupid project and group. it will be sweet vengeance for ms. mcbitchykins to be able to write what i really thought of her "contribution"... although he says that your group members may be allowed to read what you wrote. damn, there goes that. oh well... back to work.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Boy update... 

so it's late, i'm tired, and this is gonna be short. i hopefully have an update on this whole boy situation. supposedly, he was having a horrible couple of days and took it out on me in the form of dismissing all of my ideas and arguing against me no matter what the topic. he knew he was in a bad mood, but didn't realize until today how much he had dished out and framed as being my fault. normally, if he rants to me, he's complaining about whatever the actual problem is, so it's a pretty clear indicator that i'm not to blame and can remind him i don't deserve the wrath.

i don't know if this is the boy getting smart about covering his mistake, or if it's sincere, but i am generous with the second chances so i'm going with sincere. in talking with him more, he admitted that a lot of the more democratic ideas, liberal (to some extent) ideas, and kerry/edwards ideas made sense to him. he said his main conservative value was the whole military support thing, but that since kerry was stepping up to the plate on that, he was satisfied. without having to bust out the biased alphabet soup, i got an agreement of 99% that he would vote for kerry. i did a lot of work tonight. i removed the apathy (he was considering just not voting at all). i forced him to figure out what he believed in, what he was, what he liked, what he didn't like... i made him think for himself. omg! big breakthrough for the man. and i realize that flashing a few dozen sexy smiles as encouragement may have helped, but i hope and pray that some of this is the good man inside coming out and realizing himself and understanding that deep down inside he wants to make sure that everyone can have a decent life. at least i'm ending the night being proud of the boy.

(a quick sidenote: why does it seem that all the really liberal girls go for conservative men? myself and 2 of my good friends are all in this boat, not to mention a few others who i know as acquaintances. i'll have to tell these girls that there is still hope for my guy "seeing the light" after all.)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Friday, July 30, 2004

Ah ha! 

i figured out the perfect medium by which to subtly brainwash. alphabet soup. you're eating it and it just looks like rrrrrekkeyk. ok. no big deal. have another bite. now it's rekkyer. ok, no still biggie. then finally, you see it. kerrykerrykerrykerry. wha?! omg, my alphabet soup is telling me how to vote! woooooooooow! kerry wins the soup vote. and he should win yours. perfect.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



i wonder if it's an issue of respect. i generally command and demand a measure of respect from the people in my life. i'm the type of person who people respect. and with my friends, i let loose and am crazy and goofy and off the wall and outrageous and everything else, but friends respect one another. but i wonder if that's part of the issue with the boy. he just isn't really respecting me any more. he sees the full spectrum: the sexy me, the funny me, the off the wall me, the i dare you to dare me to do that me, the let's drink me, the i'll be way too outrageous just to watch you collapse on the floor in laughter me, the omg you didn't just say that me, the serious me, the intelligent me, the emotional me, the compassionate me, the passionate me, the everything else under the sun me. but has he somehow lost that respect? and if so, how?

thinking about it long and hard, i doubt that he has lost his respect of me, but he kind of acts like it. i mean, just easily dismissing somebody's ideas and beliefs without valid reasons? that isn't respectful. and it's not cool. he has to figure out why he does this to me and treats me like that before he comes by to see me. a little homework assignment, if you will. hey, it isn't always fun and games to be the luckiest man in the world. sometimes you have to prove that you're still worthy of your status.

note: luckiest man in the world status is conferred on a man who is worthy of dating me. runners up are the men who become my closest friends. the world envies them, and they (should) count their blessings regularly. there is no similar status with women because we are all equally lucky to be each others' closest friends. we're all fabulous, incredible women and we remember to be grateful for each other regularly.

which brings me to my next important point...

and if this is your first time to read me and you think i'm full of myself, it's all a big joke. i don't take myself that seriously, but i find it funny to act like it every once in a while.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Snow white... 

if snow white existed, do you think she'd tan? probably so. she's got 7 little men and a prince to keep interested. and she'd probaby get tired of the albino jokes.

i consider the serious issues here, people! hard hitting! lmao.... hahahahah. it's friday. go act like it!

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


This boy may be the death of me... 

politics just might tear us apart after all.  the boy will argue off no kind of basis or the hearsay and opinion of some of the neocon extremists without finding the facts.  he will listen to a reasonable argument that i offer, say that he finds it reasonable, and then refuse to agree or argue against it because he refuses to believe that a liberal can be fucking sane and logical. 

then just to tear at me even more, he asks what i would do if he decided to run for a political office in a few years, and that he would do so on a conservative ticket (not sure if he'd go republican or an even more conservative 3rd party).  i told him i didn't think i could support my husband trying to get a position of power in order to possibly take away my job and the others that i would be eligible for, since they "helped" people who didn't have some serious money.  he seemed to relish the idea like it would be a great way to torture me and screw me over from higher up than the ever could do otherwise.  what the fuck?!  why would you consider doing something that could tear apart your marriage?!!

and how the hell do you rationally explain your point of view to an irrational person who tries to agrees with the opposition simply because they are the opposition?  because he's been influenced ever since he was little to believe that democrat and liberal are dirty words.  fox news, rush, and the other conservative ranters never leave a TV screen somewhere in his house.  his grandfather and mentor would have hated every fiber of my being for my denomination, a tiny little bloodline in my heritage, my political stance, the work i plan to do for others, my distaste for racism, and everything else i stand for.  thankfully the racist and prejudist attitudes were not passed on, but much of the other was.  i don't know how to argue against somebody who disagrees for no rational reason.  he doesn't have facts, he doesn't know what is true and false, fact and opinion, he isn't even positive what "his" side would want him to think, but he knows it isn't what i believe.  so he disagrees.  and fights and argues.

i know that couples can handle a relationship with diametrically opposed political views, but how do you do it?  and how do you handle something like this when you can't even discuss something rationally.  somebody out there please help!

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Thursday, July 29, 2004


quick question for ya... do you move all the stuff in your fridge and freezer and just pack them last and unpack them first, or do you just trash it all and buy new?  obviously cross country you don't just set your ice cubes in the seat next to you, but for a shorter move? 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Dr. V? 

yeah, one last quick question.  i really want you guys to give responses this time.  part of me thinks it could kick ass to try to get a doctorate before i'm 25.  part of me is ready to wash my hands of school.  what do you think?  go for the prestigious little cocktail story, or go for freedom from school?  status or real world?

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Slow day... 

talk about a slow day!  i ask for recommendations, yays or nays for the IM thing, and talk about politics, and my man matt's about the only person to follow through.  so... i IMed with him.  still am actually.  it's been fun.  we've covered a range of topics, including hideous noses, jobs, ADD, and the simpsons.  i may be his slave driver if he becomes a product developer so i can help save the world from any more stupid ideas.  not that he'd create stupid ideas.  he's really very ahead of his time.  he needs a job, people... in chicago.  send one his way.  i'm sure he'd appreciate it.

he's asked for a girl's perspective on sports.  so here we go.  i like hockey.  you get rugged guys, free fights, some sweet plays, and (if you're lucky) die hard fans.  and some fun memories.  plus there's always the zamboni!  i also like that they play because they love the game, not because they're paid more money than should be humanly possible.  and fuck it if i lose a tooth, it ain't no thang.  yeah, so i like hockey. 

high school football was fun back in the day.  you knew everyone and were with all your friends.  i don't like pro football players whining.  if they're supposed to be all tough, then shut the hell up and accept the income that's still waaaaaay more than most people make.  i often get bored with baseball.  sorry to all you die hards out there.  basketball can be fun, but i don't usually watch. 

other girls will have to leave their perspectives in the comment box.  i can only speak for myself.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



ok, so i've heard a lot of talk about this lately, and figure it's about time to address it here.  heard some interesting views, some new takes, and this is the one i like the best.  i shall title it:

big vs. small government and the irony of it all

republicans hate big government.  it's one of their many bad words.  it's the antichrist to them.  and yet what they do is more big government than what the democrats propose.  let's discuss that first since it's the simpler side.

democrats are accused of favoring big government.  i suppose that's true according to the old school definition.  they want programs that help people who need it.  they want to ensure that all children have access to health care, all children can get a decent education, that their parents can have enough money to put food on the table and make ends meet if the shit hits the fan, that the elderly do not wish for an early death because they can't afford to live much longer.  if helping people involves programs, which therefore makes the government larger or a "big government," then i say so be it. 

but here's the irony.  democrats trust the people to live their own lives.  they may have a "big government," but it is not an intrusive government.  republicans, on the other hand, have what i would certainly deem to be a "big government."  they feel the need to regulate what people do because we cannot be trusted in their eyes.  their big government decides who can and cannot get married, who can and cannot afford retirement, who can and cannot make autonomous decisions about their bodies, who can and cannot check out certain books from the library, who can and cannot get an education, and who can and cannot get medical treatment.  their big government steps into people's lives and makes decisions for them, or denies them the chance of ever having a decision.  they want to cut people off right from the start, so they never get to decide if they want a gay marriage, an abortion, any of the freedoms now restricted by the patriot act, and so much more.  i see that as being a much bigger goverment than the democrats have ever created.  and in good vs. bad, i see the democratic version of big government as being much better than the republican version.  but i am not an unbiased reporter (and i don't honestly believe that there is such a thing).  maybe some people think that taking away choices and rights and opportunities is a step in the right direction, but i certainly don't.

so there's my favorite take on this argument of big vs. small government.  i've also heard, though, that bush has made the largest big government yet... just something for you big government haters to ponder.

p.s.  you can still respond to my survey questions below.  so far the minimal response has assured me that IM would be pretty pointless.  but j-mo, you do realize you could step up with the times and easily download AIM for free?  just a thought.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Wednesday, July 28, 2004

A little survey... 

should i get an IM name for the blog?  if i did would nice people talk to me nicely, or would creepy people talk to me about things i don't want to talk about with them?  or do i maybe already have a name and just haven't told anyone?  or am i just so exhausted that i'm talking about all kind of random crazy crap.  maybe i should just stick with email... i already don't get too much of that.  (hint: email me if you want.)

is there something that people want me to talk more about, or less about, or start talking about?  are there any questions you want answered?  although this is mostly for me, i still like having readers and input and ideas.  anyway, throw something my way...

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



finally got to watch some of the DNC.  good night of speeches.  frustrating night of talking to the boy.  stubbornness does not become him.  he's been brainwashed his entire life that he should hate the democratic beliefs.  he's convinced that he hates kerry and sees him as being on par with bush (thankfully at least he also hates bush).  he doesn't know anything about kerry or his beliefs.  he just knows that as the child of republicans, he shouldn't like kerry.  he says that we should just not talk about politics because it ends in fights.  which i know is probably true... except that it very well may be closely intertwined with my professional career in like a year.  he may essentially be voting for or against my job.  thus it does make a difference to me.  i don't want to tell him who to vote for, but i want him to understand why the democratic beliefs are more logical and helpful to the nation as a whole.  why it should matter more to help everyone survive than to help the richest 1% buy a 3rd summer house with a matching hummer.  why it is more important to help every child have access to healthcare and a decent education, than it is to help people hide their money tax-free in the caymans.  maybe i should hold an intervention for him.  gather all my liberal friends (kindred souls) and a ton of research, and fight generic unsubstantiated opinions with cold hard facts. 

ok, he's stressed me out enough for one night.  i was wanting to talk about the DNC anyway.  i find it odd that just a couple years ago, i thought that listening to anything political was THE MOST boring thing you could do in the world.  cut to tonight when i cuddled up under a blanket on the couch and eagerly flipped between the 2 stations that were covering the whole thing.  i was surprisingly impressed with al sharpton.  brought up a lot of good points.  of course he was bashed for all kinds of things afterward, mostly for taking a couple shots at bush and going about 14 minutes over time.  his message was still good.  and then the governor of michigan.  i don't even know if the big names covered her speech, but i can thank PBS for not axing her in favor of their own banter.  good stuff as well.  and then the edwards family.  daughter, wife, and future VP.  good smart ideas.  i wish i could be more coherent, but i'm tired and hungry.  i need a second dinner.  night. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



i got energy today.  yes, i did wake up with a feeling of energy this morning, and did have enough energy that i started packing a bit, but that's not what i'm talking about.  i also got electricity set up for the new place.  passed a supposedly tough credit check (wahoo!), and got a 100% renewable energy source.  so now i can feel good about helping the earth even when i'm flipping on the light. 

kinda funny, but i think the guy who signed me up was impressed.  impressed that i passed the credit check on my own.  impressed that i had made the move to seek them out for the renewable energy.  impressed that i checked to see if another friend was in an area where she could sign up.  impressed that i came up with a good password even.  yeah, i'm sure it was flirting, but it was funny. 

i thought i had more to say about this, but i sure can't think of it.  in other news, i actually started the very early stages of packing.  if i had some appropriate sized boxes and packing materials, i'd be doing more, but i don't so i'm not. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Need vs. want... 

so we all have a lot of wants and needs.  probably more wants than needs.  but we often confuse what we want for what we need.  we actually need very little.  food, shelter/protection from the elements, and enough clothing to cover the essentials.

protection from the elements is even exaggerated here.  we think we need AC, but the majority of people around the world and historically have lived without it. 

i think it would be an interesting experiment to try living on a need-only basis for a week and see how it humbles you.  you have the minimum caloric intake, a small variety of the food groups, water, a tent, one outfit, and nothing more.  like a survival camp at it's best/worst.  actually, it would be really fun to run that camp for a bunch of ritzy farts who have too much money and too many things for their own good.  take 'em down about 1000 pegs.  but i'm sure just about all of us need it.  myself included. 

it's interesting that we are created "new needs."  like technology.  they are really just strong wants, but sometimes it actually feels like you need some of the technology on which we have come to depend.  it seems like you need a computer at college or at the office.  it seems like you need a phone to stay in touch.  but when you get down to the nitty gritty, you don't really.  i suppose you could make an argument that there are different levels of need: need for survival vs. need to stay competitive at your job, etc.  interesting to consider, but there are still just a few basic needs.

anyway, just wanted to share.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Quick thoughts... 

before i get into the serious stuff.

newsflash: so apparently people still rollerblade?!  i thought that died with the 90s.  do people seriously still rollerblade?  or did i just see an exception to the rule?  i'm not trying to make fun, but i seriously thought nobody rollerbladed anymore.  or if anyone did, it was kids.  or maybe people who wanted to roll around a lake or park or something, or who were carhops.  but i saw a woman rollerblading around the parking lot at my school yesterday.  i have met her before and know that she has a child in college (so she's not 20, but double that), and she was wearing faded cut off jeans (which again, i thought had died with the 90s).  interesting.

on another note: i just thought back with fondness on the amazing hurricanes in new orleans.  i think i should make a road trip back there to drink in some of that hurricane goodness.  i won't get them anywhere else because they just wouldn't be the same. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Post its... 

ok, so i just came up with a wealth of things i want to cover.  it started out as a simple note on a single post it.  then i realized there was something else i wanted to mention... and another, and another.  so after i depleted my little thing of post its and created a pile of topics, i'm ready to go.  well, in a second. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


I'm a boring teapot... 

sh.... ah, never mind.  i'm not short and stout.  but i do feel boring.  anyway....

wow!  this was the first morning in quite a while when i woke up and felt somewhat awake.  and it's not because i went to bed at 7 the night before, or because i slept until 3 in the afternoon, or anything like that.  so who knows.  i probably should work on packing today.  or maybe the schoolwork that i need to get out of the way.  or maybe both.  maybe i should start by eating some lunch.  i'm hungry.  i've already gotten a little work done today.  i got up, turned on the computer, and started working on a group project, searching in vain for an explanation that made sense for part of our project.  i never like going to the prof a week before it's due and admitting that we haven't done one major chunk of the project because we didn't understand it and only recently realized so could they please clarify for us so we can slap something together.  especially since it's something that theoretically should have involved research of some sort.  not like book and journal research, but the more time consuming kind with surveys or observations or something like that.  oops.  but when we had no idea what it was, it looked pretty simple.  i still think it'll work out fine, but we probably should have looked at it a tiny little bit more beforehand.  oh well.

lunch is calling my name, and i still feel like i'm boring.  how fun can i make projects and packing and sleep deprivation?  any suggestions?  i know that's always a dangerous question to ask, but i'm doing so anyway.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Tuesday, July 27, 2004


blah.  did a little something today.  sat through a little nothing in class.  left a little early.  came home and did a little something that sadly felt like nothing because of everything still left to do.  looked through a little something to feel like i did a little more.  talked a little something to a little someone.  ready to end the day, but not ready to feel like i did nothing all day.  that's how i feel when i did something but didn't do enough. 

my extremities feel sore.  joints.  muscle spasm in a leg.  neck is sore.  eyes are hurting from the beginnings of a headache.  blah.  that's it.  i swear i will be more interesting in the verrrrry near future.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



so i went to bed early last night.  i relaxed first even.  i set an alarm assuming that by going to bed early, i could then get up early, and i could get stuff done in those morning hours that i rarely see unless i'm off doing things other than the to-do list stuff (eg, school).  oh how wrong and naive i was.  i slept later than normal.  i was wiped out.  i have no motivation to do any of the work i need to do.  i think i'll... i don't know.  but i have to get back to the school life in about an hour so i guess i should start by getting ready and then considering the other possibilities. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Monday, July 26, 2004

Yoga essentials with V... 

ok, so i'm going to cut through all the crap and give it to you straight.  this is how to do yoga.  do it late at night after you feel like you've been run over and over by a bus all day.  do it while drinking the "gourmet" instant coffee (think: mocha, vanilla, hazlenut, etc). 

next, find an old denise austin does yoga video.  one that's a decade old.  one that is vaguely reminiscent of the bad fashion designs and hairdos that are only popular in middle schools nationwide.  contemplate how denise austin can look like a hybrid of a middle school girl and a cheerleader mom with a mousy yet positive voice of a woman who should have a day job as a personal motivator type for those with way too much money for their own good and have a night job as a soft talking dirty phone operator who makes all the men feel somehow less dirty about calling a 900 number.  yes, that was all one sentence. 

she will tell you that you are doing a wonderful job, and remind you that you are worth it.  she will tell you how good you will feel about yourself for working out.  she will sometimes confuse you, like when she tells you to focus on the wall, close your eyes, and follow her lead all at once.  i only have 2 eyes, and unfortunately, they both tend to focus on the same thing. 

i have never watched a workout video before.  i figured i'd give this one a try since it's one of my mom's old throwbacks that she gave me a couple years ago and i have yet to watch it.  i was so stressed today that i was in pain from all the tension plaguing my muscles.  so i gave it a try.  not half bad.  maybe i'll actually watch the whole thing tomorrow.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



i'm exhausted.  i just finished taking the bitch test from hell.  it was a mutual sado-masochistic ritual.  i kicked some of its ass, and it seriously kicked some of mine.  i held it down and called it betty, since that's the name you call exams when they become your little bitch, but she wriggled free and bit me in the ass.  when i finally finished and just decided to call it quits, the prof said i looked exhausted.  i just told him i was.  i didn't go into the details... i spent all weekend having way too much fun, procrastinated on studying until last night, was completely wiped yet worked up at the same time last night so i couldn't fall asleep, didn't get my normal nap time today because i was keeping up the appearances of studying, and i had to sit in a freezing cold classroom while getting my ass handed to me on a platter.  not the whole thing, thankfully, just a nice little chunk of it.  i don't think the test quite got the ass of the girl in front of me... but it sure did take a bite out of her shorts.  saw her ass hanging out as she walked out.  and she certainly is not the type who should be wearing shorts that reveal bare ass.  ewwwwww. 

so now i'm stressed and exhausted.  left with the dilemma... do i try to do something to relax before i crash so i sleep better (like watch a funny show or exercise or something) or do i do the easier thing and just crash and worry about all the left over stress tomorrow.  i think i should at least try to exercise or something, but there are no promises.  oh, and the squeak of the title?  i tried to say something earlier and i was so tired that it just sounded like a squeak.  i need sleep.  i swear i will be getting back to you guys and my normal reliable blogging habits that you all have come to rely on (i still love you all even if one of you removed your link to me in favor of an ipod), but i can't do it tonight as planned.  check back tomorrow and i should be back to my normal self... whatever that is.  planned chaos perhaps?

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Sunday, July 25, 2004

How to have more fun than you ever thought possible: 

An instructive guide.  AKA: how i spent my friday night.

so everyone wants to know how to have more fun than they previously thought was possible.  how do you do it, you ask?  like this: 6 people. 3 hours.  12 pitchers of margaritas.  one of the great mysteries of life has been solved. 

so yes, that was my friday night.  actually, there were 10 people total in and out that night, but 6 of us were monopolizing the margaritas, 2 of the other people didn't drink, and the other 2 got a severly late start on the festivities.  they were still sober enough for an after party.  the rest of us felt like we were really getting old since we had to call it a night at midnight, but the next day, we figured it out.  it wasn't that we were getting old, it's that we partied hard right from the start.  there was no need for an after party.  our waiter wanted to join us so badly.  he kept hovering as if trying to decide if he should take us up on our offer to sit and have a margarita with us (and risk his job) or maintain his professionalism.  he decided to play by the rules.  but he did hit on both of my single friends as they left, and he also invited the rest of us out to party with him afterward at a nearby bar.  i think we would have considered it if we were up to any more partying.  i was actually considering it, but J had an early morning the next day so i figured i better help him be functional.  apparently the waiter also told my single friends that we were cracking him up all night, and i could tell he sooooo wanted to be a part of the fun.  but he was.  he kept the margaritas flowing all night.  and he hooked us up with a plethora of good (and FREE) desserts.  that's right... i didn't kill off my SAT-word brain cells.  we definitely have to make this a repeat performance.  seriously. 

as for the night before and the big surprise from J...  turns out he DID have tickets for the big concert after all!!!  well, he got them the night before my b-day (turns out it didn't quite sell out after all), but who cares about those details.  we got to go!!!  so he came over just in time that i could open the card with the tickets in it, go crazy with excitement, get dressed, and grab fast food on the way.  it was perfect timing, though.  and i was ecstatic.  we got there just as the doors opened, and our seats were amazing for the top tier.  we were absolutely straight back from the stage.  like we were (back) and dead center.  incredible.  i had a few moments where i was just thinking "oh my gosh, i'm actually sitting here at this concert!"  i had gotten used to the idea that i wouldn't get to go.  but my man pulled through.  the whole night was amazing.  he gave me way more for my b-day than i should have gotten, but all things that i really loved.  we got to see a totally amazing concert.  i fell in love with him all over again.  he kept his promise to be really sweet all night (almost) flawlessly.  we got my favorite late night snack after the concert and rented a movie for the night.  it was an incredibly late night, but a really good night. 

all in all, i would have to say that this is one of the best weekends of my life.  and i also have to say... i keep thinking that i have had the best weekend ever, and then they continually get topped by an even better weekend.  this may finally be the pinnacle of all weekends.  if it is, i have no regrets.  if i have an even better weekend, then i may not know what to do with myself.  i'll have to start writing happy sappy country songs about the wonderful miracles of everyday life.  for now, you can just recognize me by the huge grin slapped on my face. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Saturday, July 24, 2004

Fast post... 

ok, so this is another quick post.  thursday night was amazing.  i was surprised with 2 things i had really wanted.  will explain more later.  last night, i got together with a small group to eat, drink, and be merry.  so merry that the waiter seemed to want to join us.  so merry that as we were leaving, he tried to convince us to go to the bar that he would be heading to after he closed down and cleaned up, so we could hang out.  so merry that we ended up calling it a night prematurely.  good times all around.  i promise i will give the long version within the week, but i was invited to eat some of the world's best birthday cake, and i need to get there before it's too late.  yummmmmmmm! 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Friday, July 23, 2004


sorry kids, but this is really just kind of a token post.  i have to run in order to get all the party plans for tonight set into motion.  i will definitely have stories to tell... including the amazing gift i got from J.  i'm telling you, this story is totally worth the wait.  yay!  huge smiles and hugs for all!  i'll be back probably on saturday...  muah!

oh, and thanks so much for all the warm birthday wishes!  really made me feel loved.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Thursday, July 22, 2004

I'm just a girl... 

i'm just a girl, sitting around in a thong, on my birthday, waiting for something fun to come my way.  i know it's no "notting hill," but i still think it's good.  gwen stefani did a different "i'm just a girl."  i'm on par with her and julia roberts, right?  i think so.  so i figured it was about time that i wrote my own.  i encourage others to use it on their birthdays.  and being my birthday (and spreading into the birthday weekend) i figured i'm allowed a 4 day abstention from my usual filter on what i should and shouldn't say on here.  does any one here second that motion?

i'm noticing i have sex-related trends on here.  i talked about sex and our obsession with it for a little while, i talked about boobs for a while, and now i'm into underwear.  i could talk about the sex obsession more since i talked about it yesterday with another person, but i'll refrain.  i feel like the last post was a pretty crappy happy birthday.  it had a maniacal twist as i was writing it, and somehow it turned into a miniature rant about J slacking.  i really had no intention of that happening.  i should write myself another happy birthday.  one that makes it sound like i'm happy, and that i'm dating a good person... because both of those are the actual truth.  i'll get around to that soon.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Happy birthday to me! 

ok, so it's late, i'm tired, and i never got my work done.  and now it's my birthday and i'll actually have to do the work.  poo.  yes, apparently growing a year older an hour ago has made me regress into childish blasphemy. 

so i am extremely proud of my b-day this year.  so many completely badass things are happening on this day, that i can't even keep track of them all.  amazing concerts, movie screenings, etc.  and yet i have no big plans.  i wanted to go to one of the concerts, but on my budget it wasn't feasible.  the tickets were going to be my b-day gift from J, but he procrastinates even worse than i do.  yeah, still no tickets have been purchased.  it sold out a couple months back i think.  somehow i'm not feeling like i should hold my breath on that one.  that decision was sealed by him mentioning yesterday (as in wednesday) that he needed to get off the phone to find a birthday gift for me.  awww, i feel so loved.  a suitable gift for me obviously takes foresight and intense planning.  wait, no.  it usually involves a trip to the grocery store on his way over to my place so he can pick up a suitable card, which he will sign either never (oops), in the car in front of my place, or when i go into the other room for a moment before opening the card.  i'm serious.  i mean, i love the guy and he got incredibly lucky that i'm not the type to chew off his right ear for repetitive stunts like that, but seriously.  you know it's coming up.  there really is no secret law of maleness that requires you wait until the last milisecond to make the proper preparations.  trust me, i did check with other men, and they confirmed that they are allowed to get the gifts beforehand if they really cared about the person. 

so where was all of that going?!  i don't even know.  i just know i need a shower and a little motivation.  maybe i just grew older and wiser, and it will slow me down into a person who plans early and takes care of business before fun.  lmao... yeah, who are we kidding.  i don't seem like the kind of person who would turn down fun, do i?  i didn't think so either.  ok, so before this weird mood incriminates me, i will take my shower and do whatever i please with what's left of the night because it is MY day!

oh, and read the post below on women's underwear... i'm proud of my ability to teach an engaging subject matter with both insight and wit.  so go read it.  thanks!

BTW: i may be available for interviewing, well wishing, and other nice birthday related things tomorrow starting in the late morning/ early afternoon.  birthday girls are exempt from setting alarms for their big day. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Wednesday, July 21, 2004

A lesson in underwear... 

i find this really funny... "Users of alcohol-endorsed Evite designs must be of legal drinking age." seriously. if you want to use one of the ones with a picture of an alcoholic drink on it, it says that at the bottom.

i have things that need to get done today, but i don't feel like it. i guess that's why you feel like you have to do them in the first place. if you wanted to do it then you'd feel like it was something you got to do.  but first, some fun:

Women's underwear terminology:

i just decided that i want to do a short educational piece on women's underwear terminology. i've noticed lately that not all men have a good handle on it. many have a drool reaction similar to pavlov's dogs when you say the word "thong" (not in conjunction with male thongs, which we all know are disturbing), but don't know much beyond that. here's your mini lesson:

first a few notes about women's underwear.  you can often tell a woman's general mood by her underwear.  if she is wearing unattractive undies, she may tend to feel less attractive, which may lead directly to more grumpiness, crankiness, and irritability.  this is somewhat of a reciprocal relationship, however, because the woman's mood may determine the underwear she selects for the day, or she may be put in that mood due to the underwear's frumpiness or sexiness factor.  for some women, this relationship is a positive line (think line graphs here with largest undies on the left to smallest undies on the right), but for other women it is more of a bell curve.  most women do not feel their best in granny panties, but not all women feel their best in thongs, either.  for those who feel their sexiest in a good thong, then the line goes upward.  for those who hate wearing thongs, the bell curve applies-- they aren't happy in their grannies, but they aren't happy with a thong up their ass either.

in general, women do not like to have their underwear referred to as "panties."  at least most women i know don't.  the reasons vary from feeling like panties are what children wear to finding the word, well...., just weird.  you'll notice that things we don't like are referred to with panty (granny panty, panty lines).  one final caveat: you should not assume too much about a woman and her sexuality (not sexual preference, but desire for sexual contact, etc) just based on her underwear.  i know women who are not even considering sex yet but wear thongs as their daily wear, and i also know women who have sex regularly but prefer the larger style underwear.  it's personal preference.  and now, for the types.

granny panty: the largest breed of female underwear.  may resemble a double lined tent and usually signals that there should be no sexual contact, either due to severe prudery or that time of the month.  closest male counterpart: the brief.
bikini: the smaller, more compact, more feminine style of underwear.  still covers everything, but fits a bit nicer.  may be a woman's every day wear if she is not caught up in panty lines and being prepared for whatever may come along at all times.  closest male counterpart: the bikini brief.
string bikini: more compact still.  sort of the compact car of underwear.  everything remains covered, but the sides are a thin piece of fabric.  adds a bit of femininity and sexiness to the everyday casual.  again, may be every day wear.  closest male counterpart: the string bikini (i know, really creative).
thong: the motorcycle of underwear.  small, covers only the most necessary areas, and can squeeze in just about anywhere... literally.  generally worn to avoid panty lines or make men drool.  sometimes worn by the positive line woman as a pick-me-up on a day when she feels not-so-sexy.  closest male counterpart: the (eww) male thong.

rarer breeds of underwear:
reinforcers: these underwear double as a cheaper alternative to liposuction.  they are actually larger than granny panties, but usually constrict movement, breathing, eating, and (their intended purpose) fat.  some varieties squish the tummy flatter, others squish the thighs skinnier, and still others attempt to lift the buttocks into a j-lo imitation.  no male counterpart known.
crotchless: these underwear are rarely worn for everyday use.  often purchased for bachelorette parties, lingerie parties, or gag gifts, but may also be worn by strippers, prostitutes, or for dress up/roleplay between two consenting adults.  the idea behind the design is obviously for quick access.  closest male (and female) counterpart: going commando.

one last quick thought on survival.  never assume that the woman's underwear is a pair of granny panties.  even if you see them laying on the floor completely covering the throw rug that is cowering beneath them.  women are usually quite embarrassed of their granny panties, but may find them to be a necessity for one reason or another.  therefore, never call her on them, unless you are looking for a way out of intimacy... or having a civil conversation, or anything else that is generally considered a "good thing" in a relationship.  it's suicide.  even more dangerous is if you mistake a pair of bikinis for granny panties.  that will most likely lead to a sobbing discussion of her weight and attractiveness (or feeling the lack thereof).  never a good thing.  i'm trying to save you guys, so play it smart. 

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Fight for your right... 

i made a lethal mistake today. i forgot to bring something to do to my night class. i was going to bring my book and read the whole time, but i left it on the coffee table. i also forgot my water, and was already really thirsty by the time i got there. there were several times when i contemplated getting up for a drink of water and not returning until class was over. but i didn't. i sat there kicking myself for not being prepared for the dullness i had to endure. but i made it. and here i am again.

i was going to write about something completely different, something about my birthday, which is coming up really soon (i'm so shameless), but something else came up. the news reported that some singer was booed off stage and kicked out of her hotel room for saying that she thought michael moore was a "great american." (since i give my version of the news, aka BRIEF, here's an article if you want a paid journalists point of view. don't ask me why an australian site was the only link that came up about it when i googled it.) i had heard part of the story as i was running out of the apartment to go to class, but J reminded me of it and filled in some of the details. he had a weird reaction, almost like he was impressed with what happened or something, but i had quite a different take. which, of course, i proceeded to explain to him. he changed his tune when i put it all together for him. ok, so to recap, a singer gave her support to a film maker and said that he was a great american, and then she was booed off stage and evicted from her hotel room.

this makes me sad. i can't even count the number of ways in which this was wrong, but i'll try. let me decipher this odd bit of news trivia for you. a film maker exercised his 1st amendment right of free speech to create a powerful movie and even stated in interviews that he was proud to be an american for this very reason. that we are given the opportunity to state our viewpoints and start a dialogue about things that are controversial (ideally) without censorship. a singer then praises him for using his 1st amendment right to free speech in order to bring to light things that he finds important and about which he is passionate. she, however, is faced with violent and harsh censorship. she is booed off stage by the audience, they start what is just shy of a riot, she is escorted from the premises by the management, and she is evicted from her temporary living space (again) by the management. that is censorship at its worst. reminds me of the salem witch hunts minus a burning pyre. this is why it makes me sad. the audience had the right to disagree if they wished because they also have their rights. but then they became violent, and the management escorted her out and kicked her out of her room all because she said something. the irony is just extreme. the crowd was no doubt upset because they did not think moore was a "great american patriot" because he was saying things against the standing government. however, they reacted as thought we lived in one of those countries we're trying to dominate and change because people aren't free. they persecuted her for her point of view. agree with us or die, bitch. and they couldn't understand that even if they didn't agree with moore's movie, he could be considered a great american for actually taking a stand and utilizing his rights. i don't know if all this twists and turns are making sense to the rest of you, but i see this clearly. if they don't want people to express differing viewpoints, then they should really consider moving themselves and their casinos to a country that represses differing views. i know that's extreme and i really don't wish to ship them off, but they need to sit in time out a moment and think about their actions and what they can do to become better americans themselves.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Quick post... 

erg. frustrating day. people patronizing me piss me off. got a double dosage earlier. but one helped make the internet magic work again, so i'll live with it. yeah, also frustrating because the internet went down. the little turn it off, turn it back on trick didn't work, so i had to deal with tech support. man, i hate tech support. i mean, they'll eventually help solve the issue, but you have to go through the "we think you're an idiot" ordeal first. erg. gotta run. class tonight. that's sure to help my mood (sarcasm of course). i'll live.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


News flash... 

i have a duty to report the important news when i hear it. from stuff i wrote in the past and can't really remember at this moment because i'm not trying, to the most recent story about pregnant barbie, i have brought the news that matters to you. or the stuff that i find funny or crazy enough to pass along. i am blessed and cursed with the ability to see stupidity constantly in the world around me. especially in public things where people try to be clever-- like advertising.

so here is the latest piece of stupidity. you may thank whatever random radio station was on at the time. so apparently this new PSA (public service announcement) about buckling up thinks that all short people should be sitting atop booster seats. they claim, and i quote from the best i can remember, "all children below 4 foot 9 inches (4'9") should sit in booster seats at all times while in a car." ok, their stated logic was that they had to be high enough that the seat belt hit them at the appropriate places, and something about how you wouldn't expect a child to act like an adult so why would you expect them to use an adult seat. first, i would like to point out that i know adults who are just shy of 30 who are under 4'9" and would rip the throat out of those people for lumping them in with children... people who are driving the vehicle and would not tolerate a booster seat under any circumstances (pedal extensions, yes, booster seats, no). i mean, saying children? i don't think any of the boys i went to high school with who had some seriously belated growth spurts would really appreciate their moms nudging them into the back seat and telling them to "climb into their booster seat, honey!" hell, i doubt any middle school kid would tolerate it either. now i know their hearts are probably in the right place, but seriously... that's fighting a big losing battle. if they said all children under age 7 should ride in a booster seat, they would have much more compliance. a 6 year old would tolerate it. a 7 year old would probably just sit on their heels to see out the window.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


It's only tuesday?! 

ok, my body is going berserk or however you spell that. i already mentioned that i've been sluggish in the mornings but wide awake at night. and then i got my days mixed up last week. now it's getting even worse. i woke up this morning thinking that it was wednesday and remembering that my mom would be out of town. then i fell asleep a little longer, and when i woke up i thought maybe it was my birthday. which is thursday. when i got up, i checked my email, and was surprised that i had an email from my mom. "so when are you leaving?" i thought to myself. she mentioned she was leaving tomorrow morning, so i looked long and hard at the calendar and realized that yesterday WAS monday, i had spent all day in class, and that would make today tuesday. i'm all screwed up.

another of my quirks... men in speedos, bikinis, or thongs creep me out. i prefer boxers waaaaaaaaay more than any other option. i think it goes back to the 80s when a lot of men wore shorts that were way too short for their own good. even though i was young, i knew that just wasn't right. men don't need to show off a lot of thigh to attract a woman because we don't go for that. i don't think i've ever heard a woman say "oh baby, check out his long sexy legs that go aaaaaaaaaall the way up! yeah baby!" i know it's more common in europe for men to wear the itty bitty bottoms, but i guess that's where i'm really an american girl. how did all of this come up, you might ask? because of this post by murphy. if you want to check out the guys on the second link and are equally creeped out by an abundance of male thongs, keep your eyes above the waist line. (and for those wondering, they don't creep me out because they outline the goods underneath.)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Monday, July 19, 2004

A little update... 

on the day. it's been a little good and a little stressful. i feel manic-y, but in a weird way... not that i know how being clinically manic would feel, so i guess it could be textbook manic. but whatever.

let's get to the point. couldn't sleep at all last night. i was exhausted before i went to bed, then about 10 minutes before i actually went to bed, i got a second wind that lasted until about 30 minutes before my alarm went off. still tried to sleep, but ended up just laying around with my racing thoughts and ordering them to turn themselves off so i could sleep. no such luck. i've read that the most enlightened minds can only go for 12 seconds without a thought, so that gives some insight into the untrained mind and the storm of thinking it can think up when you tell it not to think. tongue twister. anyway.

so i have all these ideas now about how i need to start packing, figure out what to do about my personal info on the internet in case i work with stalkers, what i want to paint when i get to the new apartment or how i'm going to attempt to bring everything together. it's going to be modern dumpster ecclectic. that's the new style these days. look for it! except i carefully purchased each piece to assemble this look without dumpster diving (not really, but i still avoided dumpster dives).

at one point, i nearly decided that i would just get up and pack a few boxes, take things down from the walls and fill in the holes, maybe listen to some music while i'm working up a good sweat hauling everything around, and oh yeah it's 4am. and i have a presentation tomorrow. nevermind. go to sleep.

so yes, i woke up feeling like a bus had hit me, and i was starving since my body was awake all night without being fed. so i made a beeline for the kitchen, drank some water, fixed some cereal. then cursed the eyedrops that refused to go into my eyes to combat that dry scratchy feeling. started to wake up a little, mostly because i had to rush my ass off since our group claimed we would meet early just to iron out the last little details. of course ms bitchy mc'bitch didn't arrive until part way through the first presentation. and she wasn't even quiet when she walked in. she let her shoes flap, her keys jangle, and walked her booty right in front of their whole presentation as she carefully selected which row she most wanted to sit in. yeah, there was a selection and elimination process. but i'm not bitter because i'm rid of her. about time!

back to business... we gave the presentation and were just kind of winging it. we hadn't done a dress rehearsal ahead of time, so we were just praying that it lasted the required amount of time without going over. miraculously, we pulled it off. right on cue.

after presenting, we ate chinese for lunch, where we confiscated half their fortune cookie supply. we proceeded to eat them before lunch, during lunch, after lunch, with slurpees, with dinner, and during our last class. yes, that's how many we took. i'll probably exceed my lifetime fortune cookie allotment pretty soon and die prematurely because of it. and there were enough left over that i'm eating one right now. all this talk about them made me realize i needed another one.

we took a well-deserved nap during our break and were all just completely wiped out. woke up in time for class, though. as the day progressed i became exceedingly more stressed about our group presentation. we went last after 2 other long presentations, and everyone is always bored spitless to start. so i looked out at the crowd and nobody was giving encouraging smiles, nobody even looked at us. not a good sign, since part of our grade is their rating of our performance. we thought we did a good job, so right after we presented we were patting ourselves on the back. but as they day continued, i put more of the pieces together. like that nobody seemed to enjoy it, it took them twice as long to grade us as the other groups, somebody left mid grading and seemed all pissy like she just sat through the worst half hour of her life, the prof said the class had gotten confused about a couple things, etc.

blah. i'm getting bored with this. long story short, the good part of the last class was that one of our other friends asked the prof if we did well on the assignment, and he said he rated us well. the bad part was that we reviewed for the exam that will be next week, and i had thought it would be a piece of cake before he reviewed. not it's going to kick my ass. he estimates it will take us 2 hours if we fully reference, cross-tab, and label all of our material, and at least 3 hours if we don't. half of it is "really important to know" but was never mentioned in class. yuck. i thought we were done with hard tests when we got out of undergrad. i know some of you think that sounds naive, but i really haven't felt very challenged by this program (knock on wood). other people i talked to mentioned the same thing with their grad programs. it's not fun, but it's not kicks-your-ass-into-next-week hard either. tedious is more fitting. anyway, if i'm bored with this, then surely you are too.

i'm ready to move and start decorating the new place. and i'm not that into decorating either (it costs money). but i actually kind of have big ideas for this place. well the night's not over until you both get your fortune cookies and i've had about a dozen today, so you better catch up!

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Sunday, July 18, 2004

Barbie got knocked up! 

so maybe this is old news to you guys, because... it is old news. but whatever, that won't stop me.

back in the day, this woman randomly told me that her friend (who was married and had children) had gotten this pregnant barbie for her child and it was pretty freaky. the barbie had a pregnant belly, but could give birth. so we were speculating about how that worked, and from where the baby appeared. one of my friends who was with me said that she was going to stop by a toys 'r' us and pick one up so we could figure it all out. i figured i'd just go the cheap route and google it. but we both completely forgot.

until tonight. and i will present the evidence. we can thank good old google and a yahoo shopping link.

first, the picture:

and the description:
Already discontinued in most stores, this extremely controversial Barbie Doll could be one of the most sought after Barbies in years!
It's the Barbie Happy Family Pregnant Midge & Baby from Mattel. The doll comes with a TON of accessories and features: Midge with braided blond hair and blue eyes, maternity dress and shoes, removable magnetic tummy with baby girl inside, flat tummy underneath for post arrival, 3 in 1 crib, changing table, cradle, baby bathtub, receiving blanket, diaper wipes holder, bottle, rattle, rubber ducky, baby monitor, bear toy! Very Hot!

(barbie pink, of course)  here's the link for all of the above, in case you want to purchase her for $29.99.

so a few things bother me about all of this. first, i find it a little ironic that barbie herself couldn't be bothered by pregnancy, but passed off that duty to her less popular and often forgotten friend, midge. second, i think most women who have gone through a real pregnancy would want to set fire to this perfect plastic woman who not only has a flat tummy with abs of steel (if it's magnetic, that's literal!) post delivery, but also was probably wearing heels for the entire ordeal. watch her melt, ladies! the third thing is that of course it would be a baby girl and would just pop out of her tummy painlessly and effortlessly. who has that kind of luck in real life? and finally, i find it disturbing that they refer to pregnant barbie as "very hot!" (and that the first google sites were porn sites using much of the same language). 

anyway, i just wanted to share my findings. i knew you would be interested. plus i'm giving you all enough material to read without missing me too much tomorrow during the day while i'm in class. just imagine the damage i could do if i had a laptop and wifi in the classroom! muahahahaaaaaaaaaaaayeah whatever. but seriously, you know i'd do some serious blogging damage.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Weird mood coming right up! 

i find it funny that in a group presentation tomorrow i'll be the youngest person in the group, but i'm the leader. in your face corporate america! i'm out to get you and i'm the hot young little rising star who takes you by surprise. haha, yeah right. but seriously, i'm kind of curious why they were all just like "you be in charge." do i seem like a natural leader? have a sense of authority? speak up on important issues? come out with a logical gameplan for how to get stuff done? seem like a good even-keel mediator? ok, i'll stop now. but if you have any ideas, let me know.

in other news, i think i've been blog-dumped. if there is such a thing. and i'm pretty sure there isn't. not that it'll stop me (the non existence or the blog-dumping). what the hell am i talking about, you might ask? some of my earlier readers who were pretty faithful seem to have disappeared. i've gained other readers, so i won't be devastated and don't want to guilt trip people into reading me if they don't want to. plus the whole blog thing kind of seems to change and evolve constantly anyway. i just find it interesting. i guess i'm narcissistic in believing that if you think i'm worthy of reading at one point, you'll pretty much continue to find me interesting enough to read. but everyone has their reasons. maybe they left the blogging scene altogether. maybe they got busy at work or vacationing. maybe they lost free reign of their internet. and here i go with the maybes. maybe i'm just procrastinating because i still have more work to do and i'm starting to get antsy. maybe it's harder to do on the weekends because fewer people are updating and i don't find it very interesting to read my own blog over and over. i know what happened in my life and i know what i wrote. no surprises there.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



it can be really frustrating when you want somebody right then but can't have them. and i'm not even meaning that sexually. i know it sounds really sexual, but i'm not meaning it that way. there are just times when you know that you really need somebody in some way (with you physically, talking on the phone or in person, etc) and you can't make it happen for some reason. sometimes it is an attraction and you can't have them because they aren't yours to have, but other times it's for simpler reasons. distance. busyness. timing.

i can remember a couple times in college when i wanted nothing more but to be able to call up my mom and talk to her... usually because it was a highly emotional time and i couldn't handle it by myself and she can make it better about 50% of the time. (the other 50% of the time, she makes it worse because she isn't helping in the way i need help. she's being devil's advocate, chiding me that i should be able to handle whatever it is, is disappointed with whatever it was, etc.)

i also remember times when i needed J to be there, but he was hours away and leading his own life. we never had that kind of long distance relationship where one of us would just be impractical and drop everything to rush to the other's side when they really needed it. both of us were in school with high standards to maintain, i was carless, and he was often working on top of school.

the desire to call my mom has subsided, and i think i only had to do it a couple times... like that day when everything in the world went wrong (i could link it, but i don't feel like digging through the archives), and maybe another time when she had to run interference because i was about to tell off the psycho roommate. but the longing for J still remains. sometimes it's when he's just left, and i don't want him to leave, ever really. sometimes it's when i'm feeling lonely, usually on a sunday because i never get together with anyone on sundays it seems like. sometimes it's when i'm falling asleep and feel a little pain in my heart because we got to sleep together (again, not sexual, just literally falling asleep in the same bed) more when we were hours apart than when we're just an hour away.

but enough about me. wait, this is my blog. well enough of this sentimental sappiness where i take pity on myself. yesterday was a lot of fun and i just need to remember that and forget this feeling.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Last night 

i have work to get done today, and i don't want to do it. but it's still hanging over my head because i didn't do any of it yesterday. i achieved just over the minimum bar (which is jack shit) yesterday. i think i edited out a "the" and added an "a" to the paper i'm supposedly working on. yeah, go me.

J came over last night and we watched eurotrip. afterward, everything we discussed went like this:
"hey guess what?"
"scotty doesn't know!"
(laughing, followed by whatever we were actually going to say)

ok, so that makes us sound as interesting as a piece of plywood, but it really was funny. to us anyway. he had a hamburger waiting for him here from the night before (mi refrigerador es tu refrigerador) and i got hungry and "made" myself some taquitos (remove desired quantity from box, heat in microwave according to the chart, remove and blot grease). however, i decided to steal his hamburger instead after eating 2 of my taquitos. i let him eat some of his burger and half of a taquito. don't worry, i don't starve the boy.

partway through i decided that i wanted something to drink. so the boy brought me a glass, the bottle of vodka, and the bottle of peach schnapps, as i requested. i didn't feel like making a full out fuzzy navel with orange juice because i didn't want any orangey taste, so i did without. vodka and schnapps, that's one strong little drink. (and to those hyperventilating right now, i didn't fill the glass to the top and only got a minor little buzz.) it was pretty good actually, but extremely sweet and left a weird residue removed only with brushing.

after J left, i read more of the book that he got me hooked on. unfortunately it was pretty late when i started reading and it only got much later, and once i got to that point where your eyes are completely dry and begging to close, i was at a point in the book where i was a little creeped out. generally the chapters were pretty short, so i flipped ahead to see if i could just read one more chapter to put it behind me, but that was when the author decided to use a lengthy chapter. damn him. so i felt like a little kid as i reminded myself that none of it was real and nobody would try to hurt me just because i happened to read that part of the book at that point. that's the one downside of living on your own (as a woman at least)... every once in a while, something happens that freaks you out and makes you feel like you're a scared little kid again. oh well, fell asleep, woke up, dragged my tired ass to the computer and have already made more progress today than i did yesterday. too bad it's all due tomorrow, so i can't just call today a victory and relax for the rest of it. ok, back to work.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Saturday, July 17, 2004

Fair trade... 

i would like to give a little quick publicity to some great people.  the___site people.  the hunger sitethe child health sitethe rainforest sitethe breast cancer site.  and the animal rescue site.  it is free to click on them, and you can do so for each once a day, and it adds donations to worthy causes.  all by just clicking your mouse... for free. 
they also have a site that allows you to purchase items that further benefit their cause.  gear that gives.  all of this is fantastic, but they recently just made it even better.  they now have a special section for handmade and fair trade goods.  brings a smile to my face that they are helping all these causes and also helping fair trade (the qualifications).  i recently went to a world goods style store where i had previously discovered fair trade chocolate for sale.  searched it all, and found they no longer had any.  i asked somebody about it (mostly to raise awareness that people were asking for it because i had already searched for myself).  they immediately shook their heads, as though they hadn't even heard of it.  how disappointing.  it's places like that where they really need to be on top of that.  people go there for international stuff, and they could be socially conscious about the stuff they buy, too.  i want to find one of my fair trade pamphlets, make some copies, and hand them out at places like that to try and educate them about what's up.  hey, if i can do my part...
new link: looking up fair trade info i came across a fair trade clothing company (downside: in the UK).  clothes that aren't made in sweat shops!  here's a way to find a retail store that sells fair trade.  become a responsible shopper.  it's scary what you'll find!  these will be added to the sidebar once i have the time.  promise!
P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


And with that... 

after nearly clawing my eyes out trying to get that last post to work, i hearby declare that i HATE this new interface.  they are trying very hard to make blogging accessible to the people who don't know how to do things for themselves.  and they seem to know that those are the people who are most likely to want to change it all up in a rainbow of colors and fonts and sizes and do all kinds of dumb stuff to hide their ignorance.  and i realize that it's hypocritical of me to say that since i just colored my last entry, but there's a difference between doing it for the hell of it after learning how to do it all by myself, and doing it because that's all i can figure out what to do.  to those of us who have already figured out how to do things on our own, these changes are screwing us up.  it took me 40 minutes to figure out why that last damn post wouldn't work.  turns out that one of THEIR tags was lacking an end tag.  and they didn't even need the first one to begin with.  and they claim to allow you to post pictures, but they still weren't posting until i turned them into .txt files.  bastards.  i normally love them, but they pissed me off and i'm venting right now.  stop trying to make things "simpler" until you actually achieve it.  i don't need you guys making my life harder.  thanks.  and now, back to my real life.
P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



the bedroom in my apartment (the one i'm leaving in a couple weeks... yay!) is directly above 6 air conditioning units.  the pics above were taken from my bedroom window.  between the 2 pics i captured 4 of the 6 units, but i assure you that there are another 2 down there.  i was only willing to dress enough to open the blinds... not to walk outside and downstairs. 
anyway, when i first moved here they kept me up all night.  in case any of you live in areas where AC is not needed or used, they whir and hum quite loudly (well the cheap ones like these do).  and to give you an idea of the extreme heat here, the anchor people laughed with glee yesterday when the weatherman announced that we would have a cold front dropping us into the lower 90s for a day.  yeah, you heard me... cold spell = 90s.  but anyway...  
so at first, i couldn't sleep because of this noisy lullaby.  my mom suggested that i try feeling grateful.  some people paid good money for machines that made white noise and i was getting it for free (well, in exchange for paying 1/6 of the electricty of those 6 monstrous machines).  this did not make me happy.  i did not want white noise, thank you very much.  i eventually got to that point of exhaustion where you will fall asleep with any amount of noise as long as a few minimal requirements are met (ie, you aren't standing up). 
now that most of the people in my building have moved out, the units are running a little less frequently.  at times i can pick out which one is mine.  i hear it click on outside and know that in about 20 seconds i will feel a cool wind start blowing on my back.  i don't know that i would say that it's nice because i would really just like to fall asleep, but at least when i get to that point where i'm so hot that i'm willing to sacrifice the nice cozy bed to get up and turn up the AC, i can usually hear just in time that it isn't necessary after all.   
but even better is knowing that i soon should not have this problem.  i will not have to fall asleep to the lullaby of the AC units.  sounds like the title of a beatnik poem. 
that was for you,
tony.  you wanted to know a little about where we lived via pictures.  that was as much as i was able to acquire without getting fully dressed.  
(oh, and i did warn you that the colors would start changing when i got bored.  hey, at least i stay true to my word.)  
P.S. Keep
them in your prayers.


Maybe this is true... 

maybe not.  maybe yesterday was a very bizarre day.  maybe some of it was good and maybe some of it plunged straight into the toilet.  maybe i suddenly had a feeling that i hated all the clothing i owned.  maybe i don't like how any of my bras fit anymore (maybe you should be able to figure out why).  maybe i had several quick flips in the emotions department and couldn't handle it.  maybe last night i drove past a row of several nice and fairly new hotels.  maybe i have never before felt such an urge to pull into one and just spend a day away from my own life.  maybe i kept going past them anyway.  maybe at two points in the day i didn't feel so loved, and maybe eventually by the end of the night i was reminded that i was, in fact, loved.  maybe i finally saw the movie i have been wanting to see for about a month now.  maybe it was better and a little different than i had expected.  maybe it made me want to find the book and read it.  maybe the future is still stressing me out.  maybe so much of the future is so contingent on the present that it's driving me nuts.  maybe it's also that some of my future hangs on the actions of somebody else.  maybe i haven't been entirely happy with myself either because i feel like i've gotten really lazy.  maybe i haven't been very good about taking care of things on the to-do list or taking care of myself.  maybe i need to finish this up and try to do some of that. 
P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Friday, July 16, 2004


it doesn't feel like it's friday to me.  it feels like it's thursday.  in a way, thursday felt like sunday, so last night i nearly forgot that i didn't have to get up super early to go to class.  then i woke up today and thought it was thursday.  go figure... i'm all out of whack. 
i would definitely recommend picasa even though i've only used it for approximately 10 minutes now.  but even if you just use it to find pics that got lost on your computer, it is helpful.  i just downloaded it and let it find all my pics.  it was a lovely trip down memory lane as it uncovered pictures that not even i remembered having.  maybe all you people with fancy programs like photoshop don't have to worry about that, but for those of us with cheaper photo editing programs, it's helpful.  just don't expect to use it to do much editing.  although i was amazed at the difference it made in a picture i took of the moon.  just for kicks i told it to auto correct it, and it picked up buildings below the moon that i didn't even know existed!  pretty impressive. 
carmen electra and dave navarro are a very odd and interesting couple.  sometimes it seems like it's all just about the sex.  other times it seems like it's really all for love.  meh, who knows, who cares.  i don't really want to talk about them anyway.  just a random thought.
i realized that i haven't been using my maybe hook in a long time.  i should get back to that sometime soon.  maybe today. 
P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Ah, the memories... 

after reading more about j-mo and swan's undying best friend love for each other, it got me all sentimental about my best guy friend.  i miss the guy.  we usually get together in a group of the guys + me.  always very casual, but once he left for the military, we kept in touch through email and occasionally the old fashioned mail.  got to know each other much better.  he's the type who has that charisma about him that makes everyone want to be around him more.  i'm sure we've all known somebody like that or have spotted somebody like them and have wished we were friends with them.  well, i got lucky and was that guy's best friend... but he never made me feel like i should feel honored to be the lucky one who was his friend.  he acted like he was the lucky one.  (if that was confusing, which i'm sure it was... we both appreciated each other a lot.)  we partied together, talked together, and he was always a little protective of me.  all of the guys are to some extent, i guess.  although he was the only one who tried to save his fiancee and me from the guy who turned creepy-horny on new years.  he earned brownie points for that one.  i'll be a bridesmaid in his wedding because i'm an important enough part in his life, and now kind of in his fiancee's life.  and let's face it, i'm going to look waaaay better in a dress than in a tux.  i was one of the first people he told his fiancee about when they started dating and talking about friends from home.  and it goes without saying that he'll be in my wedding... of course it helps that he's one of J's friends as well.  i guess they were technically friends first, but i also met my best guy friend before i met J.  both through the same source.  and i'll keep both of them and fight for both harder than i would for the source that brought me to both.  but we don't need to talk about that.  i miss those casual days where we all get our stuff taken care of during the day and wander over to his house around dinner time, have a few drinks, watch a little of whatever's on (sometimes whatever his grandmother's watching), catch up with his entire family that is over there (which is often an extended family), and eventually figure out the plan for the evening.  it's all so laid back and just about spending the time we have together.  if we just drink and talk, that's cool.  if we go see a movie, that's cool too.  just whatever.  it's nice to be able to get together with people without having to have an agenda for the evening.  sure it's probably less efficient, but it's so casual.  and the guys never care what ends up happening.  they don't see it as a lame night or a waste if they drove out there only to drink and talk in the house.  anyway, just missing the good ol' days with my numero 2 man.  but he might be coming home in around a month, so that's definitely something to look forward to.  like i've always said, you gotta love those best friends.
(speaking of which, a huge special thanks goes out to my dearest beer for hooking me up with a dining table.  and we will be planning a very special VIP celebration of 2 of the most important births of the past century.  it will be good.  oh so good.  a super elite party bash, i believe, is the exact terminology for such a festivity.  admission will be craved by many but offered to very very few.  but i will plan that later.)  night!
P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Thursday, July 15, 2004

Back in business... 

i'm here.  i'm still alive!  and i am noticing that the blogger people apparently couldn't last a day without me.  they got so incredibly bored and full of despair that they changed up the stupid interface thing again.  i'm a simple girl.  just give me a way to share my thoughts and master plans with the world and i'm content.  i don't need all this hoopla.  although i guess you can pretty much guarantee that the next time i have no idea what to post about, it will be multi-colored, possibly with bullets and varying fonts and colors and useless pictures.  i say useless because they probably won't be what you're wanting in the form of pictures.  and by that i mean, it probably won't be the boob shots that were requested in the previous post's comment section.  i got in trouble the last time a picture resembled a boob shot, and it wasn't even a purposeful boob shot.  it was an 'i was way too tired to be taking pictures and had a lapse in judgement' kind of boob shot.  but i digress...
from what, i don't know.  anyway.  i'm still here.  still alive.  gorged myself silly last night on all the meat, dessert, wine, and coffee that i could eat and drink in one sitting... which is a pretty hefty amount considering my small size.  i've always said that i look small but pack a mean punch.  that goes for food as well.  there were quite a few men admiring me.  partly because of my eating prowess, and partly because of the devastatingly sexy dress i was wearing.  one with a low neckline that confirmed that my girls are growing up... and out... and toward each other.  lmao, i'm a proud boobies mama.  ohhhhhhhh man.  you can clearly see that i'm delirious and will later regret 99% of what i say.  but isn't that the beauty of the blog?  publicly humiliating yourself on a daily basis?  ah yes, it's what makes our blogging community great.  we all say things we shouldn't and then support each other in those poor decisions.  oh well. 
the comments from the previous post were very amusing.  oh, and i'll pass on the man bras.  i knew james had to have been working on a new hobby during all his time without the internet.  little did i know that i was the target of this hobby.  and thanks to everyone else for the comments that made me smile :)  i'll try to be coherent tomorrow...
P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Holy torpedoes, batman! 

my boobs are definitely growing or have definitely grown. about a month ago i mused that it seemed as thought they could have been. i have now decided that they definitely have grown. and now, back to the regular scheduled showering. (and me trying very hard not to make any dirty jokes or comments because it will only open the door for a mother load of them in the comments section.)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Eat, drink, and scam the apartment... 

tonight shall be the great feast. i will eat until i am just shy of exploding. why you may ask? because i am going to a place where you have to do that to get your money's worth. and why are we going there? birthday celebrations are starting early due to scheduling conflicts in the family.

i think it will be a weird birthday in some ways. i'm kind of past the landmark birthdays, and so this may feel like the beginning of the birthdays that just mean you're aging. but on the other hand, i'm still young. i'd love to be one of those people who never thinks of themselves as being old because i always feel and act young. not foolishly young, but staying cheery and vibrant, and not sinking into that bitterness and pessimism that can come with age and experience. i think i'm just babbling so i better stop.

i need advice before i forget. i know probably most of us have used white toothpaste to cover holes and blemishes in apartments before we vacated. however, i don't know what toothpastes come in white anymore. seems like all of them are shades of blue or green or are a gel now. i'm using white caulk that the handimen left here for my walls, but there are 2 chinks of paint off my white sink, and the surface beneath the pain is black so it's pretty obvious. so i figure after i clean the sink one last time, then i can cover those holes with a thin layer of white toothpaste. oh yes i'm crafty. so if anyone knows of a kind of toothpaste that is white and still a paste, please let me know. thanks mucho! shower and breakfast time...

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


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