Monday, October 31, 2005
so halloween festivities were fun. i feel like i'm in a plan-void lately, though. meaning that i am used to having fun stuff to do most weekends, but it seems like recently i have very few things. in a way it's nice to use a couple weeks to recover, take it easy, and just indulge my lazy, cuddly side. but then monday morning comes and everyone says, "so what did you do this weekend?" and i feel boring.
but back to halloween, which was fun. and i had an answer when people asked what i did this weekend.
i want to change up something in my life. got any ideas? and it can't include making one of you my boyfriend unless you're willing to relocate. i've done the long distance thing, and at least the guy knew how to reach me beyond a website and an email address.
question of the day: are you the same person at work as in your personal life? i think i tend to be fiestier at work a lot of times. not that i'm not fiesty in my personal life because i definitely am, but i have more victims at work who just let me give 'em hell and beg for more. beautiful, fiesty, and unattainable. damn, that's dangerous! so what about you?
Sunday, October 30, 2005
a little about me.
i slept way too long today. but that's ok since i grabbed an extra hour in the middle of the night. at first, i woke up at what would have been 9:30 (now just 8:30), so i figured if it was just 8:30 i should sleep some more. plus i felt sick. so i blew my nose a bunch and realized that my body was also sore. my stomach was sore and my back felt achey. ended up sleeping till what was now 12:30 or so (would have been 1:30), but my body felt better and i had less drainage, so that was good. i've been taking it easy most of the day. i've been kind of moody, and feel like i could cry thinking that the weekend will be over soon. i know things are going to be rough when i go back to work on monday morning. i'm dreading it already. i know one of my coworkers is going to be upset with me, and for good reason. my goal is to fix the issue early so it is resolved before he sees me. cross your fingers that i can pull that off.
what image of you would people get if they dug through your trash? if they dug through my trash, i think they'd decide that i was a coffee-drinking, conditioner using, obsessive shredder of any mail, recycler. they'd probably also see that i take vitamins, eat cereal and yogurt, and use kleenexes like nobody's business. what about you?
and what would they think about you based on what you bought on your last trip to the grocery store? from my last trip, they would assume that i was single, a health nut, probably had a cold, and was forced to do my own car maintenance. i played this game with the woman in front of me and assumed she was also single, but was lonely, and must have had a little problem with diarrhea. she was buying about 8 candy bars, a pint of ice cream, and the jumbo package of toilet paper. ow, rough night! lol, so what about you?
some people make me sad. i don't know why, it's like they trigger something in me. 90% of the time, i'm an insanely happy person. the type you either love because you always have fun around me, or you hate because i'm enjoying life and you're not. of course, i still have my off days and times when life can suck. which is fine because it means i'm human.
but there are a very few select people who get to me. make me feel bad about myself, make me sad, make me wish for a life other than my own. sometimes it's simple things. sometimes it's probably a bit of jealousy, feeling like i deserve what they have and not the other way around.
one person hurts me and doesn't mean to, but also can't stop. the other hurts me and either doesn't realize it and does it innately, or does it slowly, cruelly, and intentionally, and it has no impact on her conscience.
i don't know why i write this. maybe i write so i can release it into the world and return to being happy.
oh, as for the dirty bird weekend that got you all so curious, it was really just more of an opportunity to cut loose, enjoy a bit of freedom, and have some fun.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
dirty bird weekend. better be careful if you cross my path. time to break some hearts, liquor it up, and kick some ass.
no idea why it has to be "dirty bird." that just got stuck in my head, so i went with it.
bad girl, bad girl, i'm such a dirty bad girl.
Friday, October 28, 2005
i'm going to spend the weekend recovering from yesterday. i still had to drag my ass through today, despite wanting to peel the skin from my own body to get out of that hell.
and mayhem pissed me off yet again. he called me after i got off work. he knew yesterday was hell. so he called me, supposedly with the intention of seeing how my day was, but instead he ranted on and on about some petty neighborly dispute that one of his friends was having. not his issue, nothing to do with me. i ended up yelling about how it was pointless and he wasn't going to hear about my day because he didn't care enough to talk about it if this was the most important thing on his mind. nothing about my day, nothing about his day.
but on the upside, i had a lot of fun with the boys at work today. i don't know, there was just something about today. we were hysterical laughing with each other. potentially dangerous considering that mayhem has stopped trying to get back in my good graces, but it's all just teasing as friends... most are happily married, and i don't think i could ever do an office romance. not to mention i'm still assuming things will be resolved with mayhem and me. anyway, that's just a tangent. the other tangent is that i wonder if he has just given up. it hurts, yet at the same i can't believe that could ever happen. i guess only time will tell. i still want to enjoy my weekend, so i may just turn off the phone and let him deal with that however he wishes.
this weekend, i just want to be bad. i had bad thoughts running through my head all day. mayhem put me in a bad mood tonight (but the bad kind of bad). and i keep thinking more bad thoughts now. i'm a bad, bad girl. who wants to enjoy all that naughtiness?? ;) to my wife, get your ass over here!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
that's what today was. i'm so exhausted i don't even want to talk about it. this is how tired i was-- the combinations made with my food and drink as i ate grossed me out. the lunch combo made it taste like i had scarfed pounds of tums. i couldn't get the taste out of my mouth all day and it was making me sick to my stomach. then i finally grabbed dinner after i was dying of hunger, and the combo of my dinner food and beverage tasted like naaaaaaaasty barbeque. neither thing was even close to barbeque, so it made me so disgusted that i ended up trashing the food and going with continual junk food scrounging.
i'm so wiped. i need to take a shower to recover.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
yesterday i cleaned my windshield and added washer fluid. sadly this morning i discovered that i'm pretty sure it made my windshield accumulate more frost overnight. i definitely had to scrape away more than my neighbors did. damn clean windshield.
i was feeling pretty good as i drove in to work this morning, but then i nearly got sick at work. it ended up fine, but it scared me for a minute. and i have to head in early tomorrow to catch up for what i slacked off today when i didn't feel so good, so i'm dreading how freezing cold i'm going to be when i get up earlier than normal. i get freezing cold early in the mornings. i get even colder if i haven't had enough sleep because i wake up still in that phase when your body has lowered your body temperature because you're snoozing, and i can't cope. anyway, i'm dreading it already. i'm trying to decide if i'd rather suffer in the AM, or pay a bigger bill because i jacked up the heat all night. they sold the apartment to me with the understanding that it had a programmable thermostat. it doesn't. so i am stuck with that eternal dilemma of when and for how long to jack it up when i'm cold (because you KNOW i'll forget!)
anyway, that's the wrap up for the day. more tomorrow!
Monday, October 24, 2005
i just remembered something from this weekend. a slimeball looking me up and down and staring every which way at me while we waited in line at the grocery store.
i was there with mayhem and we were talking. but every few seconds, i got distracted by slick vic blatantly undressing me with his eyes. let me tell you, it was tempting. the pound of lard slicking back his hair. the heavy weight of his 2 inch wide link bracelet dangling so deliciously from his wrist. the look of a man trying to hide his age by dressing in clothes he no doubt jacked from his teenage love child. he's obviously a pro at this, which means either he gets surprisingly good results from his actions (girls, you really need to raise your standards!), or it never works for him and he's incredibly stupid. i'm going with number 2. he looked pretty dense. oh yeah, and he never once even acknowledged that mayhem was with me. was he an idiot and thought i was just chatting up the guy behind me in line? or was he an idiot and thought no guy would beat him up for those ludicrous actions? or was he an idiot for thinking that i would find that flattering? doesn't really matter. just thought i'd put in my update for sleeze patrol monthly.
i soooo had something to post. then it just flew right out of my mind. once i saw that rock had left a pity comment, the meaningful things i had to say escaped.
for some reason my car seems to guzzle windshield washer fluid. it's pretty annoying. i mean, at least it's just about the cheapest thing to keep filling in your car, but it's still a pain. especially once it turns cold and you're freezing your damn fingers off waiting for the tank to top off.
i bought halloween candy early, and an extra bag that i'm supposed to donate to a charity this weekend. unfortunately, it is now tempting the hell out of me. they look so tasty. i think i may have to taste test candy and get another bag this weekend to donate.
i just tried one of them, and i have to say it wasn't worth it. i should have had a little more self restraint.
i have good food for dinner tonight, so i'm going to go enjoy it. yum!
Sunday, October 23, 2005
i laughed long and hard and loud at grey's anatomy earlier tonight. they had some guy who was using porn as pain management, so when the power went out, one of the residents had to tell him a very involved, kinky, dirty story about the doctors and nurses getting it on. it was definitely more amusing to me in the moment than it is in the retelling.
how cool is this?
the brain is programmed to help people find their partner's lips in the dark.
kissing helps relieve headaches.
the average person spends 336 hours of their life kissing.
men who kiss their wives goodbye in the morning make more money than those who don't.
kissing stimulates the same part of the brain as parachuting, bungee jumping, and distance running. it also produces the same hormone as firing a gun.
it's illegal in indiana for men with moustaches to kiss women on a regular basis.
it's illegal in connecticut for a man to kiss his wife on a sunday.
in a passionate kiss, you use all of your facial muscles.
the world's longest kiss was 30 hours, 59 minutes, and 27 seconds.
the average kiss between adults lasts 45 seconds.
a one minute kiss burns 26 calories.
i should have been a philematologist (philematology is the art of kissing).
the movie "don juan" has 127 kisses in it.
kissing improves your skin.
an update on my life can be found below this.
*warning: this is going to be a very angry, volatile, hurt rant about mayhem and me. my opinion and stance on this issue may change at any time. you are not allowed to throw this back in my face if and when happiness returns.
things are definitely on the skids with mayhem and me. i feel like the bitter old hag nagging for what i want. but i realized something last night that made me mad and him but even more angry at myself. when we first started dating, i had all the power. this is how we both grew to know this relationship and like it. he was ok with me having the power, and i, of course, loved it. i have a need to be in control of my own life. which is probably the reason why i have accomplished so much in so little time. however, somewhere along the line, probably around the time when he sold me on the idea of marriage and happily ever after, i lost the power. he put me in a position where i wanted his fantasy, too, and he was in ultimate control of whether or not it would ever happen. he no longer had to worry about whether i would say yes at that big moment when he popped the question. i was now powerless. he dangled the future over my head like a cruel pet trick where the dog never gets the reward but foolishly continues to try. he keeps claiming that it will happen as soon as x,y,z, but i think i've waited long enough. if you've seen the movie "the bachelor," we have passed the "shit or get off the pot" moment. you didn't do either, so you have a disgusting hernia to show for your efforts, and you only end up hurt. yeah, disgusting i know, but whatever.
i have tried giving him deadlines. now i am a procrastinator, but i am a functional procrastinator. i do get everything done, and i will have things done by a deadline if i have one. so after things fell apart when he set the deadline, i tried setting one. he knew that anytime after that point, if we still weren't engaged, then i may call it quits at any time and that would be that. the deadline came and went, but we were happy with our relationship and where we were, so i didn't pull the plug. but last night was the night. after realizing that i'm younger than him, but my life is more in order and i'm more of an adult than him now. after realizing that i know couples where both people are my age (or even a little younger), but they are both in the position to get engaged now, while we aren't. after realizing that he has too many things to check off the list before we could get engaged, and even more before we could get married. after realizing that everything that i have done with my life is going according to plan, but the pieces where he is involved are going more and more off course, and i don't like that. after realizing that most couples who are eager to spend the rest of their lives together see eachother more than just on the weekends, talk more than a few minutes a week on the phone, and know what is going on in each other's lives when it happens and not days afterward as an "oh yeah, by the way" kind of comment. after realizing all of this, i then realized that nothing i did to push for our future was going to work. so i just gave up. told him, no more, game over, i've waited too long for nothing, i'm out.
yet this frustrates the hell out of me for many reasons. he never got upset, and the extent of his counter argument was "come on, baby, you know i'm working to make it happen." he isn't taking me seriously anymore because he knows we always resolve these fights. (sidenote: i just discovered on my computer that he was on IM during a part of the fight when we were in our separate corners and he thought he'd let me "cool off.") it frustrates me even more because i know how much i'll be giving up if i let him go for good. other than a few minor things i can deal with, like the procrastination (i can normally handle), messiness (what guy isn't messy to some degree), and maybe a little lack of motivation without my gentle kick in the ass. other than those things, he is the total package for me. i know he loves me more than anything else in life. i know he does like the concept of marrying me, even if he's having more than a little trouble making it happen. i know he would never ever even consider being unfaithful. i know he would be by my side through anything. i know he would be a good father to our children if we decide to have kids. i know everything else is there. which is probably why he isn't getting too worked up over this fight. he knows we'll pull through. i just don't think he realizes that the timeline for that is now in my court because i'm no longer ready to marry him. i'm not convinced that it is a big priority to him anymore. and at this moment i can't see marriage as being the healthiest move for us right now. it would be done with bad feelings on both sides. that's not the kind of marriage i want. so for now, marriage is the corpse bride. buried away, but not gone forever.
Saturday, October 22, 2005
today is all about me. i am pampering myself today. slept in late. took a lovely bubble bath. fixed some chocolate infused coffee and poured it into my favorite oh-so-adorable cup. which reminds me that i want to buy some dark chocolate brown pants. i used to hate brown, so it has pretty much been banned from my closet, but it's growing on me a little now. that's beside the point now, i just thought about it because my favorite coffee cup is chocolate brown with a cute design.
back to the day. i think i'll have some vanilla caramel pudding for breakfast. then some cake with lunch. and i deserve to pop open one of my bottles of wine to enjoy with dinner. the rest of the day will consist of satisfying my heart's desire. i may read, watch movies, nap, do yoga, unpack, clean, or whatever strikes my fancy. and i probably won't get dressed. i'm wearing my warm snuggly robe with nothing underneath, and i think that sounds like the wardrobe of choice for such a day. oh yes, and of course my favorite CDs will serenade me all day.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
ok, so i'm sure you all remember boobiethon and my post about it. talking about how it's a cause very close to my heart (in more ways than one). i lost one of my most favorite people in the entire world to it. she was a survivor for years, and was the cutest proudest survivor. this made me really rally behind the cause. apparently the emotions behind the cause have effected me more than i realized. today when i saw a breast cancer awareness commercial, tears started streaming down my face. it's emotional, it's touching, it's awe-inspiring that so many people care, and it brings back all those memories. at any rate, i just thought i'd share since talking about it is therapeutic.
HNT pic below.
so maybe that's a lie. i've had more HNT action than that, but it rhymes.
so the beauty of thursdays now is that i can make my post without brain power. i slap up a picture and go about my day without worries. as long as i continue to take excessive pictures of myself and various parts of my body, i don't have to even stress over getting a special pic for the day.
what is the sexiest little quirk about your body?
here's to feeling sexy!!!
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
after work today i went to a "big deal" thing in the city. tons of people were there. it was interesting.
i had these observations:
i saw an albino african american woman. i don't think i've ever seen that before. i asked mayhem if he had, and he said he's known three albino african american women. wow, i had no idea!
i know this is going to make me sound even worse than the naive girl who never thought about there being albino african american people, but i noticed something else even more superficial. pretty people are not the norm. basically everyone i know is pretty. in the crowds tonight, i saw the worst. i saw some pretty unattractive people. i figure this wasn't an ugly convention, so this was probably about average for the population at large. i don't pick my friends on looks. yet all my friends are beautiful. how does that work??? i'm not upset about it, but it just struck me as kind of odd.
another thing that i find odd... small breathmints make my stomach hurt. those nasty liquid ice things give me a tummy ache. so do tic tacs. weird. very weird.
back to my night out. stupid "witty" shirts with dumbass sayings are definitely over. they were in extreme excess tonight. i saw two "daddy's girl" shirts within 30 seconds of each other. not to mention a dozen others with small font and snappy insults that were too long to read in passing. i'd say that's kind of a waste of your $35 at the cool kids store. or the $8 at your super-trendy walmart.
i just got a call. irritated the crap out of me. i had a mike and ike in my left hand, and crushed it long ways into a little blob. stress management. by the time i have put in a full day at work with people and situations that push my buttons, i don't need it from people who know my personal phone number. don't make me take you off the accepted calls list! ok, feeling a little better now.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
what a day, what a day. work was something else today.
the night before last, i woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible tummy ache. thankfully, it's all better now, but i'm paranoid of eating anything i had that day since i don't know what or even if something i ate brought on the pain. which is a huge shame because i had leftovers from two good meals that day.
so a question of the day: how clean are you? are you clean only in terms of either your property or your body? are you clean in all parts of your life (house, office, body, pets, etc)?
hahaha! "sometimes we had so much fun, we forgot to steal anything." thank you jason lee.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
can be fun, beautiful, and delicious. and you'll feel like a true foodie as you enjoy your concotion.
this morning i got up, went to the grocery store, and finally restrained myself from buying yet another $20 of fresh fruits and veggies that i would lovingly store in my crisper with hungry eyes and never touch until they were disposed in the trash along with their white fuzzy mold.
i like the idea of eating fruits and veggies. i like to think that i would reach for them instead of the chocolate, candy, ice cream, and popcorn i too often devour. but i don't. i loathe cooking for one. i'm not really a fan of cooking period, but if i am cooking with somebody else i do much better.
so anyway, i come home, unload my easy ready-to-eat food items (and a few junk items), and decide i'm hungry. i made myself go before i had breakfast because i knew i'd plop down with my cereal and coffee and decide that some sunday movie marathon in my pajamas sounded like a much better idea that going to the store and unpacking and just generally being productive.
i decided that it was now or never. i opened my crisper, and saw that something had sprung a leak on an upper shelf and pooled water in the crisper (thus probably accelerating the rotting process). i'm a bad produce mama. i leave my produce in poor living conditions without a second thought. i cleaned up all the water and removed all my produce. after checking and rebagging the kiwi in a dry bag, i pulled out the rest of my produce ingredients to concoct a salad. baby spinach, grapes, peaches, broccoli, and carrots. after turning on some cooking-appropriate music, i cleaned, sliced, diced, dissected the good from the bad, and tossed. whoop, there's a salad. a very large salad. i put the whole salad in a tupperware and my smaller portion on a plate. then i drizzled my salad with a vidalia onion and raspberry vinaigrette dressing, and decided it was pretty enough to warrant a picture.
so here is my "everything but the kiwis" salad:
and how does it taste, you ask? quite delicious. crisp, fresh, like a healthy little party in my mouth.
this has been a good sunday. a nice mix of lazy and productive. and mayhem and i are better again. we talked it out, came to an agreement. no more promises he can't keep. no more claiming to come over if he really can't. and a satisfying groveling explanation about the whole mistaken identity thing. he nicely worked in how he thought i was beautiful for so much more than just my looks (which are very beautiful), and how some of the opposites of what make me beautiful are things that make my sister-in-law less attractive in mayhem's eyes. nevertheless, he worked himself back into my good graces. i'm glad he has. i miss him when we're fighting, and i hate it when he isn't making me happy. so anyway, back to the good life.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
i was in a fantastic happy-go-lucky mood yesterday. then mayhem brought me down into the depths of the foulest of foul moods. fucking bastard.
he mostly put me in a bad mood because he brought out some of the emotions i hate the most. like feeling stupid, feeling played, feeling like i care more about him than vice versa, and feeling like i'm the fucking stupid girl who turns down other plans because she thinks she's going out with her boyfriend only to have him call and tell her "not tonight baby, i decided to do something else." stupid moves worthy of castration when all combined at once. then he REALLY ends the death match with this finishing blow-- mistaking me as my sister-in-law in a candid picture and saying something bad about how "she" looks. here's the deal: my sister-in-law looks vaguely like me in a very broad sense, but mayhem thinks she is less attractive and kind of awkward. when she was about to become part of our family, people teased me about how we looked like sisters. neither mayhem nor i could really see a strong resemblence. we could see vague similarities like both having longer hair and being about the same height, but that was about it. so mayhem sometimes makes little remarks because he just doesn't understand why people think she's so fantastic. so it was really the final blow when he looked at this picture and said something about my sister-in-law before he realized it was me, not her. that was a big fuck you very much, since i know what he thinks about her. scum sucking bastard.
i was so angry last night that i woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a horrific pain in my lower teeth because i had been clenching my top teeth against them with all my might. i nearly cried from the pain. i am still pissed, but i am carefully separating my top and bottom teeth so they can't fight each other again.
i hate feeling like i'm stupid, and even more so, i hate feeling like i was duped. especially by a boy. don't claim i'm your number one fucking priority if you would rather take any other offer that comes along. i never asked to be #1 on the list because i know it's not realistic. however, if you're going to tell me i am at the very top of the list, then i will expect you to act like it. don't say it if you can't deliver. that's all i'm asking. that and if you don't plan on seeing me some night, then have the common courtesy to let me know, so i can make other plans. i talked to 2 people on my way home from work who asked if i wanted to do something with them last night. i turned both offers down because dumbass had said we were getting together. he calls around 7 and backs out, then he tries to get pissy with me and say "well, just call one of them back and say you're free after all." "yeah, one is sitting in a movie theater right now and another was 10 minutes away when she called to see if i was up for something. now she's about an hour and a half away. sure, no problem." asshole trying to turn it around on me. such a prick.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
not a great shot, but i was in a rush to get something out before the midnight deadline. not that anybody would object to getting a picture late, i'm sure. you can see some knee and a little toe action. enjoy my babies!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
i'd like to have the best of both worlds. i'd like to have mayhem here, available whenever i want to see him and do things with him. on the flip side, though, i do enjoy having the place to myself. sure i hardly ever motivate myself to do anything, but i'm ok with that most times. i've always been the type who wants whatever i want, whenever i want. have my cake and eat it too, and so forth.
i was exhausted most of the day today. i came home and curled up under the covers for a nice little nap. i probably could have slept the entire night, but i'm sure i'd be even more wiped out the next day... that is if i didn't wake up wired at 4 am.
so does everbody, on some level, have a fear of rejection? while i know mentally that mayhem won't ever leave me, it still scares me when my demented mind starts thinking about it. so on a scale from 1 to 10, how much does getting brutally rejected scare you?
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
just as i have decided that i'm not making the same mistake twice by getting another VW, i see how lusciously posh the new passat is. damn. well, it's not like i'll pay off my current car anytime soon, so i'm sure things will change by then, but it still kind of pisses me off. it's like when you fight with somebody, but then they make you laugh and you can't keep up your pissed off facade anymore. i hate that. i mean, usually with people you love that's a good thing, but with a stupid car that's crap.
and now, my truly deep thought:
there's a little bit of lesbian in all of us, since we all started out as females in the womb.
Monday, October 10, 2005
i think if i have ice cream at my wedding, i'll have birthday cake ice cream. it tastes great and has cute colorful sprinkles to make it all adorable and festive. it made me smile when i opened the little pint and saw the bright little sprinkles.
ok, enough of that. i'm wiped and need some sleep.
so i took the weekend off posting. didn't disappear forever or anything, just got busy enough that i didn't post. thank you for all the lovely comments for HNT. very encouraging and happy to see all the great new readers!
so i had a fantastic weekend. how about you guys?
i think i'll fix some popcorn. i hate waking up cold. i also hate waking up exhausted.
so tonight i should unpack and get some work done. or curl up with the boy and the fireplace. or fix the popcorn and take a nap. i'm a little brain dead, so i'll write more later.
Thursday, October 06, 2005|
so tired. no posty right now. maybe later. maybe tomorrow.
comment to be nice :)
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
so i've watched the american version of "the office" since it came out. usually waiting to see the value and promise of it that everbody else seemed to see. most of the times, i saw it as mildly amusing, but lacking the genius that everyone else praised. tonight, however, i thought it was fantastic. hilarious. yogurt lids, priceless. being so ballsy as to draw in the unwitting boss, fantastic. so i will continue to watch, hoping for another episode as good as this one.
Monday, October 03, 2005
have you ever considered how many people really know you? not just know you, but the real you. i started thinking about that earlier tonight. last week mayhem and i were looking through a friend's wedding pictures together and then watched some TV. if the couple could have heard what we were saying about them and the others in their pictures, they would have never quite recovered. when we have those moments, mayhem always mentions that people would be so floored if they knew how dirty my mind could be. anyway, just a passing thought.
i don't really know what to say about today other than it was interesting. work was interesting. my time management tactics were interesting. my drive was interesting. my mail was interesting. my dinner was interesting. not all in the same way, and not all using the same euphemism of "interesting" in the same way. i had fun. i got things done. i stayed busy. life was good.
the mention of a drive reminded me... i drove through a very dangerous area a few days ago. first, a peacock darted out RIGHT in front of my car. i had to slam on the brakes and swerve to avoid hitting it. then daredevil the squirrel ran out, not even a foot in front of me. i'm decently sure i hit the poor thing, unless it ran way faster than i thought it could. i felt horrible, but it was sooooo close that there was nothing i could do about it. then a tiny bit down the road from that squirrel mishap, daredevil's slightly smarter cousin ran in front of my car. that one was far enough in front of me that i could slow down enough to allow it to cross safely. what the heck was the deal?! i mean, wildlife is nice and all, but i don't like it to create an obstacle course for me. that's not a very funny trick. and it's a very elaborate dwi trap. i hate thinking that i may have just killed an animal. in our early years, i was driving to mayhem's when i ran over a squirrel that the car in front of me had just killed. i didn't kill it, i hit it as it bounced out from under the other car's tires, but it still traumatized me. i burst into tears for the poor little creature, and cried to mayhem about it the second i saw him. it caught him so off guard he half-laughed as he said, "baby, it's going to be ok! you didn't even kill it!" i sobbed, "i know, but i still hit it!" he hugged me tight and kept kissing my head and alternating between saying "it's ok" and "you're so cute." i still remember that because his reaction was so sweet. anyway, just thought i'd share.
in other news...
i just used this job predictor thing, and it said i should be either a princess or a movie star. i couldn't agree more!
Sunday, October 02, 2005
i was a good girl today. i spent a ton at several stores today, but it was all for other people. this is why i said i was a good girl. i bought myself the one thing i needed, and all the rest of my money and impulsivity was focused into buying the many items i needed to purchase for other people. so i bought and bought to check off the items i needed to get for others. and i avoided all the ooh and ahh items for myself. i was a good girl.
so yesterday and today were quite an adventure. mayhem came over last night, and we started the shopping marathon then. afterward, we cooked up some dinner and watched a movie. oh, and right before mayhem came over i got a monstrous migraine where i felt like i was about to pass out. my neck and back were in so much pain that i could feel spasms. so before we left for the shopping outing, mayhem gave me a massage. he dug in deep, he worked out as many knots as he could, and he sucessfully melted away about 90% of the pain. i'd keep him around for that reason alone! but lucky me, this is just one of his many incredible qualities. that truly sent me over the moon, though, because he graduated from decent masseuse to excellent. mmmm.
once we got home from shopping and started the evening, it was really a perfect night. we cuddled after the movie and he kept saying the perfect things. incredible.
we had planned on getting up early today, but instead spent the whole morning lazing around in bed. more cuddling, more sweet moments, more happiness. we talked about some things we really needed to discuss, and he shared a few things that he had been trying to keep a secret but just couldn't hide any longer. they were good secrets, secrets about our future. it was cute that he was trying to hide them, but i was also happy to hear them.
when we finally got moving, we took care of everything we needed to at the stores. unfortunately, the laziness of the morning left him short on time, so our normally fun shopping outings were now fast and frantic. left me with another headache and stress out the wazzoo. we got dinner at a place i had mentioned earlier this morning because i had been craving their food. so that was sweet.
now it's back to another week of work. i'm a little worried about getting everything done on time because i still have things to finish tonight before i'm ready for the work week.
donate to boobiethon! my twins will thank you for it!
Saturday, October 01, 2005
know what would taste really good right now? smoky cocktail weenie, covered in a sharp wine cheddar spread, wrapped in lightly buttered crescent roll. mmmmmmmmmm...
boobiethon now has my photo. if i'm ballsy enough, then i'll own up to which one is mine by posting it here as an HNT picture. if not, then i'm sorry. but you can always enjoy it with the others over here. please donate here.
as you seasoned readers probably remember, i'm a huge breast cancer cure supporter. it has hit my family, as well as the families of other loved ones, and i am praying for a cure. so with this time of the year comes weird looks from coworkers as i carefully stash away all the pink yogurt lids. buying the breast cancer stamps, even though they cost a little more. clicking away at the breast cancer site. taking scandalous pictures for boobiethon. wearing my pink bracelet (like the livestrong ones) along with the pink ribbon. now that i'm in better shape i might even try to do the race for the cure.
i know it seems over-emotional, but i tear up when october rolls around and i see just how much support there is for finding a cure for breast cancer. special M&Ms, special stamps, special deals or discounts at stores, donations all over. it reminds me of my grandmother, her struggle with breast cancer, her victory over it, and her passion for the cause. she was a proud survivor. i know it's egotistical, but i always thought that part of this effort to find a cure was to save her.
so please support the cause. it affects everyone. not only can either gender have breast cancer, but there isn't a person out there who doesn't like boobies. women, you have them, and guys, you love them. so let's keep as many pairs safe from the evils of cancer.
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