Monday, January 31, 2005


so i nuked the chicken. it was breaded so i figured that it would end up a little soggy. i wasn't too bothered by it. it might not taste the greatest, but it would take 3 minutes to fix and could be drowned in honey mustard. in my book, honey mustard can make any fries, chicken, or salad decent. well i flew right past soggy into chewy. so chewy that it's actually more unchewable than anything else. oh well... back to gnawing off some dinner. sexy, aint it?!

(in my defense, i can say that the food was bad out of fear of a repeat sickness not because i am a horrible cook.)


Quick favor... 

if any of you happen to have john mayer's "daughters" at easy access and wouldn't mind letting me listen, i would appreciate it! i know it's from a CD that's been out for quite a while now, but just recently it seems like i've heard about that song at least a couple times a week. gracias.

took a nap for a little while. it helped a little but i still felt kind of crappy. it left me with that "in a fog" feeling and almost worse than before the nap. it did give me a couple hours reprieve from the headache, neck and back soreness, but it hasn't disappeared.

i wish i could call in sick for work.

on the up side, i put in some calls that needed to be done. work orders on the apartment, unclear directions on stuff that has to be done for school, that kind of thing. made me feel productive for the 15 minutes it took. i think i need advil. or tylenol. i ran out of one, so whatever i have will be just fine. and i should eat dinner. but it's chicken, and i'm a little worried about it. i think i'm going to microwave it until there isn't a chance that even a soul microscopic anything could survie the torture and blazing hot temperature. nothing like the wonders of technology to kill the illnesses of yesteryear (or in my case 3 nights ago).


Responsibilities suck... 

i'm sore today. i worked out and i was on hands and knees scrubbing and filling my lungs with soot and ash from the fireplace. good times. so my back and neck are sore. i would like to clean up more today, but we'll see if it hurts too much or not.

i went to class today. it was ok. unfortunately the prof kind of ignored a big section and details of something in which i have quite a bit of experience today. that always kinds of bothers me because i don't think that i should know more than the profs on something. and i think it's an important topic that people need to know about. i considered sharing, but i'm holding off because 1) i hate the damn know-it-alls who go off on random crap for 15 minutes when nobody cares and everyone is envisioning bludgeoning them with a blunt object, so i don't want to be one of those people, and 2) i didn't want to be a dumbass and try to call the prof on something only to be told that it was just week 2 and she would be covering that topic in more detail later.

however, i think i may share it if we get near the end of class and she has never brought it up.

i'm still working on getting stupid stuff done. there's a lot of crap to get ready before graduation. but i also want to do a lot on my own (reading and so forth), and i'm going to have to start school work (major projects are due in less than a month already!), and i have to start preparing for those big responsibilities at work. yuck. i want a vacation again. and i certainly can't think what it's going to be like in a couple months when i throw job searching into the mix. any of you just want to hire me? i'd be cool with that. i already have a job prospect with one of you, although i'm not sure if it will happen in the end. so if any of you want to guarantee a job for me, then please let me know!!

off to get something done. just not sure what yet. maybe a nap is the true first order of business...


Sunday, January 30, 2005


so i haven't been posting up to my normal levels, and i'm sorry for that. i've been in a little of a blogging slump, i think. plus this was a weird weekend. i had to work through part of the weekend and i got sick and mayhem and i had a fight and had to try to get back to normal. so it was a tough, drama-filled weekend. but that's ok. you take the good with the bad. and waking up this morning with mayhem and i better again and willing to cuddle through a very lazy morning... that was the good.

recently i got a yoga/pilates workout DVD cheap from a discount bin. figured since i don't like working out around other people (mayhem as the one exception), i would give it a try. i didn't realize that i needed a giant rubber band thing to do most of it, but i finally got one and tried the whole shabang today. i think it's something that i will actually be willing to use! so yay. i want to be proactive with working out and keeping my muscles and bones and all strong before i really need it. when it gets warmer, mayhem and i are going to start walking (supposedly). and we also bought a frisbee! it's just the cheapo kid's version, but it's a start. we recently threw a frisbee with some friends and realized that we had forgotten how much fun it was. we had tried to buy one earlier while it was still warm enough to use one, but the typical pushing-the-seasons of stores meant that they didn't have any in stock because they were revving up for the holidays. so now that it's cold out and mid-winter, they have frisbees. figures. but at any rate, we now have one for whenever we can play.

that was random crap that none of you probably wanted to know or cared about. if you would prefer, i could tell you the graphic details of how i spent forever earlier tonight cleaning my fireplace. yeah, i should just stop altogether. i still have a lengthy list of stuff to do, and i can do a couple more things tonight. so until tomorrow...


Saturday, January 29, 2005

They poisoned my food... 

so yeah, i got sick last night. not fun. i think it was mild food poisoning. nasty. everything hurt. but at some point during the night i feel asleep and apparently just crashed. at that point, i don't remember even waking up for my first couple alarms. the "you have to get up now" alarm was the only one i actually remembered, so my body must have just shut down.

it'll be awhile before i can trust that restaurant's chicken again. but thankfully it was not even close to mayhem's hell when he had food poisoning. but we were both pretty scared last night that i might go through that kind of pain, and possibly even have to go to the hospital. thankfully it never got that bad.

other than that, last night was pretty good. today wasn't great but i got through a necessary evil that i had to endure, and getting it done this weekend was much much better than the other options. when i got home, i crashed for a little while again. hopefully sleep tonight will make things all better.

today has just been kind of weird. i guess i don't really have anything more to say for today. sorry, my brain's not working so well at the moment i guess. more tomorrow i'm sure.


Today's plays... 

ok, long day at class. ran lots of errands. did a lot of little crap and paperwork stuff that needed to get done around the house.

but then i got dinner out with the boy and a promise of yummy breakfast at the end of the weekend. and i got to visit the lovely target and peruse the fun stuff while mayhem laughed and hugged me. apparently i get incredibly cute in that store.

the crap that brought about the previous post isn't completely gone, but i'm doing better.


Friday, January 28, 2005

if you are lucky enough to have an amazing woman want you, don't be a fucking idiot.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

A few of my favorite things... 

i love when mayhem lets me spend a lazy morning sleeping and gets up before me to cook us food. then he brings the food to me to eat together in bed. i love that. it makes me feel lucky to have such a considerate boy and also truly feel like the goddess that i am.

i love when he is also considerate with other things. from taking out the trash to focusing on my needs and what i want.

i love when people say nice things about me and to me.

i love when i figure out the perfect thing to eat and get to eat it.

i love feeling smart or like i have a good idea.

i love the beer and mo, my undergrad roommates, and my gang of girls at school.

i love my boys... best guy friend, amazing guy friend, and the rest of them (most of the time).

i love having time to read and finding a really good book.

i love feeling good about my choices, about the environment, about my contribution to society and all of those other "hippy" things. i love being a modern hippy if that's what i am.

i love kissing and being held tight, cuddling, and sleeping in the same bed with my baby.

i love when i can have these moments and people don't smack me upside the head for being annoying.

i love life and i love so many other things that i'm just quitting now before things get too out of control.



my hair smells so intoxicatingly good right now. i don't know what i did differently today, but wow it smells nice! (i feel like mayhem right now sniffing my hair and going "mmmm!")


Stories and stuff... 

i just realized something pretty impressive. i don't blog about everything interesting that happens in my life because 1) either i don't want to share the personal details, 2) i figure it could be too self-identifying should that person come across it, or 3) i have to save some stories to tell in real life. so i realized that despite only sharing some things here, i still have a constant stream of stuff to talk about here. and i can have different stories to share here, with friends, and on IM. that's a lot of stuff!!

in other news, mayhem is back on my good side. i didn't really have a good reason to stay mad at him, and i'm in a good mood again, so he was automatically forgiven today. slim chance i might get to see him tonight. cross your fingers!

so what do you guys want for valentine's if you're in a relationship, and what are you going to do to celebrate yourself and your freedom from a relationship if you are single? i think everyone should treat themselves to something that day because (cheesy moment here) you are the most important person in your own life. whether or not you have somebody, you should still pamper yourself! even if that pampering involves some very stiff drinks and a beligerent attitude to all the couples at the bar. whatever makes you happy, baby...

p.s. as you've probably noticed lately, i'm in a dry spell for good titles. with the exception of the lyric one recently ("i might like you better if we slept together")... i liked that one. i'm open to ideas if you have any!


Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Low stamina... 

well, i'm pretty sure the honeymoon phase for our relationship with mayhem in his new apartment is officially over. bastard.

left his place on sunday. tried calling him monday and tuesday, but never got him. really a shame considering how happy i was with everything about us during that time. he called today and was going on and on about random crap. insane minute details about some project he has. whenever i tried talking, he couldn't hear me. then just as i started to repeat myself, he cut me off to ask "what?" again. so i yelled it and he said i didn't need to yell. so i cursed him. bastard. boy was watching TV and working on the computer instead of listening to me while we were on the phone. and the mom is back to hating me. she asked nicely if i was coming over for the weekend. he said no so she let it go. she asked nicely if he was going to see me this weekend. he said probably and she bitched for 30 minutes. and i'm sure if i was going to his place she would have probably called me slutty or told him not to knock me up or something equally nice and sweet like that. bitch.

i'm just in a pissy mood. i don't really know what i'm talking about right now. i was in a fantastic mood earlier today and then something turned me. i don't know if it was when i talked to mayhem on the phone and he blabbered about nothing and then didn't listen to me ask a simple question, or if it happened before then. oh, but this morning i left for work pissed off too. i'm pretty sure whoever parked next to me in the apartment lot must have parked totally wasted. the car was incredibly close to my car and was well over the line into my spot. so close in fact that i considered whether or not i would have to crawl through the passenger side door to get in. and the person must live out of their freaking car with all the shit filling up every space other than the driver's. but my mood improved on the drive over when i made fantastic time.

so i saw some of that swimsuit model search show today. those are some girls with serious eating problems. i mean, they didn't look horribly distortedly skinny, but they were SHAKING! i saw two of the four girls in a close up, and they were seriously shaking. you could see one of the girls as she was talking on the phone. and another lying on a luxury tour bus (presumably with heat).

but anyway, i am going to do something other than bitch now. something to do with chocolate. or cheese. or a good book. or sleep. or maybe i'll just call a few more people bitches and bastards. bad B words are good for name calling. yeah, that's right bitch. i'll be better tomorrow. seriously.


Work stuff... 

hi... what's up with that?! i was just overcome by a fit of violent sneezes.

so i discovered a nice little tactic at work today. i was fairly energetic and had quite a bit to do while simultaneously not having much to do. i know, it's complicated. i had a little spare time that i just couldn't blow by looking intently at my planner and searching my desk drawers for something (my usual tactic when i have "down time" so i'm not given somebody else's crap to fill my time). so i discovered that if i read a book with a pen in hand and an intent look on my face, nobody bothered me. they assumed it was some sort of research or homework or something rather than wasting time. so i did a little of that. unfortunately, i was given a couple projects just as i was getting ready to leave, so i ended up staying late on a day when i had a little free time earlier in the day. go figure. so i guess in the end i can say that it all balanced out. yes, i know... i'm sure you are all thinking that i have an unbelievably boring job if i seriously have to stare at my planner for an hour straight. but it really isn't that bad. it makes me feel very organized.

random: i love architecture. philip johnson, an incredible architect, died this week. he made many pretty buildings.


News flash! Lame sex report... 

kids these days... sheesh.

i came across something called "the 411 on teens and sex" with katie couric tonight as i was bored with TV. ok katie, bad name. lame. that may have worked in the early 90s, but this is a decade too late. i'd also have to say that you've missed the boat on the sexually open generation. they're talking about how often teens these days are having sex and/or oral sex. the stats are way lower than they were a few years back. so informing parents about oral sex now is way too late. because these kids' big siblings have been demonstrating their oration skills for years now. (and i'm guessing that about half the parents, at least, have tried oral sex at least once.)

but then again, i'm not so sure if i believe the polling results. old stat was that 50% or more of teens had sex before they graduated and that like only 20% were virgins by 20 or something like that. basic jist of the old stuff was that most ended up having sex. new stat was like 27% of teens had sex. although it is possible that half the kids woke up one day and were like woah, i gotta say no to this one, it seems like a pretty major change for less than a decade's time. but what do i know. i don't run the stats myself so i can't really say what's up.

oh, and sweetheart who said "virgins for life,"... i certainly hope that you'll lift that vow for your husband after the wedding. i'm sure you didn't mean it that way and you're young, so i really don't want to make fun of you. so i'm not at all... just pointing it out.


Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Custody woes... 

i'm pretty sure that mayhem has stolen my plants. when i asked him to babysit them while i was out of town, i didn't realize that i was going to lose custody. i'm not even getting them every other weekend! i only get to visit my plants whenever i see him. it's sad. and i fear that he may be neglecting my babies... whenever i visit him, i have to water them and last time i had to instruct him that feeding ice cubes to indoor plants was a bad idea because it would shock their little systems. oh man, i think i need to "just say no" to having pets or children with the boy. i can see it would get very tricky. maybe he'd want to live together if he was convinced that it would help the plants' development if they had both parents present. yeah, i think i might need a little more sleep tonight.

but speaking of pets (which i did several sentences ago)... what is up with all the people i know living in apartments who have pets? and not even ones that they had prior to getting an apartment... but they got their place and got a dog. i mean, are they just finding apartments that don't charge $500 for a pet deposit? or are they hoping that they found the one and only dog that is both silent and never needs to relieve itself? you really can't have a pet and not expect an occassional accident that will leave a lasting impression on a rented place. and with that i think i'll just stop thinking and jump on the bandwagon. i think a very small, very hyper dog with a bladder the size of a grain of rice would be a good choice. or maybe a jack russell... i've heard they are verrrrry calm dogs ;) (inside joke)

yeah, i'm just kidding. no pets in this apartment unless mayhem and i live in it years from now once we're married.


I might like you better if we slept together... 

have you noticed that the police are always asking the public for help? most people don't get to ask everyone to help them with their job.

i think it would be great if a new car horn were invented. one that blasted whatever the driver was playing on the radio/CD player as the horn. think how interesting that could be... hard rock sales would skyrocket because people would want to seem badass when they honked. the butch guy in the two-ton truck whose horn played children's lullabies or classical music would suddenly seem like less of a threat. you could try to "guess that story" from the people doing the book on tape thing. i think this could be a really good money-making scheme. or maybe not.

i find it interesting that teen TV shows and movies understand that just sleeping in the same bed as somebody can be very comforting, and yet adults don't seem to either remember that or realize it. they always think that something has to be going on more than just sleep. but really, sometimes you just want that person next to you. when mayhem visited me at the dorms, we used to take naps together as much as we could during that short little weekend because we just wanted to be close. i felt calm and so safe and protected.

anyway, i just wanted to share that. i'll have to go to my lonely bed by myself tonight. sad.


Work and other complaints... 

WHY is my internet SO SLOW?!?

and why does my blogger profile never update?

work today was ok. i got quite a bit done, but at the same time i still have things left to do tomorrow. and i worked through lunch. i don't know what gives with that! but anyway... i tried to help out at work because people were in bad moods and/or sick. unfortunately that is the time when helping out is most needed and yet nobody cares enough to give appreciation or a thanks. but hopefully it at least made a little impression so people remember when it matters.

i'm still trying to figure out the new girl. she's nice enough and all, but it seems like it takes half of the day for her to warm up to us, chat, and joke. although i do feel like i've taken her under my wing a little and she likes me and all, i do hope that she survives.

well, i guess that's about it.


Monday, January 24, 2005

Pet peeves... 

my mom calls and talks to me during my TV shows with a special penchant for calling during the all-important last 10 minutes. but she cuts me short to talk another day once it's time for one of her shows to start.

graduating with a masters is hella freaking expensive. why, damnit, why?! i went to a cheap ass bastard school. i'm sure i paid tenfold for graduation from my undergrad, but all the costs were included if i did. so i'm not writing 10 different checks for this little thing and that little thing and renting this garment or paying for that garment.

i have to pay all that stupid crap out of my loan money because it's "school related." i may need to open a paypal account to fund my post-graduation life if i don't have a job immediately after graduation. i had been a little stingy with the bit i got back from my loan so i could survive after i graduated or so that i could start repaying the loan. but i can't really bitch about it too much. my mom said that they would pay for the most expensive cost. so i am grateful about that. i can handle the smaller things, even if i need to bitch about all the little costs for a bit first.

and damn but if i am not hungry again. i need to have a serious talk with my tummy. i finished dinner just a freaking hour ago. insane, i tell you... insane.


Pro women... 

they said it wouldn't matter. they said it really wouldn't change anything. they said that the conservatives could never take over that much power in one swoop. but they are, they will.

among so many other issues that are at stake, this is the most blatant of the day. bush swore to make an anti-abortion bill pass. he knows that he'll get to appoint a new judge soon, and he's obviously planning on stacking the deck in his favor.

i try to avoid some of the hot topics that mean that i have to explain myself and my viewpoint. but abortion is a women's rights issue. a right to govern their own bodies. that's what so many people don't understand.

ok, i need to do something. i'm not sure what, but my neck and shoulders hurt and i'm hungry. so i'll be back later...


Sunday, January 23, 2005

Back to school... 

computer's running slow today. starting class tomorrow. don't really want to. also not interested in going to work this week. i think i'll run away with mayhem to someplace tropical.

well, i'll let you guys know how it goes once i've made it through. hopefully it will be pretty pain free. oh well... i'll make it either way.


Drama and my mind... 

there is so much that i want to do and see and try in this world that at times it actually leaves me feeling overwhelmed. i have a horrible memory, so sometimes i worry that i'll forget about something i really wanted to do/see/try. in reality, i should use that as a barometer. if i really am hooked on that something, then i should be able to remember it. if it's not that important, then my mind will let it fall by the wayside... possibly to be recalled at a later time when it is more feasible, and possibly to be forgotten forever.

i had a minor freak out last night thinking about how much big stuff what coming up in my life. i have to graduate, have a job, finish a massive thesis paper, take on way more responsibility at my job, find not only a place that is hiring and is willing to take me but also one where i would like to work and can live off the salary. that is harder than it sounds. and it sounds hard to begin with. so i had me a little break down last night in mayhem's arms. not a big one, just an "i'm scared about what these next few months will bring" cry. and i'm pushing out the thoughts of my parents' potential move. i can't handle it so my mind is just deciding that it won't happen. i'm hoping that God is on my side with that one. as weird as this sounds, the break down helped. not so much because i felt helpless, but because mayhem was there for me. he usually is, or i call him so he can be. but this time, i finally realized something that a friend tried to tell me last week... no matter how much changes and what happens in these next few months, even if my parents move, i have to start changing my mindset. i need to think of mayhem and myself as a family unit now, instead of myself with my family. he's already the one i turn to in a crisis (unless i'm in need of some practical life-experience advice, in which case my mom is still the consultant). he's the one i'll live with next. he's the one i'll share finances with once we have money in the bank. he's the one. at the moment my parents are the ones who help with finances and who i have lived with in the past, but it will be changing in the future. mayhem is the one stable feature in my life, so i need to rely on him and not on my parents, being a student, or anything else that will or may change in the near future. and now that we are spending more weekends together (as opposed to a couple late nights and then going home, or the long distance thing before that), i am feeling more like we could live together if we had to before we got married. i'm still a little conflicted about that because i don't want to live together simply for monetary reasons, and i'm sure it would make some people in our lives less-than-thrilled. but it is ultimately our decision to make, and if we feel like it is truly the best thing, then we can choose to do so. i'm still guessing that in the end it won't happen, but what do i know.

the thought of relying on a boyfriend as the main person in my life always scared me before. i didn't want to be a stupid girl who banked everything on one person and lost it all because of that choice. i didn't want to blindly trust somebody that much who really didn't deserve that level of trust. i wanted to be able to cut myself free from the relationship with minimal damage if it turned sour. this decision to make him my primary family before marriage would undo all of that and put me in deeper than ever before. that scares me somewhat, but at the same time i know that i need to let go of all of that pretty soon anyway. i can't get married in the old mindset, and i know i can trust mayhem with my life... after all, we've been together for 6 years and he's proven that to me every single year.

some big things to think about. and i have to take one thing at a time. that's my goal for these next 6 months. i can't leap ahead of myself and i can't change things that aren't in my control. that's a big revelation for this overachiever. mayhem certainly tries his hardest to give me reality checks and remind me of those things. ok, i'm feeling so in love and happy with him that i'm going to end this now before i make you guys sick. i just feel so grateful for all the little ways that he compliments and balances me. i think i'll call and thank him, just to be sure he knows. yay!


Friday, January 21, 2005


i have found my bliss. well, my store bliss. my store soulmate. it makes me happy and calm when i enter. unlike many girls, i'm not too crazy about shopping because it's stressful and people are nuts. but this place is so laid back, smells good, and everything they sell is environmentally friendly, person friendly, and just generally good. organic, won't harm you or put toxins in your body, and all that good stuff.

what is this magical place? whole foods. i knew it as a child and thought it was fun, but now that i know it as an adult, i love it. i want to have a job where i can afford to shop there regularly for groceries.

i got the safe for the environment drain unclogger, and then i got the RIGHT burts bees stuff.

signing off, a very happy V who can't wait to try out her new stuff from the store soulmate. i think i'm in love....


Just stuff... 

so earlier today my internet wasn't working. then at one point it would work long enough to bring up one webpage and then crap out. but as you can see if fixed it. so yay! i am internet dependent.

i got my list of stuff to do, with just two exceptions. one involves a trip to the mall, so i'm hoping i can convince mayhem to come with me tomorrow. walmart and the mall are two places where i find it hard to shop and still keep my sanity. the other involves a hardware store, and i would have gone today but i decided that my hella round about route was enough without adding in another backtrack to that store. so tomorrow's another day to finish off those chores.

although i woke up tired this morning because mayhem and i talked all night, i recovered really well. once i got up and started moving, i was back to my bouncing let's get going self. realizing that i got both things just put a smile on my face. i got some great quality time with mayhem last night, but i also am having a good day today. so yay!

ok, so anyway....

i start heading out for the bookstore, and before i even get down the street, a warning light starts flashing and beeping. i thought i recognized it being something with engine temperature, but i wasn't exactly sure what it was, especially since my car couldn't be overheating since i juuuuust started it. so i pulled onto a side street, put on my hazards, and checked the book. engine coolant is low. called mayhem and asked if it was at least safe to drive it to the auto store, and where the nearest one was... the last time we found it was at about midnight, and it was closed so it didn't make an impression on me. anyway, i drove in the general direction and spotted the store. got the coolant and asked the guy to fill it for me. i was planning on doing that no matter what, but it was just a nice bonus that the guy was cute.

i popped the hood and he opened the tank for the coolant. as he was opening the tank, he commented that one of his friends did that while the engine was still hot and got burned over 80% of his body. so being logical, i asked him why he was doing it if he knew it could burn him like that. he said, "well it's ok because i know this one is empty." ok, alright... but what if i were stupid and thought that the coolant was low when it was acually full and had driven over an hour before getting to the store? bam, you're beef jerky. so he has the looks, but not the brains.

as i was finally heading over to the bookstore (after getting lost), i found an auto store RIGHT by the bookstore. damnit! it wasn't too bad getting books this semester. and thank goodness for that! i also bought a book for personal reading because it sounded interesting and was pretty cheap used. so i figured why not? now this is something you may not know about me, but i am a burt's bees addict. if you have a stash, send it my way. but anyway, i left the textbook section and was met head on with a burts bees stand. thought i was in heaven! i had been needing to get more of the lipbalm, but didn't want to charge $2.50 at a store to get it (it would be the only thing i needed at a specialty store). they didn't have the regular lipbalm, but i decided to get the weather version and some of the sheer colored lip balm. sadly, i was disappointed with both purchases. the weather one was whitish because it has the titanium-dioxide (or whatever that is) stuff in it, and the colored one looked BRIGHT pink on my lips. sadly, i'm pretty sure that i can't return two used tubes of lipbalm to the store, so i guess i just donated $6 to the burts bees and bookstore's profits. damn.

at the grocery store, i was surprised by what you could find. you can get a showerhead for $4, a replacement for that little toilet paper springy tube thing, and draino... but not the enzymatic type, so that's why i have to visit a hardware store now.

do any of you remember in middle school/junior high when all the girls started shaving? but they would only shave up to the mid-thigh for some reason. then all of a sudden they realized that it wasn't logical once they reached high school, so they started shaving their whole leg. i never understood that, so i think i pretty much always shaved my entire leg.

i feel like a dancer (ballet-ish) today. i feel beautiful, strong, athletic, and graceful. i considered doing a little move in the store today, but decided that it might be a bad idea.

on the other end of a dancer spectrum... if i ever decided to become a stripper, i found the place where i'd probably work. while i was driving through a bad part of town lost, i came across a bar called "why not?". i figure i would be at rock bottom to decide to become a stripper despite having an advanced degree anyway, so i think the name would be fitting. as in... "what the hell, i have nothing else to lose, so why not become a stripper."

random thought of the moment: i wonder if there is a porno out yet named after krispy kremes. i'm sure they could do some pretty dirty things with a name like krispy kreme.


Last night... 

last night was absolutely incredible. mayhem came over, pleasantly surprised by my little prep work. loved the tiny little skirt and the candles, and he dug my retro light. but that's not really the important part, now is it. he was all about me and having some fun. in my bedroom i had just gotten another light in there, so i turned off the main light and turned on just one of the other lights, so it was a very soft glow in the room.

last night, i honestly felt like i was in a really good movie. romantic, sexy movie. soft lighting, sweet guy. one of the nicest compliments he has given me in a long time. he gives me compliments all the time, but they tend to run together and get old after a while. "you're pretty, you're hot, you're sexy, i love you, you're pretty, you smell good, etc etc" but at one point he looked up at me and said "god,... you have no idea just how sexy you really are." mmm, yes. i have a good one.

we also talked so much last night. about everything. he asked embarrassing things that he made not so embarrassing because he was so reassuring about it all. we talked about his plans, our friends' plans, how we needed to work out tomorrow, what he was going to cook for me ("6000 chicken fajitas"... family guy line. fajitas pronounced like vaginas with an F and a T), what we needed to get at the grocery, etc etc. although we went to bed on the early side (for people who didn't have work the next morning), neither of us were tired, so we talked until who knows when in the morning. it was really wonderful. most of you in long-term relationships (or who have had them in the past) would agree with this... after being together for so long, you tend to just talk briefly about the day-to-day stuff and lose those big important conversations, or even the long conversations about nothing in particular. so i really love it whenever we have those talks because it reminds me that they are still possible... it's not like we've run out of conversations to have with each other... but they are just not as frequent as they are in those getting to know you phases.

so now he's gone and i have to do my errands. i'm guessing i'll be at his place tonight, so i can't guarantee another post. we'll see.... have a wonderful day lovies!


Thursday, January 20, 2005


i love mayhem being in his new place. called him up, whispered a few sweet nothings in his ear, and he agreed to come over. it took a little convincing and reminding that he could come by, but nevertheless...

so i lit candles and turned on my sexy retro light, and turned off all normal lights. then i changed into a sexy little miniskirt with little ruffles on the bottom of it so it barely skims the bottom of my ass before the swishy sassy little ruffles start. put on a v-cut sweater that just hints at a little cleavage, and added the sexy heels i bought for the wedding. a little nice tasting lipgloss and mascara and i'm ready and waiting. k-i-l-l-e-r. absolutely killer.

i love being a girl. so much power in the little things.

if i get in the mood to mess with a camera, i may have pictures.

oh, and tony... i'm still wearing black ;)



i love my hair. i'm sure we've been through this several times now. but i really do. it's heavy and full. it's normal-thick, not that bad ratty break-the-brush thick. its soft. it always smells good. it styles fairly well. and the color is pretty... brunette with some red with some blonde.

in other news, i wish i had a pet. and sadly enough, i miss my plants, too. i never thought i would like having plants. i thought they would just be more crap to care for. but i like them. and i'd like to have a pet. i don't really know what or even what size. i like great big dogs, but at the same time the little ones are fun, too.

i also want to see mayhem tonight. i want to be hugged and kissed, made to feel like the most beautiful, hottest, and sexiest woman in the world. he's very good at doing all of the above. he has actually thoroughly convinced me that i am, in fact, the most beautiful, hottest, and sexiest woman to have ever existed. i really have no idea why hollywood has failed to notice. i mean, i used to believe that i was all of those things to some extent, but i didn't think i was THE one. apparently i was selling myself short.

so there ya go...


Not one damn dime day... 

so today is not one damn dime day. and it's turning out to be a hard endeavor to not spend anything. on a normal day i usually don't buy anything, so it shouldn't be all that tough. but today happens to be a day when i need to take care of a 1,000 and one errands. so instead i'm going crazy with the post its writing myself notes of all the things i need to buy tomorrow. i'm already cringing at what the final cost of tomorrow will be. it's expensive things like textbooks and stuff. why can't they make cheap paperback versions of text books? i know sometimes they do print them in paperback, but they still charge you as much as the hard bound ones! ugh. so anyway... yeah, that's the fun for tomorrow.

it's just dawning on me. the holidays have actually left me energized. now i wouldn't say that the crazy hectic hellish trips did that... they drained me down to nothing. but i think having the time away from the job i didn't like and the classes i hated must have helped. and getting to sleep in when i needed it. because recently i have been getting a lot more done than usual. and have been hyper way more often. so i'm doing something right. i just wish i knew what it was. am i eating better? (doubt it.) am i exercising more? (hahah, that's funny.) am i pulling out of a depression or something psychological that could have dragged me down? (i sure don't think i was ever depressed... and i have a feeling that my friends would notice pretty damn fast if i was suddenly moping around and depressed all the time. soooo not me.) so i don't know what it is, but i'm very happy that i'm energized now. so yay! ok, off to run errands and stuff. damn! no, i can't do them. ok, off to write post its about all the errands i have to run. self control. it's all about the self control. i can do this....



as a society, we are way too hard on ourselves. we feel bad and condemn too many natural things. people have sexual urges. people have natural bodily functions. and yet...

sex before marriage is bad.
masturbation is bad.
farting is bad.
burping is bad.
talking while eating is bad.
eating too much in public is bad.
blowing your nose in public is bad.
picking any body part is bad.
cracking knuckles is bad.
using public bathrooms is bad.

of course the list varies for each person and for each social circle. and some have even more restrictions on themselves. and there are the few who agree to no restraints. that isn't necessarily the best route either. but at any rate, we beat ourselves up and create arbitrary rules and feel bad and embarrassed.

i am certainly not saying i'm guilty of this. i'm just calling us on it. not really because i think it'll change. just sayin....


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Time warp... 

my god, is it really just 9? hell, not even quite 9. damn! i drifted off for about 8 minutes before 7pm when somebody randomly told me it was already after 9 to mess with me. so now that it is close to 9, it feels so early. seems like it should be closer to midnight already.

ok, i'm feeling the urge to write in an actual journal. we'll see how long that holds my ADD attention span.


Just saying... 

i get screwed by alphabetical listings. people who list their blogs A-Z. they get tired of reading before they get to me. i'm below the scroll line on the page, and nobody decides to scroll to check out the way cool subversive blogs at the bad ass end of the alphabet. i should rename this blog AAAvortexia's secret, ensuring myself the top listing on every alpha listing.

that's part of why my list is random to everyone but myself. i don't want to discriminate. some of my favorites are at the bottom... middle... and top. so free ego boost to everyone. they're on the house for the rest of the night! cheers!



damn, i had something good to post. but now i don't know what it is. so we'll get back to it if i remember.

work was fine today. kind of laid back and only plagued with poor directions. but i had enough time to get wherever i needed to go, so it turned out fine. i had to get directions from a parking attendant who let me go free of charge since i was in the wrong lot, and i got the correct parking lot validated so i didn't have to pay for the meeting i went to for my boss.

parts of all of the meetings i attended today were actually helpful in my personal life. it wasn't always big stuff... just something was mentioned that gave me a little reminder that i should watch that in my personal life. i left feeling like i had a good day and was ready to better myself.

on a random note: i always try to be sweet and strive for the best. but i wonder if those sometimes conflict. like if people come to expect sweet 100% of the time, and i try to make suggestions, while still being sweet and extremely considerate of their feelings, they tend to pull away. i know it can be hard to receive even constructive criticism if it is delivered poorly, and that some people don't like any kind of comment that is less than completely positive. now i don't know if it's something about me or that these people react similarly no matter what... but i feel like their view of me changes a little (usually just temporarily). like they feel a little betrayed or something. it's not like i turn mean or critical or anything, so who knows. anyway, if any of you have a brilliant idea, then fill me in.

something to ponder: i wonder if annoying people know they are annoying. you know how there are some people who seem to annoy everyone in their path? i just wonder if they realize it and decide to be who they are or if they are completely oblivious. other people are just totally loveable to everyone. i hope i'm of the second variety and not of the first.

oh, fun little part of the day: i stopped at a restaurant i like for lunch. although it would probably be considered fast food, it's laid back enough that you can chill for a couple hours if you want. they won't bother you to leave or anything. so i figured that was a good place to go since i had a little over an hour to kill for lunch. when i poured the soft drink, it came out pale and watery. so i dumped it out and a nice old man who worked there came over and asked if there was a problem with it. i tried to make a quick diagnosis of what was wrong (basically, it was light or something to that effect), so he checked it out, took my glass, and said that he would fill it in the back for me from a different line. so i waited around and finally decided he'd find me when he was done. i was a little worried about what he was doing with my drink. finally he came over with my drink, apologized, and said that he had to refill or fix whatever the problem was. the rest of the time that i was there, he checked back with me. did i want more to drink? he'd be happy to fill it for me. he was very sweet. made my lunch a little happier.


Tuesday, January 18, 2005


so i got slammed by a nasty bill today. apparently cold weather makes electricity go up. (well duh, but in the past it hasn't spiked quite that much.) sometimes grown up responsibilities suck.

BUT on the flip side, i helped out my supervisor some today and she mentioned something about me already being on the path to the top tier. even if she can be a harsh critic, i have to give her big kudos for noticing when you go above and beyond to save her ass. and i helped train a new kid. that was also supposed to be her job, but i picked up the slack. we're short staffed this week already, and training somebody new was adding to the stress in the building. so i stepped up. i've always been pretty good at training new people and including all those things you need to know but are so basic that you feel stupid for asking about. like where the pens are. you need access to the free pen stash, but don't know where to get them.

i guess the new kid appreciated my help. i am waiting to form an opinion yet. the first day is always overwhelming, so acting distant and bored and frustrated and unsure of yourself is somewhat to be expected. but if NK continues to seem semi-grateful and semi-shut-the-hell-up, then i'll just shut up and say to weather the storm alone. it was a bitch to be the complete new girl, on my own, with nobody having time to mentor me. i had to hit the ground running and hope to goodness that i didn't fuck up too much. thank goodness i didn't, and am now trusted to train new hires. i think that says something good.

ok, i gotta run. later!


Monday, January 17, 2005

Not one damn dime... 

my legs are so smooth... i love running my hands along them when they're this soft and smooth. i took a nice bath and shaved. mmm, i'm so relaxed.

oh, in other news, i guess i should have posted this earlier to give people time to plan, but here it is anyway. not one damn dime day is coming up on thursday. it's pretty self explanatory.

ok, off to pamper myself some more, put nice clean sheets on the bed, and go to sleep. even though i had to spend the day doing chores and running errands, my body will feel like i truly earned the pampering and sleep tonight. kisses and smiles, loves :)



after another few seasons and more children in the "awkward phases," poor plot lines, bad ratings, and various soapbox rantings, one of the kids on 7th heaven will turn out to be gay, simply to boost their ratings. judging by the look, i'm guessing that the blond kid who cops an attitude may be the one. personally, i'd make both the twin boys (who i hate) gay. it would make a nice plot twist, a two-fer. i get tired of the show, and yet i still watch from time to time. it's one of those "i can have it on and kind of watch but do a million other things during it and be fine with missing some of it" kind of shows. so anyway, hot chocolate is calling my name.



man, i am soooooo bored today. there's nothing in particular to make today worse than other days, but it is for some reason. i started the laundry, have clothes drying all over my living room, and am waiting for clothes to dry a little to be able to take the towels on which they're laying and do my final load of laundry. i need to get groceries and clean. but that doesn't sound like fun. i need to do dishes, but that doesn't sound like fun either. i wonder if mayhem is interested in some fun....


My dilemma... 

ok, so here's the deal... i know that mayhem is going to want me to visit his place way more often now that he's living somewhere that he likes. but i want to avoid being like a certain girlfriend that we know (and don't like) who camps out wherever her boyfriend is living. it was more acceptable when he lived by himself, although it was a little weird that she started that trend the very first night she met him. (and no, it wasn't because they hooked up. she slept on the floor outside his bedroom door. why that didn't conjure thoughts of a stalker for the guy, i don't know.) now he's living with a friend, and i think she's only been absent a couple times. maybe once without him.

i know i will never go that far. i love my place, i'm way too independent to become a groupie like that, and i have responsibilities like classes and a job that are about an hour closer to my place than his. oh yes, and the biggest difference... people always WANT me to be around. but i still want to avoid the illusion that i'm always there. i don't want to have to drive over for every "event," although i still want to be in on the fun. i want his friends to see that he's independent of both his parents and of me, but to know that i'm still the one, i'm still in charge, and i'm still missed. guys night without me is just a sausage fest. no eye candy. and so help me if that clingy chick visits his apartment, she better not start decorating it. i'm not doing it because it's HIS damn place and not mine, and she has NO stake on him so she needs to leave it, too. (i say that because apparently she began decorating her guy's room the second the first boxes were brought in when he moved, and redecorated his roommate's room and the common rooms the next day.) this may be mayhem's one and only chance to decorate however he wants because the next place will probably be with me... at that point i'll be back to having final decorating say on things. mayhem joked that he'd just put up a sign saying "no skanks allowed on the premises" (like the no guns signs) to keep her at bay. but i'm betting she was there last night. i'll be curious to see how that went.

anyway, i guess that's not so much a dilemma yet. and hopefully the next apartment he gets will be closer to me. or with me. driving waaaaaaay up there everytime i want to see him will get old pretty fast.


The weekend update... 

with vortexia. mayhem is in a new apartment now. he seems to be quite at home in it already. while i was there he put most of his stuff away. he brought another load yesterday and was unpacking it right away, too. pretty impressive for a man who generally just walks over piles of crap rather than putting them away. we had the first night together, and it was a lot of fun. we were both in a goofy mood and made everything fun. we watched movies from bed, slept all afternoon, watched more movies from bed, got the cable hooked up, joked about his tainted bed (he got a hand-me-down bed from one of his friends and we don't really know who has done what/who on it. it's a little gross). i had to leave to catch up with my parents (oh, the miles i put on my car this weekend!) and he had to leave to get load #2 of stuff. but when i talked to him late last night he was back with that load of stuff and getting ready to party with some friends. i have a feeling that it might be harder to get in touch with the boy now. especially since i'm not in undergrad anymore where we can talk at 4am if necessary.

i was actually productive this weekend, too. i hung a very fun retro light that has been sitting in a box for 5 months waiting to be hung. i put away some decorative things and got some more from my parents' house that i hadn't bothered to collect earlier. and i have a long list of crap to do today. although i'm so tempted to just call today the holiday that it is and sleep, relax, and read all damn day. maybe i'll be productive today, go to work as scheduled, and then take friday to relax. wednesday at work should prove hellacious. i'm attending all the meetings that other people in the building would normally attend but won't be for one reason or another. so i'm their official substitute. then i'll have to fill them in on what they missed. yay for more wasted gas and more boring meetings. kickass! but at least it's a change of pace. ok, i better get cracking!


Saturday, January 15, 2005


well this is going to be a busy weekend. i'll be gone again. but just for the weekend this time. so it'll be ok. i promise. and i'll be around computers.

i'm going to help mayhem move. you have to take 5 different highways to get from me to him. ridiculous. i'll probably spend the night there with him. then i'll go to my parents' house and eat with them. visit my best friend's parents' house to pick up something. so far that's it, but other plans are pending.

i have a crazy neighbor who is supposed to move in a few months, but every weekend morning i wake up to her hauling things around. she obviously hasn't moved in a while if she's taking things out of her place this early into the game. i just looked out the window a few minutes ago to see a very large bookcase/shelving unit chilling on the stairs. when i leave in a little bit, i'll be sure to avoid walking straight into their path. if she can't get them down the stairs, they'll just break free at some point. so i think that's about it. i'll try to post more later. have a wonderful weekend! loves ya!


Friday, January 14, 2005

Dancing babies... 

well what do you know... mayhem just got fitted for his tux. i said i wouldn't talk to him until he had taken care of it. so what was the first errand he did this morning? get the tux.

ok, so let me show you some funny dancing babies. i randomly came across them last night. when the page comes up, click the "next picture" button quickly and watch that baby dance!

dancing baby boy...
dancing baby girl...
west side gang baby...
pissed off baby (she's flipping off her parents)...

i don't mean to laugh at people's kids, but you have to admit it's pretty funny. there are hundreds of kids to choose from at that main site. so have fun! oh, and i think the mormons must have forbade sex 9 months ago (march-ish), because there were no babies in the LDS hospital (latter day saint... took me a second to catch that). yes, i looked in utah for some funny mormon names. oh, the names of some of these kids (mostly not mormon). lordy! one girl was named icisann... that girl will be nicknamed "icky" until she's 19. at least! so anyway... that was my entertainment last night.


Weird recurring dream... 

this is the recurring dream.

in the dream, a professor gave our class an assignment to buy cocaine and take it. talk about a fucked up assignment! so i went to this place where they dealt it... it was a long, rectangular one-story building that probably used to be a business at one point. strangely enough, they had 3 sailboat hulls (or maybe they were canoes) sitting around the building. one on each side that didn't face the sidewalk. the one near the entrance was bright yellow... hardly a good way to disguise their business. so my dad drove me there and we drove around the building once. then we parked near the yellow sailboat and i walked over to the lookout. (he and all the other people i met later seemed to be caribbean for some reason.) he and two other guys were outside the door smoking cigarettes, looking as though they were just taking a smoke break before going back to work. the lookout started walking toward me, and i told him i needed to buy some cocaine. so he had me walk up the long wooden incline to the door. it opened onto what looked like a waiting room. there were 3 haggard addicts sitting in chairs, and they all looked like they were going through a hellacious withdrawal. one of them was an older woman who had a little toddler playing with a tonka toy at her feet. he looked like he hadn't gotten bathed in at least a week. a little boy of about 10 or so came out of the hallway to indicate that i needed to come with him to get the cocaine. i went part way down the hall with him, and then he went ahead of me into what looked like a young children's sunday school classroom with bright colors and those snap together slide things, got the cocaine baggie, came back out to me and made the exchange. i remembered thinking that was the saddest thing ever... they had little children involved, and they shamelessly combined that kind of work with kids' toys. i left with the baggie and went back to my dad's car and we left.

in the first dream, i was scared shitless, but i did as i was told and did the cocaine. in the second dream, i told my dad i didn't want to take it, and he wasn't so thrilled about me having to do any of this. i think we consulted with my mom about how to get rid of it, and ultimately i think i just dropped it into a trash can on our drive home. then oddly enough, during that dream i decided that the next time i wouldn't do anything. i wouldn't go to the drug dealer, i wouldn't buy it, nothing. so there you go, bizarre dream.


Ron jeremy and weird dreams... 

random realization of the morning: i was in 3 different time zones during this break.

of course as i was falling asleep i thought of a ton of things i wanted to either write about or look up. and now i can't remember a single damn one of them. wait, i take that back. i was going to check on something regarding ron jeremy (shudders).

yes, ron jeremy. i know all of you are giving the computer screen a weird look right now. but i had a theory. he's a hideous looking man, but he is most men's idol. he supposedly has a giant dick, is ugly as hell, but gets all kinds of beautiful women. men claim he's like 17 inches, and i'm pretty damn sure that's a lie. so i checked the internet for pictures. so far there is not a single naked picture of him. and the two that look like they're sexual acts have his head right over the private parts. so i think this is a big sham. he doesn't let naked pictures of himself out, and he can retain his image. every man wants to be his nasty hairy self, and he feels good about being himself. still asking why i got on this topic? ok, at the hotel we were flipping channels and came across HBO with naked people posing. so of course we stopped to answer the question of WTF? we gathered that they were doing some kind of porn calendar to prove something or another. they were at the very end and showing all the pics during the credits. ron jeremy was the last one, and looked larger than average, but nothing spectacularly huge. maybe 8 inches. so mayhem said that he must not have been erect. i said, ok so the man who supposedly has the largest penis in the business is going to pose for a naked calendar while he's limp while every single other man does it fully erect? i don't believe it. i think it was a lie all along. i think he's a little larger than average and just made up a huge thing to boost his ego. and i bet i'm right. yeah, weird conversation. so i'll just leave that now.

and just for the record... i have never understood the fascination with him. i think he has to be one of the ugliest men in the world. fat bastard looked a little better. and if he was honestly 17 inches, he'd be nearly a foot away from any woman he was having sex with. how fun is that?? so yeah, i think it's time to let that image die.

in other news, i had a very bizarre and scary dream last night. i don't remember much of it, other than that at a certain point i had to wake myself up from it and remind myself it was just a dream. i remember it was happening at a school, but i don't know if it was like a high school or college or what. and i know that somebody was trying to kill me. shoot me i think. and i was scared as hell. in the dream i was whimpering and trying not to cry because then i wouldn't be able to concentrate on trying to get away from them. when i woke up, i wasn't scared or crying or anything in real life, and i just turned over, thought of other things, and went back to sleep. i didn't want to fall asleep into the same dream again. so it was drastically different from the dream i had when i first moved into the apartment where somebody was in the room. thank god, i never want to have that dream again.

that reminds me... i have had this weird recurring dream. totally off the wall. i guess i can call it recurring now, i've had the same theme in a dream twice now, although i did things differently the second time. i had the second dream during the first trip, which was why i didn't post about it earlier. and since it will probably be fairly long, i should probably post this and make a separate post for the dream. so this is part one....


Thursday, January 13, 2005


ok, i really have to stop writing. but i just can't tonight. and i remembered something that i never posted with the wedding. i would have done so many things differently. there was preaching about being a strong christian in the middle of the ceremony. and the bouquets were weighed in terms of pounds. i decided that my ceremony will be short. people are having to stand through it, in front of hundreds of people, and they are wearing very high, uncomfortable heels for the occasion. don't preach to them about being good christians because chances are that their thoughts are anything but holy at that moment.

and i hated their photographer. he was a condescending asshole who treated his wife like she was a docile incapable inept object that he owned. everything was "sweetie, did you think to check the [insert basic yet technical camera jibberish here]?" and the answer was always a meek yes. he looked down on every woman, me and the bride included (any other day, that would be a very very bad move because i would be a total bitch to you for even thinking that you could control me). he joked with the little flower girls, and i got the urge to pull them away from him. i didn't trust him with them for anything, and i didn't even know the girls. but they were like 6 or 7ish and innocent. i would have trusted my gut over him any day. and even the photographic skills were a little off... he forgot his lens cap was on at one point, which can happen to anyone, but he also posed every "candid" shot. ok, maybe all of that is par for the course, but as a man, i just got a bad feeling about him and HATED how he treated his wife.

i think that's probably the extent of what i'll share about the wedding. a few of the escapades are very unique and probably too identifiable. but if you are curious, feel free to ask on an individual basis. keywords of the more interesting topics were posted in the first thing about the wedding. ok, really getting time to go to bed now.


7 and 7... 

ok, so am i the only one that thinks 7 and 7 tastes like a nice hippy tea-ish drink? i mean, it's like a standard drink for people to order, but i have never once heard anybody else make that comment. and yet it was the first thing i said after i tried it. it's smooth, mellow, borders on green tea tasting... maybe i'm the only one to see it. anyway, since i'm finishing off the last sip of one, i just thought i'd throw that out. and i really need to stop posting after all of you have gone home for the night. especially since readership drops dramatically on fridays (and of course the weekends). when you come back monday morning, you'll feel as overwhelmed as i did when i came back to the internet after all those trips and the internet outage. oh well... you don't need to work on monday. just sit back and catch up.

oh, opinion: i got a virtual slap on the hand for having a black background with light (pink) writing because it hurt the eyes. i thought the black/pink combo was way easier to read that black/white. what's your take? i had considered doing pink with black writing so it would be easier to read, but i figured that all of you guys reading it at work would hate being caught with a bright pink website. so do you prefer the discomfort of light writing on black to maintain your manliness, or do you want to sacrifice some macho status for ease on your eyes? i like my black and pink, so don't ask me to say goodbye to that. but i'm open to opinions on that. and with that, i think i'll find something good for dessert and head to bed...


IM just wondering... 

so i realized today, as i left IM on all day that none of you ever initiate conversations with me. now i'll admit, that i didn't post my IM on here and let you give me yours to initiate the first conversations. but after that, you've passed my "i'm willing to talk to you in person" test and everything's fair game. (note: if you don't know my IM name and want to talk, email or comment with your IM name and i'll say hi the next time i see you online.)

am i that intimidating? or you get your fill of me from my posts each day and aren't interested in hearing any more about my thoughts and daily stuff? i open up more one-on-one. well, unless you go blabbing whatever i said... then i'll probably kick your ass. but with the give and take of conversation, you get to know somebody better and share more than just speaking on your blog platform of choice.

i teased one of you about never initiating, so i'm guessing that you'll start doing that more. but just so all of you know... you can start a conversation with me. i swear i'm not mean or stuck up. just so you know....



ok, walmart trying to defend itself? that's sad. it's like if a 12 ft bully who ran everyone off the playground heard that those little kids started saying that he was mean and then tried to claim that he wasn't and was a hurt little boy.

looks like i'm doing lots of short posts today.


So frustrating... 

ok, so this will be another bitch about mayhem session. just to preface this.

he is so bad about doing things he's supposed to do. i have been asking him to get fitted for a damn tux for 2 months now. one of his best friends, my best guy friend, is getting married soon. four months ago he asked mayhem to get fitted for a tux. since he's in iraq, they kind of like knowing that the wedding plans at home are settled and taken care of no matter what crazy shit happens over there. i mean, let's face it... planning a wedding is stressful as is, and then you add to it that you're risking your life every single day? so about two months ago, my guy emailed me and asked me to reign in the last two guys and make sure they got fitted. so i bugged mayhem about going in and made him bug the other guy. i know that friend will hate me for busting his balls, so i'm trying to let mayhem do it for me. but i know mayhem hasn't done it yet, and if the other one hasn't yet then i WILL have to call him too. i'm sure he'll just love a well timed phone call around 9:45 when he's just making a move to get his girlfriend into bed. so anyway, i called him earlier today, just as he was leaving in a car, and asked him to get fitted while he was out. it would take 10 minutes and he would pass the place. just talked to him... yeah, that little bastard didn't get fitted today. he "ran out of time." fucker. so we fought. not so proud of it, but people are depending on him and have been riding him for months now. and he refuses to take 10 fucking minutes out of his day to do it. so i'll talk to him once he's gotten fitted.

he let me drive for months on a really low tire. he has yet to bring over the level so i can hang pictures. he hasn't applied for a job on campus yet, even though all he had to do was upload his resume to the site, sit back, and wait for the phone to ring. oh, and i have my old bed in my storage closet STILL, waiting for him to bring over his truck so i can get rid of it. i think it's time to recruit motorcycle guy to service my needs. he might even be able to handle my previous request... somebody to keep me warm.......


Fucking prick... 

mother fucker, if you don't stop laying on the horn of your fucking vehicle in the parking lot outside my door i will kick your mother fucking ass. don't cross me, you fucking punk ass bitch. i hate fucking assholes.



i'm cold. will somebody please come over and keep me warm? thanks :)


One more random thought... 

i forgot the other random thought i wanted to share.

it's interesting how once upon a time, sombody living an hour away was your neighbor. then an hour away was a different city. now it's becoming local... one suburb to another.


Random thoughts... 

so people talk all the time about birth mothers in adoption, but does anybody care about the birth father? and so many birth mothers seem to claim that they had sex only once when they got pregnant. how does that work? i don't know the exact odds on that one, but i think you have a better chance of getting hit by lightning in the pits of hell. i don't mean to make fun of them, and probably every once in a while it really does happen, but i just wonder why they mention it at all. the other girls don't say i had sex 128 times when i got pregnant. and if you are one of those girls, get thee to vegas at once!

have you ever thought about how much stuff we wear or put on every day that smells? everything has to smell, and they all smell differently. i'm amazed that people don't think we smell like a rotting florist's shop. body wash/ soap, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, soft soap, perfume, deodorant, and laundry detergent. sensory overload.

my ears had been feeling gross the past couple days. not really like ear wax or something, but just fluidy and gushy. even though it didn't seem like ear wax, i tried ear drops anyway. didn't know what else could fix it, so why not. let me tell you, having ear drops in your ears that crackles and fizzes has to be one of the most disgusting feelings ever. ewwwww. screw the chinese water treatment, just strap them down and load them up with ear drops until they crack.

ok, what's up with the couples where one person is secretly gay? why get married if you aren't sure you even like playing for that team? and i wonder if it will still happen as often now as it used to, since it's more OK to be gay.

i wonder how many cannibals talk about eating people openly in front of their friends. "cindy? yeah, i ate her last night. she was soo good!" their friends probably just think they're studs. turns out they're sickos who cut up people's bodies and roast them on the grill.


Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Do a little dance... 

it's the weekend, baby! well, not really, but it's my weekend. i work through wednesday then i'm done. i was dreading coming back to work, but surprisingly it wasn't bad. everyone was happy to see me, i'm going to be busy, and my supervisor seems to be more ok with me. she asked what i wanted to do, and while i don't have any profound answers to that question, i will be getting more responsibility. i'll basically be adding two more areas of work to what i'm doing already, and she'll just have me run with all of it... with an understanding that i'll check back with her when i'm unsure about something. i'm guessing that she's more ok with me partly because of that. i heard her blaming her low performance on being stretched so thin and having to supervise interns. the stretched too thin part is understandable... she's taken way too many responsibilities at once and just keeps adding to them. plus she's in a supervisory position, so she has more administrative duties than the rest of us. but simply having interns?? i seriously do not take that much of her time. maybe an hour or two of a 40 hour work week. i mean, come on now. so anyway... i think as long as i handle the added responsibility in stride, we'll get along better. i think i'll be more diversified in what i'm doing than her this semester.

so let's all raise our glasses to a good year! goodness knows we all could use one.


Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Ass, you+me... 

yeah, i assumed that today would be an easy going day. wrong. i had 3 meetings today and another 4 lined up for tomorrow. i was greeted at the door by two of my favorite coworkers, and i got to have lunch with one of the others. the end of the day, of course, turned into the roughest part. pretty sad since i started my day trying to stay awake during a meeting. i was yawning and zoning through the entire thing. i felt so bad for the speakers... i didn't mean to be disrespectful, i just couldn't stop yawning. it's contagious, you know. i grabbed some coffee with lunch. i think it helped a little. probably mostly a mental thing, but anyway.... about 15 minutes before i could have ducked out tonight, the proverbial shit hit the fan. i ended up working an extra hour plus and have to get right back on it tomorrow morning.

but during a little breather between meetings, i did work on my resume. sadly, i had to do it all by hand because i have no computer. i know, i've told you all a million times.

so the boy is moving this weekend. his mom is actually stressing about him needing to have both a bed and a couch in an efficiency so we don't sleep in the same place. she is positive that if he has a queen bed, we'll fall asleep together. she doesn't realize that we've shared a twin bed before, and we'll share a twin bed again if that's the only option. it reminds me of the parents who set early curfews because they think their kids won't have sex before midnight.

i've actually been productive today, and i feel like i should be productive again, so i think i'll run for now. i'll be back tomorrow night, though, of course. if i'm really good, i can type up my new resume tomorrow night and be ready to roll with that. soon i'll be whoring myself out for jobs like every other prospective grad. i may have a good opportunity next week actually. i just hope the others haven't already beat me to the corner. i know i'm a better catch, but if i missed the luxury car, then they won't know i was hooking for them. and with that horrible analogy, i think i'll call it a night.


Monday, January 10, 2005

Hamster song... 

i think it was called the hamster song or something like that. but you can hear it in the background of the commercial for the movie "are we there yet?" it's horribly annoying but in a peppy hyped on speed kind of way. the song was engraved in my brain freshman or sophomore year of college because they played it 24/7 in the activities office. it was funny and annoying the first few hours. then it became revenge. somebody would be holding a meeting while another committee member was supposedly quietly working on a project of their own. all of a sudden they would crank the computer speakers and blast it. hamsters singing that annoying techno song. anyway, just thought i'd share since i am being reminded of the song again.


Quick tip... 

ok, so two things from my grocery run. one is that i realized how lucky i am that my turning radius is tight enough that i can swing wide and get into a parking space facing the opposite direction. and i make it look so graceful and effortless. i realized that if i was in a 2 ton truck i would have some serious problems. so yay for that.

the other thing is a little tip for people trying to sell you stuff. don't insult your potential buyer. as i was walking out of the grocery store, reeling from the cost of everything, this guy called out to me. it was already dark outside and my hands were full, so i was a little cautious. but i looked over, and the guy says to me "bet you don't like black guys coming up and talking to you. naw, i'm just playing, do you want to buy some candy bars?" what the fuck?! actually, i don't like strangers coming up to me after dark when my hands are full, no matter what race or gender. especially if they're calling after me to come closer to them. no thanks. but i'm just saying, don't insult your consumers. assuming that just because i'm a white girl i must fear black people. i think it's sad that this is your outlook on life, but i also find it insulting that you would assume that about me.

i'll come back to the weekend after i fix some dinner.



so this weekend.... where to begin.

we got there without a hitch. once we found the hotel room, we were given the option of having a little down time together or going onto the house where we'd get dinner with one of the families. we tried to be friendly and accomodating to our driver, so we said we could just head back with them so they didn't have to make an extra trip. plus we figured it might send a wrong message to say we wanted her to leave us alone and just pick us up in time for dinner after we just met her. if we had known that this was the only time we would have together by ourselves while only being semi-exhausted, then we would have jumped at the chance to be alone. the rest of the weekend we got very little sleep or time together without others. once we got back to the hotel every night we were so tired that it hurt to move. the bed was so horrible that we only slept about 30 minutes at a time. so that was the main downside of the weekend.

we were supposed to have a bachelorette party, but that fell through. the bride was supposed to buy lingerie for her wedding night, but that fell through too... somebody else bought some on her behalf so she didn't have to tell the groom that she forgot about him. the bridesmaid brunch also fell through. the actual wedding went by without a hitch, but now i realize that it was all the other things that got left by the wayside. oh well.

friday we had the rehearsal and met the crazy old lady wedding planner. she yelled at people and was continually cranky. such a delight. nothing was explained adequately, but somehow we were all just so good that we pulled most of it off without a hitch. at the end, we didn't end up in the right place, but nobody else saw. i'll write the next installment later. it's taken me so long that i figure you should at least get the first half now.



QnD stands for quick 'n' dirty. that's how it's gonna be tonight. i'm exhausted, had airport and airplane shit, had a crappy ass bed, over 60 bobby pins gouging into my scalp all yesterday, so i'm not in a mood at the moment to post much more than something really fast and get my ass to bed.

wedding went well. learned several do's and don'ts for when it's my turn. neither of us caught anything (bouquet/garter), so don't pull out the calendar to mark a date yet. not that a lucky catch would create that kind of decision anyway. quick random question from a delirious mind: i'm sure that there have been hundreds of bloggers who have gotten married while they had a blog, but how do you celebrate that with the people who have gotten to know you through your blog? it's an interesting thought.

i got both myself and mayhem home in one piece tonight. we were both so completely exhausted... like the point where it hurts to move practically. but i knew that if i were to actually show for work on tuesday, that i had to spend one lazy night/morning at the apartment. it would be too stressful to do it at my parents' house and then drive back to the apartment in rush hour, try to unpack and plan for work at the same time, etc etc. so i drove it despite being dog tired. and with the exception of a couple times when i sped a couple mph over what i usually consider "safe speeding," i did fine.

it's weird to be alone now. i spent the past 2 weeks with my family and the holiday frenzy. then i spent all weekend with mayhem and the bridal party. now i'll go to my bed (yay) all by myself with nobody to cuddle and have meandering pillow talk with (boo).

since i can't think of much else, i'm going to call it a night. highlights of this weekend that will hopefully get covered in detail tomorrow: hooker hair, a bridesmaid being called a whore (jokingly), a XXX store, ushers on a mission, discussions of the importance of thongs to drive the groom wild in front of 7 year olds, a batty wedding planner well past her prime, and much more (as long as i remember it). i'm finally back for good now, so get used to checking back! love ya!


Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Just a little longer... 

ok guys, i hate to say it, but just as soon as i have gotten my internet restored, i have to leave town again. but it's just a long weekend. i leave tomorrow morning and will be back monday. oh god, and then i have to go back to work. shit, that was a bad plan. oh well... i can make it through a couple days of work right? alright, i gotta pack my shit and pick up my dress so i can head to the airport. i'm hoping that there aren't a ton of wedding duties so i can enjoy a weekend away with mayhem. we haven't gotten a weekend together since i graduated undergrad. pitiful.


I'm back! (for today)... 

internet is fixed finally. cable is back on, although i lost my extra channels. they were accidentally turned on when i first moved in, but the guy caught it and cut them off. damn. but it's better than the nothing i had this past week.

with the exception of the very charismatic man who fixed my cable and the nice man who dealt with the complaint on new year's eve and didn't even sound bitter, the entire company is composed of frustrating idiots. i get a call to confirm the appointment, during the time in which i was supposed to have the appointment. i pick up the call just as they hang up. so i call the number back and get a recording that i have to call the main line. through trial and error i find the extension for checking on your appointment, which isn't on any of the prerecorded menus. it says that it's to confirm your appointment, but not in a way where it lets the guy know that you're home and he can fix it. so then i have to hold for customer service. i get somebody and tell her the situation. she says that the appointment wasn't cancelled, so he would probably call back. then she explains to me several times that he wasn't late until 2 hours from now. every time i said that i knew that. the message said he would call back in 20 minutes and it was an hour later. i just needed to make sure he hadn't crossed me off the last and screwed me over for another week. so she explains again. sheesh. i know lady.

but he called me soon thereafter. and he came 30 minutes after that. so i'm ok. happily checking emails and blogs again. not exactly packing for the wedding, but i'll get to that. so i'll be gone again tomorrow. sorry, but it's the sad truth.


Post office... 

(Written 1/4/05)
I just had to laugh when I went to the post office today. I felt like I looked like crap, but apparently I was wrong. There’s this one guy who is usually working when I come in, and he always makes eyes. It’s funny because it’s so blatant. Whenever he looks up between customers, he always looks up right at me, no matter where I am in line. Sometimes he just looks up with that “hey baby” look, and other times he looks up and smiles at me. But guaranteed he looks at me every time, even if I don’t look back (although I usually do). It makes me feel a little self conscious because he’s watching everything I do, but kind of in an exhilarating way… like being on stage. This was the first time that I’ve actually had him help me, and of course he was all smiles. When I handed over my credit card, he casually brushed my hand with his and smiled. And he watched as I signed the receipt. I realized as I drove away that as I sign receipts I put my left hand on the top of it, showing that I don’t have an engagement or wedding ring. He flashed a big smile as he told me to have a good day. I’m sure that if the line wasn’t out the door and he wasn’t the only one working that he would have chatted me up. I’m guessing he’s in his 30s, and he has a severely receding hairline, although he’s one of those guys who actually looks pretty cute with a balding head.

Well as you can probably tell from the reemergence of posts, I went to the nearest public library, sat around for a 30 minute wait, and got to use a computer. Definitely made me grateful that I have a computer at home, and that I can usually use the internet there too. I better be at the top of the list for getting fixed tomorrow morning. I think I’m going nuts here without internet access. Ok, well I hope to see you guys tomorrow!


Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Special edition... 

(Written 1/3/05, internet’s still down at the apartment)
I had a very sexual dream last night. I have written it down in detail, but I will not be posting it for everyone to read because I don’t think it is something that everyone would want to or should read. If, however, you DO want to read it, then email me and I will email back the story. Consider it The Post that Never Was.

A couple ground rules:
1) If you believe that our friendship/relationship/whatever may be changed after you have read it, and you think that you won’t be able to act the same way that you always have when you are talking to me, then don’t ask for a copy. If you know me in person, then especially think about it. I’m sure it will reveal some shocking things that you never considered could be going on in my head.
2) If I do send you a copy, then you are not allowed to share it with anybody else… no forwarding it, printing out copies, reading it to others, posting it on your own site, acting as if it was your own, etc. If you think that somebody else would enjoy reading it, then tell them to email me personally after agreeing to these rules. If you want permission to post it, then you need to email me and get permission.

I don’t want this very personal entry to be shared en masse like most of my posts, which is why I chose not to post it, even though I’m sure it would make my hits go through the roof. I don’t care about that as much as I do about my own privacy. If people are emailing me for the post, then I’ll know who is reading it and will have a little control over it. I also want to make sure you guys know in advance that this is a very different kind of post and are prepared to see a different side of me. If you want to read it, then email me and let me know that you are agreeing to the ground rules.


Public library... 

(Written 1/3/05)
Ladies, if you’re looking for a slightly desperate single man, go to your nearest public library and try to find the public computers. I went to the public library in hopes of getting in a post since my internet is still down, and the place was teeming with men. The vast majority of them looked at me like they hadn’t seen a good looking woman in months. I am not kidding. It was funny and sad at the same time. Some of them just looked shocked and others gave me a little smile in hopes that I would talk to them. Unfortunately, all of the computers were occupied (all but one by men) and I just had to leave and wait for another day. However, being the resourceful and human-interaction-seeking person that I am, I have found a closer library that I will try visiting.

Update: i'm at a public library and trying to get this stuff taken care of quickly so i can get out of here again. they should be coming to fix my internet tomorrow sometime. so cross your fingers!


Almost there... 

(I posted this a few days ago, but for some reason it didn't go
through. here it is late. and the internet still hasn't been fixed.
hopefully tomorrow sometime. sorry to have been away for so long.)

i'm almost home. i think i'm going to try to get away this afternoon
or tonight. at the latest it'll be tomorrow morning. and i hope to
goodness the cable's back on at the apartment. i have many posts
written on paper that i need to transfer. no, i didn't forget about
those. i'll try to put dates with them so you aren't totally lost.

so last night mayhem and i discussed financial issues a little. and
whether he will be getting a car or an apartment. i stressed to him
that he needed to find a daily beater that only has to last 6 months
in addition to getting the apartment because otherwise we won't see
much of each other. he's going to try. we also discussed how
financial things will work when we're married. supposedly his dad
will teach both of us how to do taxes this year. but i'm not holding
my breath... his dad is the type who files 2 extensions just because
he doesn't feel like starting them yet. and i'll pay the bills... the
day they come in as long as we have the money in the bank account.
most of the money will go in a shared pot for checking and savings,
but we can have our own little rainy day accounts for personal
expenses. if he wants a new gaming system, it will come out of his
account. if i want to treat myself to a massage, it will be from my
account. theoretically this is how it will go down at least. we will
save most and only spend a little because, like i mentioned earlier,
we are both more the saving type. we're going to look for more
questions about finances and other issues that we want to discuss
sometime soon. i mean, if we fall apart asking a few simple
questions, then he may as well spend that $200 and forget the ring.
so i figure it's a good thing to cover some of that ground early.

well i think that's about it. hopefully the next post will be from
the repaired internet connection at my apartment. cross your fingers
for me!


Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy new year... 

happy new year everybody! i hope you all had a great night. my plans
changed, but we were able to run with it and have a good time anyway.
just as a warning, the internet is out at my apartment, so i may not
get to post when i get home. bad luck, huh? i finally get my freedom
again and lose my internet. oh well.

so mayhem and i bought alcohol and mixers, plus a bottle of champagne
and celebrated by ourselves at my place. the girl who doesn't like me
convinced our friend to call off the party, so we were on our own.
turned out kind of nice. mayhem and i had a lengthy talk in the
"professor drunk" stage (where you're having intellectual
conversations about everything under the sun even though you can't
walk a straight line... it's the stage before drunk drunk kicks in).
we started a movie that we ended up pausing about 12 times for various
reasons, one being to celebrate the new year and another was to have a
4 hour long conversation right in the middle of the movie. so we had
a good talk and finished the movie, and several glasses of alcohol.
we got to bed close to 5am and had some light sleep before getting up
again. mayhem finally made my breakfast in bed, which made me happy.
we only got a little cuddle time and fell asleep apart rather than in
each others' arms, which was disappointing because we only got to
cuddle after we woke up in the morning as our breakfast was baking.
but oh well... it was better than nothing. and he is still promising
that this was not my romantic night, so i should get another night
with him and waking up to breakfast. yay!

mayhem may have found a place. he had to look for a new place to live
and found a semi-ghetto efficiency near his school. it's way nicer
than the truly trashy apartments near campus, so i figure this is the
one to try and get. unless he can convince his parents to cosign on a
nice one farther away. that would be the ideal, but it's very
doubtful. they like screwing him. and me. close to campus means he
doesn't really need a car, according to his mother. it means that i
can visit him instead. so we can spend our weekends in a little
efficiency with a scary kitchen that doesn't even have a real stove
instead of a nice large one-bedroom with walls. oh well. i'm gonna
let it go. because the lease will only be a 6 monther, so neither of
us will have to deal with it for too long. just until he graduates.

so last night was fairly fun. we had a fight that morphed into a
discussion of the world's politics. go figure. and the engagement
thing has been taken off the table for my sanity. just so you know.
he says he'll still be saving, which is what i wanted with all of
this, but he'll be doing it all on his own. i won't have to stress
over it or watch him waste his money knowing that it could be going
toward us. and as andy mentioned in a comment recently, i think it
will be kind of a good opportunity to observe how he handles the money
on his own. and we do need to discuss it. i have a feeling that it
will be easier once we both have salaries because we both tend toward
the "spend a little, save a lot" philosophy and i'll probably be
paying our bills once we're married, but i think it would be good to
reconfirm all of that with another discussion about it.

so that's about it. questions or comments about last night? leave
them in the comment box. i can't really remember what i wrote about,
so i may have left out major details. my apartment is now fully
stocked with every alcohol you could need except for tequila. since i
need a better blender to make margaritas, we decided not to buy
tequila yet. but other than that i pretty much have it all. just in
case that random info interested you. so more later! miss you guys!
hope you're slowly but surely recovering from last night :)


The official stuff...

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