Friday, April 29, 2005

Productivity soars... 

once again, i have gotten a productive streak. i filled out a couple applications and took care of some important stuff around the house. so yay for that. that's eased some of my frustration and anxiety with all the crap i have to get done. tomorrow will be crazy hectic. i'm not really looking forward to it, but i'm hoping it will end well. although all the changes are a little overwhelming, i'm also excited about it. i know i haven't said that very often, but i do feel excited about it on occasion.

it's really overwhelming that everything will change. but i think it will be fun once the big stuff gets settled. it has made me thankful, though, that i'm not one of those girls who is planning a wedding for the same weekend as my graduation. even though that will be a happy and exciting time, too, i can only handle so much change at once. plus we both want at least a few months where we're all on our own and having to pay our bills on one income and do the whole single, young, independent thing. partly to experience it, and partly to make sure we can both handle everything independently. that way we can ensure that we can each do everything we need to do when we share the chores. wow, that was tedious.

anyway... i need to find something yummy to eat.


Ice cream... 

i finally got my ice cream. last night was good. the boy decided to redeem himself last night. by and large it was a fun time, but we had a little discussion that left me frustrated. although it will probably be a continuing discussion, it turned out ok for the time being. i'm just anxious lately because i know i have to find a job and do all this other insane stuff in a short amount of time. i know that is factoring into this discussion, but the issue still stands. ok, none of this is really making any sense.

last night was fun. i got to see my boy and i needed that. he was trying to be sweet. we watched some cute stuff and cooked dinner together and got to talk. so yay. he had to leave super early, but at least this time i remembered that we definitely had a great goodbye kiss.


Thursday, April 28, 2005


i think i need to take a nap. i ended up sleeping a couple hours later than i had originally planned this morning because i was so exhausted. thankfully i was able to do that today. but even by lunch time i hadn't shaken it. so now that i'm home i think i need to get in a nap.

so i am very bitter to discover that bush is going to go prime time to try shoving his ideas down our throats. why don't you take suggestions from me, buddy. i have a few for you.

ok, once again, i want ice cream. i may need to go to a quality ice cream store and just have them load up a cone for me. or maybe just buy a pint and eat it at home.

anyway, i have to eat something, and this has been sitting waiting to be published for a couple hours now. so here we go. publish!


Wednesday, April 27, 2005


my brain feels all mumbly. i came home today and barely made it in the door before i fell asleep. oh, and i barely made it home at all because i was running soooooooo low on gas begging God to let me get to the gas station in time. and as i pulled in the drive to my apartment, i opened the gate and was pulling up so i could go in on the left side as soon as it opened enough for a car to fit in. but this mean chick came hauling ass up to the gate from the inside and blocked me. i threw my hands up in frustration at her and she did the same to me. hey bitch, last i checked the gate was open because of me. so let me use it first. stupid chick.

i just tried having a coherent converation with mayhem and it was just not freaking possible. he was doing stupid shit and mumbling so i couldn't understand him and all kinds of frustrating stuff. i just felt like screaming. i know it's probably because of all the other crap from today and yesterday, but still. you don't poke an angry bear. so don't try to provoke an already frustrated girlfriend. that's my lesson of the day for all you boyfriends who want to live to see another day.

anyway, now i'm frustrated enough that i don't know what else to say. and part of it is that i have papers scattered e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e from all the various applications and job leads and everything else i have for trying to find a job and do the graduation stuff and study for my last big exam. i get very frustrated when things aren't organized enough because i worry that i will misplace things or overlook something big or forget a deadline or something. but there's too much crap to try to organize and still see all the stuff i need to do. maybe a couple file folders would help a little at least. ok, i'll take a shower and then try that. ok. i have a gameplan to lessen the frustration. ok. ready. set. go.


Tuesday, April 26, 2005


i want to do a light little fake tan, but i don't trust it. 1) i don't like the smell. 2) i've never done it completely successfully without getting at least one weird patch of really dark skin. 3) ideally i would use gloves when applying the lotion, but i don't have any. 4) i think it would be smartest to wait until after my interview.

i also want to make a vanilla coke using C2 and vanilla vodka. but i need to fill out an application and study for my last big exam. so maybe i mix it light and sip it. or i convince myself that it's healthier to avoid the soft drink and the alcohol. i think we all know how good my self-control is.

kind of funny. unless i've forgotten that i've already said this... i think it's funny that the gilmore girls mom has a boyfriend and a best friend who are both chefs. and then on top of it, she eats total crap junk food all day (and stays thin). man, i would be so horrifically obese and would refuse to leave the kitchen if i could get them to tag team feed me.


Monday, April 25, 2005

Slow learner... 

i just realized something... i'm a slow learner. i am my own teacher, and i teach myself and learn things about myself regularly. but i am still slow to really catch on. i try to be patient with myself, but sometimes i get frustrated.

like something that just dawned on me was something that i have blogged about before in the abstract, but haven't put together completely before. the ebb and flow thing. i tend to do things in big surges and then back off and don't want anything more to do with it for awhile. so i procrastinate on a paper and write most of it in one big bang. and i may spend several hours looking through job stuff one day, get some ideas, and then have no desire to touch it the rest of the week. but i still feel bad about it. i need to either realize that this is how it is and be ok with that, or realize this is how it is and work on changing it for the important stuff like finding a job.

anyway, just wanted to share my lightbulb moment. i am a slow learner....



i think i'm going to make a holy knockers statement every day.

holy knockers of the day: holy knockers! i got my first rejection today... they don't even want to look at me yet because i'm not quite graduated yet. hi, poor college kids need some paycheck lovin' too!!! it wasn't like they would need me for at least another month or more... i would have it all by then. so that sucks. but holy knockers i got rejected.

i'm hungry. not sure what i want to eat, though. probably something that i don't have. that's usually how it is.

i cleared up one thing that had been stressing me out lately. well, i think i cleared it up. it went the way i wanted, but i asked the person who was more likely to say yes. so i guess i can't be positive that it won't be revoked and turn into the answer i didn't want, but so far so good.

i have things to do, but i don't know where to start. i would like to take a nap. so we'll see what gets done. maybe a strategic nap will energize me to get more done. yes, i think we will try that.


Sunday, April 24, 2005

Growing up... 

*sigh* i'm growing up. i guess i have to admit that. i'm tired. i want to take a summer vacation again. give away my responsibilities temporarily and not have to worry about bills and loans and jobs and appointments and inverviews and applications and and and and. *sigh*

i know, i need to shut up. this is life.

sometimes i'm on top of it. sometimes i'm under it and can't get out.

anyway, i'm back again. i was gone longer than i expected. mayhem and i had a discussion and an argument this weekend. i guess it helped... well, once it was over. i was disappointed that it took some of our best quality time hours away from us. but we did have some good times. it was just so late at night by the time we got things resolved that it gave us just enough time to kiss and make up then fall into bed. he had a super early morning so we had to say goodbye at about 5am, which meant that i was so incoherent i don't even know if i got a goodbye kiss or not. when i woke up at a more reasonable hour for a sunday morning, i got my ass in gear and got some work done.

so now, i would like to plan a sugar daddy convention for all of you who are willing to support me when i graduate. since j-mo and my wife rock have already signed on, i will let them choose the location of this meeting. once the date and time have been set, please sign on below. please include name and donation amount per month. thank you!

FAVORITEST new quote: "holy knockers!!!"


Friday, April 22, 2005

Fun with you... 

oh, the things i could share about yesterday. i had some fun. at times, i had fun with some of you guys. i also tried having some fun with mayhem, but he was being a punk. i have to go into work in about 2 minutes so i really have to run. but i'll be going out of town again.... hopefully just a brief trip this time, but we'll see. i'm dressed to kill and feeling so happy about that. plus i realized i never shared yesterday that i had fun. i think i bitched about procrastinating. but at least if i procrastinated, i had some serious fun doing it. so thanks to some of you for helping me not get any work done. and as always, thank you for the compliments. you always make me feel like a million bucks! hugs, kisses, muah!!!


Thursday, April 21, 2005

It's time... 

well i guess it's about time i post for the day. i would have to say that mayhem is being a punk. i would also have to say that i don't know if i'll ever be able to fully trust his family. if mayhem is a punk, then his mom is the queen of the punk ass bitches.

i don't know. i haven't been able to concentrate today. and i have crap that i need to organize and put somewhere, but i don't want to mess with it yet. but really, i have to write a paper, and i've been ignoring it. i don't want to have to do it. so i procrastinate. so anyway...

alright, well that's enough of that. on to the next way to procrastinate....



i want sherbet. now. curled up on my sofa with the carton and a spoon. mmmmmmmm........


Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Commercials and success... 

two totally different things. my first thought...

have you guys ever really looked at the people in commercials and even some TV shows and tried to figure out how in the world they made it to TV? i mean, really... i'm sure you have to pay more for pretty people so some just go for mediocre. but some of the people are the kind where you tilt your head to one side trying to figure out why their face looks so funny. thinking about how "elite" people are who call themselves models and actors/actresses, it just surprises me that these people get the jobs. i'm sure there are hundreds of gorgeous starving artist types in california who would gladly take the job. anyway, just a little curiosity there. and just so you know, i'm all for variety and not making everyone picture perfect because it's not realistic. but there are some choices where you can't help but wonder. well that's enough of that.

success... so maybe i'm on a false high right now, but i am feeling much better about things than i was yesterday. i'm feeling some successes. small, yes, but sucesses nonetheless. although i don't want to get too full of myself, i can't help but wonder if some of these positive returns are because of my personality and the attitude i put forth with others. i think i can easily win over people when i meet them, which helps when you need something... like a job or a favor. i guess it's the people person thing. anyway, i don't want to assume that some things are starting to go my way simply because i give a first impression, but it's certainly possible. or maybe God doesn't want me stressing this much. who knows. but either way, i'm just very grateful that things are better today. just as a warning, things may be a little up and down until parts of my life become a little more stable. but having everything in my life up in the air... i think that warrants a little stress outburst every once in a while. anyway, just an update and a little yay for feeling better and making progress.



ok all you guys out there... you won't believe me, but you guys need to find the oprah that was on today and record it. then watch it with your wives.

just as a total fluke, i turned it on because i got home from work a little early. i sat down with it once i heard what it was. it's women talking about not putting their husbands first, not enjoying sex, feeling their kids are more important than their husbands and their husbands are just there to fill in as a substitute to the kids when mom's tired... no longer a partner, no longer the one they love the most. i sat down because i started racing through the lengthy list of all you poor guys out there furiously writing in blogs because of this very same stuff. so find it, check it out, make your wives watch it with you. and i promise, i will not ask anybody to regularly watch oprah... especially guys!

(tip: if you're trying to find the name of it or additional showings, check the tvguide.com/listings website.)

In other news... nobody is leaving comments anymore!!! I MISS YOU GUYS!!! do you still read? do you still like what i'm writing? do you still wanna chat? anyway, just feeling a little lonely without the comment lovin' to come home to! ;)


Tuesday, April 19, 2005

I hate april... 

so i just decided. it's april. i hate april. bad things happen during april. taxes are due. people bomb buildings and shoot children. it's a horrible month.

though mild in comparison, april means i stress over everything. i don't know that this is a trend or anything, but this year it's true. so i hate april. mayhem did help calm me down a little bit. he let me have a mild little breakdown, and then calmed me down and told me i had to stay focused in order to get anything done and get out of this stressful place. he tried to get me to be a little more rational about the money stuff. he calmed me down enough that i figured out why i had so many bills this month. at any rate, i am now doing a little better. i am not beating myself up quite so much about all the expenses because i know that many of them were "have tos"... i knew i didn't go crazy spending money, but i couldn't figure out why i had an unexplainably high bill. anyway, i figured it out. i'm doing better. i can now focus on getting work done. and i can remember that i am not a horrible person and shouldn't beat myself up for being a normal person who has to spend money to get money, buy food to eat, and put gas in my car to get to work. and i can also remember that i am a better-than-normal person who does deserve a good job. pep talks. it's all about the pep talks. i will get through life. just wanted to share with you guys that i have taken my allowed break down, picked myself up again, and have proceeded to push through life. i didn't want any of you to worry that i had gone over the edge and was curled into a little ball in the back of my closet. stress is a little less now. still pray or think positive thoughts for me if you are so inclined. thank you.



i am so stressed that it's oozing out of my pores. i try to cope under the stress, but i think this time there's just a little too much for me to handle. it's supposed to be a happy time, but i just have way too much to do. it always comes in waves. so for now, i need to put this nervous anxious energy into something more. time to get something done.

prayers and thoughts and anything else are welcomed.


Monday, April 18, 2005


i've said it a million times, and i'll say it again... i hate money. i hate having to spend money. i also hate it when i think i've disappointed my parents. i hate having to grow up. i hate this disgusting feeling i have right now. i want to cry and beat myself up. i want to apologize to people even though i shouldn't have to do so.

why does life have to cost money? i get sick to my stomach thinking about it. anyway, i'm not in a good place right now. i feel bad.


Sunday, April 17, 2005

Weekend update... 

this was a good weekend. strange, but good. it was boring, but it was interesting, but it was fun, but it was work. i don't know, it was just kind of run of the mill, i guess. what i am realizing, though, is that it's all attitude. probably about 90% of the time i am happy, i love life, and i am pretty much in a good mood no matter what. but every once in a while, maybe 10% (if that), i get in a bad mood. and i don't necessarily think it has anything to do with circumstances. i mean, it certainly influences it... if i have had a horrific week, then i will probably seem a little beat. but the average doesn't get me down. like having to do laundry and take out the trash... it's just life. it doesn't get me down. anyway, just a realization i had.

the end of this weekend was fun. mayhem and i went grocery shopping together and also ran several errands. it was fun buying groceries together. and he fixed dinner for me, which was very cute. plus i was so proud of him... he fixed 4 veggies with the main part (i know, 4!!!) and he finished all of his. i couldn't even finish all of mine! after that we watched a movie together and flipped through magazines. or catalogs i guess... home furnishings, and what we liked and didn't like for a future home. it's fun to just be together. and that is the friendship part of the relationship that will carry us through the hard times. or at least this is my hope. anyway, i better get going. hope you guys have just the kind of weekend you needed!


Ode to things you don't really want to do... 

because there are many things right now that i need to do but don't want to do, i thought i would make a little post about that. i hate those things. some are things you know are vital to do, but you just don't feel like it. like job hunting, interviewing, getting a job, finishing school, sending the graduation invitations. so sending the invitations isn't vital, but i paid good money for them, so they will be sent, gosh darnit. other things are less vital, but you are expected to do them. play nice to the people who treat you like shit, show up to work on time, start the paper/studying/etc before the morning it's due, fix meals, respond to emails. (the emails: not talking about blogger ones... i generally enjoy those emails. i'm talking about the ones from semi-acquaintances that are perpetuated because neither party wants to be responsible for dropping the ball even though neither person wants to be involved in it anymore. or the emails that you need to write to keep in contact with people who could potentially get you a job or other good things, but you just never want to take the 15 minutes to find their email address, figure out something to write, and send it off.)

so anyway, responsibility is a bitch. right? but we knew that already. so i will go find something to eat and work on a paper that i don't want to do even though i feel like taking a nap. the new book i bought this weekend shall be my reward for getting this one last school thing completed. and i get to ignore the anxiety about finding a job for a couple hours. i really am feeling that now. partly because i have sent off a couple things now and have to start doing the follow ups to them. and once i do that, then i may have interviews. and at that point, i will need to be prepared for interviews! i'm so not at that point yet. i don't even have an interview suit yet... that is my shopping project. so anyway, i'm getting a little anxious about that stuff. so cross your fingers, wish me luck, and all that. hugs!!


Saturday, April 16, 2005

So sorry... 

so sorry for the absence. internet went out again, then i kept getting internal server error messages from blogger, and then i fled town again. at this very moment i am debating if i go back home today and get everything done that i need to do and feel very good about myself, or if i go to mayhem's and make him happy and kick myself in the ass later because i still have shit to do. stupid decisions.

but right now i can do the easy things. like take a shower and eat. then maybe i'll try to find a good interview outfit. after that has been procured, i will see what time it is and how hideous my to do list still looks. we have a lot of things to get done together, which i would like to do in this city since we are both actually here momentarily. because then at that point i will feel much better about things and he may be able to convince me to come back with him. oh life can be complicated.

so what have i been up to lately? i have finally gotten over my horrendously gross sickness. ok, maybe i'm exaggerating it a tiny bit, but it was definitely not fun and made me feel miserable for close to a week. i have gotten a couple little job leads, if you can even call them something as big as a lead. i have gotten a couple miniscule nibbles that i plan to pursue to see where they may lead. i have had many very bizarre dreams. one involved me shopping at target while i was supposed to be getting married, and i was wearing the full veil and everything. weirdest part was that nobody else seemed to think it was weird, and i never took off the veil to look a little more inconspicuous. i also had other crazy dreams, but i can't remember them anymore. i think in one i was teaching delinquent youth. anyway, weird dreams aplenty around here. oh, and i decided that mayhem and i needed to get started on some premarital planning. which, oddly enough, seems to be in line with other people as well. my dad and a couple other people just recently asked about our relationship and saying they thought this was leading to marriage and just wanted to see if that was what we were thinking, too. so anyway, i guess that's a little synopsis of this absence. have a fabulous weekend! hugs and kisses!!


Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Up to speed... 

internet wasn't working yesterday. it's back now, so i am too. i am better, by the way. i'm not quite 100% yet, but definitely much better. i'm still getting tired more easily, though, so i think it must have really taken a toll on my body.


Monday, April 11, 2005

Awkward moments 101... 

so have you ever had one of those awkward moments you didn't know how to handle, and wish somebody could have explained how to handle it tactfully? yeah, thought about one of those moments earlier today. i took a dance class in undergrad and it became fairly painfully obvious as the class progressed that my dance partner had a thing for me. he seemed a little socially awkward and didn't seem to have many friends. i think at one point he even said that i didn't need to feel uncomfortable around him because he didn't have a crush on me. but when you spend close to 3 hours a week dancing together, and you have a guy gazing into your eyes the whole time, you can't help but sense that your instinct is right. so yeah, awkward moment. because you can't really say, "look i know you're lying because i can see it in your eyes, but we both have to pretend it isn't there in order to finish up this class." so anyway...

i think i will live to see another day. i am feeling a tiny bit better. whether or not i will be able to make it into work tomorrow or not will remain to be seen. but i should live. i just wish it would hurry up and get better, though. i really hate feeling this bad.



my body is trying to kill me. i'm serious. if there is never another post here, then blame my body because it won the fight. my body seems to enjoy coupling painful things together. it just started this new little trick last month. so i need to put it in it's place and let my body know not to do that anymore.

let's hope i live...


Sunday, April 10, 2005


searing pain. surging through my body. i woke up this morning and even my fingernails and belly button hurt. no joke. i so definitely did too much yesterday. and i had several things that needed to get done today. but i doubt it's going to happen. i can't even comfortably talk on the phone for more than a couple minutes. seriously, i feel like a 90-year-old arthritic woman on her death bed. high powered pain killers helped a tiny bit, but i think there were too many aches to conquer for them.

thankfully, mayhem was understanding this morning. he came over really early to pick up something for his mom. i was supposed to help him, but i couldn't even turn over without wincing. so the poor guy had to do it all himself. but he took it in stride. i think it also didn't help that we talked very late into the night before that early morning. i mean, it was a great talk and left me very hopeful for the future of our relationship, but i think it kept my body awake longer than it should have been since it needed to start repairing the damage i inflicted earlier in the day.

hope your sunday is going well!


Saturday, April 09, 2005


i hate regret. i hate how it can be a double edged sword. for example, right now i am kicking myself for not buying something i saw for a good price but only kind-of needed/wanted when i had the chance. after some thought, i decided that i needed to go ahead and get it while the opportunity was still there... well it was no more. no dice. couldn't get it. lost my window of opportunity. so now i'm kicking myself. all i can do is understand that if i had impulse purchased it, i very well could be feeling guilty right now for spending money that i absolutely didn't need to spend. so i am trying to shake this feeling of stupidity. but it isn't working too well. damnit.

in other news... i do feel good about everything i have done with this weekend. i have been productive. i have simplified. i have organized. these make my home more peaceful. this is good. i also added an adorable little touch to a room in my apartment, and i can't help but admire my cozy little home. it definitely suits me, and it makes me happy. it's my little zen retreat. actually, when i think about it, it really is... i should sell weekend getaways here for people who need to de-stress. they could garden, light candles, read, relax, drink, sleep, take a bath, listen to music, do yoga. no wonder i feel so much better when i come home from a stressful day to this sanctuary. it really is a sacred little retreat.

i am still quite frustrated with myself for not jumping on this deal. it would have been a learning experience for me, as well as a chance to save an incredible amount of money. both of these are things that i enjoy. ok, let it go, V, let it go.

i am completely exhausted. i ran myself ragged today. even got up super early because i had so much on my schedule for the day. like i mentioned before, april is an insanely busy month for me for some reason. this was definitely one of those days. i think i'm going to take a shower and a nap. and listen to some good music.


Friday, April 08, 2005


wow, i have cleaned almost the entire apartment. i never got the spring cleaning thing before, but i really did it this year. i organized, i cleaned, i unpacked stored stuff, i washed dishes, the whole shabang. really incredible.

beyond that... i saw mayhem and went grocery shopping. i have been the picture of a boring life these past couple days. or stepford wife. i'm not sure which. but either way, it has been good. i rarely am this productive in the cleaning realm, but i feel very happy with myself and am proud of what i've accomplished. anyway, happy with myself. yay!

but now i think i'm going to eat something. i'm hungry.


Thursday, April 07, 2005


i've been impressed with myself. i organized. i cleaned. i wrote something i needed to write. i still need to buy groceries, but i'll probably do it later tonight. i think i'll clean a little more first. and i supposed it's about time to get dressed. i can't really check my mail naked. i know, such a shame.


Wednesday, April 06, 2005


for some reason, i have become freaking addicted to sour patch kids. i don't know why. i don't really love them. i normally dislike sour things and things that are too rough that they can irritate the roof of the mouth. sour patch kids are both... sour and the little sour seasonings are rough.

and yet... i keep eating them.

in other news, i'm just curious... how in the heck to some of these people afford the monstrous rocks that sit on their hands?!!? man, i saw one lady's ring today and i was amazed she could still lift her arm at the end of the day.

i had other things to write, but now i don't remember. oh well. so i started googling how to deal with difficult people last night. i have a feeling that i need to learn that skill very quickly. i am realizing that you will always have people in your life you don't really like. when you're young and independent, you have the wonderful opportunity to pick and choose who is in your life. then those amazing people start dating some less-than-amazing people. and they get married. and there you have it... people you don't particularly like who are in your life. although i haven't gotten to that point quite yet-- so far all my married couple friends are pretty good choices-- i know that it will happen in the near future. i have to stop here and say that by and large i am very happy and impressed with the choices my friends have made for their partners. of course they are normal relationships with their ups and downs, but i expect that. and i feel good about trusting these partners with my friends and their feelings and hearts. but i do know that the time will come. and i can actually think of one relationship now that really bothers me because i think about the woman and think that she's a bad choice and not a very good person. so then i think about the man, and realize he isn't a good person either and treats his friends poorly. but for some reason the thought of them staying together drives me crazy! so i decided i need to figure out how to deal with people i don't like in a better way. although i can mask some of my emotions, i am a fairly open book (as if you haven't figured that out by now!!!), so i need to know how to tolerate them better. i would just drop them, but there are more players in this than just me. so anyway, that was a long story for a very simple point.

ok, well i need to cut my pinky finger nail. whenever i use that finger to hit the A button, i click my fingernail, and i hate that. so it's time to clip it.

alright, enough for now. more later! xoxoxo


Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Lots to do... 

*sigh* i have a lot to do. and i got home from work nearly an hour later than normal because of errands. after my stupid sake stunt last night, i actually decided to be productive. i did some things that didn't HAVE to be done, but were helpful to have finished. so at any rate, i got some stuff done. and i was determined that i would get more done tonight. i still hope to, although i'm a little frustrated that i'm tired and also getting a late start.

so i came home and discovered a dead dangerous bug. scary! i hate bugs and spiders that can hurt me. at least this one was already dead.

ok, well i'm thirsty so i'm going to put down the internet and pick up something to drink. i'm thinking tea. i will either spend the night curling up in my magnificent, spectacular, comfy bed, or cleaning. yeah, we'll see how that goes....


Monday, April 04, 2005

Word to the wise... 

ok, here is my advice for the night.

if you check the fridge for something to drink (thinking non-alcoholic) but see your largely undrunken bottle of sake still sitting quietly in the corner of the fridge, then
1) remember that you are only supposed to drink a small amount of sake because it packs a punch.
2) do not drink it on a week night when you have to wake up early the next morning.
3) do not drink it alone just because you figure it's about time to get rid of it.
4) consider dumping it out since it isn't the kind of sake you really like in the first place.
5) if you consider #4 a waste, then unload it on others in large quantities at a time. repeat as necessary and take pictures of the other person's stupidity. this will make you feel much better about your moderate stupidity.
6) remember the next time that you want sake to buy the PLUM sake instead of this cheap rubbing alcohol flavored sake.

that is my advice for tonight. go spread the word.


Back to the same old thing... 

so i'm back. the drama should be calmed down finally. at least temporarily. all the crap i had to deal with out of town week after week is over, although i'm still horrifically busy. i dealt with some stupid crap with "friends," but i am determined that it won't bother me. people creating chaos in their own lives doesn't affect me. if they screw up their own lives and make themselves miserable, then that's their deal. i have to remember that i don't have to care that much about other people. especially since these people are not even close friends. so i'm letting go. i know, it sounds like a huge theme of the past month or so.

scheduling has been a nightmare lately. for some reason april has been THE month for stuff. and it's not even a big birthday month (thank goodness at least!). there are get togethers, volunteer activities, family outings, etc etc. i don't have a single free weekend to just enjoy time with mayhem. and considering that march was spent away from home and dealing with all kinds of crap, then i didn't have much time with him last month either. i really hate it... i feel like i hardly get to see him anymore! i can think of two nights we have gotten to get together without others, and those nights were spent working on to do's and were only maybe 3 hours together at a time. crazy nuts. so i think i want to plan a "down night" with just him and me. dinner, movie, cuddling, talking, etc.

i was pretty irritated last night, but he was so good to me anyway. he was patient and just let all of it go. he still hugged and kissed me, and was very sweet to me. it's times like those when i feel so blessed.

so this wedding thing. wow. towards the end of this year, i have a wedding to attend every month. it's weird to think about it... none of my closest friends are engaged yet, but many of my less-close friends are getting engaged and married already. some of them are a little older than me, so i guess it's logical. but it's still strange. and this constant little issue i have lingers: i have been with the same man for probably 3-6 times longer than most of the people getting married, yet i'm still not getting married. however, i keep in mind that this decision, of all things, is not one to make because i feel i'm in competition with others. sure we've been dating forever, and we're ready to get married, but we are still young. i am still even younger. and it is very impressive that i've done so much while still so young, so we can be in a very good place when we do get married. education, knowing each other very well, having the big ticket items needed for a place of our own, being able to start saving for a house right after marriage, confidence that this is the one, etc etc. these are all benefits we have above and beyond some of these newbie couples i know who are getting married now. i guess we are a little more grounded about it because we aren't in that shiny new in-love naive stage. anyway, this is all rambling crap, so i'll stop. bottom line: i think i'm getting into the huge wedding frenzy time of life. i need to start a wedding gift fund.

well, i think that's most of my catching up stuff. i need to work on some other stuff, so i'll write more later! hugs and kisses!!! and a great big THANK YOU to all of you who have continued to read through all of this month as i've been MIA so frequently. it should settle down more now.


Friday, April 01, 2005

Finally, the end... 

so all this drama that i've dealt with for the past month is finally over. or it better be, at least. nearly $1000 later.

unfortunately, though, i am sick. yesterday i felt so bad that even my skin ached. my mom (she's so sensitive and attuned) decided that i must be depressed to be sleeping so much, and brushed off the whole sickness thing. yeah, uh huh. way to go mother. mayhem, on the other hand, stepped up to the plate as my doctor. he gently rubbed my back, slept with me for a little while, then drugged me up with a couple benadryl so i could sleep last night (the previous night i woke up gasping for air every hour or so). he said he would call me today, but not until after noon so i could really sleep all of it off. such a sweetheart! i woke up around 10 feeling much better, so i called to thank him. hopefully things will continue to improve.

well i need to eat and rest a little so i can get over to the store to pick up a couple things. hope you all have a wonderful friday!!!


The official stuff...

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