Vortexia's Secret

so i'm back. the drama should be calmed down finally. at least temporarily. all the crap i had to deal with out of town week after week is over, although i'm still horrifically busy. i dealt with some stupid crap with "friends," but i am determined that it won't bother me. people creating chaos in their own lives doesn't affect me. if they screw up their own lives and make themselves miserable, then that's their deal. i have to remember that i don't have to care that much about other people. especially since these people are not even close friends. so i'm letting go. i know, it sounds like a huge theme of the past month or so.

scheduling has been a nightmare lately. for some reason april has been THE month for stuff. and it's not even a big birthday month (thank goodness at least!). there are get togethers, volunteer activities, family outings, etc etc. i don't have a single free weekend to just enjoy time with mayhem. and considering that march was spent away from home and dealing with all kinds of crap, then i didn't have much time with him last month either. i really hate it... i feel like i hardly get to see him anymore! i can think of two nights we have gotten to get together without others, and those nights were spent working on to do's and were only maybe 3 hours together at a time. crazy nuts. so i think i want to plan a "down night" with just him and me. dinner, movie, cuddling, talking, etc.

i was pretty irritated last night, but he was so good to me anyway. he was patient and just let all of it go. he still hugged and kissed me, and was very sweet to me. it's times like those when i feel so blessed.

so this wedding thing. wow. towards the end of this year, i have a wedding to attend every month. it's weird to think about it... none of my closest friends are engaged yet, but many of my less-close friends are getting engaged and married already. some of them are a little older than me, so i guess it's logical. but it's still strange. and this constant little issue i have lingers: i have been with the same man for probably 3-6 times longer than most of the people getting married, yet i'm still not getting married. however, i keep in mind that this decision, of all things, is not one to make because i feel i'm in competition with others. sure we've been dating forever, and we're ready to get married, but we are still young. i am still even younger. and it is very impressive that i've done so much while still so young, so we can be in a very good place when we do get married. education, knowing each other very well, having the big ticket items needed for a place of our own, being able to start saving for a house right after marriage, confidence that this is the one, etc etc. these are all benefits we have above and beyond some of these newbie couples i know who are getting married now. i guess we are a little more grounded about it because we aren't in that shiny new in-love naive stage. anyway, this is all rambling crap, so i'll stop. bottom line: i think i'm getting into the huge wedding frenzy time of life. i need to start a wedding gift fund.

well, i think that's most of my catching up stuff. i need to work on some other stuff, so i'll write more later! hugs and kisses!!! and a great big THANK YOU to all of you who have continued to read through all of this month as i've been MIA so frequently. it should settle down more now.