Vortexia's Secret

this weekend was pretty great. i got to see my family and mayhem. i can tell things are changing with my family and me. but in good ways. as i'm becoming more of an adult, we are interacting less like parent-child and more like adults or friends. that's a nice feeling.

mayhem came over this weekend, and i got the most luscious kiss. the best details are going to be savored in my memory, but it was the stuff dreams are made of. i had been asleep, and he thought i had just woken up so he tested his theory by kissing me. if i kissed back, he knew i was awake. well, i did, and that tentative little kiss turned into another and another and another. it heated up as he positioned himself a little closer, hovering over me. as our skin touched, it was electric. he lightly ran his hand up my side toward my shoulder blade, and i let out a little gasp. it was so incredible. i melted. i'm still savoring it.

for some reason, i found this really cute... mayhem told me that he saw this ad about somebody or another looking for movie extras. he wanted to know if i was interested in looking into it so we could be movie extras together. i don't know, that was just cute to me.

things are interesting between us right now. by and large, things are wonderful again. but there is still this little elephant sitting in the room with us. it's lost a lot of weight, and we've talked through most of the stuff. i can start to see that there are actions behind the words, too. that's what really matters to me. i tried to be strict and hold the line that we would stay nothing more than friends until every change was final. but i'm not that strong. it would be punishing myself as well as him, and i am hardly a glutton for punishment. it started by cuddling. i couldn't get enough cuddles. then it progressed to him seeing if he'd get slapped for kissing me. at first i didn't react, but slowly, i couldn't resist that either. in a way, it's kind of nice. it's like "back to the basics" for our relationship. it's taken some of the pressure off us because we're not in such a serious relationship, and we're not as focused on marriage either. right now, it's all about growth, kindness, consideration, humility, patience, and more growth. the majority of it is work that mayhem has to do, but i have to stay open to the change. i have to keep my heart soft and open to him as he tries to become the man we both know he can be. i have to stay patient and encourage him instead of wanting it all right now and getting upset at him that he can't move mountains. in those ways, i will grow, too.