Sunday, October 31, 2004


i decided to create a new description for women. UUs are Unattainable and Unavailable. with some it may be because they are in a relationship. others it may be because they think no man is good enough for them. just thought i'd share.


Interesting night, part II 

**[this is part II, so please read part I below first to get the whole story. enjoy!]**

so mayhem and i go inside the apartment and say hi. he had some goodies with him, so i'm curious. but my bladder doesn't keep up with my drinking capacity so i had to race to the bathroom first. ok, this is proof that mayhem can be SO sweet when he wants to be. he brought a baseball bat for my protection in case anyone tried to break into the apartment. then he brought a CD that he had burned for me because the first song reminded him of us. then he brought a heart box full of the olden copper cookie cutters. they used to be his mom's and she didn't want them anymore, so he got brought them for me to have. he promised that we would make sugar cookies and decorate them together when it got closer to christmas time. and finally, he brought good news with him. he voted, and he kept his promise! so YAY!!! mayhem has been redeemed at least 3/4 of the way now! this boy can be soooooo sweet when he wants to be... it's just remembering to do it that's the problem. and he wasn't upset about the mix up either.

so we start talking and we certainly ran the gamut. we discuss the titty bar and if i would have regretted it when i sobered up. i didn't think i would, but that i would probably find it more embarrassing when i was sober. we discussed top things... top 5 guys (for me) and girls (for him, and i contributed who would make my list if i were into that). my top 10 best body parts, which mayhem didn't think was fair because he had more than 10 parts he loved that he wanted to make the list. then it was top 5 locations for sex. and i mentioned all the possibilities that he left off the list and he was again upset to be constricted to such a short list. mayhem also imitated my bladder and my liver, which was pretty funny. we talked about us. he mentioned very matter of factly that he would probably have to start saving after he got his car to get me a new car soon after we got married. that kind of shocked me since i figured that would be something i would have to struggle with on my own. but then i realized, he's right... we probably will be married at that point. wooooow. weird. good but weird. and it was very cute that he was thinking of me and just, well i need to save my money so my future wife can have a reliable car because i want to make sure she's safe.

after that, we started talking about pregnancy. he mentioned that some guy had told him that whatever happens you should never be in there during the delivery because you'll never look at the vagina the same way again. i knew at one point he wasn't all that sure what he would want to do, so i asked him and he said he would absolutely want to be in there holding my hand and helping me as best he could, and would only leave if they made him for some reason. we talked about how pregnancy was probably the oldest medically-related practice (obviously since that's how we got here!) and yet they still didn't have any really great way to have a child. women my size have to worry about the complications of their hips having to spread too far too fast and injuring either them or the baby since we're so small to start with. fetal heart monitors are highly inaccurate. conventional medical practices degrade women and work against nature making it the hardest position from which to give birth. c-sections are hard to recover from because they cut through the stomach muscles and then the muscles atrophy and the cut can't be stitched back, but has to slowly close together on its own. some women schedule their deliveries by requesting a c-section to have the baby fit their busy lives, while the ones who give birth the conventional way then have to worry about the dangers of an emergency c-section if something isn't right. basically, it's all pretty fucked up and there still is no great way to go through it. thus, a small portion of my ambivalence about having kids or not.

we also discussed paintball, and then the games where guys hunt down naked women and shoot them with paintballs. boy wouldn't freud have a field day with those guys and their hatred for women. apparently at one place, if the guy hits a girl, then the "trophy" (the woman) has to spend an hour of "private time" with the guy and has the option of having sex with him for free! oh wow, really?! yeah, i'm sure i would really want to have sex with some guy who just shot me with a hard ball of paint that will leave one hell of a bruise. messed up. that led to talking about hunting and how cruel big game hunting of endangered animals was. mayhem didn't even want to talk about some of it because he hated the thought of it so much. and that led to talking about dissections and how they didn't need to kill animals to let high schoolers cut them open. he felt like there were better ways to teach that stuff and most high schoolers are too immature to treat the project and animal with respect. some of the experiments were better than others, like the pig hearts that were obtained from a butcher or meat factory or whatever and the animals were already being used for meat and more acceptable uses. but the frogs and cats and dogs that are farmed and then killed specifically for kids to slice and dice... he hated that.

we really covered a full range of topics last night. it was so great to get to hang out and talk for so long. we talked until 4 in the morning! i love times like this when i can really see what a great guy he is and how kind and sweet and considerate that he can be. sometimes he doesn't show it and i get frustrated, or we have times when we hardly have time to catch up on life because we're too busy to talk. so this was great. good for the soul and great for the relationship. oh, and before he left, mayhem added a little oil to my car for me. went out in the dark with a flashlight and what was left of the quart of oil i had in the closet, and checked the oil and put in the new stuff. we still have more to do with it... it needs more oil, wipers, wiper fluid, and hopefully a diagnostic somewhere to see if the quirks are affordable to fix right now or if i need to budget them in one by one. (oh, and earlier today i added wiper fluid to the car and that's when i realized that i was so low on oil. still needs more wiper fluid because i just had what was left from the last time i topped it off. the car's kind of quirky and drinks oil way faster than it should.) ok, so anyway, he was so sweet and great to me last night. i just had to share about the great and very interesting night i had. and since i had been so frustrated with mayhem lately, i needed to brag about his victorious redemption story. ok, a massive paper is just waiting to be written, so i better get on it! wish me luck, and i hope your weekends were equally great.


Interesting night, part I 

well last night was quite an interesting evening. and a long one. the beer and mr came into town and wanted to see my place, so they drove out here in the early evening. i showed them my place, which they liked. once i got to the porch, mr and his buddy made a quick exit out there to talk free of us girls. so i gave the beer the rest of the tour and we talked for a little while. they were supposed to meet up with another girl to have dinner, but suggested that i try to come with them. so i gave mayhem a quick call, since he was supposed to head over around that time. he was waiting at home still, and was supposed to have dinner with his parents before he left. well perfect! so i said i'd eat out with them while he ate with his parents, and to call me when he got back. so off we went, and the fun began.

so i could see some resemblance in personality of mr and his buddy. i immediately had to keep him in line and unintentionally kept busting his balls. so we'll call him check, since i kept him in check all night. i got the lovely job of being navigator in a city with really screwed up roads. oh lovely. so the guys in the back are giving me a hard time about how you always blame the navigator. yeah, except it involves reading mapquest directions and finding roads that don't exist. not to mention that one of them had a gps system that just wasn't working. yeah, you don't want to get on my bad side guys. oh, and the directions sent us through the serious ghetto. we were hailed by a prostitute and the guys were sliding down low in their seats. check said that they would have to defend us girls if anything went down, and mr said he'd just take off running. so the beer and i would have to save ourselves, but luckily there was no need for saving anyway. so we finally find the apartment and pick up the girl. we go to a restaurant close by so we don't get lost again.

at the restaurant we are told there's a 15 minute wait, and both host guys check me out. ok, so we head to the bar and order up our drinks. beers for the boys and margaritas for the girls. we finally get a table and i carry a pitcher of margaritas in one hand and a glass of margarita in the other hand. the host saw and said "now that's what i'm talking about!!!" and gave me that yeah-i-think-i'm-so-cool nod and smile. i just laugh it off and figure i was enough of a good role model for the youth of america for one night. so as the night wears on, we of course get louder. the waitress did a so-so job, but had a good personality for a table of drunks, just laughing and joking with us. the guys decide we should all get drunk tonight. except the beer's driving and her friend had a long drive home the next morning. so that left the boys and me. oh boy! i was game, but then couldn't follow through. the second round of margaritas was way too sweet and i was already really tired. i tried my best, but just couldn't. so i left it at a nice buzz. toward the end of dinner, the conversation turned to going to a titty bar. none of us lived near that area, so we had no idea where to go, though. so check pulls aside a waiter and asks him. apparently this is like an insta-bonding question for guys. the guy gets a huge grin on his face and surveys the table of 2 guys with 3 girls. i can only guess what kinds of thoughts were running through his head at that point. so he mentions one "nearby" that he went to for a bachelor party. he just blew his cover as being in the know because it was probably 45 minutes away. but he thought he was cool and had to give check a fist prop (or whatever you call it when you hit fists cause you're cool like that) before he got back to his tables. ok, since that fell through, it's the beer's brother to the rescue. she calls him and suggests i call mayhem to see what he's up to now. check says "who's mayhem?" and the beer said it was my boyfriend. check's face drops and he says "oh." oops, apparently he didn't know about mayhem. so i open my purse and see that the phone is already lit up with a call. mayhem, perfect timing. or not. he asks where i was, and i tell him that i was eating dinner with them like i told him. he sounded upset and i asked why, and he said that he was waiting at my apartment and had been trying to reach me for almost an hour already. oh shit, what?! i explain about how loud it was and that i couldn't hear my phone at all. i try to figure out why in the world he was at the apartment. apparently we had a crossed signal somewhere and he said that he would call and head over as soon as he got back from dinner. i thought he had just said that he would call when he got done with dinner to find out what we wanted to do. so i now had a disappointed mayhem on my hands. instantly his temporary new name was erased and i felt horrible. he said he guessed he would just head back home again, so i told him not to yet and i would figure out what they were doing and call him back. man i felt so bad. and he had borrowed his dad's car and everything to see me since his car was screwing up again.

the guys were really wanting to go to the titty bar and REALLY wanted me to go with them. the beer's brother even offered to get me anything i wanted. i said if he could get me a ride back to my apartment i could consider it. but everyone had to end back in another city, including mayhem. so i promise a raincheck on the titty bar and call back mayhem. he said he was game for the titty bar, but i explained how i wouldn't be able to get back home. so he was ok with it and i told him i'd make it up to him that he was having to wait so long for me.

of course the guys take that the wrong way and give me a hard time. on the way home we started discussing everyone's top 5 list. when we got to the apartment, the guys wanted the beer and i to compare boobs. we rainchecked that as well since we were already being really loud while my neighbors were probably trying to sleep. we suggested that mr and check could compare packages in exchange for us comparing boobs. they weren't interested.

so the beer and i said our goodbyes and mayhem and i went inside. since this is getting so long, i'll post the rest in another (probably shorter) entry soon.


Saturday, October 30, 2004

By the way... 

by the way, in case you care, i never left. yes, drama brought me down and kept me home. but don't worry because it was probably for the best actually. the place where i was originally going to get the nose spray was jacked up and told me they never had it and were shitty to me. so i cried out of pure frustration and hatred for a little while and then raged for about 10 minutes because they pissed me off to no end. and then just to add a little salt to the wound, mayhem acted as if everything was about him when i told him i might not be coming into town after all. don't be a punk ass self righteous bitch with me, asshole. yeah i'm bitter about that, but i'll get over it. so i calm down and refocus my energies to searching once again for potential locations. after frustration on that front, i finally found a lead in a newspaper article. tried one place and they wanted paperwork on it. screw that, i don't have it. so i tried another place and bingo! i can go in on monday and get it all set up.

so anyway, i didn't go back to the parents' house this weekend, so i'll probably go next weekend. it'll work better for my schedule anyway because i can celebrate the birthday then and get my paper finished now, and whatever else is on my plate. and my apartment is looking pretty good now. much of it is still undecorated, but most of the boxes are unpacked now. i still have some in the closet, but otherwise it's pretty unpacked. now if i can get punk ass bitch (mayhem's temprary new name) to come over and help me hang things evenly, then i could even get this place decorated! i really won't know what to do with myself when i don't have any more unpacking and decorated left. i'll start *gasp* RELAXING! or writing my papers. oh wow. haha, well anyway, i better run. i feel like i need to be doing something else right now.


Friday, October 29, 2004

Holy cow! 

this is a huge day in the life of my apartment. the bathroom has now not only been completely cleaned, top to bottom, but it has also been completely UNPACKED! that is HUGE!!! it was neither fun, nor comfortable, nor entertaining, and my eyes sting from all the bleach products used, but it is done. of course now the new rule is that you can admire it, but you cannot use it. no shedding old skin cells or dead hair in there. no using the sink or toilet, much less the bathtub and shower. and no walking on the clean tile. haha, ok, i'm definitely not neurotic like that... but the major downside to cleaning it is that it will soon become dirty again. that's part of why i hate cleaning. the moment you finish it starts to get dirty. damn entropy. so if entropy is the way the world works anyway, then why not just let it take its course without trying to disrupt it. except then you are living in some pretty nasty shit. i like things clean, but also hate cleaning. i'm an oxymoron. and once again all this rambling. i promise while i'm driving through rush hour i will sit myself down and have a long talk with myself about all this rambling that i've been doing on the blog lately. but hey, j-mo said he liked the blogs about everyday life the best, so here ya go!

ok, have a great weekend, loves, and i'll be back whenever i can nab a computer. kisses!


Crazy weekend... 

this will be one crazy hectic weekend. back to the parents' house this weekend. dropping by for a flu nosespray thingy on the way. hanging with my girls and our respective boys tonight. still not sure what we'll do, but something i'm sure. then the next day is still kind of up in the air. the beer wants to see the new place, and i have a mammoth paper to write, but i think i may need to at least see my parents before i fly back out of there and back to my own place. especially since my dad's bday is coming up. i wonder if they'd celebrate it this weekend to save my car a little workout the next weekend. but that's selfish. so who knows. we'll see what happens. i also have several things i need to research for work, and my laptop has yet to be updated to its previous state. on top of all that, i actually got into the whole unpacking thing earlier this week, and would love to make further progress, but i can't until my paper is finished. so we'll see. busy weekend. i'll try to post, but if i'm at the 'rents' i may not be able. guess i better pack 'n go.


Thursday, October 28, 2004

Muy interesante... 

found something very interesting today. apparently people who can't get enough of the stock market trade shares for blog popularity or something. i definitely don't understand the majority of it, but i understood enough to see that i had a pretty pricey little blog. i must be doing something right! anyway, i just found that interesting.

plans will start to gel for this weekend pretty soon. just to warn you guys, i don't think i'll be doing anything involving a costume this year. sorry. i know there were some big plans in the works for that. the apartment complex is having a halloween thing, but i'm always hesitant with those things because you know it's mostly geared toward the kids. all i'll get are some interested looks from the husbands and pure hatred from the wives and mothers for dressing sexy/slutty/provocatively. not to mention that i always question those kinds of events. i don't have a burning desire for everyone in my complex to get to know me. plus it leaves a hundred apartments open and unattended for quick smash 'n' grab jobs. and if you live near any creeps it would be mega easy to follow you back to see where you live. no gracias. not to mention that i was already suckered into babysitting once this week, and at work nonetheless, so i'm not in the mood to have 20 different parents come at me with this "you seem like a responsible young adult who is just dying to care for my obnoxious slobbering 4 year old who will need medication and anger control classes within a matter of a couple years because i'm not supervising them or other [fill in the blank here] parenting issues." of course there are many great parents and plenty of lovely children, but let's face it... halloween brings out the worst in kids who are hyped on pounds of sugar and their parents who absolutely don't want to be in closed quarters with that kid at the end of the night when they're ready for bed. and since i'm not at a stage where i feel like acting as a positive role model for young children in my days off, i'll just keep those days to myself and spend them as i see fit, role modeling or not.

ok, that was another long random tangent. seems like it's been happening a lot lately. anyway, time to shut down the computer and get into my comfy big bed. buenas noches!



so i have now voted. voted in probably the most clandestine, hard to find voting location in the state. long lines. went after work so i was in high heels. not fun standing around for 30 minutes in those things. there was a crazy chick there showing people how to work the machines. she was trying to be efficient but was really just kind of brash. but whatever.

came home and i discovered that my apartment manager is leaving this weekend. hopefully nothing bad caused that. and on a more selfish note, i sure hope that she taught the woman taking her place how to do everything and that she found somebody who was trustworthy.

work was crazy again today. some definite conflict, emotions running high, even a fellow employee going AWOL temporarily, and too much going on to be able to ask my supervisor what needed improvement from the evaluation. i'm getting the feeling that work will always be chaotic. but on the upside, i got to chat a little and got free cake! so that part was good. i'd like to write more, but i think i need to veg for a little while.


Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Ready to go... 

i really think i'm ready to try a life swap. not wife swap... whatever, i don't care about that. but trying on another life for a couple days. one where work isn't absolute insanity. ok, i need to be fair so things don't get worse just to spite me. the morning stuff was fine. i learned how to do more of the necessary paperwork and computer input. wheee. and i worked on a paper again. then for some reason i started learning the nitty gritty about male and female development during puberty. did any of you know that guys, like girls, have a first excretion that is supposed to be a big "milestone"? girls have their first period, which is obviously kind of a big deal and a huge pain in the ass all rolled into one. but guys have a first ejaculation. i guess because i never bothered to ask adolescent boys if they'd ejaculated yet i didn't think it was comparable. i figured the first time they masturbated it would happen, but this almost made it sound like the firearm just randomly going off at some point between the ages of 12 and 16. i still don't quite understand the comparison because something kind of sets it off, while the period just picks a time that's convenient for it (and not for you).

anyway, that's a huge tangent. so i had half of a decent day. in the afternoon, though, i heard the trouble coming from a mile away. oh, it was bad. i temporarily had to play babysitter, and was told later that i looked ABSOLUTELY miserable. i didn't mean to, but at the same time i did want to let my colleagues know that i was not condoning the huge disruption in our building. i can't go into further detail about it, but at any rate it was a nutzo kind of afternoon.

i did get my shopping done after work because i was determined to have food in the house. and the chaos was not going to stop me, even though i was at work an extra hour today. when i came home it was interesting. for some reason my blinds were open. now the maintenance guy did come in to fix a problem in my storage closet, BUT why open the blinds? i'm confused. i mean, i don't think that anything was wrong or that it was done for any bad reason, but i just don't understand why. it did make my apartment sticky from the setting sun heat, and it did show an empty apartment to anyone who walked by. not great, but not major for part of one day. so whatever. oh, and i also uncovered more mystery to my apartment manager. when i first met her, i thought she was really young for the job... like my age and very money (dresses expensive, acts expensive, and is pretty). then i discovered that she had over 5 years of experience, so i was thinking late 20s and either good aging or good makeup. well, then i saw her (guessing 7ish) year old son. so i'm thinking maybe no college and same age range, or older. judging by her interesting writing with little to no punctuation and hooked-on-phonics style spelling, i'm guessing no college. so today coming back from the store, i see her arranging babysitting and heading out with a guy. husband? boyfriend? hard sell on a townhome? it's hard to know. i got the impression that she was single and this was a boyfriend. and as soon as her babysitter turned her back, the manager leaped into the boy, grabbed his face, squealed "hi baby!!!" and planted a very lengthy one on him. so i'm guessing he doesn't live with her and she just missed him for the past 7 hours of the day. i mean, you can still be excited to see them, but this sounded like the desperation of living with a rowdy young child and needed a night away to feel pretty again. anyway, this is all random crappy blah. wish i could have something better or more interesting to tell.

oh, i can tell you that i was pretty surprised by the "norm" for some aspects of puberty. they must have studied children much different than the ones i know. like most girls' boobs have stopped growing by 14-16. wooooow. i am so behind that learning curve... my girls are still growing, and i am so ok with that. most girls i know were not fully developed by the time they got their driver's license. sure there were a few, but many were more like me with spurts through college and beyond. and guys should have all their body hair by around that age too (16ish). probably half the guys i knew or more were still at the peach fuzz or darkening peach fuzz phase at that point. i don't know, maybe it's all stuff that others notice changing more than you when you're going through it. like it's too gradual for you to realize when it's happening to you.

ok, really going now. hugs and kisses!


Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Officially freaked... 

ok, i think this is my title for the next few days. for many reasons. let's recap.

just now i started trying in vain to find ANYWHERE that offers the flumist vaccine. you know, the thing you snort that makes you sick for a couple days but then keeps you safe from those germ coughing freaks on the airplane and keeps you from killing your future father-in-law. hell if i know where you get it. it's like trying to hunt down the secret location of a secret service agent at any given time. except they seem to be hiding the location of these suckers even better. so i finally type in flumist location and a nearby city in hopes that somebody has said something, anything about it. three sites come up. all have the same info. i read the little snippet that you see on the little google thing and find it a little odd, but decide to give it a shot nonetheless. it seems to have an odd mix of info, but i figure that with the blogs out there, i google with an odd assortment of stuff too. yeah, it's on that page about 2 seconds before it turns into a porn page offering the best rape scenes. so i am utterly freaked. i don't think that is something that should be faked and offered up as a sexual fantasy for perps, much less having the real thing there. it makes me suddenly want to maim the men behind it. i close the site the second i see the word rape, but i wonder if that's the kind of thing that should be reported? i mean, yeah, who does jack shit about patrolling the internet, and under most circumstances i'm fine with that. but something like this... i mean, if it seriously is rape, then something should be done. ewww, i still feel creeped out. and like i need to locate a hefty baseball bat for the bedside table just in case. eww.

i'm still getting beaten down. of course there was the person belittling my personality, the mediocre evaluation, and mayhem making me feel incompetent with tech support. now we add that big ass 26 page paper i wrote a few weeks back. i got a grade back and just squeeked by with an A-. my other friends got mid to high Bs. i was livid. i know i got an A and yippee, but the stupid shit she wrote on it was utterly ridiculous. she wanted examples after i had just given 5. she wanted me to explain how i got to that decision when the entire paragraph backed it up. it's one of those judge it before you even read it kind of things. i was so pissed... it took everything i had not to go up to her right there and say wtf is this?! we are the A standard, and i can guarantee that the majority of her comments were bullshit because they obviously are when you read the damn thing. but i got an A. so i will keep my mouth shut unless she graded my presentation too harshly to pull an A in the class. in which case i will cool down, create my case, and have at it until i leave with an A. i'm sure i sound like a psycho little grade nazi and a bitch, but i KNOW that paper was worth more than that, and i know that i wrote in more detail than probably 95% of the class. i'm so pissed.

in a completely different freaked, i was asked today when i'll be getting engaged. it doesn't really freak me out to be asked that, but it still feels a little weird to talk to a group of friends about when it will be happening because i guess i officially have no idea when it will. but if we were placing bets i'd probably have an edge on the money pot. it's weird to be in a place right now where i want to be married, but i don't want to be one of "those girls" who is always questing after a proposal or whatever, and at the moment i am still getting back to normal after a pretty brutal round of fights; plus i like my freedom and independence and think it'll be weird to give that up, but also look forward to sharing it all with mayhem and doing all the little stuff together like cooking and cleaning and then watching TV to avoid the chores. talk about many mixed feelings! who knows... maybe that's normal par for the course kind of stuff. and i know that i really am not one of "those girls" because it is fairly natural to start thinking of engagement and marriage after 5+ years of dating. i mean, you don't stay together that long purely out of convenience. i am also determined that i won't become one of "those girls" who freaks about everything for the wedding. family and friends will be invited to help me extensively, and i will welcome people to remind me to let go of the stupid little details if i don't really care about them. i have friends who are stressing me out by association because they are obsessing with little stuff. i want to have fun with this and be able to focus on the even more important aspect... the marriage that comes with after the wedding. if you fill your life with the wedding, then you'll find the marriage a letdown in comparison.... that's just fucked up. so i will work against that trend. and at the encouragement of the parental figures, mayhem and i might actually start moving toward making some of those decisions now. like a church we like, ring styles we like (that was our idea), what we like in a house, etc. weird, but good. very very weird... but good. ok, this was waaaaaaaay too much rambling and will make me sound like one of those girls. so enough of this. i have a paper to write.

still officially freaked,


Monday, October 25, 2004

In a funk... 

i need to get out of town. it is again time for me to consider ditching my life. sure, on paper it looks good. but i'm not very happy right now. i have sucky ass classes where i want to tear my hair out, i have a job where i look forward to the hot coffee pot and nothing much more, i have a supervisor who apparently still thinks that i am the fumbling incompetent person i was on the first day, i have a rocky relationship with a guy i still love and used to trust much more than i feel like i do right now, i have an apartment that always needs to be cleaned, and i have boxes that still need to be unpacked. this all makes me want to cry and hug somebody who cares. ah yes, but i live alone. and mayhem has a half dozen projects due this week, so he dropped by to watch a movie and ran again. it was nice to have that, but i didn't even start to feel any better before he had to go again. i did get a hug and all, but i needed to get over the hump and into a better feel-good place. i needed to get through it and cuddle for awhile to feel better again. oh well... life is tough sometimes. time goes on just as always, whether you want it to or not. ok, enough feeling sorry for myself in public. i'll go curl up on the couch by myself.


Stupid storms... 

grrr. i was all set to get stuff done today and it had to start raining like crazy. my motivation isn't great enough to want to go get groceries and carry them to the car and all that jazz in pouring rain. so i will stay inside and lie low until it all dies down. which means i will read for a few hours and get nothing done. i could work on a paper, but i don't want the computer to die from a power outage and i lose a) my computer and/or b) my paper. so i better play it safe. unless the laptop has word on it still. they wiped everything out on it, so i don't really know, but i could check. ok, enough rambling.

yesterday i watched many movies on TV. it was most enjoyable, and i think i even did some work. mopped the kitchen and did dishes and laundry. not too productive, but nothing to beat myself up about either. i also watched the highly addictive desperate housewives. i may have to stay home on sundays to watch it regularly, or add it to my tape (unless somebody wants to mail me a tivo with lifetime subscription. last time i checked it was "just" $500.) i have noticed something odd. for sunday being the big church day and day to prepare before you have to go back to the evil drudgery of the 9-5 for another week, there are a surprising number of shows revolving around sex. it's like the sunday night sex-a-thon on TV. very surprising to me since i can remember a time when they weren't allowed to have that kind of theme on sunday shows. i think i remember a controversy about that show with corky and it had the word "life" in the title (anyone? anyone? bueller?)... anyway, whatever that show was, i seem to remember there being a controversy when corky's sister ended up having sex. it was on sundays and sex shouldn't exist on sundays. or some crap like that. anyway... just thought i'd share. and now the rain has eased up. so maybe i'll wait it out a little bit to see if it truly will stop (or just sprinkle) for the afternoon and then head out. and you probably don't care about that. this is just random crap if you haven't picked up on that yet. ok, well i'm off. lata!

UPDATE: i just googled corky and got the name of the tv show. life goes on. now you have it in case you ever cared.


Sunday, October 24, 2004


so the concert last night was totally kick ass! we had to get the cheap seats way up top, but when we tried to go up there the escalators were closed. an usher looked at our ticket and told us to go to the box office to be relocated. apparently the first level never sold out, so they were upgrading all of us poor people for free!!! HELL YEAH! so we ended up 7 rows from the front and happy as can be. if we had shelled out an extra $20 to get in the second level, then we would have still been stuck there... so rock on for being too poor! there were two opening acts, and sadly, they were lame. people were courteous enough not to boo, which was good. some people were even drunk enough that they were cheering. good for them because i would have felt bad if they performed to a silent crowd. that's just a brutal blow to the ego. so the big act finally came on stage and the place went wild. they played a solid hour and a half and still had to sacrifice many of their top songs. unfortunately two of my favorites weren't played. i was a little disappointed, but they couldn't stay there for hours on end, so i understand. at one point we nearly had a fight with a couple people who moved into the seats in front of us. those weren't their seats and they were blocking our view and the view of those behind us. the people behind us tried nicely to ask them to be courteous of others, and when that didn't work and they acted like pricks, the guy behind us went to get an usher to make them move. the guy in front of me was still belligerent to her, even though she was probably the nicest usher i've ever come across, so mayhem got pissed and called him a dumbass. at that point the guy in front was ready to start something with mayhem and the guy behind us, and his little chick looked like she wanted a piece of me. if i wouldn't have been kicked out of the concert, i actually wouldn't have been opposed to taking one good shot if i had to because i was pumped for the night. at any rate, the concert was incredible. oh, and i thought this was very cute. later that night mayhem told me that he had to stop watching the band a few times just to watch me dance. yeah, i'm good... and so is he to let me know that i'm that mesmerizing. hehe

afterward we had the requisite IHOP. i have to get scrambled eggs with cheese after any good concert. it's a tradition i started in high school. it wasn't always scrambled eggs... at one point it was the ice cream sundae, but once i could legally drink it didn't mix so well with a full stomach of beer and whatever else. when we got home we watched a little after-hours mad TV rerun and finally made out a little. it seems like it's been forever because we had this stupid ongoing fight-a-thon. friday was no exception when we got the laptop and he made me feel stupid and cut me off when i was asking the tech guy questions. we worked that out, but it was probably the first time in over 5 1/2 years when he's really raised his voice at me. that was a shocker since he really can't get mad at me 99.999% of the time. last night i was really tired and didn't want any more fights or discussions, and i really missed kissing. i guess i'm spoiled like that. i've gotten to kiss whenever i wanted as long as he was around. so anyway, i guess that's pretty much the update.

this weekend the goal is to get the apartment clean again. i think it's time. my dryer takes forever and a year to dry anything. it's really frustrating. but anyway... i want to be productive today, but there are so many good movies on TV today. it's always a quandery. well anyway, i think my sheets are finally ready, so i better go make the bed. hope you all have a fabulous weekend guys! hugs!!!


Friday, October 22, 2004

Halloween approacheth... 

halloween is coming and i need to figure out a suitable costume. i have considered the possibilities that do not require purchasing further accessories, and i'd like opinions or suggestions. i think i can be a naughty schoolgirl, a sexy business woman, a lingerie model, and possibly a sexy 'n' sweet country girl. any other ideas?

i also have to pick a hot outfit for a concert tomorrow night. i am so excited and grateful that i have been able to go to 3 concerts just since july! i went through a long concert dry spell, but now i'm back at it and SO happy! well, except for the outrageous prices. but the past couple concerts were great and i'm sure this one will be no exception. i'm so pumped!

i'm sure you all will be happy to hear this... i think the beer and i will be getting together for halloween festivities. you know that's gonna be good!!

oh, and if anybody has tips for loading both XP Pro and the service pack 2, then please let me know. i know that you have to uninstall norton and any firewalls, but is there anything else to know? since the last time my computer messed up just after i installed it, i am guessing it may have been related. since they said it was a bad DC jack, it may be completely unrelated, but then again i don't really know what that means either. so at any rate, if you have any tips, please let me know. thanks!


Thursday, October 21, 2004

Poor me! 

sometimes life ain't pretty. today was another of those days. i got my first ever less-than-spectacular evaluation. the first day of my internship i made clear once more that i was there to learn and the masters program does not prepare you with actual real-life knowledge. so i explained that i couldn't jump right in asap (as she had previously mentioned). she said that it was actually fabulous because they have had others there who thought they knew it all and caused some head aches. so i assumed it was all copacetic. so my evaluation instead says essentially that i came in unprepared and their expectations exceeded my abilities, but now that we were on the same page my supervisor was sure i would do well. how the hell do you interpret something like that? since it was all discussed on my FIRST DAY there and i jumped in with both feet several weeks ago, i would assume that she would focus on the current rather than the very very very beginning. unless she still assumes that i am not yet adjusted, in which case i need to have a very serious talk with her. yeah i haven't had a ton to do these past couple weeks, but i cannot create work out of thin air. and she has been gone for several days when i have worked. i just don't know what to think. i'm not that fabulous with criticism, but i can handle it when i know why i'm receiving it. i just don't understand this. i mean i could even guess as to why i was criticized yesterday, and my supervisor agreed with the assessment, but this just leaves me confused. and if she had said something to me personally... instead she handed it to me at the last second before leaving. i guess that added to my feeling that maybe she felt cowardly about the bait and switch... being so positive and sweet in person and then saying i was a disappointment on paper.

i know it's still positive overall, but like i said this is the first time any supervisor or coworker has thought anything less than the best about my performance. other friends are working at places that don't care if they get their hours and are willing to lie that they have completed their obligation whether or not they showed. and other friends still haven't started their own projects and are still just observing despite it being nearly 3 months in, and still other friends have nothing to do at their internships and are instructed to just use the time to write all their school papers. i am there for the full commitment, i'm on my own and requesting more responsibility, and i rarely have much free time to do school work (let alone a computer on which to write the papers). ugh, sorry i just had to vent. it feels like it's my week for the world to shit on me... the fights with mayhem, then the criticism yesterday and the lukewarm evaluation today.

oh, and my laptop is finally ready after 2 weeks. unfortunately, they completely wiped out the computer. it has been restored to the way it is when it's fresh out of the box. sound good? no, not really, since that means i have to reinstall XP pro, norton antivirus, the office suite, recreate documents, reformat my outlook express, install zone alarm, mozilla, and the list goes on. ugh, anyway... i needed a shoulder to cry on, but i had to do work instead. i tried calling people, but nobody answered. so i'm just going to go and wallow in my own sorrow for a little while. if any of you have some encouragement, then please let me hear it. thanks lovies...


Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I need a moment... 

seriously, i need a moment here. i figured today would be a good day. it started out decently before it went downhill. i actually slept well, and most of the pain in my neck had gone. it seemed like i had forever between my first alarm going off and my "get your ass up now or you're screwed" alarm. got ready for work and got there in time. i was even able to take a moment in the parking lot to laugh at a stupid bit they were doing on the radio. i had a light day again, so i was able to get some work done for school, which was great. after that, i got organized, figured out if it would be feasible to take off to go to mardi gras (should be possible, but if and only if other people can pay my whole way... aka, no longer likely). so i had a little lunch and then socialized for a few hours. and then the day started to worsen. kind of a tailspin. in the last hour at work i was basically told, "no offense, but i don't want you on this project because i don't like your personality. but no offense since it's an innate part of you that you can't really change." wtf?! and they said it right in front of my supervisor, too! but thankfully my supervisor is full of grace and tact and took over the conversation seamlessly. she brushed it all under the table and discussed it with me later. i knew to call bullshit because i had gotten direct feedback the previous week that i had been requested for it, so i was ok after the initial shock wore off. thankfully my supervisor also has a great deal of faith in me and explained that i would remain on the project until i graduated and they would have to be fine with it. and she'll be there to keep the peace and defend my skills. so i guess that was kind of a mixed thing... i got insulted publicly in the middle of the building, but my supervisor acknowledged that i know what i'm doing.

after this craziness i leave to return something at target and exchange another thing. the return goes fine, and i go in search of the item to exchange. not there. remember those fabulous thongs i told you were on sale? well too many of you heeded my advice and bought the ones i needed to get in my size. somehow i picked up a pair that was 4 sizes too big. my theory was that it was right next to the ones in my size or something because i am generally very responsible about checking that i get the correct size. so whatever, i figure i'll just go back there and find the correct pair no problem. nope, don't have them in any size. so i tell her and she just returns them and credits it. ok, so i drive to another store because i still have the matching cami and i don't want to have to wear it bottomless. (i should have kept that to myself i'm sure.) second store doesn't have them either. damnit. so this makes me very sad. i was so excited about my adorable matching set, and now i'm just kicking myself because i somehow picked up the wrong damn pair.

so anyway. i needed to take a moment to mourn the lost pair of thongs (it was a 2 pack) that never shall be. like the velveteen rabbit those thongs could have become real on the right ass... and that ass was mine. omg i have to stop. i'm sure it is a good thing i never reread my posts after i write them. ok, time to get ready to do it all over again tomorrow. night!


Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Short and sweet... 

ok, i have a hellacious head and neck ache that is only getting worse. so we're keeping this short. first the boring stuff because it's, well, boring. today was a long day that started with this horrible neck ache. probably the events of last night made me tense my neck, but we'll get to that. went to class, gave a presentation, went to another class. became frustrated with people, was amazed by a snotty girl's compliment on the presentation, only to become frustrated with other people again. i especially love the random woman who is upset about her school system supposedly funding the education of the children in her district with too much money. she thinks they are allotting too much money per child. uh, hello! if you want to have less money for your kid's education, i'm sure i could list off at least 10 districts who would gladly take the boost since they have much less than half that much. but whatever. seriously i just don't get some people.

so onto the more interesting stuff before i have to go. you boys seriously need to knock some sense into mayhem. last night he was acting on stupidity again. really pissed me off. we have tentatively worked all the shit out, but i still feel like i need to stick close to the door in case it happens again and i'm ready to make a quick exit. so i figure we work with both situations and hope for the best. you guys can go knock some sense into him and hope it sticks, and we girls can start making a list of eligible men and put them on a waiting list in case he wants to screw things up again. of course the kicker is that deep down neither of us really want things to be over... and yet he keeps doing things and i keep getting to the point of frustration that pushes out that more long-term desire to stay together and shoves cutting off the source of the frustration into the foreground of my thoughts. vicious cycle anyone?

if anyone has some decent advice, wants to make some gentle (or not so gentle) suggestions (or swings) for/at mayhem, wants to join the waiting list and is willing to relocate since i'm too close to graduating to even think about moving and throwing it all away, or has any other reason... you are all welcome to comment. i will read it all once the headache disappears and i return from work tomorrow. hope life is looking better for the rest of you!


Monday, October 18, 2004


so i haven't quite been productive in the conventional sense today. but i did make myself happy. i slept in, took a bubble bath, painted my toenails, and got dressed... decided to wear one of my new miniskirts, heels, and pigtails. very school girl fantasy. yes yes, you may commence drooling now. maybe i can get somebody to help me wash my car while i'm at it. oh! there's the door... must mean that mayhem got to drop by. byeee!


Busy weekend... 

this was a whirlwind weekend. friday i had plans, didn't have plans, then had plans again, then got different plans. finally the plans settled on mayhem and i talking and working out a fight we had earlier in the week. we worked it all out and made up. making up is a definite perk to a relationship if done right. sometimes it is a pretty blah event with life just continuing on course... but other times it's passion and fireworks all over again. this would be one of those times.

saturday was nothing but expensive bad-for-you food and extensive walking. so that led to a headache and sore muscles. sunday morning i got up and went to my parents' church since i was at their place by that time. we then ate at a good mexican restaurant where i sadly received a mediocre margarita and quesadillas. then it was off to spend mucho money on a dress. yes, i finally purchased bridesmaid dress #1. i'm still waiting on the news on bridesmaid dress #2, but my guess is that i'll hear within the week. sadly i did hear news of my laptop. they sent my baby off to another center specifically for fixing that brand and said it would take at least a week to get fixed. if we hit november and they still have my baby then i will be calling and raising hell. i will suggest that they consider reimbursing me for some of the expenses that i cannot utilize. like the clock is ticking on my antivirus and other things for an entire month of not getting to use the computer. in reality, i will probably just be grumpy and resentful, but if it takes much longer than this next week, then they will be hearing what i think about this whole situation. at any rate, i watched a funny movie tonight and found some wonderful clearance items. for any of you ladies out there, you can purchase see through mesh thongs on sale at target right now for about $1 a piece. 2 packs for $2, 3 packs for $2.50 or thereabouts. oh, and matching camis for about $3. plus some of their miniskirts are just $5. you know there's nothing like calling up the boy after you have made one of these mini shopping sprees and saying that he can come watch a double fashion show (me and a friend) if he hurries and gets in the car. i wouldn't say exactly what i had gotten, but he made a comment about less clothing was better clothing. so i explained that this was pretty minimal and he started to get his butt in gear. at that point it was pretty much "ok bye!" and running out the door. it's just a shame that he answered the magic question incorrectly. i have decided it is my question of the season because it works on so many levels. "what will you be thankful for on thanksgiving?" the incorrect answer that was given was "turkey." acceptable answers included "you, baby," "how much trouble you and your friends can get into," "that i get all the benefits of the crazy things you do," "that you forgave me yesterday and aren't being hard on me about it today," "that i have the most incredible girl on the planet and she continues to outdo herself," or other similar answers. oh well, he's a work in progress. maybe in a month he will be ready with a suitable answer. and if not, then maybe i'll just wear my latest finds for an outing where he isn't invited. ok, i've been eating leftover cotton candy and am about to reach the sugar coma stage. i better run. hopefully tomorrow i'll actually do something worthwhile.


Friday, October 15, 2004

A very worthy cause... 

hey guys, don't forget this is breast cancer awareness month. and today happens to be national mammography day. i could give a gazillion links, but instead i will just say that there are so many ways to help and that many are fun and easy. buy the pink and white M&Ms at the grocery store, get the yoplait yogurt with the pink lids and mail them in (all the way through december!), click my link under VS locations for the breast cancer site, buy a few christmas gifts early through red envelope, run or walk in a nearby race for the cure, or even go straight to the source and donate to the susan g komen fund. it is a cause close to everyone's heart (no pun intended). girls, we all have beautiful breasts and never want to face the ravages of cancer. guys, you all love our breasts and us as women and don't want to see us suffer such a devastating illness. and all of us know somebody who has had breast cancer. my incredible mentor had it twice, and although she lost both breasts to the battle, she won the fight both times and went into remission. the beer lost her own mentor to the fight with cancer after having been in remission for over 15 years. this matters to everyone, and i hope that you all care and find a way, great or small, to help the cause. love you guys!


Yet again... 

i am back once more with nothing much to say. apparently i am heading back to my parents' house again this weekend. apparently i will buy at least one bridesmaid dress this weekend. will i see mayhem? that's a good question. other people have booked me before he got around to it, and he was doing the whole i don't know what my plans are but i think i have to do yardwork for the parents thing. his family will be hosting the big family christmas thing this year, so from now until new years, his life will be a living hell. he is the free slave labor son. this also means that my life will be a smaller version of that hell. wow, i can't wait. wonder how many times i'll actually get to see him between now and then. and if the evil mother will make him not attend christmas with my family or make him cancel his flight with me to the wedding. time will tell, i guess. if anybody wants to send her some happy pills, i can email the address to you. ooh, or if any of you work at the psych ward of a hospital with an open bed... yes that's even better! ok ok, it's really time for me to take a shower and get ready to go. adios and i will try to post this weekend! hugs and kisses!


Thursday, October 14, 2004

In the mood... 

so i ended up spending nearly an extra freaking hour at work today. stupid drama has to hit 5 minutes before i should get to leave. but thankfully one of my coworkers is super nice and helped me out even though it kept her at the office later than normal as well. maybe i need to make some cookies in appreciation of the people in my department next week. anyway, i digress...

so i get home an hour late, and go to check my mail. i'm still in my office wear minus the heels at that point. as i walk up to the gate, i see a very young couple huddled in the bubbling hot tub. i wonder why the hell they would want to have such a cold walk back to wherever they came from, but i quickly snap out of that when i realize what i am interrupting. the couple was extremely close together and were both acting like deers caught in headlights. i hear hurried murmurings, one of which i think was "do you think she saw us?" so i'm like, oh great. just what i need after a long day is to have to tell 2 horny 13 year olds to chill their respective parts in the ice cold pool until i get back into the apartment and can shut the blinds. so i stare them down as a visual confirmation that "yes she saw you and she doesn't want to see any more." they make small talk as i pass by but are both staring at me, waiting for me to leave. i seriously considered making them miserable by going through the dozens of ads that were mailed to me right there on a lawn chair. but i wasn't in the mood to have words with them if it came to that.

then on the way back by the hot tub (yes that was the only way to get back to the apartment), i hear that they're making small talk again, but this time the girl is mentioning something about a guy jacking off. nice. i'll just give your parents a referral to watch the movie thirteen and tip them off that they may want to personally disinfect the hot tub as their christmas gift to the rest of the residents. mental note: no matter how much fun it can be to stay warm in a hot tub and watch the steam rise into the cold winter night, i ain't doing it there. i figure their germs should die off by next summer.

now i have to admit that i can understand the fun of having sex in a hot tub. i have considered what fun it could be. but carrying it out in the public hot tub in the middle of your parents' apartment complex when you look all of 13 years old?!? and i know she had to be close to that age in reality as well because she wasn't comfortable enough with her boobs to take off her shirt even though she was having sex with the boy. come on, you're too young for that. and have a little respect for others while you're at it.

and finally... i can't help but wonder if my boobs are growing once again. i know, at some point you're actually going to get sick of hearing about my boobs. but i wore my favorite bra today, one that i wear regularly, and it was so tight on my chest that my boobs hurt by the time i got home from work and was able to peel it off. maybe this was a one time freak deal, but i don't know why i would have big boobs today and smaller boobs tomorrow. so... you guys may be in for the official Boob Growth Play-by-Play, Episode 3. after this growth spurt, should i sell my account as a trilogy? i've had way more than 3 spurts at this point, but i think there are 3 recorded here just in this past (almost) year. milk... it does a body GOOOOD! hahaha. i may need to have tony (or anyone else who has a donation thing) help me set up a bra fund on here if i have to buy yet another round of bras. guys, you're lucky that your only underwear apparel is cheap and can be purchased in 3 packs. mayhem is one lucky son of a bitch.

ok, enough of that. i'm off to curl up under a blanket with a hot drink. too bad i don't have a hot man to join me ;)


Wednesday, October 13, 2004


i was going to discuss the debate, but you guys either already agree with me, didn't watch it and won't trust my perspective, or think i heard it all wrong because you want cletus to win. i will say that i believe kerry won and that i can only hope that congress allows him to do half of the things he wants to do. i had a few rebuttals that i would have made, but i kept them to myself.

work was slow and easy today. did a lotta nothing. will work on doing more nothing tomorrow. it's a tough gig.

i assumed that mayhem kept his word. i convinced him to vote for kerry back when he was named as the dem candidate. now other people go tampering with all of my hard work and brainwash him. he's had over a quarter century of that old conservative bullshit instilled in him, and i really resent these people making my job harder. you give him one tiny little nibble on the conservative end and he will jump through any firey hoop to get back to that comfort zone of the rich bitch. the swift boat vet who never served with kerry but claimed that he didn't deserve 3 purple heart medals but only 2 had mayhem ready to go back to his old ways. i explained that it was better to have even 2 medals than to not even be clear whether you served or not. and that people can say all kinds of shit about you when they haven't even met you. man he's frustrating sometimes. and if i get a moment alone with these damn saboteurs... oh it will be good.

but anyway, i need to go. maybe i can put some sense into that boy's head yet. if you have any advice, then please let me know.


Tuesday, October 12, 2004


i've always liked that word. anyway, if you will kindly direct your eyes to the right, you will notice that i have done a little work on my beloved sidebar. i figure that here at vortexia's secret (VS in case you really never caught on to that "coincidence"), we should be making better usage of the VS link. my fellow bloggers, you are now VS models. some of you have new and improved names since i never bothered to change them when you did. a couple of you have been added. the links are now known as the various VS locations. and the archives, of course, offer the full VS experience. here at VS, we strive to offer only the best. we do hope that you enjoy everything. if you have any comments or questions, please refer to the cerulean blue comment card in the pocket of the seat in front of you. thanks and have a wonderful day.

(turns off hypnotizingly calm we're-lulling-you-into-a-stupor-so-we-can-steal-your-brain voice)

so yeah, i figured it was time to clean up the sidebar. and i'd just like to point out that i am used to classes on the 4th grade level since i found it necessary to read the new titles to you. obviously you all could have done that yourself. oh, and one more little tidbit. i just came across a to-do list that i made during the summer semester to prepare for the move. yeah, there are a couple things on there that i still can't cross off the list because they just got kicked to the curb to wait until i came by with the clean up crew to pick up the debris. will i become more motivated now that i remember i meant to do that stuff? of course not. you think i care? i just thought it was kind of funny. ok, enough of that... night!

p.s. lemme know what you think of the new look. or in the guys' case, tell me that you didn't even notice but you think it looks great. haha, unless you did actually realized that it used to be a little different.


Good timing... 

it is good timing that D Rant found and linked to me today. because tonight's post will be just that, a rant. it will probably have adult words in it, so be prepared if you don't find it appropriate that women can say those words just as easily as men.

i fucking hate school. seriously i could have gotten more out of the experience if i had ordered a degree online from one of the many "reputable" schools that send me emails about buying a degree than if i had gone through this program. it is an utter waste of time. they teach the same inane bullshit every single semester in every class that we take. and we take a whole hell of a lot of classes. i know that most masters programs are a disappointment, but i never expected it to be of such a low caliber. i could have gone straight from 8th grade into this program and have gotten a degree. i may not have been a perfect 4.0 student, but i would have gotten that piece of paper at the end of the 2 years. and i would have been at the same ending point. i would have the same masters degree but be set to earn money (what little i'll get) at the ripe old age of 15. just as soon as i learned to drive that next summer, i would be set to find myself a job. sure, i may have been prepared for the work load, but what about the real world knowledge and wisdom that helps you succeed in the actual work setting, you ask? i can't say 100% that i could have been prepared, but i was wise for my age and had way less baggage than most of my peers. somebody may have needed to give me the pointers that i learned in high school, like that my hair used to look puffy when it was short (although it has since overcome that problem), but i honestly think i would have done just fine.

that is how little this program teaches you. some people feel that the only thing that high school teaches you is how to skip and get away with it, but this masters program teaches you to not give a single flying fuck about anything. it teaches you to be completely apathetic and dislike your fellow peers. people still expect to be babied and given good grades because they overacted that they tried and just aren't smart enough to do it without a little cheating the system. so in return, the profs cheat the system and give them passing grades. they slide them down the lunch line a little further so they can eventually get to the end with a full plate of classes and cash in on the free diploma with purchase offer. and i say that if they are willing to do that, then i should be able to just hand them the rest of my loan money, go through the motions of registering for classes, and show up in may to be handed my diploma. same deal, really.

erg! i'm sure i normally would not be quite so pessimistic about the whole thing since i still try to find the good in the program somewhere. i hate having others feel pity for me because i was conned into a crappy program and i hate believing that i wasted my money on this. i also don't like feeling as though i'll leave this program and be completely unprepared for the work world. so i try to put a positive spin on things. i try to mention the good parts of the program, and i try to tell people i like it when they ask (especially since you know most people don't care in the first place and are just trying to be polite). but when i leave, i won't be able to recommend this program to others with a good conscience. i may let them know that it has a good reputation, but i will stress that it doesn't correlate at all to the program.

so now a question.... if any of you have gotten your masters already, did any of you actually like the program? i don't know of anybody who actually did. they all said it was a frustrating chore to go through in order to get where you wanted to go. but the damn con artists made me believe, for some reason or another, that my program would be head and shoulders above that and would be a very exciting and fulfilling pursuit. why was i so damn naive?!? never again. i just wish their little fairy tale had been true.

ok, the steam has been released and i feel a little better. time to read a little before bed and figure out how i'm going to bundle up for work tomorrow.
to the beer: the box arrived safely, and gracias for sending it! hugs!!!


Monday, October 11, 2004

Talk to me, baby! 

so i have class again tomorrow. seems like that happens every week. i know my prof won't show for the morning class, so i'm very tempted to just show up for the afternoon and evening classes. but my friends already roped me into meeting in the morning to go to the class (we're having a guest speaker and can be 30 min later, but we were supposed to carpool). i am so tempted to not go, except that i don't want my friends to wait on me and i never show. unless... i could call them tonight and give them the heads up. hmmm... maybe.....

ok, but before i go make some calls, here we go. this was the first day in a long time when i got almost no comments. my buddy ed commented before i even got up, but that was it. made me kind of sad. but hopefully something i've written will inspire some of you to comment.

if you want to request something or ask something, feel free. comment or send me an email. questions, comments, answers, insight, quotables, whatever. if you still don't have gmail and would like an account, then let me know and i might be able to hook you up. anyway, chat it up! muah! :)



ok, so i don't have the baby crazies, which i'm sure is a very good thing right now. i don't know if i'll get them later on in life, but so far i don't. i do, however, have a big weakness for the adorable new dads. the ones who dote over the moms-to-be, are just as excited about the sonograms, baby kicking, and want to be there for the delivery. the ones who can't wait to hold their child for the first time, but at the same time are concerned about the pain it causes the mom. i love the dads who are actually excited about the feedings and baths and watching their little child grow. i guess i find the enthusiasm and excitement irresistably adorable.

similarly i think the guys who get excited about planning an engagement and getting married are also adorable. i guess basically i think it is very cute when boys show happy emotions. so many guys seem to lose that starting at adolescence when they learn that they're "supposed" to act macho and that being excited isn't cool. so they try to be tough or angry or void of emotion all the time. it really kind of makes me sad. so i love seeing these guys get excited about the major milestones in their lives. sometimes emotion is sexy.


More weirdness... 

ok, so the post that showed up first today was actually written second. somehow blogger screwed up the time stamps on one of both and put my second post as being written earlier than the first. oh well. just keep it in mind if i reference the other or something.

in other news, i realized that my full married name (assuming that mayhem makes the final cut) will be as long as the alphabet. 26 letters exactly. i think i need to start pruning now. maybe the bank and social security people would all be cool with me taking the one-name diva thing to the next level. one letter. i just sign everything V. short and sweet, one letter instead of 26. or i could sign "a-z" signifying that it's 26 letters but kind of a short hand of it. of course the pragmatic people in the bunch will just tell me to use initials, but that's not nearly as fun. ah well... i really don't have to even think about any of this yet, now do i. and this really is just another procrastination tactic to stay lazy and not do anything, now isn't it. and i may change my mind by then, now might i. and i probably am crushing some of you guys' hopes and dreams of one day replacing mayhem as my number 1 man, now aren't i. ok ok, i should go, now shouldn't i...


Weird day... 

i don't think i like today. there really isn't a reason for it, i just woke up grumpy. doing just the minimal, i need to clean the bathroom and go to the grocery store today. not a big deal. maybe it was waking up with a to-do list already on my head, i don't really know. at any rate, i'll come back when i get out of this funk and write a better post. i am cute when i'm grumpy (or so mayhem tells me), but there's nobody here to judge that or to make me laugh away the grumpies. if i get up the motivation, i may try to stop by target as well as the grocery to get some pretty candles for the bathtub. that would be a good reward for getting over this funk. ok, incentive created. time to put the plan in motion...



so i think i have seen my first pet peeves at this apartment complex. they live in an apartment that i can see from my patio. they are adolescent, loud, obnoxious, and think they are total badasses. yesterday i saw about 6 of them go into the apartment without an adult, and today a couple of them are roaming the complex while they should be in school. and they keep playing the lock each other out of the apartment game. so the one stuck outside yells and screams and pounds on the door while laughing because it's so cool. i'll let a truancy officer show you cool. ok ok, i know that's a little extreme and i'm not going to turn in my neighbors... yet, at least. i was one of the good kids in high school and i still skipped. but i am now starting to suspect that they are partly to blame for me waking up grumpy this morning. or maybe they just added fuel to the fire. at any rate i hope they stay inside quietly playing video games or watching the channels that have the parental locks on them like good little delinquents. if i don't have to hear it or suffer the consequences, then i don't care what they do.


Sunday, October 10, 2004

Today's agenda... 

so today was a relaxing day. it was chilly but not freezing outside, so i opened the windows and read on my porch. i had started "on the road" by jack kerouac while i was on the plane last weekend, but everytime i start reading it i keep thinking about how the davinci code is waiting in my closet. just begging to be read. so i gave in to the desire and switched. i figured i'd enjoy "on the road" better when i wasn't wondering about another book, and i would finally know what happened in the book that was all the buzz last year.

it was so nice on the porch. i had some hot tea, a good book, and some good friends within a phonecall's range. unfortunately i also had to explain that to my mom that the computer was in the shop. she suggested that i just never update anything ever on the computer so i would never have to worry about things screwing up again. mmmhmm. i'll keep that suggestion on file. other than that, i cleaned up the kitchen this evening and will still have to do the bathroom and floors tomorrow. unless i get a second wind here in a little bit and feel like tackling it tonight. could happen i guess, but doubtful. hope you all had a great weekend! kisses :)


Saturday, October 09, 2004

Strange happenings... 

so i headed out to procure one of my bridesmaid dresses today. or to put down a payment to order it actually. as i left, i decided to check my mail because i'm waiting for a package. i pass by the pool and notice the strangest thing. there is a man wearing a down puffer parka, sneakers, and windpants standing at the edge of the pool looking down. he gingerly dips his sneaker clad toe into the pool and then removes it. then he steps that entire leg forward over the edge and just drops straight down into the very cold water of the pool. no ceremonious jump, no taking off any of the clothing, no deciding it's an idiotic idea and walking away. he just walks right off the walkway into the water. oh yes, and did i mention that it was also raining and was had just had a cool front? yeah. psycho man. when he comes back up, he does it just as calmly as he entered the water. he straightened his knees, retrieved his baseball hat, and looks up at me and the other guy passing by. just calmly, no emotion, as if he were on his way to check his mail as well. an older man by the mailboxes had stopped to watch as well, and when i passed him he asked me what i thought that whole thing was about. i figured that in case the guy was truly psychotic or schizophrenic that i would be in a safer position to just brush off his behavior as normal. so i just kind of smiled and shrugged at the older man, and acted as if there was nothing wrong with it. if i don't cause friction, i won't get hurt. anyway, just wanted to share because i never would have expected such a crazy thing.

and did i get my errand completed? sort of. i braved idiotic traffic to get to the bridal store. i even kept my cool as i took a wrong turn and entered the freeway instead of the turn lane. no big deal, i couldn't see that the lane died because of the traffic, i wouldn't have expected the frustrated mall drivers to let me in, and i could easily just backtrack again. the store was having a huge event, so i finally got through to being helped. they had the dress in a size too big in the right color, or the right size in the wrong color. so i tried both on, confirmed that i needed the right size/wrong color. so she checked other stores, and nothing. they just got bought out, so it's what you see is what you get. they can't order from their current brands because they will no longer be carrying them. so i explained that i'd have to check with the bride and see what she wanted to do because they've already had to change styles a few times. in the meantime, she's holding it for me but i'll have to get back there tomorrow probably with the final decision. oh well... i'll make a few calls and emails, and will hopefully get this settled. until then...



i cannot leave tonight without posting this. pass it on to friends and family. slip the address in the mailboxes of your neighbors, write the address on the mirror in your school or work bathroom, put it on the cocktail napkin right under your name and phone number tomorrow night at the bars. an incredible photo essay. no, this one isn't by tony, but i have him to thank for finding it.

also, some easy links for those of you who may overlook the recap of last weekend, since many of you seem to slack on your blog reading on fridays.
the skinny... the down and dirty details of the weekend

the story the guys probably wish i had forgotten

and in case you're way behind and you like blog-teases, here were the previews to the real post.




they took my child. it's like they ripped my heart away from me. my gorgeous little laptop baby was taken from me today by incompetent tech people. during the upgrade to XP Pro, the USB ports were somehow deactivated (or so some kindly tech guy thought when i emailed his product tech support thinking it was my USB product breaking within a month of purchase). after walking me through the other possibilities, he came to the conclusion that i had to reactivate the USB ports in BIOS, but was unable to tell me how to do so because every brand is different. so i curse the bad luck and take my baby to get fixed. thankfully i had a warranty and could basically walk in and say "make the booboo better." but the people there sent me to the brink of frustration. they walked into the back room and left me for 10 minutes. then they came out and said "oh sorry i was doing something back there." well no shit sherlock, i would have never guessed because you sure weren't doing something out here. so he then decides rather than helping me, that he would bust somebody else's ass for going on her allowed break and tell her to take care of me instead. so he wanders off, giving me a look as if he had never even seen me before and certainly wasn't the one supposed to help me, and i wait another 15 minutes for this chick. she finally comes out and apologized saying that she has trouble typing. if she cannot master fingers on the keys and push down the appropriate buttons, i am supposed to trust her with an expensive high tech laptop?!? so i get even more frustrated and consider just saying i would go back later and instead taking my baby all the way over to the store near my parents' house and hanging around their house until they got it fixed. i knew i trusted those people way more than these guys. but i was already there with all the paperwork and it was too close to closing to make it all the way to my parents'. that would set me back another half day. so i gulped and entrusted them with my laptop child. the woman reassured me a little because she showed great reverance to my amazing laptop and gushed over the screen and 10-key, and she also offered me an alternative to their outrageously priced backup service. she gave me a free dvd+r to burn my documents and even ensured that i had double checked that the documents would read properly before she took my baby into the back. sadly, she said the minimum wait time would be 3 days but could be up to 2 weeks or so. oh so so sad. as sick as it may be, i left the store feeling like i had just sent my own baby off to a 2 week preschool bootcamp or something. i didn't research their living arrangements or security or anything. they could ship my little baby in a poorly padded uninsured box for all i know!!! breathe, v, breathe. i guess i know for sure now... i had absolutely no buyer's remorse with my laptop. if i love it this much, i doubt i'll be lusting after anyone else's computer any time soon.

oh, and to those very random few who care... you can rest assured that i did not get a flu vaccine and will be exposed to illness for several months to come. i'll be sure to give you the dirty sickening (literally) details if i do get sick. hopefully it won't set me back on the internship or school and delay graduation. hopefully i won't infect my future father-in-law with the weakened immune system who has already exceeded his "life sentence" and become responsible for his demise. hopefully i won't infect the 50-odd people with which i come into contact on a near-daily basis in the small closed quarters and poor ventilation, some of whom are elderly, others are young, and still others are fighting illnesses every day of their life. hopefully there will be no young or elderly or sickly people on the packed flights i'll be taking during the height of flu season. hopefully i won't be called selfish again. sorry, i guess i forgot to warn you guys that one of my pet peeves is being judged by those who don't know me or the rationale and motives behind my actions. i didn't think that one simple sentence of my to-do list required such lengthy explanation, but i was obviously mistaken. well, now you know my rationale and let's all get on with our lives. other than that, happy reading to all. shake off the negativity and have a wonderful weekend!


Friday, October 08, 2004

Question of the day... 

ok, so i just found out that my parents are going out of town for the weekend. now i have my own apartment so that's not quite the big deal it used to be, but the question still remains...

do i stay the weekend at my own apartment or do i take over the empty house?

in other news, i think i might try to hunt down a flu vaccine before they disappear forever. and i need to get my computer fixed because the XP Pro upgrade shut down my USB ports for some reason. stupid computer quirks. that may wait until tomorrow because the flu vaccine places may not be open on weekends or may be hella busy. but anyway, that's what i have to get done. oh, and getting fitted for one of the two bridesmaid dresses. ok, enough of that. i'm going to eat a naked brownie for breakfast.


Thursday, October 07, 2004

Can't keep up with me... 

so apparently blogger can't keep up with me. i recently turned on my profile and happened to see it earlier today. under "recent updates" it is still on september 27th. wow. that is SOOO ancient history in my life. this is a fast-paced blog, people, and you need to keep up with me!

met a kindred soul recently at work. she understands that people matter more than money and puts her vote where her mouth is. thank goodness... i am not the only one! but enough of that. i need to get a little dinner so i can write a little recap of the weekend. sound like something you guys would be happy with? yeah, i thought so ;)


Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Rough day... 

this was a really rough day at work. i thought i was just going to have life as usual kind of stuff, but then something really hard got pushed off on me. it was more that i was given information that i had no choice but to react to. when the person started telling me something, i figured it was a thing they could deal with. unfortunately, when i talked to my supervisor, she clarified that i HAD to take it into my own hands. damn, damn, damn.

but on to other things... a different coworker told me that this season's bachelor was like the geriatric version. i am normally not interested in those reality shows, but found nothing else on TV and decided to see what she meant. apparently everyone is older (i think just in their 30's but i guess that's older than in most of the reality shows). i noted some pretty funny things. all of the girls' hormones were going full speed, and they were straight up talking about the dude being their future husband. they talked about being ready to have kids tomorrow... yes, tomorrow. and the guy's face is already weathered, but is trying to wear his hair like a teenager. oh, and they added new chicks, so there were some serious issues with backhandedness, jealousy, and making fun of people. one chick kept saying that she wanted to be there so badly that she would be willing to have sex with the guy despite having never been on a date with him. i hope she knows that people can smell desperation.

ok, enough of that. i need to relax a little so i can handle another day at work tomorrow. oh, and afterward i think i get to drive to the hideous mall that's "nearby" (read: 20 minutes without traffic). i've had nothing but bad experiences with that place and with the rush hour traffic that is between here and there. oh well. i'll live. i'll try to come back here and post again later tonight.


Tuesday, October 05, 2004

One more teaser... 

i hate leaving you guys hanging so long. so i'll reveal a little more. something that i know all of you are dying to know.

yes, my boobs did play a role this weekend. but don't they almost always seem to? they must be drama queens. actually, both of our boobs played roles. and we both have large assets. we discovered that we really could share bras if we ever needed to, but i think we both have a pretty good selection without any need to share. ok, i definitely need sleep. i'm sure the beer is dying laughing right now. i will give you that other piece of the puzzle. i got together with the beer this weekend. you should already know this story will be good. but it's so good that i must devote due time to its telling. cross your fingers for time tomorrow.


Stupid internet... 

i love the internet and expect it to perform on command. (reminds me that somebody this weekend mentioned that porn stars eventually start cumming on command because it's their job... random, i know). when it doesn't work well, like blogger for the past couple of days, i get frustrated very easily. i have something to say and like instant gratification.

now that that's out of my system... i'm back from another long day at school. we busted our asses on a group project and i turned in my (hopefully) masterful midterm. if i don't get an A on that sucker then i'm hunting down the prof and letting her know exactly what i think of her and her stupid class. it's a waste of time and the midterm could only be described as busywork.

i know that i still haven't posted about this weekend and i truly apologize. i have been running around like crazy ever since i got back, and even ran out of time to take a shower last night because of that stupid assignment. normally i don't procrastinate quite that much and normally i am a cleanly person. but at 12 something at night, the bed looked more appetizing (so to speak) than the shower. speaking of appetizing, i'm freaking hungry but i haven't had time to go to the grocery since i've been back. i still have food, but all my quick snacky foods are limited-- only enough of each to get me through work lunches for the week. that means no extracurricular snacking is allowed.

i had a revelation today that may help a really smart, young, in-love, adventurous couple out there. it's too late for the to take advantage of it, but maybe somebody else can. for that right couple, they could plan things just right so they got married in between semesters and then studied abroad together. they could take the minimal course hours (1 or 2 classes) and work little part time jobs to increase the cash flow. their room and board would probably be included in that semster's tuition, and possibly even some trips, and they could just chill and tour the country/countries together for a semester-long honeymoon. sure they'd have a couple classes here and there, and maybe even a little retail position, but they could easily travel all over europe together for fairly cheap. i'm all about people finding any way possible to extend their honeymoon. i personally want nothing short of 2 weeks, and ideally a month, but i'm sure i will have to settle for less when i tell my boss that i want to have a full month off for my honeymoon. i'm sure you can understand why i would want such a long honeymoon... exotic locations, nice hotel rooms, your favorite person in the world, all the time on earth to "explore"... frankly i'm not sure why people don't take longer honeymoons. i mean, sure, you probably won't see a whole lot of the scenery the first couple days so you might as well save money if you're trying to cut corners, but i couldn't stand the thought of just taking a fast little weekend getaway and going back to work on monday. i guess that's one of my few little high maintenance quirks. i want as long as possible to have that honeymoon void of obligations other than the natural instincts (eat, sleep, sex). i would even be willing to spend the very first part of it holed up in a nearby hotel room as long as nobody knew we were there and then go to the exotic location of our choice after we got the first wave of newly married sexual exploits out of our systems. ok, i have gone on about this for WAY too long now, so i better wrap it up. but you can guarantee that as soon as i get engaged i will begin exploring the various funding sources for the honeymoon and asking for the time off as soon as a date is decided.

when i got home i actually created some order in my closet. not a lot, but a small start. so you can blame that on my lack of a full post on this weekend. hopefully tomorrow i can get home at a reasonable hour and type it up. now before my laptop dies, goodnight! muah!

p.s. does anybody know why my USB ports would stop working after i upgraded to XP pro? is that some computer safety mechanism or something? how do i get them turned back on? muchas gracias to anyone who have answers.



lordy, lordy. after working just a measly 13 hours straight, i have finished this damn paper. 26 pages are shooting out of my printer as i type. i will be heading to bed just as soon as the last page prints and i hit the stapler. in fact, i'm going to get ready to bed right now. 26 pages will take a little while. adios, goodnight, and i will return again after 12 hours at school. sometimes getting back to reality just sucks.


Monday, October 04, 2004

I just couldn't resist... 

oh the things i could tell you guys about this weekend. it was a blast, for starters. we had fun, we were up to our usual crazy antics and dirty selves. but you would have expected nothing less, i'm sure.

there were things that men fantasize about. probably mr. and mayhem are feeling like the luckiest men on the planet for being the guys closest to the action. true heroes to you guys. there was naked cooking, there were girls trying on clothes together, there were seduction jokes with just about every situation. there may even be an incriminating photo... but we will have to wait for that because my camera decided to die just as i clicked the button. but enough of the teasers. i can't give away all our secrets, and certainly not in this format. the full detail will come later, after my assignment is completed. sorry... hope i'm not a blog-tease ;)


Sunday, October 03, 2004

I'm back... 

i am back and will soon be in full force again. i have a monstrous assignment to finish, so that will take priority because there is so much to write about! well, there is a lot to write about for the assignment and also about the trip. there was much debauchery and many hilarious stories to share... what parts of the tale can be divulged, that is. but sadly, it will all have to wait for another day. i will say that i didn't require any drugs for the trip and it was actually kind of fun. my apartment is loving some of the new little things that came home with me, and my tummy enjoyed the keepsakes from one of our escapades. my closet will love my little shopping spree in the beer's closet once my package arrives, and mayhem will loooove some of them even more than others. that poor little city never saw us coming... i'm sure it will never be the same. the rest of the details will have to wait for another day. there will be quotes, there will be things to make you drool, and you will wish you had been there to witness this weekend firsthand. ooh, can you feel that suspense building!!! kisses!


The official stuff...

© VS 2003-2005

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Weblog Commenting by HaloScan.com