Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I hate april...
so i just decided. it's april. i hate april. bad things happen during april. taxes are due. people bomb buildings and shoot children. it's a horrible month.
though mild in comparison, april means i stress over everything. i don't know that this is a trend or anything, but this year it's true. so i hate april. mayhem did help calm me down a little bit. he let me have a mild little breakdown, and then calmed me down and told me i had to stay focused in order to get anything done and get out of this stressful place. he tried to get me to be a little more rational about the money stuff. he calmed me down enough that i figured out why i had so many bills this month. at any rate, i am now doing a little better. i am not beating myself up quite so much about all the expenses because i know that many of them were "have tos"... i knew i didn't go crazy spending money, but i couldn't figure out why i had an unexplainably high bill. anyway, i figured it out. i'm doing better. i can now focus on getting work done. and i can remember that i am not a horrible person and shouldn't beat myself up for being a normal person who has to spend money to get money, buy food to eat, and put gas in my car to get to work. and i can also remember that i am a better-than-normal person who does deserve a good job. pep talks. it's all about the pep talks. i will get through life. just wanted to share with you guys that i have taken my allowed break down, picked myself up again, and have proceeded to push through life. i didn't want any of you to worry that i had gone over the edge and was curled into a little ball in the back of my closet. stress is a little less now. still pray or think positive thoughts for me if you are so inclined. thank you.
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The official stuff...
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