Wednesday, November 30, 2005

More random thoughts... 

i'm going to admit it right now. i just realized that you won't be waking up tomorrow morning to an HNT pic. but you'll have triple the entries to savor and some pretty interesting topics, if i do say so myself.

so another question to answer: what kind of accent is sexiest to you?
i'll tell you upfront that i'm betting many guys will say southern and many girls will say british. just from my unofficial field test of the question on those i know and love in real life.

second question: do you have a "work persona" that is different from the regular you?
i think j-mo and i talked about it a while back. i know he has a totally different work persona. i think i'm developing one too. and weirdest of all, i think my work persona has an accent. no kidding. and my laugh is different and i am both shy and outgoing simultaneously. to be honest, my work persona suffers from schizophrenia. it's tragically hilarious and surprisingly popular. i should teach seminars on the weekends for those who really do have schizophrenia. fortune 500 companies could really use a fresh perspective from the schizophrenic community. and i'm sure that "schizo-infused" will be the next big buzz word. there will be restaurants, marketing schemes, and the desperate companies will just grab homeless people off the streets and pay them $50K a year to pose as schizophrenic employees in hopes that they will appear hip and marketable. and because i loved the line and it's schizophrenic-appropriate, my motto for the burgeoning shizophrenic empire that i am creating will be "it's tragically hilarious and surprisingly popular."


Rim or blow job? 

OMG, my mind went straight to the gutter when i read this headline:

"judge deals rim blow in blackberry case."

rim job
blow job
good lord, what are "blackberries"?!


Peeved and buzzed... 

i'm about ready to pull my friggin hair out at work. seriously. i'm just getting slammed. i hate it. i left work so frustrated today that i don't think i could have even formed a coherent thought. i know i'll get on top of things again, but until then, i may be slightly miserable and moderately bitchy. se la vie.

so let's have a little vote: weird mechanical noises and bumps are overheard from my upstairs neighbor's apartment on a regular basis. is my upstairs neighbor a clean freak who goes a little crazy with the vacuum, or is my upstairs neighbor a freak who goes a little crazy with a giant vibrator? i figure it's one or the other, but i have yet to determine which. what's your guess?


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

SVU quandary... 

ok, so you guys all know by now that i like SVU. however, there's one character that confuses the hell out of me. the asian guy. at first they claimed he was a social worker. then he was a big computer geek guru. then i think he was the dude who analyzed languages or accents or something. then this episode, he whipped out a stethoscope and diagnosed the convict. how's he do it? and the dude looks young. must be the doogie howser type to have gotten 14 degrees by 22. hot damn! or maybe SVU just wanted a few core characters and he was written in as the catch all to substitute for several extras.

i think that's about it for tonight. i'm cold. i've been cold for several days. i need to make mayhem and/or the maintenance people install some more insulation in this place. haha, yeah right. maybe i just need to buy a nice indoor parka. do they make those wear-around-the-neck fans in the heater variety? i guess it's called a husky. they can survive alaska, so i'm sure they can survive a chilly apartment with some heat to lend me. brrr!


Monday, November 28, 2005

Holiday hangover... 

times are tough. the holidays are over (until the next one at least). work is trying to kill me. the relationship is rocky again. the productivity i felt over the weekend has completely vanished, leaving me a blob again. shit, and i just realized that i'll have to pay rent in a couple days. sometimes i can't tell if i love or hate my life. ok, hate is a strong word. but when the shit hits the fan, it really splatters. shit at work. shit in the relationship. shit shit everywhere.

the difficult thing is whether or not to make changes. do i look for another job after just a few months? or live for the good times in the job when i love it. do i look for another man, or hope this one gets his act together? i need to get my priorities straight and then see what seems to matter at that point. of course, work needs to get under control for me to have that amount of time, so it's kind of a catch 22.

life's a slippery, tricky little bitch, isn't it?


Sunday, November 27, 2005


this is the depressing part of the weekend. knowing that i'll have to return to work tomorrow morning. sure, i like my job. but i love time off work even more.

i'm slowly eating my way through all the food that will go bad shortly. it makes for some interesting meals. or more accurately... "meals." it's a fine art to balance everything well, though. eat too much in one category, and you just overloaded on dairy. eat through it all too quickly, and then you just don't have enough food to last the week even though you feel like you just went shopping. tricky little balance to maintain.

i had a good weekend. how about you guys? time with family. tiny bit of time with friends. good food, but i didn't get to stash any of the leftovers from my fave foods. i did get a little helping of leftovers at least. now i feel like more food. i've had food on my mind all weekend, so why stop now? mmmm, let's go raid the fridge.

so what are you most thankful for? (i know, late... but better than never.)


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Holiday recap... 

i survived thanksgiving. i also survived the day after thanksgiving. unfortunately it wasn't one of the best thanksgivings, but at least i did eat some good food and get to drink during the more awkward situations.

i avoided the post-holiday shopping frenzy. i briefly considered trying to pick up a few items, but decided that the stress of dealing with the horrible shopaholic freaks wasn't worth saving a couple bucks. not to mention that what i needed probably wouldn't be on sale anyway.

i had fun spending time with my family and part of mayhem's family. i didn't have too much fun with mayhem or with some extended not-quite-family and other members of mayhem's family and my family. and i'm sure that was long and twisted. but basically there were good times with some people, and not so much fun with other people.

i need to get some work done. i'm already starting to get depressed that this long weekend is wrapping up. but i'm not going to think about that or i'll get upset. i need more of this break, that's for sure. make the most of it while you can, right?


Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Kick it in the nuts... 

this was quite the day. of course. seems to be the story of my life every day. so i'm unwinding with my pirate buddy mixed into coke.

the holidays will leave some to be desired. but such is life. i'll spend time with family, but not in a way that will feel like family. it sucks, but it's the "right" thing to do, which means that we're playing good etiquette all weekend.

at least i will also get to see good friends. life is so interesting. it really is intriguing. i mean, the people you meet, the interactions you have, the curveballs sent your way.

right now, my life seems pretty black and white. things i love and things i hate, and not much in between. i don't know how i feel about that mediocre middle, if it would tip the scales toward the positive or just be there, like when the snow has been trampled and is just grey slush. either way, i don't have much of the blasé left in my life. life is intense.


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Short and sweet... 

i'm so exhausted that i've got to make this quick. i pieced together some things that i needed to figure out today. part of it was pretty cool. i realized that something i would beat myself up for was actually the way it was supposed to be. i had another harder experience where i realized that it is a tough situation, but one where i can't do anything to help. kind of made me realized that i can't always save the day, and i'm not always meant to either. i also saw somebody who is rarely humble show humility with me. an apology that needed to happen, and an experience i needed to have that i missed in childhood... all rolled into one.

i know it's all very vague, but it's been a crazy day and i'm feeling the effects. got to get to bed. if i get the chance i'll explain more later.

anybody have big plans for thanksgiving? what are the typical "big" things of childhood that you missed out on? or did you pretty much get to have it all?


Sunday, November 20, 2005

Teeter totter... 

it's been a bizarre day. i felt like crap. then i had fun. then i tried to get something done that i've been putting off for months. that made me feel worse. after that i had a conversation with one of my best friends. she said something that kind of made me feel like crap, and i wish i had the guts to ask her about it, but then i waited too long and it would have turned awkward, so i just didn't ask. and finally, i talked with another really good friend and heard about some exciting news. that made me really happy again because i'm excited for her. so it's been a weird, whirlwind kind of day. i hope i can feel normal again around thanksgiving. i need to stop procrastinating, and i need to get rid of the funk.

(oh, funny sidenote: i met this guy who sounded and looked like he was from another country, so we asked him and he claimed to be from THE country (like a country/farmer boy). how does that work?! we were sure he must have been lying to us, but he never came back to say "just kidding.")

ok, so this is a question for the girls. any of you with "odd size" boobs... where do you find bras that fit? i'm sick of wearing bras that don't fit as well as they should, but i cannot find a place that stocks my size. i'm a tiny band and a big cup. i tried getting measured last week and the lady said i was 2 cups smaller than the bra i'm spilling out of. now i know that they think they know what they're doing. but i also know when a bra doesn't fit me right. i've been wearing them for a long time now. if it's not some kinky kind of bra and i can barely get my nipple covered, the bra doesn't fit. period. so anyway, that lady acts like she'll just humor me by asking somebody else fit me (as she yells my supposed size out to everyone in the changing room and makes a point of telling my friend my supposed size). that other girl tries to size me and comes up with the same size. as i explain that i tried what was one size larger than what they claimed and was barely able to squeeze half of my boob in the cup, and that i was spilling out of the bra i normally wear that is two sizes bigger. at least that chick then acknowledged that maybe they weren't getting a good fit on me because i was small and "all boob." yeah, probably so. but that still didn't get me to buy a bra from you because i can't find that "all boob" size, since you don't stock it. so... long story short, where can i find specialty sizes? preferably without it being a stripper store if possible. gracias in advance! i will be SOOO thankful to have a good fitting and hopefully cute bra.


Damn bitches... 

it's the under-handed bitches who always get their way. life just ain't fair.


Saturday, November 19, 2005

Hot headed... 

i just learned a very bad lesson today. one that pretty much completely undid my learning experience of last week. remember how last week i was so proud of myself for figuring out how to not get angry and just state what needed to be done before removing myself from the situation? yeah, well, i found out that getting steaming mad works better.

and no, it wasn't a smack down with the noisy stair climbers. it was with mayhem. i got really upset and angry about something, so i just hung up the phone. i truly had nothing more to say, so i just let the phone ring the 14 times he tried to call me back. he eventually gave up, and many hours later, my phone rang again. i had cooled off at that point, so i picked up the phone to see what he wanted. figured if he was wanting to fight again, i'd just go back to my old plan of keeping my cool. no, he a) apologized, and b) explained that he had grown some balls and stepped up to the plate to do what needed to be done. he told off one person who i'd been dying for him to bitch out, he guilt tripped another party who needed to be taken down a few notches, and made a plan for how he would achieve what i wanted. hot damn! woman with a temper really gets results! i will try to use my powers for good, and only occasionally for evil.


Boiling mad... 

i swear to you that if the stupid fucking ass clowns above me don't stop gallopping up and down the stairs outside my door, there will be blood shed.

and i swear that all hell will break loose if the radio doesn't stop skipping (how the fuck does that happen anyway?!) on one of my new favorite songs. good lord, i will hurt that fucking piece of shit DJ.

my nice, enjoyable, lazy, peaceful saturday is being ripped away as i feel all those lovely feelings drain away. they are replaced by feelings of hatred and anger from these unpleasantries. damn you fucking bastards.


Friday, November 18, 2005

Happiness wash over me... 

life is all about the ups and downs. writing daily for you guys has definitely clarified that point for me. i feel like i'm typing a virtual roller coaster at times because things are fantastic, then they're the pits. but that is life. my life is no more or less dramatic than most.

tonight, though, was one of the highs. i had a good day at work. i was able to put closure to this week. i was able to feel good about the work i was doing again, and one of the first events of my work morning had a funny karmic way of bringing me out of the funk and reminding me why i usually love what i do. it shifted my focus and my viewpoint, and that made all the difference in the world.

as the late afternoon tapered off, i tied up a few loose ends, was productive, and just felt very good about the day, and the week as a whole. as i drove home, i felt very grown, like i had really come into my own. i socialized with colleagues during the day and discussed grown up things, and when the work day was done i drove to my home (not just a house but a home).

i briefly went home and crashed. i was completely exhausted from the week, but i had plans. so i took a quick little power nap and out the door again. as i zipped down the street, i felt peace flowing over me. this is my town, this is my street, this is my zone, i can call all of this home. this is my life, and it is good. it was a very nice feeling. i realized i really do love my life. i have a good job, good coworkers (most of the time), a nice home, good family, good friends, a good present, and a good future.

as i met up with my friends, i again had that feeling that i was at home. i was with dear friends and we have quite a history together. all being together felt wonderful. another reason i love my life.

then i come home and wait a few minutes for the call from the boy to come over and make my home feel even more filled with love and coziness.

my life is full of joy, happiness, love, friends, and family. i am so thankful for it all.


Thursday, November 17, 2005

Bitter pill to swallow... 

i'm very frustrated and bitter with some events that went down at work today. but we don't discuss work, so i'm just going to have to stew. i may have to kick some ass at some point, though. that's all i'm going to say. consider this your warning, if you work with me, which you don't... so those who work with me can just consider it a sneak attack.

i really don't know what else to say. i think i need to be pampered this weekend. feel cutesy again. and maybe get a few cute outfits. will that happen? mmmm, probably not.

i seriously am out of thoughts tonight. it's like my mind is on this one single track until i can get it off my chest. so i've been trying to reach mayhem so i can spew. then i'll be back to my old self. i hope. anyway, sorry this sucks. (damn, even my eyelashes hurt!)

what is one of your pet peeves from work? rock, you happened to have a frustrating day at work today, too, so give me another pet peeve of yours. kissy kissy!


Wednesday, November 16, 2005


damn, i thought i had already written a post. i check before i turn off the computer and realize i haven't yet. which of course means yet another evening where i don't get my HNT pic posted the night before so there are no angry mobs. damn, i need to set my priorities in line.

so i'm going to tell you a little story. it's called mayhem's past life. he's got an interesting story, but i'll condense and distill a lot to get to the point. during his most badass time of his life, he was up to no good, but also pretty involved in a church youth group. very bizarre and doesn't fit with all the shit he got into the rest of the week, but there it is. i think it started with his mom forcing him to go and the big perk of free vacations to the slopes and the beach with kids his own age with not enough supervision so he could get into more trouble. anyway, for whatever reason, that was the case. he was super close to two of the guys in the group with him, who at the time were way more straight edge than him and were verrrry religious. after high school graduation, they kind of went their separate ways and all lost touch. he ran into one of them not too long ago at his same old same old job he's had for ages as a waiter in the area. at first he thought he was pretty much the same old guy, but as he pieces more together he realizes that this guy is totally different. he's now atheist, has a live in girlfriend, and has a kid (i think with the current girlfriend). he used to be very religious, say he was going to wait until marriage, and would have never had a kid without marrying the girl should he slip. the second guy, mayhem just learns about last week. he's slow to tell me about the changes this guy has made, but he finally shares that the guy is now in gothic, pagan, and covered in some not-so-innocent tats.

he's going on and on about how different they are and how he almost started to think he bumped into the wrong guys because the ones he knew would never be like that. i had to stop and remind him of all the changes in his life and how much different he is in so many ways and how i'm sure they would fall off their chairs if he told them all about this new life and the steps in between. not to mention how much his look has changed. honestly, yes those are drastic changes for those guys, but in some ways, mayhem has changed even more. if i wasn't there for the entire transformation, i would swear up and down it was two different men, and i still feel that way at times when i think about the old him and the new him. so i can imagine it's even bigger to them.

oddly enough, he doesn't seem to realize he has made such huge changes. he kind of made noises that indicated he sort of saw what i was saying, but he still didn't really think he was that different. yeah, those changes occurred over several years, but if you cut that out and look at then/now, it's pretty major. i think he kind of got it finally.

anyway, no idea why this is post-worthy, but i'm sharing even if it isn't my life. now you know a tad bit more about mayhem (other than the fact that he's the luckiest damn guy in the whole wide world, which is the reason you're jealous of him). now that i've acted all cocky and full of myself, i'm going to bed. hugs and kisses to my loves!


Tuesday, November 15, 2005


where's the love? no comments for a few days now. i'm going to develop a complex and get all paranoid that somewhere on the web, somebody has written a warning against giving me lovely comments.

so let's see... had an awkward moment today at work. i mean, i've had way too many of them already, but this was definitely one of the worse ones. two (noticeably) older coworkers start going back and forth trumping each other on making normal comments sound dirty. then came the charades. then it turned personal. and because i'm considered one of the hot ones there, and everyone just figures it's a well known fact that can be openly discussed, some of the "turning personal" was addressed at me. oh good lord. under many circumstances, i would not only find it fun and hilarious, but i would egg them on. except here it was guys who have daughters close to my age. and here it was coworkers who i have to remain professional with. and here it was coworkers who i already knew thought of me in ways that they shouldn't and i was trying hard to ignore all that. so anyway, i'll continue to ignore it all as long as they don't revisit it and make stale jokes tomorrow. i hate that... if the joke is dead, don't dig it out of the grave to make the skeleton dance again. it's over.

omg, earl is a great pick me up tonight.

have a great night! leave me comments my loves!


Monday, November 14, 2005

News and advertising... 

i know i've bitched about the news before, but here i go again. the news is such a let down. a buzz kill. i'll admit, i get sucked in by some of their fluff pieces where i want to know what their little secret is that they string you along to discover. but inevitably, i'm left angry at their sheister tricks. the best ___ will be revealed after this break. then they tell you there is not best ____, it's up to personal preference. since WHEN is that news worthy?! to know that whatever item you pick off the shelf is just fine, no better or worse than the other brand next to it? that is a load of shit.

another pure load? apparently the government is the only thing that can advertise and not be held up to the "truth in advertising" laws. they can stretch, twist, contort, and outright lie all they want in advertising and be exempt. of course i am not all scientific and don't do my own fact checking, and this VS outfit isn't yet big enough to hire a full time fact checker, so that piece of info could also be a load of shit. but for some reason, i believe it. i mean, why wouldn't they be? makes their lives a lot easier. just lie!

k, that's it for tonight. keep it real, homes. oh, and bring over an industrial sewer pumper thing to suck everything out of my nose so i can breathe normally again. i hate that feeling like every breath i take could be my last if my sinuses collapse under the extreme weight and pressure of all the stuff that somehow found its way into my sinuses to kill me slowly. yes, it no longer makes sense, but it hurts so i don't care and i just feel like rambling now so i'm going to see how long i can keep this up before i just start laughing at myself and shut off the computer, and i think that point is right about now or maybe right... now. ha!


Sunday, November 13, 2005

Everything's better with a dollop of the V... 

another thing was added to the list of things that V makes more fun than the average person.

mayhem went grocery shopping with me last night. i must have gotten giddy about it since it was my first trip outside since i had gotten really sick on friday night. i was feeling better by last night, but i didn't want to risk shopping all on my own, and since mayhem was already there he came along for the ride. as we left, he mentioned that he'd buy some frozen items at the grocery to make us dinner. as soon as we get there, i become entranced by the bakery goods. they had two of my favorite non-chocolate items side-by-side, and i had to have them. but mayhem was going to get them for me, i decided, so i worked my magic. first, i was adorable and super excited as i oohed and ahhed over them and checked out what would be the best bargain to get both. that got him to consider getting some for me. then i turned proceeded to turn him on in the middle of the store. i snuggled up close to him and started nuzzling and kissing his neck in that especially sensitive part. his breathing changed and i looked up into his eyes and said "please?!?" we got desserts.

then we moved into the first cooler section. it had health juices and then progressed to the cheeses. we looked at the juices and saw "strawberry cha cha"-- i pointed it out to mayhem who started laughing and saying it in a funny voice. then we saw alouette cheese and i sang the alouette song.

as we passed through the fruits, he saw an imported pineapple, and asked if i remembered who used the pineapple as a torture device. (turned out it was in that little nicky movie by adam sandler.)

by the time we get to the ice cream, i had to ask the obvious... "do you think everyone here thinks we're drunk?" "yeah, probably." then i start laughing because we're sober, we're just also stupid.

sadly, by the end i start feeling sick again. i guess i only had about 20 minutes of entertainment in me. although i still recognized the extreme humor when i was trying to hurry up the final piece of shopping. mayhem wanted juice, so he was comparing two types. he finally decided on one, but was being slow about putting it in the cart, so after i confirmed that the one in his hand was the one he wanted, i said, "turn around and put it in!!!" my eyes immediately got wide and i covered my mouth with my hands as i started to die of laughter. mayhem had a split second delay as his mind went, "wait, what??!" then he started cracking up too. as we walked away, i looked over at the stock boy who was close to us... he had a very odd grin on his face, but had somehow kept himself from laughing. i see management material there.

as we headed to the checkout lane, mayhem told me, "normally i hate grocery shopping and i try to get it done in 5 minutes if possible. you make it fun, though. i love grocery shopping with you." awwww....


Saturday, November 12, 2005


word to the wise: do not try to pluck your eyebrows while you're still sick.

i wandered into the bathroom for one of my many annoying pee breaks. i'm trying that whole healthy crap about drinking lots of water when you're sick so you get better faster. problem is, that makes you pee every couple minutes, and i find that very annoying. so as i'm washing my hands, i look up in the mirror and see that it's time to spruce up the eyebrows a little. i swear, i thought i only plucked out the stragglers. however, when i was finished and stood back to gaze upon my handiwork, i was not happy. i looked overplucked. i've never been a huge fan of my brows. au naturel, they are too big for my tastes yet wispy. plucked or waxed, they look tamed but too little. they're still wispy so they're very pale on the tail end and don't accomodate that cute little arch partway through. so instead they have the arch up front, since that's where they naturally arch. ok, even i'm lost now. basically, i'm annoyed with them and wish i had the willpower to let them get all grown out again and let a professional wax them into submission. i've done it a couple times, but i hate that fuzzy look before the wax and rarely make it successfully to the waxing chair. *sigh* they'll probably look fine to me the next time i see them. just chill until then, V. seriously.

now that all the men's eyes have glazed over.... BOOBIES!!!! there, i thought that might do it! ;)


Tick tock... 

sorry you've had to go a couple days without new posts. i'll attempt to fill you in and share a few thoughts.

i've been sick the past few days. i either haven't been near a computer or i haven't felt like doing anything other than huddle under blankets and wait for sweet mercy to take away the pain. i think i'm on the mend again finally, though.

have you ever met somebody and wondered how in the hell anybody could date them? i met this guy who is a complete and total asshole. and he also has a massive ego and is a know-it-all. i have tried to consider who in the world would date him, and i concluded that it must be a woman with a very low self-esteem who likes a man who can set her straight and deliver orders. in other words, it would have to be the woman who is the very antithesis of me. well, i come to find out that he is gay, and since then i have been trying to think if i have ever met a man who would love being in a relationship with a guy like that. gay or straight, just any man, period, who is that meek and docile and wants to be ordered around like that. i've drawn a blank every time and concluded that this mean lonely man must be truly undateable.

my place is filthy. i need to clean it, but you never feel like cleaning when you're sick. i wish i could convince mayhem that it would be fun for him to clean for me. i don't think even bribery would work. this is one of those times where being married could come in handy, though. i could make him clean up the place, then buy groceries for the week, and exchange an item i bought last week that doesn't work. meanwhile, i could stay at home and work on feeling better. despite being an asshole most of the week, he came through for me last night, so he's slowly being forgiven.

there are no HNT pictures because there is something wrong with my camera. once that has been resolved, HNT will be reinstated here at VS.

my dishwasher sounds like the crocodile in peter pan. it ticks when it's supposed to be in that silent part of cleaning or drying. ok, that's about it. time for my nap.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Peat repeat... 

stupid punk did the same jackass thing tonight. anybody know of a good dog trainer who could maybe address a few choice issues with my boy? i think he got the point that he needed to do better, though. no fight, no yelling from me. just a simple, firm explanation of what he did wrong, why he needed to change it, and why i would try talking to him the following day. and that if he wasn't any better tomorrow, then my weekend plans will not involve him. i bet this new approach is going to throw him for a loop. i feel more controlled. i don't get all worked up by getting in a fight and getting upset. i throw the ball in his court that he can do what needs to be done or i'm removing myself from the relationship until i feel it's worth my time to spend time with him again. it's simple and direct. and it can't piss him off to a point where he would choose to be mean just to spite me. i like it.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Blame game... 

one thing you should know about me. it is really going to piss me off when you accuse me of something i didn't do. like somebody at work who pawned off their mistake by saying i created the issue. or mayhem in our conversation tonight. we are talking and both getting more and more frustrated with each other because the point of the conversation was lost long long ago and neither of us can understand what in the hell the other person is saying. i'm trying to cut to the chase and make my point and get out. he's trying to painstakingly hash out things that don't even make sense because it's so complicated but he's leaving out a few key pieces. anyway, he goes back to a topic he had left several minutes back, and he tells me in this snotty tone, "AAAaaaaand, if you would have LET me finish, i was going to say that..." i blew up at him. "I NEVER INTERRUPTED YOU! you FINISHED your thought on that already and had told me everything you just told me again!" it made me so mad. he couldn't remember if he had told me all about that topic or not, so he just assumed that i had interrupted him since we had gotten onto a different topic since then. instead of politely bringing up the topic again and explaining that he didn't remember if he had finished talking about it or not, he just blames me. sonofabitch.

he lost his talking privileges for the rest of the day. i'll speak to him again tomorrow if he's nicer. something must have crawled up his ass to be such a punk so soon after such a wonderful sweet weekend together.


Monday, November 07, 2005

Candy corn cubicles... 

somebody just dared me to try candy corn soda. it's actually very delicious. yum! you get the V seal of approval.

the boy just called me and told me that he thought he was going to get his very own cubicle at work next week. so cute! he was all excited about this little mini promotion. no monetary gain, but he gets his own fake walls.


7th heaven... 

i hate this show. so why do i end up watching it nearly every week?!

it's creepy that everyone has the exact same color blue eyes. freaky clones.

i hate how they get on one topic and beat it to death. like this week was a shameless promotion of campbell's soup and their labels for education thing.

i hate the majority of the characters on the show. like i've said, i would laugh with glee if they killed off the twins. i'd give a standing ovation if they killed off that annoying bratty bitch of a girlfriend. i wait in anticipation for the episode when the pregnant chick has a miscarriage or something else and they all somehow "learn a lesson" from it and i get to say sayonara to this pregnancy topic.

anyway, it's my fault. i need to learn to not watch the show. maybe it's one of those shows you just love to hate. like stress relief... you can unleash all your evil thoughts on these characters and nobody cares.


Sunday, November 06, 2005

Weekend of dreams... 

this weekend was pretty great. i got to see my family and mayhem. i can tell things are changing with my family and me. but in good ways. as i'm becoming more of an adult, we are interacting less like parent-child and more like adults or friends. that's a nice feeling.

mayhem came over this weekend, and i got the most luscious kiss. the best details are going to be savored in my memory, but it was the stuff dreams are made of. i had been asleep, and he thought i had just woken up so he tested his theory by kissing me. if i kissed back, he knew i was awake. well, i did, and that tentative little kiss turned into another and another and another. it heated up as he positioned himself a little closer, hovering over me. as our skin touched, it was electric. he lightly ran his hand up my side toward my shoulder blade, and i let out a little gasp. it was so incredible. i melted. i'm still savoring it.

for some reason, i found this really cute... mayhem told me that he saw this ad about somebody or another looking for movie extras. he wanted to know if i was interested in looking into it so we could be movie extras together. i don't know, that was just cute to me.

things are interesting between us right now. by and large, things are wonderful again. but there is still this little elephant sitting in the room with us. it's lost a lot of weight, and we've talked through most of the stuff. i can start to see that there are actions behind the words, too. that's what really matters to me. i tried to be strict and hold the line that we would stay nothing more than friends until every change was final. but i'm not that strong. it would be punishing myself as well as him, and i am hardly a glutton for punishment. it started by cuddling. i couldn't get enough cuddles. then it progressed to him seeing if he'd get slapped for kissing me. at first i didn't react, but slowly, i couldn't resist that either. in a way, it's kind of nice. it's like "back to the basics" for our relationship. it's taken some of the pressure off us because we're not in such a serious relationship, and we're not as focused on marriage either. right now, it's all about growth, kindness, consideration, humility, patience, and more growth. the majority of it is work that mayhem has to do, but i have to stay open to the change. i have to keep my heart soft and open to him as he tries to become the man we both know he can be. i have to stay patient and encourage him instead of wanting it all right now and getting upset at him that he can't move mountains. in those ways, i will grow, too.


Hannah smells... 

a couple things. which is, of course, why there is such a strange title for this post.

my first thought was about the name hannah. what are those words called when it's the same forwards as backwards? anyway, hannah is one of those words. but it's also becoming a popular name for new little babies. the thing is... i've heard of many little babies called hannah. and i've heard of many old women called hannah. but i've never known of a middle or high schooler or twenty year old girl called hannah. it's adorable for little bitty girls. it seems fitting for a sweet old lady. but when i try to picture a teenaged hannah, i picture a mousy conservative looking girl with frizzy hair tied back without style, and dressed like she's channeling a jehovah's witness missionary in the white button up shirt and baggy dark pants. anyway, maybe that will change as all these thousands of hannahs grow up and destroy these bad stereotypes.

now onto my other thought. i just took a little walk around my place. it smelled delicious. so very delicious. like a pre-thanksgiving smell. somebody had their fireplace burning, and i smelled sweet potatoes cooking, and pumpkin. ohhhh, i could have just stood outside my apartment and drooled.

as i was walking around, before i hit smell central, i saw a woman walking her dog with her dinner in hand. it was just moments before dark (of course it was still pretty early in the day), and she was taking her dog for a walk. it made me realize that if i got a dog now, it would be tough. first, it wouldn't be fair for the poor pup because i couldn't give it all the attention it deserves, walk it a few times a day, and let it relieve itself more than once a day. plus if i did get a dog, i'd have to walk it in the dark. and i'm sure that searching for your dog's poo in the dark is a bit like russian roulette. i think the only solution would be for me to get a teeny little dog. that way i could just put a newspaper on my deck, let the dog run around a bit, poo on the paper, and i'd just pick up the paper as i brought the dog back in for the night. of course, that size dog would then require that i could do this for it several times a day. so it's still not a solution. i'll just have to wait until either i get a job that requires less time at work, or i have a second person at home to help with the care responsibilities, or both.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

HNT and insulation... 

i wish i could soundproof one of my walls and my windows. that would make me much happier. i wouldn't have to hear the jackass a few floors above me clomping up and down the stairs. i swear he must wear lead shoes and be 867 pounds. it's a wonder he can continue to walk up the stairs after that much trauma to his joints. then there's the family next to me with the child who loves to throw tantrums and the daddy who loves to yell his head off. and finally, there is the crazy dog lady who walks her crazy loud barking dogs right by my door... multiple times. oh, and the kicker?! sometimes she just takes her dogs for a drive. in the car. like you would for a cholicky baby. but it's just her dogs. psycho.

and finally, my HNT...

enjoy, boys and girls!


Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Maturing and fermenting... 

it's interesting what you learn as you grow up. you learn a lot about yourself, about others, and about life in general. today was one of those days. talking with a lot of different people and observing a variety of things today i felt like i grew quite a bit today. grew as a person, as a daughter, as a sister, as a girlfriend, as an employee, as a friend, as everything. i can't really explain it... well, i could try to explain some of it, but i don't know that it would make much sense to anybody else trying to piece together the logic in why these things helped me grow. i think i'm a pretty mature person as it is, but just as soon as you think you have things figured out, you really become aware of how much more you still have to learn.

thankfully, i was able to see mayhem, and he gave me the biggest hug and then another and another. after the emotions of such a growth experience, i needed that. i started to cry about it, and he scooped me into his arms and said "oh sweetie, don't cry," and the hug actually helped me stop crying. first time ever. usually, somebody saying not to cry makes me cry even more. i think it was really the first time that i could have that kind of release from everything that i experienced for the day, but instead of losing it, i was able to cope through the hug.

anyway, just needed to share a bit. and i had promised myself that i was going to take my HNT pic on wednesday night and post it for thursday so i would be on time, but now that all is said and done you'll have to wait for it again. the only kind of pic you'll get out of me at the moment would be of a finger, and i'm sure that would be uncovered as the half-assed attempt that it would be. sooo... all good things come to those who wait.


Tuesday, November 01, 2005


so i'm watching SVU. it always surprises me when i can feel hatred for characters on a TV show. but i did like that the judge decided to kick a little ass. well, in his reserved judge-like ability to kick ass. anyway, i'm not going to give a play-by-play or anything, i just was watching and wanted to comment. oh and that hick white supremesist chick looked like she'd had some pretty scary plastic surgery. like the kind you get in mexico, passed out from a bottle of tequila, as you allow the pool boy to cut away with a broken bottle. ok, now as i continue to watch, all i have to say is WTF?! whack job of an episode. just seriously fucked up.

i felt like i was going to fall over from exhaustion by the end of the day today. busy busy. but in better news, i had my first decent conversation with mayhem in who knows how long. once things get a little better between us, i think i'd enjoy about two weeks where we pretend that we're married. of course it wouldn't be anything like real marriage, but it would be fun to enjoy cuddling up together every day, waking up to each other every morning, fixing dinner together, and coming home from work to each others' arms. i would like two weeks of that. after that i'll reassess. see if i want it to continue or if i'm ready to go back to my bachelorette lifestyle. i think it i would enjoy that, and it would help us reasses where we're at and where we want to head in the grand scheme of our relationship.

ok kids, that's it for now. night!


The official stuff...

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