Vortexia's Secret

So I just thought up this theory on interactions in relationships. I want somebody who still needs to do research in either a sociology or psychology department to research this and get back to me. I think I'm onto something.

Ok, so we know some basics about positive and negative reinforcements here, right? If you're rewarded for something so you do it more, that reward was a positive reinforcement. If you get punished for doing something and try to do it less, then the punishment was a negative reinforcement. Now in relationships, we have been trained by society to implement pos and neg reinforcements in some form or another. If person A hurts person B, A gets some kind of punishment given by B. For example, A says B looks fat in those jeans, so B burns all of As clothing. If A does something that makes B happy, then A is rewarded by B. For example, A says B is the smartest person in the world, so B rewards A with a kiss (for the PG audience). Get the idea? Good.

Now, the disconnect comes when emotions enter into the picture. Oftentimes, emotional reactions are either the reward or punishment. This is complicated so I hope I can explain it well enough. If A hurts B, B may punish A by giving the silent treatment. For A, this is a punishment, but for B it could be a reward if B wants nothing to do with A for the next few hours. OR, it could also be a reward for B because A will spend the next few hours trying to show how wonderful B is, how madly in love A is with B, etc. Then this is further complicated by the make up process. A and B reward each other at the end of the fight by making up and making each other happy again. This could be a reward for ending the fight, but the mind could confuse it with a reward for the fight itself. Ah ha!

Also, for dramatic people or those who don't usually get enough attention during the smooth sailing part of the relationship, having a fight where the other person (A) has to prove their love and devotion to them (B), further reinforces the fighting. B is only reassured that A feels the same way about B when they fight; therefore, B instigates more fights and drama to get the attention they want. Further reinforcement.

Ok, so I think I'm really onto something here. Reinforcement stuff is so fun! I'll be thinking about a solution to this vicious cycle. If I think of it I'll let you know. (And did you know that "vicious cycle" was originally "vicious circle" but somebody changed it? Just in case you cared.) Ok, well I have to unpack so I can pack to go back to my parents' for the weekend. I go see the dentist again on Monday and it's a loooong commute from my apartment. I need to find a way to positively reinforce myself for unpacking/packing so I'll actually do it. Till next time...



(Disclaimer: person A and B are fictional people in fictional scenarios having fictional fights. If you know me then you know I wouldn't be person A or B and neither would any of my friends.)

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Still to come: I need to tell you about my internship! Here's the short version: I like it. Much more to come later.