Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Face morph... 

have you ever known people who just have "that face"? yes, there are some people who have familiar faces. but there is one face in particular that seems to be a repeat performance in my life. i can think of several people who have this one similar face. obviously they all have variations on the same features, but that uncanny similarity is there. unfortunately the girl who hates me is one of the many with this face. one of my good friends from school also has this face. as well as many others. it is so strange that they're all so similar. many of them even have the same basic hairstyle. anyway, just thought i'd share. do any of you have one of those too common faces?

(just to clarify, there's nothing wrong with having one of those faces. many of these girls are very cute.)


Highs and lows... 

i am freaking exhausted. i have a headache. i am going to have to crash very very soon. and i wish i could say that it was because i had a fun kick ass whirlwind weekend. but i didn't. it wasn't all that bad, just today was horrid.

i got to spend some time with mayhem. i got to have an amazing experience with a good friend. so those were the little perks of the weekend. it was a strange mixture of the bad with the good. some memories i won't soon forget. others i can't wait to forget. just an update before i hibernate.


Monday, May 30, 2005

Pizza and postponement... 

no real post until tomorrow evening. other things are taking precedent.

i was supposed to have pizza for breakfast this morning, but i high-tailed it so fast that i got nothing for breakfast. i am now craving that pizza i didn't get.

i'm a little nervous. this is a huge week. no details. sorry, maybe later, once things are over. just wanted to let you guys know if you search for me tomorrow morning and see nothing too interesting. leave something interesting in the comment box. questions? comments? compliments? fire away!


Saturday, May 28, 2005


so this will not be the first time i post about yellowcard. but this is the first serious post. they have a fledgling blog now. i linked them as one of the VS models. go check it out. and if you're from yellowcard and reading this, the jokes about taking over as your violinist were just jokes. no need to consider a restraining order!

so loyal readers, say hello to yellowcard. yellowcard, say hello to all my wonderful and sexy readers!


In bed... 

why is it that things seem so perfect when they're ideas and they are never really that great when the idea becomes reality?

marriage is a good example (or so i've heard). when you think about it, you think that you'll have the perfect little marriage and will be the adorable little married couple that everyone loves. of course reality is usually far from that dream of perfection. life is mundane, you become boring, you still fight about both stupid and important things, you get stuck in a routine, and not even you find yourselves adorable.

even smaller things like staying in bed all day don't end up perfect. first of all, i cannot remember a day when i really had so little to do that i could stay in bed all day. even when i was horribly sick a couple months ago, i had a couple little things to do where i had to get out of bed for a while. but certainly in everyday life, i can't just stay in bed all day. the idea seems wonderful, though. even better if you're in bed with the one you love. you think you'll sleep in late, have breakfast in bed, cuddle, sleep, read, entertain each other, and maybe expand into listening to the radio or watching movies while staying in bed together the entire day. but the actual day hits, and you kick yourself out of bed at a certain point because you can't put things off any longer. the idea seems perfect, but the reality doesn't work as well.

my goal is still that one day, once i have finished all exams and secured a job, finished errands the day before, and had mayhem stay the night, i will be able to spend a stress-free day in bed. the idea still sounds perfect, so my mind still finds it appealing. i hope it happens some day.


The night, part tres... 

(parts one and two are the stories directly below this. i'm trying to break it up so it's not one horribly long post.)

anyway, i was finally able to fall asleep at some point because i woke up this morning from having a bizarre dream.

my mom and i went into an antique store, and she bought two drawers out of a desk that was identical to one she had at home. i tried explaining to her that 1) she should buy the entire desk since it was in much better shape than her old one, and 2) nobody would buy the desk now that it had two missing drawers. she didn't care. somehow she bought them and put the drawers in a grocery sack. she then led us back through the mall, past my college bookstore, and into a department store. we walked through the juniors department and she pointed out several articles of clothing that she described as "colorless" even though most people would call them white. she kept asking if i wanted any of them to be my birthday gift. then she stopped in the middle of the juniors department to call my brother because she thought we were too lost to find our way out of the store. i tried telling her how to get out, but i was just getting pissed. she wanted to pawn off some stupid shirt as my birthday gift even though i had already told her i didn't like it, she wouldn't listen to me about the desk, and she ignored me again about how to get out of the store. plus her idiocy was annoying me because she thought the "smart" decision was to then call somebody who wasn't even in the same city, let alone the store!

at that point, i guess the call must have become a conference call with my dad because he entered the picture at the phone call. i was supposed to have gone to germany on a field trip. i couldn't go for some reason, but my dad went. he didn't even bother to tell me about it, but he immediately got on the phone with my brother and told him all about it. he explained that they had these weird vicious bugs that attacked their group and ate everything from their money to (i still remember this from the dream)... their windshield wipers. he told my brother that it was probably best that i hadn't gone, but still didn't bother to tell me. what a bizarre dream!!!

i can see a lot of room for analysis here. i hate when people try to make me powerless -- dismissing my opinions, thoughts, free will, and me as a whole. that's pretty much the fastest way to make me hate and/or resent you. frustration with my parents? perhaps some. she made me powerless last week. no details, but i was extremely frustrated. sibling rivalry? not much. i recognize that he gets babied more, but that's mostly because he can be a little bit of a wuss. however, i also recognize that i have gotten more in other areas, and i would much rather have my end of the deal than his. i feel extremely grateful for everything my parents have done to help me out, so i 1) am very grateful to them, and 2) don't really feel any sibling rivalry with my brother. however, there is one thing that is just a small annoyance to me that arose again last night. every time my brother comes into town, my parents take him out to dinner. every time i come into town i get whatever food my mom was planning to cook whether i was there or not. perhaps he has become the novelty now that he's married. he technically has a different family now, but i'm still just part of the original family unit. maybe that's it. who knows. it really isn't a huge deal, and i usually like my mom's cooking. but it is a little annoying that he gets a celebration every time he comes home. so that could have shown itself in my dream last night.

anyway, that's my weird dream and what i deciphered from it.


The night continues... 

so after the killer ceiling fan (story below), i was then unable to sleep.

you know that super flirt song that old navy turned into super skirt? well, i heard and read three references to "circle jerk" yesterday, so in my head the song was transformed once again.
"circle jerk! circle jerk! it's circle jerky! bow bow bow bow bow bow bow (the regular notes turned into a porn song)" yes, song kept me from getting sleep for quite a while last night.

the same thing happened to me a couple weeks ago with the diet cherry vanilla dr. pepper song. i heard the word phenomenon on the news (that should indicate that it was a fluff reporting piece!), and my mind combined the two. "duh duh duh duh duh, phenomenon! duh duh duh duh." horrible songs.

once i finally got the song out of my head last night, i was then greeted by a horrific bout of the hiccups. not just any hiccups. these were ones that lifted my body off the bed like a body that has just been shocked by the heart paddles. each hiccup picked up my body, rattled it, and dropped it back onto the bed. it was cruel.

the final part of the story comes next...


Attack of the killer ceiling fan... 

my bedroom has a ceiling fan. this is a novelty to me as i've never had one before. so when i moved in, i brush up a little on ceiling fan ownership. (i'm sure some of you who can't live without them are laughing at me right now.) i discovered that they are beneficial with one exception-- they are known to accumulate a thick film of dust and then hurl it into the room's atmosphere like a discus. (i don't know why it's like a discus, it just is.) of course this can be counteracted by an occasional dusting. i een discovered that they supposedly help in the winter because you can reverse the rotation and have them slowly circulate the warm air back down. so come winter, i flipped the switch (reversing the direction of the rotation) and fought futily to find a slow speed on my fan. apparently i was given the ceiling-fan-addicted-to-ritalin model, so it only has two insanely fast speeds: wind tunnel and helicopter blade. i flipped the switch back, called it useless, and decided it would just remain unused until summer.

so last night i decid to check out if it worked or not, so i could be prepared for the summer. i flipped it on, saw it spin to life, and promptly forgot about it. i got ready for bed and turned off the light. just as i entered the pre-drifting-off stage, i heard this strange noise. it sounded like an appliance motor speeding up. i opened my eyse and saw the fan. i heard the rotations rapidly increase. i envisioned the blades spinning exponentially faster until they whirled completely off the base and toward my unprotected body below. i jumped out of bed and flipped off the switch for the psycho fan. i don't know if i'll trust it come summertime or just use it as the basis for my first horror film. our tenuous relationship has just become even more precarious. it's a fan with a death wish. look for this film as the summer blockbuster of '06!


Friday, May 27, 2005

The update... 

bet you all thought i'd never do it, huh? i finally took the time to go through all my links, delete the ones that seems to have shut down, and add the ones who have newly linked me. but as you all know, you can never really tell who is missing from the list. so i just added the new faces on my technorati list, but i'm sure i've missed somebody. although by now you've heard the line 5 times just this week, so it's the last time i'm tellin' ya. speak up if you gave me some lovin' and i haven't reciprocated! you don't get recognized by hiding in the dark corner.

ok, that's it. back to my friday!


Over it... 

ADVICE PLEASE! do any of you have strong advice on which cell phone provider is best? i have to reup a contract with somebody and have to decide who is best. i think the discussion could start quite a heated mud-wrestling fight, at least between advocates of sprint, verizon, and cingular. it's started a fight between mayhem and i before... but partly because he did the stupid macho thing again. i said i had heard good things about one of the companies, he shot it down, and then brought it back as his own idea a week later. punk. but whatever. it really doesn't matter. so if any of you have first hand experience with these companies with either a strong good or bad experience, then please let me know. gracias!

now onto our regularly scheduled post...

sometimes things happen that make you step back and examine things again. sometimes you step back and think, "oh shit, what was i thinking! how did i let things get this bad." those are the bad ones. but sometimes you get a good reality check that puts everything into perspective, and you think "wow, life is too beautiful to spend it stressed." i had one of those today. yesterday, i was stressed out and worried and a little too ramped up. i started this morning a little stressed, but determined not to repeat the stress of yesterday. finally got to the bottom of one of the biggest stressors, and it ended up beautifully. stress is gone, i'm back to loving life, and have a little more appreciation for humankind once more. life's a pretty incredible journey, isn't it?


Blogularity contest... 

i'm going to be boring for a minute and talk about us. ok, about bloggers. for the majority of us, it's an outlet, a way to tell our story, practice writing, record our lives, or maybe even meet a couple really cool people. most people don't start a blog to become famous. some may go a week before they're even discovered.

but once they get into the groove, something interesting happens. yes, some continue on with life as normal, just blogging for themselves. however lately, i've noticed more and more bloggers busting out the high school (if not middle school) tricks. jockeying to be popular, picking favorites, being catty, working for the numbers, whoring to be recognized. how did it come to this for them? how can that still be any fun? the popularity and the spike in interest can give a little high, but come on... it's the internet, home of ADD. you'll probably just be a flash in the pan like everyone else. plus the bigger issue... it's not your real life. none of those people know you personally. it doesn't get you invited to more parties on saturday night.

now to sound like a geezer-blogger... back when i started, part of why i decided to write more and try to keep it up was because everyone was so nice. i see a little less of that now. not to me personally, but it shows up in people's writings. i won't point any of them out, but they pit people against each other or maneuver themselves into a top position or drop a comment to make their readers work harder at getting a little specialized attention. and the big one that's been on the books since before i started... they beg around to be linked but refuse to reciprocate so they get a bigger draw while giving nothing back. when i started, i only linked up the people i read, but then i decided to change that. if they linked me, i was willing to link back whether i was familiar with their writing or not. it was fair. sure, sometimes it's mostly a boost for them because they've just started, but sometimes i'm the one who gets the boost... like from tony. (aside: if you've linked to me and i don't show a link for you, then let me know to hook you up.)

so my dear fellow bloggers, it's graduation season. are any of you willing to cross that stage and retire your high schoolish ways?


Thursday, May 26, 2005

Stressing out... 

this weekend is already making me crazy. and it's not even the weekend yet! four major things are all happening. all at once. plus one minor thing that i'm going to be guilted about if i no-show. damn. i made no plans for memorial day weekend. now look at it! so stressful. i'm going to go crazy by the time everything is over on wednesday. yes, thursday through wednesday... that's how long all of this lasts. wish me luck! i'll continue to update and share what i can.


Wednesday, May 25, 2005


freaking alias cliffhanger. serious alias fans may go to sleep wondering about vaughn and sidney, but that will be wrapped up soon enough. i was over it about as fast as you can say "damnit." i hate cliffhangers when they happen... but then i get over it fast. that's the problem TV faces. they try to pull heart strings and get you all worked up. but it's not real life. and other things occupy that brain space within a day, if not faster. so hello repeats and crappy summer tv series (or really, hello off button).


Reader appreciation... 

i just want to say thanks to all my loyal readers. and especially thank you to all of you who comment and chat and flirt and just generally have fun with me! i am grateful for all of you! :)



i confirmed my suspicions. i am most like gabrielle/eva longoria on desperate housewives. hot little body, sexy, confident, and sweet to her friends. (i'll just highlight the good parts. i'm not into the demanding princess act. that's just bitchy.)

"Best of all, your healthy sense of ego doesn't get in the way of close friendships for you. Leave the cat-fighting to other women (hello, Edie). The women in your life are friends, not rivals."


Kool aid... 

the kool aid man is now wearing clothing. weird. maybe he was accused of flashing young children.


Sodomy x2... 

so thinking more about the sodomy laws, especially after defining it for j-mo, i just don't really get it. i mean, i guess i can kind of understand the conception of them... sexual repression and all. what i don't understand is why they are still on the books in any state. essentially they are old out-dated laws that aren't valid anymore by regular standards of society, but are occasionally pulled out of thin air to ruin people. and let's face it, the person targeted for this embarrassing title is usually not a doting little housewife who loves her hubby so much that she allows him to explore a little more than missionary. the only times when i have heard of the law being invoked is for gay couples. another thing i don't understand is why there is still a stigma attached to it. the word sodomy sounds bad, but according to the definition, it is now basically mainstream sexual acts. have every member of the house and senate who has committed one of the textbook acts of sodomy please stand up. oh look, we have a standing ovation! so take the law off the books- it doesn't fit today's society.


Tuesday, May 24, 2005


i wonder if a cop living in a state with sodomy laws could get fired for breaking the law if she were caught giving her husband a blow job (or vice versa). i mean, nobody really sees that as sodomy anymore, but it's generally still on the books if they still have sodomy laws. anyway, just something strange that i pondered last night as i caught my late fast food dinner a couple tables away from a cop. see, and you thought that question came out of nowhere!


Bored as hell... 

i'm freaking bored. bored as hell. i want somebody to entertain me. come over and entertain me. have some fun, make me laugh, flirt with me, stroke my... ego. sorry, i couldn't resist.



i hate when people are stubborn and bull-headed. specifically, i really hate when they're like that and happen to be dating me. as you regular readers know, mayhem is incredible a full 95% of the time. but every once in a while this other man comes out. this man wants to be the macho man. he's stubborn and hates the idea of giving in to a woman's idea or compromising with a woman. hell, i really don't even know if it's that or just that he gets stubborn. but after so long with no logical explanation, i interpret it as a gender thing. like he doesn't want to move into my place because it was originally MINE and not the man taking in his woman. but he's not one of those guys who is owned by his woman. we definitely know some of those men, and really i find it kind of pitiful. a relationship is based on two independent people, so i don't think a relationship with a whipped anybody is really healthy. but anyway, it just frustrates me. we talked about it earlier today and he said he was just momentarily being bull-headed about it and was over it. but i want to know why. what set off that side of him and why was it momentarily such a problem for him.



i wasn't really able to post these last couple of days, so sorry for the absence. yesterday was a good day in most regards. it started out being kind of stressful, and i was very anxious to see mayhem again. he was going to stop by after he got back into town and ran some errands, but i was just going crazy! tried to run the errands, but they didn't have what he wanted. so as he came over he got stuck in traffic just a couple blocks from my place. i was going nuts. it felt like i hadn't seen him in ages, even though we saw each other last weekend. i guess there's something about knowing the other is out of town that makes it harder. and the weekend before we were at family functions so we were trying to be on good behavior, although we still devolved into acting like children at the dinner table one night.

at any rate, when he FINALLY got here, we had a wonderful time. it was like we were back at the crazy "in love" stage. so much fun and love and laughter and more fun. two deprived souls getting their fill again. i wanted to just stay in together all night, but mayhem was very excited about the errand he tried to run earlier. he wanted to get dinner out, run this errand, and then maybe see a movie. it turned into a situation that was neither, and not quite a compromise either. once again, we were unable to run his little errand. we got to the mall too late to have dinner where he wanted to go. we ended up waiting so long that i was going to be sick if i didn't get food immediately, and our nice dinner turned into burgers at a fast food joint. we never saw a movie or rented one because mayhem made a stupid impulse purchase that he later realized he needed to return and save his money... but because of it our dinner was downgraded and the movie was nixed. oh well... we ended up coming back to my place and watching one of my movies. which was fine, since we both need to be saving our money.

i sort of tried to convince mayhem to elope with me, too. at the time, i was disappointed that i couldn't convince him, but now i guess i'm ok with it. even though i hate to admit it, i think he has a point that we may end up disappointed with the results down the road since we have been discussing a nice wedding all this time and then we got canned music and elvis in vegas. my suggestion was that we just do it all backwards. we elope now, and if he still wants to get me an engagement ring he can save up and give it to me later. and when we get back from vegas, we could plan a nice reception for family and friends to come celebrate with us. i think i did make him at least consider it, but i don't think it's going to happen.

we had a stupid argument at the end of the night. kind of marred an ideal evening. as we discussed eloping, i mentioned how we could move him into my apartment and we could rent a storage unit or a garage on site to store all the stuff that we couldn't fit into the apartment. i had brought that up earlier as a possibility when we got married regularly as well because my place is big enough for newlyweds to use. i really made a convincing case for it, and he had to back down on his point that it was too girly because it really isn't. but i was about to kick him when he explained why he didn't like my apartment (ok, i was ready to kick him just because he didn't like my apartment because i love it). you ready for his big reason? i have a wall in my living room that he doesn't like. he sees it as wasted space. when it comes right down to it, i think it's more that we both kind of like control. not like a huge issue, but it can make us butt heads. the smoothest transition, hands down, would be if we could both move into a different apartment that we only had as ours. but with apartment leases the way they are, i think that's a pretty slim chance. i know that if i moved into his apartment, he would be too set in his ways there to compromise. probably all of my furniture would be relegated to storage because he couldn't envision the room changed. my apartment is supposedly too small, and has a wall that makes him hate it. i've told him that he could remove or rearrange whatever he needs so he was happy with the set up. erg. it's just something we'll have to deal with when we get to that point. hopefully we can get a place of our own so neither of us has to feel like we're living in the other person's place. i think that's the main issue, not the wall. he feels like the apartment is full of my stuff and is decorated by me, etc. (and of course it is, since right now i'm the only one living here.) but i would be happy to redecorate with him and make it our own. ok, with the one exception of framed college posters of the rat pack or the naked women with pink floyd covers painted on them or whatever. he thinks it makes them span the generation from college apartment into adult apartment simply because they're framed. i will be fighting this in redecorating. but other than that, i'm open.

ok, very long post. it was a good night overall. a much needed evening with my boy.


Saturday, May 21, 2005

The dance... 

the list is short compared to how much i fiendishly write.

get something from the kitchen, she calls from the chair.
they do this dance, their lives comingle.
and yet it is a dance in which they do not touch at all.
they maneuver the same corner with an expert's grace,
the same precision as a trained ballerina.
her in front, him behind, and they pivot in opposing directions around the corner.
never touching.
two lives swirling in the same space and time.
entirely enmeshed by law, completely separate by choice.
it is the sad dance of the falling petal,
the dust to dust prophecy.
once so beautiful and full of promise,
now mulch in the making.
turn the light off when you come to bed.

rule #27: nobody likes poems.



i just looked at a wedding registry, and it made me thankful. why, you ask? i'll explain.

first, i'm thankful that i have common sense, mastery of basic logic and rationality, and am not a bumbling idiot. i can look toward the future, and i can plan. for these things, i am thankful. when it comes time, i will know to register for enough plates to hold a dinner party, even if i never envision myself hosting one. simply because you need to register for enough to host thanksgiving dinner because one day you may be the matriarch of the family and in charge of this task. and i will know that you do not need to register for 8 vases (while only getting 4 dinner plates) and 3 different styles of blenders because one good blender will suffice.

second, i am thankful that i plan for the future far in advance. when i moved into my first apartment, i planned as if this was all i would have for my grown up life. so i have enough dinnerware, silverware, stemware, and glassware to get married without a registry if necessary. i am thankful that my parents understood my vision and were willing to help me with this undertaking. and i'm thankful that mayhem's parents want to help us accumulate decent furniture now so we don't struggle with it as newlyweds. i understand that to do this takes some outside help and a little more upstart money than the bare bones. but it isn't outrageous. i think the most expensive item i got was my silverware, but it is 12 of each piece, made to last a lifetime (highest grade), and seriously on sale. i think it was $60, normally about $200. i asked for it as a birthday gift. mayhem's end will be more expensive, but his mom has a thing for furniture. she loves it. so if she wants to love it right into our living room, then i won't stop her. but if it never pans out, then i will suggest a gift certificate shower for a store that sells furniture (among other things) and will combine a dozen cards to get a couch. or i'll live with my hand-me-downs. you can do that with the newlywed status. people expect a mishmash of furniture.

so i got all of that from a registry. impressive, huh?



i want mayhem to meet me at the door, hug me tightly, then pick me up and carry me over to the kitchen counter. grab my butt and plant it on the edge of the counter, look me in the eyes, and say "i love you so much." then start wildly making out with me.

yes, i'll order that for lunch.


Google questions... 

from time to time i check my hits and always find it interesting to see what people have googled to find me. sometimes it is because i have actually written a timely piece on something in the news. i was one of the top links for the dimebag darryl death. tons of hits to get the inside scoop on that. sometimes it relates to one of my links. people looking for coupons for the "gear that gives" websites, as one example.

sometimes the searches are a bit disgusting. tons of sex related hits. sometimes disturbing ones dealing with underage sex. just a quick message to those people: "get help immediately, you sick fuck." lately people have wanted simpsons porn. they wanted to see homer and marge having sex. but first, they checked for lisa and bart having sex. that's cartoon incest, people! sick pervs. many are interested in the stories about my boobs growing. there was a craze for a while of people wanting pictures of denise austin in various kinds of underwear... anything from crotchless thongs to granny panties.

the latest new question was one wanting to know what a thong feels like. well, i have to tell you, that depends on the thong. if it's a more conservative thong with lots of fabric in the back, then it can get uncomfortable. if there's next to nothing in the back, then you feel next to nothing. i really don't understand why people would go for the bigger-backed thongs. so there you go. i'm picturing you as a cross-dressing man who wants to know what a thong feels like before you go shopping. but that's just my imagination. sadly, for most of the googling of my site, i wouldn't want to meet the person in real life.

so there you have it, the dirty little fetishes of the googlers.


I heart the post office... 

that's right. as weird as it may sound, i really do like the post office. you are guaranteed to see interesting people, overhear all kinds of crazy conversations, and enjoy plenty of people watching. plus i have the added bonus of my cute and flirty postal worker. he's there every time i go. and we always flirt. he always steals glances at me while i wait in line, smiles at me, and is just so nice. and it's that fun, covert, not-flirting type of flirting. the subtle i-could-get-fired-if-i'm-too-blatant-about-it kind of flirting. it's a more refined art and quite enjoyable when you meet a worthy opponent. so anyway, yes, i heart the post office.

interesting overheard conversation of the day: a pregnant woman asking one of the postal workers if they could tie off the tubes while the baby was still inside. this was her "small talk" but really kind of graphic for a first conversation with a stranger. still, pretty humorous for a bystander.

cuteness that made me smile: a little boy who had a helium balloon tied to his arm. he was standing next to daddy and holding his arm straight up in the air. he looked over at daddy like, "daddy, will you make the balloon give me my arm back? i'm getting tired." so daddy had to show the boy that he could hold his arm down by his side and the balloon would still stay up in the air. so cute!

ok, that's my post office experience for the day.


Friday, May 20, 2005


it's inevitable. the boy has left town and i feel up for some fun. cute, flirty, short skirt plus sexy little heels, skimpy t-shirt that shows off my toned tummy, and a pretty and flirty bra. i feel all ready for some fun. but who do i get to show off to? nobody. i'd try to go out with friends, but i'd have to change. i'm bored out of my mind.

this unemployment thing sucks. yep, the rumors are true... it is not fun.

let the randomness cease.


The wants... 

momentarily, i have the wants.

i want new sexy things. new bras. in pretty colors. a new sexy little swimsuit. hot new thongs.

i want diet cherry vanilla dr pepper. i tried the regular and hated it. too sweet. but then i gave it another try in the diet variety and it was just right. like the porridge but way way better.

i want sexy little shoes and maybe a pretty, flirty little skirt. and i have wanted/needed new dress pants for a while now. nice ones. lined even. that are long enough to wear with heels and hug my butt.

oh yes, and i want a boba tea!

i have all i need. i may need a new bra in the next month or two, but i have what i need. this is just the i wannas.

i could set up paypal, i know. but i don't really want anybody to feel obligated.


Thursday, May 19, 2005

Damn memory... 

my memory sucks. i wrote myself a note that said "monday, 1 pm." that's it. i wrote it earlier today. i look at it just a few hours later tonight... do i know what it means? not one damn clue. monday at 1pm. i have no clue what i will be doing, or what i should be doing. but i'm guessing that i won't be doing it. if anybody has a clue what i'm supposed to do at 1pm on monday, please let me know before then so i can do it. i suck.





i tried a pria bar today with breakfast. as i was putting the wrapper down and heading for the trash i saw something that caught the last bite in my throat. i swore i saw that one of the ingredients was... insulin. immediately i was thinking, "wtf?! that can't be legal, can it?!"

so i skim the label looking for insulin and stop at inulin. that's what i saw and misread at a glance as insulin. i don't know what it is, but my bet is it's insulin specially processed to be injected into foods.


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Sake talky... 

sake is best when it's ice cold. keep it in the back of your fridge.

don't write thank you letters drunk.

don't drunk dial your boyfriend when he's with your future mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law.

i'm not actually drunk, but i still figure it's best that i don't call my boy at the moment. i'm sure i'd be fine, but i don't really want to be. so i guess that's the bigger problem. i want to call and be silly and sexy and maybe a little inappropriate. so it would be bad to discover after the fact that his mom was 5 feet away from him and overheard everything.

is it weird that i can't help but wonder if this trip he's on right now is maybe gearing up for an engagement? but i think that's more because if it were ME, i would be prepping my family that it was time and that i wanted to use grandmother's engagement ring that she has offered me. but i'm pretty positive that he isn't thinking that way. he did have an opportunity this weekend where he could have asked permission to marry me. but again, i'm guessing he didn't think that way. he could surprise me, though. in fact, i hope he surprises me. after so many years, i think i know him completely and can generally read him like a book. he rarely can surprise me anymore. so it would be the icing on the cake if he really pulled it off with the engagement. so we shall see. and i have no idea why i wrote all of this. blame it on the sake and on me writing all of this while writing tv and not paying attention to whatever i wrote.


Mid-day awkwardness... 

it's interesting that mid-day is kind of an awkward time. especially for something important. even more for something that makes you nervous. you prep for a doctor's appointment or a big presentation or an interview. but it's mid-day. so you have nervous empty time in the morning and a rushed lunch so you don't run too late. then when it's over you feel like the rest of the day is up for grabs but also somehow a let down. it's like, "ok, now what?....."

anyway, just a random observation.

you know what would be great? getting to eat only delicious food. like you get to a place in your life where you can focus enough on food (in other words, you can take more than 10 minutes to fix food)... you only eat food that is delicious, sensuous, delights your taste buds. i realized a couple weeks ago that i enjoy many more foods that i didn't used to like. i ate raw broccolli the other day and found it wonderfully delicious. so i think you can find all kinds of food groups appealing. i wonder how they would work out in the diet world? if people would get fatter or they would just be happier with the little that they did eat.


Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Damn bills!... 

man, this whole thing about credit cards and shady billing practices is nasty. even more motivation to keep my credit in good shape and watch debt carefully so it doesn't come back to bite me. i would love love love to never have debt other than the basics... student loan, mortgage, car payment, etc. never have debt because of credit cards, overspending my budget because it's a birthday or christmas or nice restaurant. save enough so i have a cushion for emergencies. big life transitions, including this one, will be the toughest times to maintain... but i hope to do it.


Too close for comfort... 

i came a hair's breath away from being car #4 in a 5 car pile up today. thankfully we all avoided a collision entirely, but it was way too close for comfort. i saw the car in front of me slow waaaaaaay down, and the car in front of it was so close that their windshields were lining up (in other words, they were basically on top of each other). i couldn't even see the first car anymore because it wasn't far enough out, and the car behind me had to swerve into the next lane to avoid hitting me. yikes. thankfully just as i was bracing myself for a collision the first car got out of the lane, realizing that it was going much tooooooo slow.


Monday, May 16, 2005


things have been crazy. things have been busy. things have been emotional. i want to quit my life for a week. can i do that? just put my brain on hold so i can't worry about all the things that are going wrong, the things i've screwed up, the things i still have to do and should have finished days ago, the ways i could have been more competitive, etc etc.

i can't turn off my brain. i've tried. and just when i think i can be truly happy and enjoy a good moment, i get news that brings me down again. that has been the cycle for most of this week and weekend.

i need to get some sleep, but that's kind of my life right now. whee. well, that and commuting all over the place for short periods of time. yay... since gas is so affordable right now and all. ok, saracasm doesn't help any. sleep does. goodnight.


Saturday, May 14, 2005

What to write... 

ohhhhh, what to write, what to write.

crap, gotta go. ok, i'll write it later! sorry, i know this may have been my worst post yet. back soon!


Friday, May 13, 2005

Link lovin... 

i think it's about time i organized my links again. some need to go bye bye since they're dead (the links, not the people), or at least go to the end of the line in case they are ever reincarnated. others need to be added. which reminds me... if you've linked me but i haven't reciprocated, let me know! i'll link you up. if you don't comment on my blog and are one of the many who get shafted by technorati, then i don't know to link you.

ok, that's my PSA for the day. in other news, am i the only one who gets creeped out by these microscopic babies being born? this one looks more like a lobster than a baby, which is kind of scary... to me at least.

ok, really gotta run!


Complete collection... 

if you could have the complete collection of only one (or two) bands/artists, who would you select?

i think i would have to go with the red hot chili peppers and aerosmith. you'd get a lot of incredible music out of those two selections and they could fit a variety of moods. pink! you could be my flamingo, under the bridge downtown.... yes, definitely.

if i could pick a third, it would probably be a complete deviation to somebody like sarah mclachlan or maybe tori amos. an extremely talented woman who has been prolificly producing for a number of years. somebody who i could sing with and be in the same register (although actually i can't a decent amount of the time with the other 2 choices since they tend to sing high).

so what about you guys?


Thoughts and dreams... 

so a couple of thoughts first... i wonder if you worked for blogger if you would be required to blog at work. you certainly couldn't get fired for it. maybe they have adopted something like tony did. instead of government mandated 15 minute breaks, they have government mandated 15 minute blogging breaks.

i'm in a good, happy mood today. it's kind of weird because i've been disappointed several times recently, but it just isn't getting me down. they can't touch me! when i walked into my living room for the first time this morning, i felt like i was going to burst with joy. then i did a little pirouette past the couch and fixed a lovely breakfast. fruit, toast, tea. yummmmmmmm!

so i had a really bizarre dream last night. it began with the simpsons. homer and marge were just getting up to get ready for the day when bart and lisa barged in. they asked if the bottle in the kitchen marked alcohol was where they were "hiding" the alcohol. homer did his slow "of course not" kind of thing and then bolted out of the room to "hide" it somewhere else. at that moment, marge turned into me (not animated), and bart and lisa turned into twin boys of about 3 or 4. oddly enough, they were fully dressed and ready for the day. i scooped them up from behind and twirled them over to the other side of the bed, close to the dresser, and told them "let's help mommy pick out clothes so she can get dressed!" or some such mommy-ish thing. and then i smothered them in kisses and ooohed over their tiny little hands being so adorable.

i have NO idea why i would have that dream. no, i am NOT getting the baby bug. and i do NOT want twins! anyway, that was the last dream i had before i woke up, so it stuck with me. very weird. ok, well i have to run, but have a fantastic day! besos para ti!


Thursday, May 12, 2005

Traveling candles... 

alright people, explain this to me. what is the purpose of a traveling candle? i mean, do people really and truly pack for a trip and think, "oh my god i can't go for 2 days without my candle! i have to pack this!" i just don't get it.



ok, i am going to kill my bathroom door. it has been way too grabby with my hips lately, and now i have bruises deep into my hips.

i think my boobs are missing melanin. try as they will, try as they might, they will not get tanned tonight. hehehehe, i rhymed!

comedians are egotistical. once they get shows, they always name them after themselves. ellen, rosie o'donnell show, i love lucy, andy griffith show, the george lopez show, everybody loves raymond........



if you're in the market for a new car, you could buy 1 nice new one. or you could buy 3-5 new kias. more if you have a trade in. you could have a different car for each day of the work week and one for the weekends. i'm sure you could drive each of them into the ground and get more out of them combined than the one new car. of course, then you would have 6 beater 25 year old kias by the time they all kicked the bucket. and you'd have insurance and upkeep costs for all of them too. i'm certainly not saying i'm advising it, i just thought it was an interesting observation. i think about weird things. as if you didn't know!


Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Under age... 

it's weird to think that the olsen twins are actually older than hilary duff. i guess because the olsen twins were annoying bratty toddlers for years and then were the ideal underage it girls for dirty men who wanted to conquer young girls. not much in between. and they kind of look and act like kids still. there's much less hype about hilary duff being underage, though. anyway, there was no real point to this. just an observation.


People people... 

ok, now blogger's being weird. but i just thought of something. it's interesting when you get a bunch of people people (plural of people person) together in a miserable situation. they are desperate to share their misery, so they look around, find something with whom they connect and just start talking. it's interesting how for those 20 minutes standing in line or whatever they're doing, they bond and become best friends. suddenly they start talking about what they do for a living, what their passions are, what they hope will happen when they finally get to the front of the line, how long they've been waiting, etc etc. anything and everything to fill the time. they will probably never see the person again, but they bonded to pass the time. half the time they probably don't even know each others' names. anyway, it's just interesting to me. i would say that they tend to be the ones who make the best out of any situation, but i can't really be sure. i can remember one of the people with whom i started chatting while waiting to pass the time saying that she was a self-proclaimed pessimist. so i guess not all of them are naturally happy-go-lucky people. ok, blogger post this puppy! (did i mention i'm in a weird mood right now?)



so you're wanting an update, is that it? well, i don't have much in the way of updates to send you. ran errands yesterday. had a frustrating conversation with the boy wherein i could hear nothing of what he said the first time around because he was trying to be "polite" to the other customers in the bookstore where he was at. i put polite in quotations because he would proceed to tell me that he couldn't talk very loudly because there was an employee standing right by him who was within earshot and he didn't want the guy to hear him. i started laughing and told him that he probably already heard and now feels awkward about taking up the same space in the store with him. his next comment was "ok, he just left." haha, no kidding. really? after that warm welcome? i'm feeling fiesty. and mayhem has a problem with assuming that people within earshot really can't hear him. like that event in the bookstore. or talking about a couple screwing up their lives... while they are standing next to him... and not stopping when i whisper in his ear that they can probably hear him, are looking awkward right now, and already have been fighting with just about everybody that day. so then he has a conversation about how they can't hear him, and i swear it was only by the grace of God that they didn't butt in and say "uh, yes, we can." oh, or hitting on me in public. it's this odd disturbing habit of his. he doesn't understand that i don't need him to hit on me anymore. he didn't hit on me 6 years ago, and i still agreed to date him. but now i'm pretty sure he does it because he thinks it's funny. i'm fine with it and think it's kind of that lame-funny when nobody hears. but there have been a couple awkward moments when others have overheard. like the time we were at a party, he was buzzing a little, and he pulled me close and hit on me. his brother was standing right next to us, started laughing, and said it was time for mayhem to stop drinking. embarrassing to me. embarrassing to both brothers. and a little ironic since 1) mayhem probably would have done it sober and 2) his brother at that point was probably bordering on becoming an alcoholic.

anyway, i have no idea why i wrote all that crap. i miss him. even though he can frustrate me and lately our conversations have been stressful because we're both finishing up school and trying to find jobs so we're just stressed and busy in general. but i still miss him. i want to see him. and whenever we get together we always take a little down time so we escape from the stress together.

now i've got nothing. no more. i wrote myself into a dead end. i need to get a life again so i have more interesting things to write. this is like the life and times of a shut in. "today the refrigerator clicked on 12 times. yesterday it was only 11. how exciting. the hum keeps me company." blah. maybe i'll go base jumping or something so i have a couple interesting stories to tell next week. give me ideas people. if you care. comments, questions. whatever.


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I hurt... 

yep, i woke up sore today. and with less motivation than i had yesterday evening.

is it ok to go ahead and take a nap already? i'll just call it "meditation."

ok, i'm going to go meditate and i'll be back later.


Monday, May 09, 2005

So tired... 

i was worn down to the nub today. it was a carefully planned and orchestrated day with very little down time. and the down time was spent trying to splint my body together well enough to finish the rest of the requirements. men, the next time you see your woman standing around in heels and looking like she's in pain, wait for her to come home and sit down. then take off her shoes, prop her feet up on your lap, and massage her feet and calves. trust me... she needs it.

i cannot wait to fall into my magnificent bed with my warm fluffy comforter and fall asleep for several hours. in the morning, i will ideally work out to get out the muscle strain, then make some breakfast and go buy groceries so i can be prepared for lunch.

if all goes as planned (aka, in dream world), i will be home before lunch time and able to get back to the drudgery at hand for the remainder of the day.

just cross your fingers that i can walk without aches and pains tomorrow so i'm not slowed down or delayed from getting the much needed groceries for another day.


Sunday, May 08, 2005

Seriously people!... 

ok, i'm really getting tired of our nice public area being a sperm donor site. i have caught underage kids having sex in the whirlpool on more than one occassion. there have been several orgy-ish parties... one where i'm pretty sure i saw a guy taking a girl from behind right in front of their friends. and today i saw a discarded thong left in the pool. so either there are just a select few very slutty people in my complex, or i somehow stumbled into the apartment complex of choice for porn stars and their younger siblings in-training. i think i should hold a seminar for them on keeping their legs together while in public. i would think that the girls would especially find it a little unappealing to have sex with their boy while floating in the sperm of a dozen other guys. from a hygiene standpoint, that's just nasty.

i'm sure several of them figure they're the only ones, especially right now since it's so damn cold that it can't make the men feel very studly. but whatever.

sorry, just tired of it. and getting looks like "what the hell do you think you're doing?" as i walk through the public area of my own apartment complex because i'm disturbing the screwing. grrr.


Friday, May 06, 2005


so you know that new rob thomas song that's on a commercial? the second line is "i don't want to have to pay for this." i hate that line because the first time i heard the commercial i immediately thought it was some horrible commercial for car insurance or something like that. now i know what it is, but that's still where my mind goes each time i hear it.

i was awoken in the middle of the night by my upstairs neighbor having an orgasm. it was dead silent, probably 4:30 or so in the morning, and then there was her. she wasn't that loud, but she woke me up just because the rest of the world was so quiet. i hate to say it, but she didn't sound very sexy. no real emotion, no sound of enjoyment, no earth-shattering climax to it. just kind of like a girly version of a grunt several times and then the dead silence again. i'm sure she would be mortified if she knew that she was crystal clear. makes me worry how much my neighbors hate me to realize just how thin these walls must be. i never hear people play music or talk or watch TV really. i hear them walk. i hear the people behind me hate on each other every once in a while. but they must hate me. hate me for being a noisy person (not in a dirty way!), for talking all the time (on the phone, not to myself), for having the TV or radio or CD on the majority of the time, for yelling if mayhem and i get into a fight, for laughing loudly and heartily. they probably hate me for having a rich life while theirs is so quiet and calm. unless i'm a refreshing change from the norm. well, at least i've never had people yell at me through the walls, pound on my door or walls to get me to shut up, or call the cops on me. i can't be too horribly annoying.

ok, well the day calls. even if i'm tired from being awoken in the middle of the night. back later.


Thursday, May 05, 2005

Cinco de mayo... 

it's cinco de mayo today. so i should be downing a tasty margarita, right? sadly, no. i searched my stash to find that tequila is just about the only standard liquor that i'm lacking. maybe i'll just hang around my balcony until somebody asks me if i want to join them in a drink. yeah, or maybe i'll just celebrate another country today.

today was a nice day. it wasn't productive in the way it should have been, but it was good. i got things done that i wanted to get done. so yay for today. i enjoyed it. i still forgot to do something that i've needed to do for several days, though. but other than that, today was a success.

so i'm a grown woman but i want to see madagascar. it looks cute.


Wednesday, May 04, 2005


why can people get to me? why do i procrastinate? why do i still have to be patient when i just want to have a job right now... and why can't i pick the one i want most to be the one i'm offered? why have i not gotten much done? why didn't i clean today? how could i have wasted so many hours of the day? why can i tell others to not worry about this stuff but do it myself? why do i have this emotion and word garbage? blaaaaaaaaaaaah. put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it any time you hear me bitch about the same old crap.



it's interesting what you learn about yourself while googling. for example, i learned that jerry falwell (ewww) thinks that my name is the new age term for the rapture. i also learned that the other people who try to use my name are usually men. strange since i think it sounds pretty feminine.

that's really all i've got at the moment. i need to try to work out again and then run a couple errands. utilize my time and all that.


Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Patience grasshopper... 

i have been told this many times in my life. unfortunately, it doesn't make being patient any easier. ok, so how fast is the job process? i do all the right things, i make a good first impression, i send thank yous, i ooze confidence. and yet i don't hear back... at least within the time in which i would like. but i'm very impatient.

i want to hear a couple days after i interview. i want people to call me back during the time in which they guesstimate they'll return the call.

anyway, if you guys have any extra tips to get the little extra edge, then let me know. kisses!


Monday, May 02, 2005


i think my apartments may be going downhill. we're having issues with big parties in the common area late at night and straight through the weekends. then just now i heard something there and checked it. people had thrown lawn chairs into the pool and had stolen or borrowed children's bikes and were messing around with them right by the pool. at one point one of the guys was holding the handle bars and aiming it for the pool and picking it up to let the wheels spin and suspending the bike just above the pool like he was waiting for his buddies to dare him to throw it in.

now i know that people being punks in public isn't necessarily a sign of a bad community, but i guess i've always had bad experiences with places like that. and the people tend to frustrate me. there can be some very consciencious people who throw parties in the common areas. but they seem to be the exception to the rule. generally it's people who want to be as obnoxious as possible and put on a tough stand offish act to prove that they "own" that place. anyway, i guess i wasn't really going anywhere with this other than to bitch for a moment. this place really feels like home to me, and i will be more than a little bitter if i have to move again because this community becomes less safe. so let's hope it doesn't happen!


Tired of it all... 

wow this was a whirlwind weekend. busy busy. all in all it was a good weekend, though. the next weekend is bound to be busy too. i think i need to clean again. but i also need a nap. this weekend took a lot out of me.

so i don't think of much exciting to say. my apartment is in shambles because i have so many things to get done. i have so many to-do stacks that my apartment looks like a file cabinet exploded. i hate that. i think that the day i find out that i have a job i'm going to rush home and clean up. then i'll sit back and just stare at the clean and smile. then i'll jump up and down and call people to tell them the good news.

so ask some questions or give some comments. something to fuel the fire. my life hasn't been all that exciting lately so i'm running out of things to discuss at the moment. what i need to unload more than words now is the crap.


The official stuff...

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