Vortexia's Secret

i was in a fantastic happy-go-lucky mood yesterday. then mayhem brought me down into the depths of the foulest of foul moods. fucking bastard.

he mostly put me in a bad mood because he brought out some of the emotions i hate the most. like feeling stupid, feeling played, feeling like i care more about him than vice versa, and feeling like i'm the fucking stupid girl who turns down other plans because she thinks she's going out with her boyfriend only to have him call and tell her "not tonight baby, i decided to do something else." stupid moves worthy of castration when all combined at once. then he REALLY ends the death match with this finishing blow-- mistaking me as my sister-in-law in a candid picture and saying something bad about how "she" looks. here's the deal: my sister-in-law looks vaguely like me in a very broad sense, but mayhem thinks she is less attractive and kind of awkward. when she was about to become part of our family, people teased me about how we looked like sisters. neither mayhem nor i could really see a strong resemblence. we could see vague similarities like both having longer hair and being about the same height, but that was about it. so mayhem sometimes makes little remarks because he just doesn't understand why people think she's so fantastic. so it was really the final blow when he looked at this picture and said something about my sister-in-law before he realized it was me, not her. that was a big fuck you very much, since i know what he thinks about her. scum sucking bastard.

i was so angry last night that i woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a horrific pain in my lower teeth because i had been clenching my top teeth against them with all my might. i nearly cried from the pain. i am still pissed, but i am carefully separating my top and bottom teeth so they can't fight each other again.

i hate feeling like i'm stupid, and even more so, i hate feeling like i was duped. especially by a boy. don't claim i'm your number one fucking priority if you would rather take any other offer that comes along. i never asked to be #1 on the list because i know it's not realistic. however, if you're going to tell me i am at the very top of the list, then i will expect you to act like it. don't say it if you can't deliver. that's all i'm asking. that and if you don't plan on seeing me some night, then have the common courtesy to let me know, so i can make other plans. i talked to 2 people on my way home from work who asked if i wanted to do something with them last night. i turned both offers down because dumbass had said we were getting together. he calls around 7 and backs out, then he tries to get pissy with me and say "well, just call one of them back and say you're free after all." "yeah, one is sitting in a movie theater right now and another was 10 minutes away when she called to see if i was up for something. now she's about an hour and a half away. sure, no problem." asshole trying to turn it around on me. such a prick.