Thursday, June 30, 2005

Sexy man... 

since i just posted about a little thing that i think adds to a man's sex appeal, i thought i would share an article i just saw.

What Makes a Man Look Sexy
Hey guys, if you want to impress a woman with your sexy good looks, slip into some blue jeans and a T-shirt. Who says so? The ladies themselves.

Fully 58 percent of 866 women surveyed by Cargo magazine said this is the sexiest clothing men can wear. Another 19 percent prefer their guys in a stylish shirt and pants, and 17 percent say a suit and tie is best.

What else is hot?
A clean-shaven face is preferred by 42 percent, while 31 percent like it to be a little rough on the chin. Depending on the lady in question, a little chest hair would also be nice. Some 40 percent say a chest hair trim is fine by them, while 28 percent say a man's chest is supposed to be hairy. Another 22 percent would like to see their man hairless. (Ouch!) And while most guys don't do much with their eyebrows, fully 63 percent of women would like to see them groomed. When it comes to back hair, 55 percent of women say hairy men should wax, trim or pluck it if it pokes out of their collar, and 35 percent say any back hair is too much!

Get rid of the tighty-whiteys. Forty-eight percent of the ladies like boxer briefs, while 46 percent prefer plain old boxers. Ooh la la! A daring 2 percent say their guys shouldn't wear any underwear at all.

It's fine to use a little cologne, provided you do it right. Fully 77 percent of women say too many men use way too much. And too much is a turn-off.

What should you never wear?
A whopping 92 percent nixed leather pants. Also on the no-no list are chest-baring shirts, pleats in pants, comb-overs, sandals, socks that are too short, pants that are too big, mixing and matching the wrong colors and not trimming those stray nose hairs. And when you go to the beach, don't even think about wearing a brief, bikini or thong suit.

Meanwhile, a study by French marketing and style consultants Nelly Rodi shows that men between 20 and 35 are more likely to choose a pink flowered shirt than a tough, macho look, reports Agence France Presse. It's all part of what the Nelly Rodi consultants call a new species of man who wants to look good and feel good. Just wax the back hair and nix the sandals.

although i don't think it is the original source, this is where i saw the article. i really was onto something with the comment about men in jeans. dress pants and cargoes can look good when done right, too, and who doesn't love a man in a tux? if the sandals are flip flops, i say they are granted an exception, unless you look too metrosexual in them. the metrosexual look isn't bad, but it might compromise your chance at a couple dates if you're cruising. unless of course your girlfriend plays dress up with you and this is your chosen outfit. then you'll probably get laid for being a good dress up dolly. hope she can still find your balls. ooh, i've turned vicious. so i'll continue...

so i know a boy like i described above. most girls in his life dress him up. his girlfriend, before that his sister, before that an ex-girlfriend, and before her his mommy. all his life, he has relied on others to dress him. sadly, he looks like it. they love it because it gives them total control over him. if he pisses them off, they tell him to dress like a dumbass and he will. little boy, you're close to 30 now. learn to dress yourself like your 5 yr old nephew has.

i need a breather from the boy (my boy, not that other guy). sadly, he doesn't even realize it, whereas i've started to notice every little frustrating thing because the stupid crap keeps mounting when you act like you don't know you're doing it.


War of the words... 

i just came across some guy who went on and on about how great war of the worlds is and then went on a nutzo rant about people not wanting to watch it because tom cruise has become psychotic. he made an analogy saying that the people who didn't want to watch war of the worlds were like racist people not listening to rap because it is performed by black people. say what?!

no, it's called cause and effect, and it can be a bitch sometimes. you become psycho, freak people out, get up in everyone's face about stupid shit, bawl out people who because they used water against you, then people like you a little less. they decide they don't want to fuel the fire. they don't want to support the most idiotic publicity blitz in the history of hollywood to ensure that they aren't subjected to the same kind of shit again. they decide that they wouldn't enjoy the movie as much when they're staring at this guy playing a character, but they keep thinking about the real-life guy and hearing the words "dumb ass" or "psycho" ringing in their ears.

hollywood is probably the most fickle business, so the fans have just as much right to be fickle right back.


Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Better now... 

i'm doing better now. i got about 7 minutes of a nap before i had to get up again. but i was refreshed enough to work out, take a shower, and get some work done.

i just made the very stupid mistake of turning on the TV. dr. phil was on. i missed maybe the first 3 minutes, and i couldn't make heads or tails of the catfight. *click* no thanks.

more paper shuffling to do. probably more to do from the to-do list. i ought to wash my sheets so i have a nice clean bed tonight.

i am frustrated with mayhem. it's hot cold. he's more loving and sweet and nice in person, which i love. he's acting like a total sweetheart and paying attention to the little things... it finally sunk in after 6 years of trying. but the rest of the time i get completely frustrated with him. he's barely looking for a job, which is not completely his fault, but it is up to him to prioritize that as number one right now. he stopped working out, yet again, but he took the liberty to lecture me about working out since i kicked it up again. according to him, i should be working out 5 times a week and walking a treadmill would be the best thing for me. why? because he liked the treadmill since he could watch TV and walk. worst of all, he frustrates me almost daily and no longer cares about it. he'll just take that as his leave to get off the phone with me.

in other news, i realized that part of the sex appeal of punk boys is the way they move their hips. jeans a little low on the hips, but not so much that their pants will fall off. moving their hips like they know how to navigate a snowboard with so much ease that they forget to turn it off the rest of the time. nice!


No sleep for the weary... 

i have just killed a small forest printing transcripts, resumes, etc etc. i think i have also just about killed my ink cartridge. yay, another $40 down the hole. i'm in such a good mood because i got no sleep. bitter, sleep deprived V. and now the morning is dwindling away and won't have much more than a large stack of papers to show for it. damn.

once the forest has been processed into a neat pile of resumes, i think i'm going to try to work out. assuming i stay awake through it. i may end up using a weight plate as a pillow. thank god, i'm almost done printing.

yes! it's done. i'm gone. more later.


Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Average joe... 

so once upon a time, i liked the show average joe. like season one. tonight i stumbled upon the newest season as i was trying to find a different show. here are my first impressions:
1) the girl isn't very pretty. oh, and short bangs look gross. p.p.s. so does the chop job on the back of her hair. it's like a hybrid between thinning it out and experimenting with a straight-haired mullet.
2) the girl is already giving off the bitch air like thick french hide-the-BO cologne. not a good sign. paris hilton could have faked being less materialistic.
3) since when is it "average joe" to be a self-proclaimed sideshow freak? (one who was on ripley's believe it or not for crying corn out of his eyes)
4) or for that matter, should you have an "average joe" who wears elton john glasses? or one who is a magician?
5) again... bad sign that she equates not being a pretty boy with "at least i know they have been screened." yes, because no attractive people are ever psychotic.

i spotted one cute guy who i'd take "as is," assuming he had a decent personality. not saying i would snub all the others, i'm just saying he looked good enough to jump out of the "average joe" category, especially considering they're getting all plastic surgerized.

i'll continue to dribble sarcasm once i see who she cuts. in the meantime... she lives on a 4 story yacht for this thing. raise your hand if you think this is the last ditch effort to save the series? *raises hand.*

hahaha... "solid gold" got cut. i'm not laughing at him, it's his name. especially since j-mo regularly posts about a strip club by the same name. wonder if he's ever seen solid gold strip at solid gold.

so now she's already crying about having to cut some of these guys. perhaps she is sincere, perhaps she wants to break into acting. i hope she doesn't hold her breath on the acting gig, though. i just cracked up when she pranced forward saying "group hug!" to end the show.

i don't think i'll be watching again. no thanks.


Letdown day... 

today was kind of a letdown. i planned to get up early. i didn't. i planned to work out. i didn't. (in my defense at least, my back was hella-sore from working out yesterday, so i rationalized that i should let those muscles build back stronger before i tear them up again.) i thought i had a really good job lead. i didn't. i thought i got a call with good news. i didn't. i was going to clean. i didn't. i was going to organize. i didn't. i was going to do a lot of things. i didn't. tomorrow's another day. and there's still some of today.

and in other news, i don't think i like watching the local news anymore. i've noticed that in whatever city i live, it always seems to be the crime and tragedy hot spot. back when i lived with my parents, that was the crime city. now that i live here, this is the crime and tragedy hub. i'm sure that's just a point of view thing because i listen for my city, but still... i should probably lay off the news.


Black hole sun... 

except not. so i know that i've told you guys before that i get amused easily. but let's really prove that tonight, shall we?

so i decided to eat a tangerine tonight. i started to peel it, not quite sure if it would still be worth eating because it felt pretty mushy. it turned out to still be good, and i had a fun design going on the peeling process. so i made a tangerine sun. then i got a little giddy because it looked cute and decided to find my camera and take a picture.

here is my tangerine sun:

after i took the picture, i ate the tangerine. all i had left was a tangerine splat mark. so i took a picture of that, too.

sorry guys, i know you were hoping that if i dug out the old camera, i would be taking some quality shots of myself. but no luck. maybe another time.


Monday, June 27, 2005

Healthy summer... 

i think i'm kind of on a health kick. i'm eating healthier. i'm drinking healthy stuff. i'm working out. my freezer is the only thing that shows my weaknesses. but since i don't need to lose weight and have a fit 'n' healthy body, i figure i can have a few food weaknesses (and a few lazy days where i succumb to the remote control instead of the weights and yoga mat).

it's definitely summer. my nails are growing like crazy. my hair is getting longer and heavier (and harder to control when i'm trying to work out and not have it flying everywhere). the pool is calling my name. i'm dreaming of the beach. i won't go anywhere without my sunglasses to protect my sensitive eyes.


Late breaking news... 

so i know i'm really late on this, but today is national AIDS testing day. go get tested.

also, the BTK killer pleaded guilty. i remember as a kid hearing something about the BTK killer and making fun of a boy i knew at the time who had the initials BTK. of course he didn't really like that and instead tried to act all cool because his initials were also those of popular tennis shoes and burker king. that was a pretty dorky childhood moment. enough reminiscing about that.



ohhhh, i just passed by the pool and want to go swimming so badly. i just want to walk straight up to the pool and walk right in. like the crazy parka dude in the middle of winter. i don't care about changing clothes or putting on sunscreen. just fall in and get soaked.

my apartment looks like a hurricane hit it. i need to clean up so much shit. not that i want to, of course. but it has to be done, and soon. of course, as soon as i get it all cleaned up, i'll be going out of town. but at least it will be clean when i get home. that's always nice.

i hate how much there is to do when looking for a job. i guess it's good that i have so many avenues for searching, but it gets to be a pain in the ass. there's never really a time when i can just decide it's time to sit back and wait for the calls and interviews to roll in. as soon as i think it's about that time because nothing new has shown up, i get 8 more suggestions for where to look. i know that's a good thing, but it gets so tiring. and it's frustrating to sell yourself and have everyone say "not interested."

the huge downside with applying online is that you have to ask them to follow up with you because you can't call up an anonymous entity.

ok, enough of my bitching. everyone knows that looking for a job sucks. and sadly i am having to look with all the other fresh grads who are all begging for jobs.


Swimming in avocadoes... 

yesterday was fun. it was kind of odd, but it was fun. it kind of felt like a ferris bueller kind of day. i swam a little this weekend, and i think the chlorine did something funky to my skin. it did the good stuff like making it feel softer and making it look even clearer, but my skin feels itchy and that night it felt a little burny too. the burning kind of feel you might have if you towelled of a slightly sunburned face several times. except i wasn't burned and i only dried my face once. i think the chlorine levels were maybe just a tiny bit too high. at any rate, it's better now, except i still have one little place that's itchy. could be a mosquito bite, though.

anyway, i had an avocado this morning for breakfast. it was the first time when it wasn't quite as tasty. i may have reached my avocado capacity. which would be good since they don't have a very long season and i don't have connections in mexico who could ship avocadoes to me regularly during the fall, winter, and spring months. time for me to get some stuff done.


Saturday, June 25, 2005

Lather up... 

i open the "new post" option, look around, and suddenly realize i have nothing to say. let's find something to share. ok, i had a crazy weird morning. i had been so completely wiped and exhausted on friday, so i ended up having a boring night in where i fought my eyelids to at least stay awake until 10. that was my goal. when 10 finally hit, i had gotten a second wave and was a little more awake. so i stayed up until probably around 2. i read a little and watched some tv before deciding that i was finally sleepy again. so i went to bed and woke up at about 8:15 this morning. i was actually awake, too. but being so tired the previous day, i had promised myself that i would sleep late so i could function today. so i went back to sleep. eventually, i got up a little later and worked out. it was nice. and i'm trying to eat kind of healthy too. i noticed that you have a little more motivation to do so when you like the store where you buy the healthier foods. then you want to go back and buy more. all very random.

more random: i have tons of lotion. there are some things that people tend to buy as default gifts when they aren't really sure what to get you. some people buy candles for that gift, others buy lotion. i have tons of lotion from various gifts along the way, and i rarely really use lotion. just a random factoid. now if they wanted to get me a default gift i would really love, they should get me a nice bra or a cute shirt. i always love a good bra, and cute shirts are cute. yummy candles or good CDs or (i could go on and on) are nice too. but i was thinking about that the other day since i need a couple new good bras and would also love to get some pretty bras. i guess that's not really something that you can suggest people give you as a gift, though. maybe for a wedding, but not really for graduation or birthday from your aunt or something.

ok, enough randomness... i need food before dinner. yes, i know, mommies say not to do that, but i'm starving and waiting for the boy.


Friday, June 24, 2005

Betting woman... 

i'm not normally a betting woman, but i like my odds on this one. who wants to make a bet that tom cruise has a diagnosable mental disorder? of course, he would have to consent to being seen by a psychiatrist, which will probably never happen unless katie holmes has him committed, which is not out of the realm of possibility.

i came to this conclusion after realizing that when he starts on his scientology rants he reminds me of the character that ben stiller played on "friends" who went into psychotic rages. except he is more laughable and pathetic sounding.

now i need to take a shower. i just wrote about celebrity gossip. ewwww.


Cravings and science... 

i am craving cheese biscuits. i have tried two kinds and will lovingly accept either. the first is the red lobster style cheese biscuit. nice and cheesy taste with the typical biscuit texture. the other was an ethnic cheese biscuit. it looked like a roll on the outside, but was all gooey with cheese on the inside. kind of a doughy texture, since it was part cheese, part bread.

i also had a random ponderance on the subject of youth. we think we're so smart in this day and age. we think we have all the answers as we do research and find out more and more. of course, we kind of forget that much of the research conflicts with other research and we are really spinning our wheels and learning the vast degree of unknown in the universe. but we think we know more and more with every passing day. so we assume that our current research and techniques for increasing life span and youthfulness are based on expert knowledge and facts. but we've been playing that game for centuries now. bleeding out with leaches was the pinnacle of scientific knowledge at one point. now it's medicine and needles and special diets. are we really and truly that much smarter? i have mixed feelings on this subject because for the most part i think it's a bunch of B.S. at least the pop-science type stuff. yet, i have a nerdy streak that loves science. so i like reading little articles on the latest research, and some of the time i figure "why not?" while some of the research seems a little extreme or you can see the potential for holes or pitfalls in the study, many of the ones that remind you of basic logic seem fairly harmless. "well why shouldn't i try to eat a variety of foods and everything in moderation (especially since that's what i've done for most of my life with the exception of my sweet tooth)," or "it probably is smart to use a vitamin that isn't giving you 3000% of the daily allowance."

and now you immediately remember that i'm craving unhealthy biscuits and call me a liar.


I'm too tired to name this one... 

i'm still sleepy. this is going to be short and sweet because i haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a long time now. but last night i was able to convince mayhem to stay the night instead of leaving like he had originally discussed. i really wanted to cuddle up with him and not let go, and i got to. so yay. yay until the alarm went off way too early.

i totally lost my train of thought thinking about all the fun conversations i had yesterday and all the fun things i did. i took a day off from job searching to remember what it's like to have a life. it was nice. i enjoy that life. have i mentioned that i also enjoy getting to cuddle with mayhem? oh yes, we covered that already.

i think i need coffee. mayhem and i had a domestic moment not too long ago where we became enthralled with checking out all the different coffee makers and all the fun features. i doubt we'll get a nice one until we register for it, but we were still so intrigued! it's those little things...

am i doing twenty minutes with V? maybe. but i have no idea when i started or when i'll end. i think it could be fun to be an organizer or party planner or something. something festive. i'm a people person, so that's a plus. i have arranged and organized several things lately, and it's always been fun. well i probably shouldn't really do that since i need a job that uses my education, but i could always consider it as a fun weekend or on-the-side job.

i wonder if i'll end up moving. i have another location kind of in mind as my second choice should i have to move to find a job. but it has its definite pros and serious cons. i don't know yet which will win out. but ideally, i won't move yet. maybe once mayhem and i are married and are ready to move onto another chapter in our lives and aren't loving our jobs here quite as much. maybe once people stop asking why we think we need to find jobs in the same city and are we holding each other back because of trying to stay together. i try not to hurt them, i really do. we've done long distance for years. no more. we know we're going to get married, so why make that harder by being a commuter couple, something i would try to avoid with every ounce of strength in my body. and when you really get down to it, we still haven't really dated as most people who are living in the same area and are talking marriage do. at most, we might get to see each other for a whole weekend. that is an enormous treat for us. but we usually just get to see each other once or maybe twice a week. it still feels long distance at times, although it is definitely easier being much closer than we had been. but we're still not a quick drive from each other. there is still planning involved to make the visits work. i would absolutely love to not have that anymore. to live maybe a half hour or even less apart and be able to make the last minute choice that we want to have dinner after work at one apartment or the other. and if we decide to watch a video until late in the night, we can just crash together and get ready for work in the morning together and go to our respective offices. if we even attempted that while i was at my last job, i would have to stay at work as late as possible to miss some of the traffic, then drive 2 hours (no traffic, or around 3 with traffic) over to his place to have dinner. then the drive in the next morning would mean i would have to get up 3 hours earlier than usual. that's insane. if it were maybe an hour in traffic, i would definitely consider it.

anyway, that was a long random tangent that i probably really shouldn't have shared with you guys. none of you give us that kind of crap. you know us and you know how rough relationships can get when they become too chaotic. so thank you to you guys for not being one of those people. the ranting will cease immediately. and this was definitely over 20 minutes.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Dumbasses, listen up... 

ok, just a couple notes for the idiots in office.

1) why do you honestly think that nuclear energy is such a smart idea. i'm not too interested in duplicating chernobyl here. whatever happened to looking for a safe and renewable or sustainable alternative? wind or water or solar power. those will be around just as long or longer as the radioactive uranium but won't leak or explode or leave behind toxic waste or leach into the water supply. even the non "bleeding heart" types should be able to see that. well, everyone except those getting hefty kickbacks from their nuclear fuck buddies.

2) why are we wasting time trying to "force the hand" to amend to constitution to make flag burning illegal? right or wrong to burn the flag, whatever. in case you haven't pulled your head out of your ass in the past decade, we have bigger issues. when you get right down to it, the flag is a tri-color piece of cloth. it is a symbol. if you make it unconstitutional to burn that, then where do you draw the line? does that include t-shirts, mini-flags, decorative toothpicks? if your decorative little toothpick gets caught on fire during a quasi-romantic dinner, is that a crime? after that becomes unconstitutional, then what comes next? but whatever. that's not the biggest issue. what about the issues that are really causing a problem? how about education or poverty or health care or social security or something, anything really important and pressing.

and in a different note, there's something kind of creepy looking about the new pope. i don't know what it is, but he just doesn't sit right with me.



update: i can jumprope in my apartment. but now that i'm not 8 anymore and i have boobs, it hurts a little more. i think i need special restraints to keep the girls in place. but i can jumprope in the apartment. just so you know.


Nice day... 

ok, if i continue to be this productive, i may just have to stop considering myself a lazy ass. i'm walking on thin ice here.

so i had the buddy holly song by weezer stuck in my head today.

i also flirted over $10 back into my wallet.

i got to be friendly to several nice people.

oh, i had some other weird dream but i definitely forgot it by now.

i got to sleep around 4 am, just in case you were curious.

i pondered how my kids would turn out WAAAAAAAAY down the road when i have them. i was trying to figure out how they would rebel from such a cool mom ;)

i discovered that there isn't enough open space in my apartment to jumprope safely inside.

and i think i just decided to take a little siesta.


Oh the lies... 

so you remember how i fed myself that line of bullshit about waking up early and acting all bright eyed and bushy tailed so i could get shit done? if you will notice, it is after 3 am and i am still awake. cruel and freaking unsual punishment, i tell ya. i am not seeing 3 am for a fun reason. no, i was writing many different and equally stunning versions of a cover letter. i have been doing this most of the day. i no longer proof read. i open several, extract sentences in pretty patterns, slap them down on the new document, print them off, and sign them. ok, i'm not that bad, but i figure at 3 am these are not going to be tacked up on some cover letter writing website as exemplary examples. the cruelest thing is that some employers use cover letters as writing samples to make sure you're intelligent. i doubt many of you question my intelligence (except for maybe this bit about the cover letters), but i can't write a decent cover letter. they all sound like crap. every time i write one i know the reader is going "this is bullshit. you don't want to work for MY company, you just want a job, any job, please dear god give me a job. i don't like that kind of blatant ass kissing around here." then i go into the trash. not even into the shredder to nicely destroy my personal data so identity thieves can't get to me. no, they don't even care enough about me to do that. speaking of which, that was my only issue with my doctor when i visited a while back. they had me fill out an extra form which ended up being unnecessary. i told them "well, you can just shred that, then." so they nicely folded it into quarters with my confidential information facing up and placed it in the trash can. at the moment, i let it go because i thought, "well, they must be required to shred everything. that must be the trashcan for all the paperwork to get shredded later." but the more i thought about it after it was too late, the more distraught i became. that was just a generic trash can. my confidential information will be thrown into the dumpster with all the other stuff. junkies looking for used needles will tear open the bag and find not only their needles, but also my info so they can score a few grand of drugs off my personal identity. and now i'm just praying that 1) that really doesn't happen, and 2) that i didn't just jinx myself for it to happen to me. oh please tell me it all went straight to the incinerator or something. damn. ok i obviously need sleep. that's it for now.

please no cruel jokes about my identity being stolen. i don't think that's a laughing matter. maybe i should eat breakfast now. oh! cover letters. back to work...


Breakin' all the rules... 

i just had a realization. i wonder if i am in the first internet/blogging based gender-bender marriage. i mean, that can't really happen every day, can it? and then you add in that this is technically a polygamist-blogging-based-gender-bender marriage. either i'm a freak or a trailblazer.


Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Grocery woes... 

listen to me: if i ever again think it is a bright idea to run to the store on a tuesday night, remind me of the debacle tonight. if i protest and say that i think it will be different this time, slap some sense into me. remind me that it will not be different the next time and that it is not worth the stress. every time i have to use a self check out thing, i get angry. they piss me off. they take away jobs from people who need them. they take longer than the old fashioned check out method because people either cannot figure out how to use the machine or the machine is broken. i don't think i got a machine that worked properly even during the very first week that they were installed. they are pieces of shit, so they should be torn out. and if nothing else, if i am doing all the work myself, then i should have cheaper food on the shelf. seriously, i hate those things with a passion. i wonder if there is a petition to have them removed anywhere. i'd sign that.

anyway, the grocery was surprisingly busy, and nobody appreciated my angry abuse of the machines.


Freak fetish... 

have i ever mentioned that i'm dating a freak? he's usually a sweet, nice boy, but sometimes he turns into a crazy nut. a few days ago we were in a situation where he could torment me silently but i couldn't reprimand him for it. so he thought he would be funny and bite the top of my ear playfully. it hurt like hell, but i couldn't yell at him. i thought it would be fine, but today, 3 or so days later, it still hurts whenever i touch the top of my ear. bastard.

he had to swear up and down that he would never do it again. but he has a horrible memory for things like that. mostly because he thinks it's funny and "cute" to mess with me. i think i need to explain that for each time he forgets, i will forget that the worst place to kick a guy you care about is between the legs. i'm sure that will up the learning curve quite a bit.

in other news, my latest food addiction is smores. i have mini marshmallows and little chocolate chips so everything melts faster. they are so yummy. mmmmm, delicious!


Worked to the bone... 

long long day. i did a ton today. super productive. but that left me with a killer headache. i got nearly everything done. not just cross things off the to do list, but throw the whole to do list away. sadly, productivity breeds productivity. so although i finished everything on my to do list, i have a new, albeit much shorter, to do list as a result.

supposedly, i am going to get up early tomorrow so i can get everything done in the morning and then bask in my productivity. even now, i'm pretty positive that i lied to myself. but we shall see. i'm one of those so not a morning person who wishes she were a morning person. it's incredible how long the morning really is if you are awake for it. there is something seductive to me about waking up in time that you can actually see the sun rise (at least when it rises at a decent hour), make a nice yummy breakfast with coffee and fruit because both are delicious in the morning, and working out before the work day starts. i have tried so many times to do that. to switch my body into embracing the morning hours. i'm pretty positive that it won't happen until i'm in my 70s and can't sleep more than a few hours. then i'll be a night person and a morning person.

so that is my recap. sadly, i have this nagging feeling that i'm forgetting something big. probably something that would get me a job. oh well. if i remember, i remember. if not, hopefully i won't remember that it would have affected me.


That gnawing feeling... 

today i have to face many things that need to get done that i don't want to have to do. deep breaths. don't let the knot in my stomach win. deep breaths. pray for me.


Monday, June 20, 2005


i love those tiny little blessings that you take for granted. i love the big blessings that you still take for granted. i love the unexpected blessings that catch you off guard. i love the unexpected good things. much of the unknown can be stressful. so the ones that turn out better than expected are incredible. i have friends like that... friends where you never expected that they were as kind and sweet and wonderful as they really are. mayhem was like that. started out as a simple date with a guy i was set up with by a friend. one date turned into two and on and on. i feel like i'm still peeling down the layers to become increasingly more amazed at the great man i have.

right now feels like a time of mixed blessings. some parts are great, others are still in progress. not bad because i want to stay optimistic, but a work in progress. at any rate, this is a crazy week. i'll post as i can. unfortunately i have so much crap to do that i don't want to do, so i'll see how much of it i can finish.


Thursday, June 16, 2005

Music stylings... 

so any of you guys can do that MIT survey if you feel a burning desire to further blog-related research. i was one of a core group selected specifically for the research, but anybody else with a blog can enter their info as well. if i were particularly helpful, i would know what the address is, but i don't. the end of it is mit.edu.

what is your style? clothing style, life style, trend style, whatever.
i am complicated. i have a definite lean toward the hippie and alternative. sometimes i enjoy the multicultural and artsy and ethnic. but i can also be cutesie and preppy and girlie at times. i've never been a very easy to pinpoint kind of person.

i don't think of anything else very exciting to share. damn mayhem pulled me into watching "hit me baby 1 more time." so far the winners have been complete bullshit. we'll see how tonight goes. wang chung singing nelly was a total shocker, but i actually was quite impressed. old white boy rapping, but he pulled it off pretty well. he won't win, though. because they'll pick the shittiest one. that's just what they do. bastards.

it is nice that the winnings are donations, but i find it ironic that the prize money is so little compared to most other shows. $20K. if a single person won it, though, they'd get $250K. so when the money should help hundreds, they get a tease of a prize.

you know the commercial that claims you can control the black eyed peas with the push of a button? they probably should change that. you know, unless you decided to control them by deciding that the band would break up. nobody really had that kind of control over them, so they shouldn't give a false sense of power.

update: they picked the winner, and it wasn't the worst. it wasn't the best, though. we all know that studio audiences are idiots though, so what are you going to do.

ok, enough of that. i claim i have nothing else to say and then i keep talking. go figure. dinner now.


MIT and mangoes... 

i have the beginning of that "pretty fly for a white guy" song stuck in my head. wtf. oh, and during my various dreams last night, i dreamt that i went to the bathroom 3 times. i figure i must have actually had to pee, so my body was trying to give me a hint to wake up and take care of it. didn't work. i got up at my regular time and went to the bathroom at that point.

you guys probably didn't really want to know that. as i was trying to fall asleep last night, i thought of something very clever that i thought was worthy of blogging. i have no clue what it was now.

oh well... so i guess i can tell you this instead. i got an email a few days back. the super smart guys at MIT want me to participate in their research into blogs. i should probably fill out the info sometime soon. if i read an email at a time when i can't respond right away, then the response time when i do get a chance is much much slower because i already got the pleasure from reading it the first time and all i have the second time is the obligation to respond. i wonder if i'll be listed anywhere in the research if it's published. that would be a pretty sweet deal.

have any of you heard the saying "eat mangoes naked"? i heard that somewhere a couple years ago, and it has stayed with me. so now when i go to the grocery and i see their fairly expensive and always rock hard and not-ripe mangoes, i am still compelled to get a few of them on the off chance that they'll somehow end up good. i doubt the mango industry could find a better publicity quip than "eat mangoes naked." makes me buy them and follow the instructions! ooh, mango for brunch? sounds good!


Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Flirtation 101... 

a little tip for the guys. girls are complicated. yes, i'll give you that. but in general we don't like guys who are lacking in the confidence department. well, let me rephrase... in the initial interest phase, we generally like a man who is confident in himself. who likes himself enough to believe he is worthy of your time. not too overboard, and not too creepy, mind you.

the silent stare kind of guys... they don't give off that confident vibe. they think you're pretty, but in a way-too-pretty-to-give-me-the-time-of-day kind of way. get at least a very small set of cojones and at least say hi. most girls like that better than the awkward silence. for example... i take my trash out today (d rant, did you notice that i said it was ME who took out the trash?!) and walk another apartment. i hear voices, so i look up to see that it's three guys who are vaguely my age or younger talking on the steps. they are all looking down and staring at me. they noticed me first. but as soon as i look over, the conversation stops. dead silence. this is strange and awkward, so i continue on to the dumpster. i walk past again on my way back to the apartment, mindful that 6 eyes have followed my every move to and from the dumpster and none of the guys have had the guts to even say hi. granted i could throw them a bone and give them a friendly "hello!" but i don't. i want one of them to say hi, and in turn i can flash them a gorgeous smile and say hi to the brave one.

on the other end of the spectrum are the guys who are self-obsessed. or creepy. or automatically undress you in their mind the second they see you, and let you know it. when you go too far, it isn't attractive anymore. and it kind of crosses the personal boundary.

just a little lesson for you guys. now let's hear some appropriate flirting!


Half-assed recap... 

so what is new in my life... not a whole hell of a lot. no big news. not much little news. but i had lots of fun during those days when i disappeared.

friends, family, and the boy. i visited two of the stores that make me happy and remind me why i love being a little hippie. i visited a restaurant that reminded me that even counter-culture people can be stuck up. really anyone who thinks that their way of life is superior to another is stuck up. but the funny thing is that you can still win them over by talking with them. it's not an impenetrable barrier.

here is this past week's experience: family is funny. friends are amazing. the boy is perfect for cuddling. i will be very happy once we can live together. i think i found the area where i want to get married.

random story of last week: mayhem and i slipped into the hot tub for a little while at the end of last week. it was late at night and surprisingly, nobody was already occupying it. shortly after, however, the rowdy bunch did come. mayhem wanted to leave, but i wasn't quite ready yet and didn't want to let them think they could just run off people when they wanted the pool. i was thinking the normal things i think when i see the group of jocks and high-maintenance arm candy, but i gave one of the guys a little more lenience. he was wearing a one band. ok, maybe you're not a total ass. the other guy, on the flip side, was even worse than i expected. mayhem and i were planning to take a quick dip in the pool even though it's still on the cold side before we went back to the apartment. but a minute after the new group got there, the "one guy" got in the hot tub with us, and the other one got in the pool. he told his buddy "i've gotta pee" (didn't your mommy ever tell you to pee before you got in the pool?), sidled up to the edge of the pool, right by the steps and shallow area (where some poor toddler will wade the next morning, no doubt), then said "don't have to go anymore!", hopped out of the pool and got in the hot tub. and that was our cue to leave. screw you dumbass. and even if your mommy didn't teach you to pee before you went to the pool, didn't you at least learn in college that it is way more socially acceptable to pee in the vast vegetation surrounding the pool instead of ruining the large body of water for everyone else? rat bastard.

well i am feeling antsy because i have a lot to do. i'll be back later.


Tuesday, June 14, 2005


oops... so just in case you guys were wondering, i'm kind of out of town. i'll get back late tonight.

it was a great weekend. tons of fun. you might get details when i get home. whee!!!


Saturday, June 11, 2005

Cooking reexamined... 

i am started to reexamine my view on cooking. now i don't know that i'll ever become a full blown cook or prefer to make my own meal over getting the instant gratification of having somebody else prepare it and make it magically appear on my plate. however, this cooking thing is growing on me. i like the act of creation. the creativity, the confidence it takes to say to yourself, "i don't have a recipe, but i trust my insticts to believe that this will turn out well." like most other things, i have to do it the "extreme" way. forging my own path. using my knowledge and tidbits of other cooking methods (and yes, sometimes even excerpts of recipes) to make my own creation. substituting, adapting, experimenting. there's something vaguely exciting about that. i seriously doubt you'll see it joining the X game ranks anytime soon, but it can be a fun diversion once or twice a week. like last night. i was hungry, i had hit my second wind and was thoroughly wound up. so i took a single serving of fish that had been waiting for my creative touch. i started to saute garlic, which smelled good enough on its own to make me hover dangerously close to the crackling and popping concotion in the pan. a little of this, a touch of that, two pinches of this, squirt some of that liberally, stir frequently, throw in the fish just until it has heated and browned, take it off heat, slide onto the plate, and wait for judgment day. and the judgment was delicious. the package claimed that it could create 2 servings, but i think they lie. the proof of my cooking skills had disappeared in 8 minutes or less. so delicious. i'll definitely have to try to recreate that sometime soon.

the one thing i don't like is cooking for myself. i love sharing the things i love with others. but when i cook for one, i can only share that with myself. i can't get all excited and have the other person try it and get excited with me. somehow i feel like it's kind of pointless to make a fabulous meal for only myself to enjoy. maybe i miss the praise, maybe i wish i could prove my cooking skills to all the doubters who joked that i would starve living on my own because i rarely practiced cooking at my parents' house (goes back to my first rule of having the food magically appear). it's somehow a fine line between it being altruistic and selfish. altruistic because i want to share the delicious meal experience with somebody i love. selfish because i want a little praise in return. cooking is still more of a pain in the ass than taking a nap while somebody else does the dirty work, so i damn well want at least a little gratefulness for the effort.

ok, so that's where cooking and i stand. not my best buddy by any means, but we get together for some fun times occasionally. maybe i should interview cooking a la tony pierce sometime soon. hmmm, that could be entertaining. i'll toy with that idea. meanwhile, i'm going to get back to my book!



i'm so excited about this weekend! i have high hopes that it's going to be non-stop fun. i had such a hard time falling asleep last night because i was so hyped up about it. i'm even looking forward to doing some maintenance work around the apartment today. mayhem and i are supposed to get a ton of stuff done today. i imagine i'll have to do some of it on my own because he won't get here until much later, but that's ok. i'm looking forward to the feeling of accomplishment from getting so much checked off the to do list.

tomorrow will be a blast, too. i'm looking forward to having some fun with a friend i haven't seen in a long time. but that's all for now. maybe a little more after the fact. before i sound as giddy as i am, i'm going to go. i have a lot of work to get done! love you guys!


Friday, June 10, 2005

Nap dream... 

when i woke up from my nap, it took me a minute or two to realize that it was a dream. in the dream, it was christmastime and family members and pets who have passed on were celebrating with us. it felt completely natural to have them there, and it wasn't until i was midway through fixing my coffee that i realized it was just a dream.

now that i'm thinking about it, though, i may have been celebrating christmas in a place that was a mixture of the jetson's home and heaven. everything was pretty white and modern looking, and the floor was so brilliantly white that you couldn't really see where it was. like when you look into a really clear pool and it looks shallow because it's so clean, even though there's a 6 ft drop. that kind of effect.

i remember my grandmother was there and this was supposedly her house. we were all busy getting food and gifts ready for the big celebration. unfortunately because we were all taking part, there were a lot of mixed signals. we needed some milk to prepare one of the foods and ended up with 3 gallons sitting on the kitchen counter. oh, and somehow there were easter baskets there too! they were sitting in a room that looked like either a child's nursery or a preschool room. there were only two in there, so my brother was sternly telling me not to touch them because they may just be for our youngest 2 cousins and i might look greedy if i moved them or looked at them. i blew him off and went to an adult to ask where they wanted me to put them... under the christmas tree, on the dinner table, etc. when i went into the kitchen there were some very ancient gummy figures in a jar. one was a lavender purple gorilla that i remembered eating years ago in one of those snack pouch things. i looked at them for a little while before decided they were not safe to eat.

i also remember my oldest cousin revealing to me that he was the one in charge of my christmas gift that year. he said that the gift was too large to bring in right now with everyone getting the food ready. i remember wondering what in the world could that gift be then, and thinking that if so much of the surprise were being revealed already, he could just tell me what it is and let me really get excited about it. at that moment, i looked to my right, and in the middle of the super white living room, somebody (i didn't recognize who) was grilling at this super-elaborate outdoor grill. it was the type that had several stations to it. i think i laughed at them because they were grilling inside, and i glanced out the sliding patio doors in front of me as a kind of gesture of "why not out there?" i was surprised when i looked outside, though, because it wasn't white outside. no heavenly white or snow white. it was covered in that fake green grass that's on miniature golf courses... astroturf, i think? very strange. at that moment, i looked down and saw my first cat walking by. i was very happy to see him, but i didn't realize that he had been dead for years. i dropped onto the ground in almost a fetal position with the cat on my tummy and we just cuddled for a while. his fur was so feathery soft. off in the living room area, i heard my parents saying "awww, look at them!" about me and the cat, and when i looked back, the cat had disappeared again.

i got up, and my brother came out of the kitcheny area where they were resolving the milk situation and was standing on the step above my cousin and i. that oldest cousin had come up to me again to tell me that he had thought of the best time to bring the gift in through the patio doors. i looked up to see my brother eavesdropping, and did the most fruity thing i have ever done in real life or a dream. i'm serious... as a woman, effeminate actions shouldn't bother me, but this definitely creeped me out. i grabbed my cousin by the hand, very loosely, and skipped us out of my brother's earshot. and i swear i even heard girly music and little figures that would normally only be seen on the asses of my little ponies* floating past us as we skipped. (*for those who don't know... this would be little pink cupcakes, ribbons, smiling suns, candy canes, etc.) i know, it scared even me. that's about the time that i woke up. pretty freaky, huh?


One more thing... 

i want to know why it is fucking impossible for my damn yahoo mail to get through the entire sequence of signing me in, checking my mail, and signing me back out without giving me the damn "page cannot be displayed" page. yahoo, you're supposed to be a big shot with your reliability shit down to a fine art. but for all the misery you have given me this week, i'm going to have to say...

yahoo... fuck you.


Freaking wind... 

i'm exhausted. i will take a nap followed by coffee immediately following this post. i hate freaking wind. it greeted me with the wind's official fuck you. i walk out of my place (having fixed my hair) and am immediately met with a huge swirling gust of wind that whips my hair into my face, rendering me temporarily blind, and swirls it around into tangles in every which direction, leaving it looking like complete shit. i try to get in the car with all of my hair and have to pull it in before i shut the car door. my hair is the wind's fucking puppet. so damn the wind, i'm taking a freaking nap before i start busting out the adult language... even more. damn. shit...


Thursday, June 09, 2005

Shady people... 

have you ever talked to somebody for a while and slowly started to wish that you hadn't? as the conversation progresses, you start questioning things, thinking that their story isn't quite lining up right, and they're probably fronting you? i just had that. guy supposedly goes to college. but he doesn't seem too smart. he says things that don't quite line up. but he's good at playing people because he draws you into the conversation and diverts your attention just as you start getting too suspicious. i'll give this to him, he is good at what he does. but i don't think i want to fall into that trap.


More dreams... 

i had more weird dreams last night. i can't remember much of them anymore. from what i do remember, i had one dream where i was desperate to try on this foundation (makeup) i had just gotten. i was going to put it on as soon as i found a mirror. that's about all i remember of it. odd since i never wear foundation.

then i started to have a dream before a stompy neighbor woke me up. it was kind of in the same vein as the movie bowfinger. steve martin was in it and so was the little boy who played ray charles when he was going blind. at first, there were 3 men, one of whom was steve martin, at an outdoor cafe table discussing a movie. it was supposed to be an all african american cast and seemed to be a historic piece. then it cut to a scene in the movie. the historic aspects were all screwed up. most of it was old south, about the era when ray was a little boy. but one character was in a roman soldier costume. dark red fabric with gold armor... and that guy was white. so in the dream, little ray was trying to hitch hike. he had a cardboard sign with two things written and crossed out. then he had something written underneath those. i can't remember what it said, but i think it says "to HOME." this roman soldier guy was standing right behind him and leaned down to tell little ray that he was his guardian angel. little ray looked back at him with a look of confusion, surprise, and skepticism. that's about all i remember. so there ya go.

not as racy as the night before, but still strange.


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Weird dreams... 

i woke myself up from a dream this morning because it was too stressful. well, it wasn't really stressful, but it was nerdy as hell, and i actually thought "i would rather wake myself up than keep sleeping through a dream like this." from what i remember of the dream, i had some teacher drilling me with questions, obviously having no confidence in my intelligence. he singled me out to answer this question. it was something where the answer was about ice. so i gave that response, and he started going into science, specifically physics. i've never had physics. the question was something along these lines... given the outcome and the way X slid on the ice to cause the accident, would the ice have been concave or convex? concave. convex. damn. one goes out, one goes in. i started trying to use logic so i could sound halfway intelligent, but that's about the time when i woke myself up. screw it, this is a dream, what's it matter?! it was weird how i could wake myself up to avoid answering the question. and even weirder that i had a dream like that.

i had another dream earlier in the night where i made another stupid mistake. in this dream, i was wearing what i wore earlier in the day... a teensy little thong and a sports bra. apparently i decided somehow that i could just run out and check my mail wearing nothing more than that and NOT get noticed. thankfully it was just a dream! but i waltzed out in my thong and realized this was probably a stupid idea right about the time i rounded the corner. but there was no backing down now. so i put my hands behind my back so i could "casually" hide my ass from my neighbors. then i held my head high and commence the model catwalk so nobody would think i actually did that by mistake. i walked past the pool, past people in the hot tub, staring at me, checked my mail, did an about face, and repeated my performance. it was silent. everyone was staring. i told repeated in my head over and over that they were just impressed by my hot body and they were not going to laugh at my stupidity. i successfully strutted out of there with a little more attention than i would have chosen, and returned home to finally blush out of mortification. yeah, what a dream. kind of a twist on that naked-at-school dream (which i never had). same stupid kind of mistake, but i was pulling it off. anyway, meant to post those this morning, but there it is.

i'm getting deathly bored here. somebody please email, comment, IM... please!



do you ever get curious about what people's unvarnished opinions are of you? what they really think of you as a person. what they really think of your relationship. what they really think of you as a friend, a girlfriend, a daughter, a sister, a relative.


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

A zen kind of day... 

today has been interesting. i had a good conversation with mayhem today. one that left me hopeful. he listened and really saw my point of view. so there was hope. there was also a dashed dream. something that i really and truly had my heart set on fell through. even though it left me frustrated and stressed and worried and disappointed, i somehow still felt at peace with it. not happy about it, but i was ok with it. it wasn't meant to be.

today was relaxing. i got up early and that left time to take a nap. it also gave me time to read. today was also productive. i got work done.

life in balance.


Monday, June 06, 2005


1) what do you want to ask me?

2) what body part is most intriguing to you?

3) what is your favorite body part (on yourself)?

4) do you have any secret beauty secrets? care to share them?

5) what is your funniest and/or most embarrassing nickname?

6) add your own question and answer it.

my answers:
1) i would want to ask myself what job i'll be getting and when it will be offered to me. wait, i guess that's a questions for me to ask God.

2) gorgeous eyes. but juicy lips, strong arms, firm abs, manly hands are all nice too!

3) i love most of my body parts. today i greatly enjoyed my tight abs. but any part of my face, my boobs, my butt, my legs, my feet... they're all nice!

4) a yoga/pilates hybrid. it makes you stronger, sexier, and handle your stress better. i see no downsides to this!

5) this answer for me is actually very embarrassing and funny. it is a nickname that mayhem gave me a couple years ago. he said that i could be the "cure for erectile dysfunction." he definitely doesn't have that problem, but he claimed that i could cure it in anybody who had it.

6) so now because i'm still making the rules, you have to answer this question, too.
what is one of your biggest flaws?
i know better than what i do. i know how to eat healthy, though i don't do it often. i know how to fight fairly, but i have been known to pull a low blow (with words, not actual violence, of course) because i was so upset i couldn't see straight, much less think straight. i know that i should read more and watch tv less.

so here:
6) what is one of your biggest flaws?

7) add your own question and answer it.

tip: if you're answering this in the comments box, hit Ctrl + A (select all) then Ctrl + C (copy) in case your answers are longer than the comment box allows. if you're answering on your own site, then make sure to let me know so i can check out your answers! kisses!!!


Sunday, June 05, 2005

Sunday snapshot... 

i'm tired from doing almost nothing. i guess that's what happens when you're too lazy. naw, i wasn't that bad actually. i slept in seriously late because i was up extremely late last night.

when i got up, i got some breakfast and retreated back to bed. nobody was here to give me breakfast in bed, so i had to do it myself. so i ate a delicious breakfast and read most of the day. it was really nice.

but i also did a little job searching. i figure if i do a little each day, then i can feel entitled to have a little relaxation time as well. so that's about it.


Saturday, June 04, 2005


sometimes, i just love throwing things away. you just want to get rid of it all. plus it's an easy way to get the high of accomplishing something. trash the expired coupons. scrap the old boxes and bottles from the pantry. shred the old paperwork. lose all the crap. the downside, though, is that i don't like having to take out the trash. mayhem and i have a fairly nice system worked out, though. at times i will strategically plan the trash removal for a time when he'll be here. i bring up all the things that need to be cleaned, and he usually chooses to take out the trash and let me do some of the other things. at times, he'll actually take out the trash for me just to be nice. he can be a very sweet guy at times.

anyway, i don't think i can hold out for his trash removal services today. it stinks and it's pissing me off. so out it goes.

in other news, why do i feel so continually sleep deprived? i used to be one of those normal people who tried to get about 8 hours of sleep a night because that's the healthy dose. sometimes i'd get way less, but i could still function just fine. now i try to set an alarm for about 8 hours because i have stuff to do, and my body won't let me even consider getting up until it's closer to 10 hours. what gives? i think d rant's project lazy ass took over my body. well, a combination of that and mayhem's sleep habits for the weekends are to sleep about 15 hours if possible (or it feels that way because he sleeps so late, although he won't go to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning). anyway, i've got shit to do.


Friday, June 03, 2005

Good to know... 

this is great. did you know that if you happen to be in a plane that has been hijacked, and the hijackers won't back down, then they will probably shoot down your entire plane. i'm assuming that the nightly news would just report you as a casualty of war. i know that gives me the warm fuzzies.

in other news, i turned heads today in the apartment complex. i think i'm going to call mayhem and tell him he has to take me out tonight. i look sexy, i feel sexy, i am sexy.


Avocado addict... 

for most of my short life, i have turned up my nose at avocados. my mom used to serve an avocado half during the warm months as a side item of dinner. a plain avocado with lime and hot sauce poured into the center (where the pit used to be). i didn't like the avocado, i don't like lime (unless it's in my margarita... and then it makes me happy!), and i don't like hot stuff (well, unless "hot stuff" refers to a hot man!)

but something strange has happened in the past couple of years. i have steadily turned into an avocado addict. i wait until the stores start to stock them again, and search for the ones that aren't rock hard. i generally get about 2 or 3 each week, and eat half an avocado every day. i like them plain jane, though. unadulterated avocado goodness. and hey, it's actually considered healthy (fatty, but the good kind). i always think that i'll have it as part of dinner, but i can rarely hold out that long and end up eating it with lunch.

so there's my avocado story.


Operation sexy... 

ok, so now that rumors are circulating about patenting the idea of operation sexy, i feel the need to clarify a little bit. rock and i formulated this idea together for him to put into practice with his wife. i'm glad that so many other guys are trying the idea. that makes me very happy and optimistic about the idea of all these unhappy sexless bloggers getting laid by their wives. i just wanted to make clear that i was behind part of this plan, too.

now go, boost your wife's self-esteem, make her feel sexy and irresistable, carefully bide your time, and enjoy the fruits of your labor! let operation sexy sweep the nation!


Thursday, June 02, 2005

Blogger poll... 

let's just do a quick little poll here. completely non-scientific. but that's the way we do things here... the lazy way!

when you look in the mirror (at yourself, of course), what do you think?

i'll start: i generally think something along the lines of "damn, i'm hot!" or "damn, i look so good." i am usually very happy with the beauty looking back at me in the mirror. however, i realize this isn't the norm. i wish it were. i think the world would be a happier place if everyone was happy with themself. i also remember to be thankful for this high self-esteem, self-confidence, stunning good looks, and smoking hot body. i think part of my new motto of having no regrets is that you have the enjoy what you have while you have it. don't take anything for granted.

so, back to the topic at hand: what do you think when you see yourself in the mirror?


Shifting ground... 

it's weird how life changes. it's really strange seeing the decisions you and others make. the thought process, what's important, where their (and your) priorities lie. human interaction on the whole is interesting.

some friends would never pick up the phone to initiate a call if possible. some people say "let's talk" or "let's get together" with no intention of following through. some people value friendships first and foremost. others familly. still others have another top choice, like their job. what's odd is that neither choice is really factually any better than the others. you have your personal opinion on it and maybe your value system indicates one superior option, but none are irrefutably better than the others.

friends are the most important thing to me. when i consider moving or making a drastic change for a job, i think about my friends. i think about missing them and missing out and losing touch. i wonder if i can find new friends in the new city who are as amazing as the friends i have now. i wonder how much i would really get to visit, and how often those visits would line up with theirs.

of course this can't be the point that makes or breaks a move or a job opportunity. but i consider it heavily. in some ways, i feel ambivalent about it. i don't like the idea of becoming one of those people who lives their life in the same place where they grew up. our family has always grown up in one place and then left it for another. i have done that to some extent and don't plan to move back to the same city where i was raised. but i kind of made the safe choice. the city that's just an easy daytrip away from home. in some ways i feel lucky... i can see my friends whenever they come into town. but that happens less now. i have noticed that after the first year or two living in a different place, the visits home grow more and more infrequent. i guess the new place truly becomes home and the old home just becomes another trip.

it's funny how life changes. for all the planning that we do, we really don't plan enough for that. we figure that we can see our friends whenever we want. we don't consider each others' long-term plans. as an example, it just dawned on me that one of the friends i made this past year in school will be leaving soon. she only came to this area for school and will probably never return once she's done. we hung out when we happened to get together, but we ought to start making plans to catch up and make the most of this last month. i know it sounds cheesy... more like what you would do if your significant other were moving away... but i think it's just as relevant to do this with friends.

i feel like i fall out of touch with friends too easily. with most of them i am lucky that we can catch up fairly easily, but after so many years, you start to lose that ability. i think i need to realize, also, that my friends are already scattered. if i move from here, i would be farther from my incredible friends from school. but we are all close friends, so there is really no reason that we couldn't have a mini reunion every time i came back into town. if i move to one potential area, i would be closer to a couple friends, farther from several others. i would have to move to a pretty far-flung part of the country to not have any friends there. bump up the minutes on the cell phone plan, mark out a few evenings each week, and stay committed to keeping in touch.

no idea where this came from. life can be kind of funny like that. none of this was about anyone in particular and was not a plea for any of you to reconnect or anything. no ploys. no guilt. just random thoughts.


Wednesday, June 01, 2005


subway jared needs to retire. and they certainly should never show a full body shot of him. he has no waist, which is kind of distressing. he looks like one of those exclamation points that is bigger on the top and tapers down to a little point at the bottom. and he isn't comfortable in his own body. he looks awkward.

these are the things i notice.

which brings me to my eternal question. media people are supposed to be in the upper trendy echelon of society. advertising, marketing, journalism. they're all cut throat for the coolest and hippest (and youngest) new grads who can peddle shit and make it look like diamonds. and yet... all of our commercials suck some serious ass. (i know, i sound so intelligent tonight.) considering all the people who want to break into the industry, you'd think that they could come up with some halfway decent ideas. some of the time, i think these people need to run their pitch by me so i can point out the blatant sexual reference that they missed. i'm not talking about using sex appeal. i mean naming things or describing things using terms that sound dirty to me, somebody who has matured somewhat since middle school. i can't even imagine what the true middle schoolers are saying. and then some of them are cheesy or make you loathe the product. kind of the antithesis of the desirable outcome. anyway, it's a pet peeve of mine. if they want a better reputation, then they need to come up with some better marketing schemes.


Beauty and the geek... 

ok, you can laugh at me if you want. but i watched beauty and the geek tonight and liked it. i missed the first 10 minutes so i don't really know how they set it up, but the next 10 minutes had me laughing my ass off. it's funny and it's sweet. the whole hyped-up drama of the dating reality show thing is annoying, but the rest of it is enjoyable.

i guess to some extent i was one of the hot girls who thought the nerdy guys were cute. i could see that they were sweet and cute and were often much less jack-assy as the popular guys. plus you have to have brains. that testosterone won't carry you very far past high school. mayhem was a good hybrid. smart, cute, definitively not a jackass, couldn't give a shit what others think and say (aka high self-esteem)...

so anyway, beauty and the geek. hilarious first episode. i plan to watch again.

one final note:
hahaha, i forgot the biggest tell that i think nerds can be cute. i'm a blogger chick who flirts shamelessly with all of you blogger guys.


Weird day... 

today was a weird day. i was completely wiped from yesterday and the past weekend. i had to sacrifice sleep lately and desperately needed to catch up today. i planned on sleeping very late. so i turned off the light late last night and prepared for sleep. then i realized... i had to get up at 9. damn. ok, so i set an alarm and go to sleep. that alarm went off waaaaaaaaay too early this morning. i had a contracted repairman come by to take care of something that our regular guy wasn't qualified to fix, so i had to leave the door where they could get in and i had to be dressed when they came in. so i got up, unlocked the door, put a robe on and fell asleep on the couch. i woke up when they knocked on my door and again it was like i was deep asleep. thankfully it only took about 15 minutes and i was able to get a little more sleep before taking care of errands. i forced myself to get up and tried to be productive. i thought i would take care of 2 things at once, but sadly i couldn't. i'll have to make a nasty little trip to a sucky part of town (bad traffic, confusing streets, just frustrating) to fix somebody else's mistake. damn them.

i don't know... that's really about all i've got. boring. more later.


The official stuff...

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