Vortexia's Secret

Because I'm lazy, BICHMSGC will now just be called BIC. He had the guts to talk to me after I had just spent the previous 12 hours completing a paper in which I had no clue what I was doing. Actually I think that's his favorite time to talk to me. He likes vortexia "picante" as he calls that mood. I would have posted the "jeebus" pic I mentioned below, but sadly it didn't save when I saved the convo. Although I have other older pics of him that I nearly posted, I decided to hide his identity and instead post a pic of our "love child"... his nameless cat. Or named by a single father of one cat who has no imagination. Kitty. That's her name. No wonder she hates him.

So here it is... keep in mind that some of the events may be about a week out-of-date and that names may be poorly changed to hide original identities.

This cat's father braves the whirlwind emotions and thoughts of V "picante"
BIC: cheeka cheeka!!!!
me: can staring at a white screen (word "paper") for too long burn your retinas... it feels like it
BIC: yeah it's not good for you
me: :-\ should i find my sunglasses?
BIC: lol
me: i have blue tinted ones that could make it look all relaxing
me: until i get a headache from the rest of the room being too dark
BIC: maybe you should get one of those welder's masks
me: lol... sweet! just what i want to wear when i write a paper!!! :-P
...
BIC: wow you write a surprising amount of blog
BIC: I have to admit that I'm too lazy to read your blog right now
BIC: nothing personal
me: =-O
me: it's vortexianess at your beckoned call... and you never know when you'll get the highly coveted vortexia picante
BIC: don't worry... it's there on the bookmark page, saved for those times when there's no live vortexia available
...
BIC: do you ever find that some songs make you wiggle your ears to the beat?
me: LOL no... i only wiggle my ears when i'm trying to
BIC: oh
me: does your nose wiggle when you talk?
BIC: haha sometimes
...
BIC: I really want to drink but none of my friends seem to be back from spring break yet
me: wow, late spring break
BIC: doesn't spring break usually coincide with easter?
me: no... more like st. patty's day
me: perfect for the drunk irish bastards ;-)
BIC: I had to do the st. patty's day thing during finals
me: ouch!
BIC: yeah ouch is right
BIC: that last final was terrible
me: lol... all the words were swimming around on the page
BIC: haha... that's how you know it's time to quit
me: hehe, you should have walked up to the prof and asked how he got the words to all move like that
me: ooh, have you ever tried to laugh really hard while you're stretching way back?
me: it sends you flying forward because your muscles are all stretched but contract when you laugh
me: the things you learn talking to me :-)
BIC: I'm just happy that someone else in this world is as weird as I am
BIC: and not incarcerated ;-)
me: hey, why do you think i should be incarcerated?!
BIC: cause you're a danger to others
me: how?! other than being so damn hot ;-)
BIC: *rolls eyes* :-D
me: seriously... how am i a danger to others?
BIC: with your laughing while leaning back
me: lol... oh because i could spring forward unto unsuspecting prey?
BIC: and your blog... I'm sure that once I read it, I'll be even more worried
...
[talking about his ISP]
BIC: it's the only f'n one in this town [Editors note: yes, he really did say "f'n"!!]
me: is that what you say when you won't cuss in front of patients?
me: there's the f'n tooth! pull, d-it!
...
me: i think i need to devote an entry to the crazy things said in this conversation
BIC: yeah you do
BIC: yay! I'll be famous
BIC: sort of
me: i'll just say i was talking to some cali dentist friend of mine
me: ya know, one of the many
me: i'm so on the dentist a-list
BIC: yeah after that wisdom tooth stuff
me: eesh!
BIC: we all love you because we're so proud
me: if you want to throw a communal party in my honor give me advanced notice so i can get there ;-)
BIC: haha ohhhhh they didn't tell you?
BIC: it's at my place... as soon as you can get here
BIC: we're all waiting right now
me: oh wow, ok!
me: i'll like totally skip like class and work ya know and then so totally party it up with you bitches, like ASAP!
BIC: exactly! :-)
...
[several phone calls later...]
me: i'm just so damn popular that i had to answer all my phone calls ;-)
BIC: mhmmm, suuuuuuure
me: sometimes i feel socially isolated in my little room in my apartment near a campus where i know nobody (who lives nearby), and then other times i have so many people talking at me that i can't address them all at once
me: like i go 2 days without a call, then 3 people beep in during one phone call
me: it's strange (but i love when i get to talk to everyone)
BIC: you should hold a press conference
BIC: once a week
me: lol, and address everbody's number one burning question
me: they can only ask one thing a week
BIC: exactly
BIC: blah... I need my real friends to be back
me: :-( *sniff*
BIC: awww
BIC: you're welcome to come along too
BIC: I have a laptop
me: lol... you're at the bar with your laptop plugged in and you're just chatting away and laughing hysterically at the monitor
...
[BIC on why he wouldn't talk to me when i called his cell... at 5 am]
me: is it because i always laugh at you?
BIC: hahahaha no no... in my heart of hearts I know that I'm better than you
BIC: jk
me: =-O *GAAAAAAAAAAAASP*
BIC: lol jk jk jk jk jk jk
me: hehe... damn skippy you're just kidding!
BIC: :-D
...
me: and you better appreciate that i sounded perky at that time of the morning
BIC: hehehe that was funny
BIC: but it was nice... I liked it better than no-coffee vortexia
me: lol... it was coffee free actually
me: all natural ingredients
BIC: well... whatever it was, it was nice
me: well thanks :-)
me: hehe, probably would have irritated the hell out of you if you had answered when it was 5 am your time
me: stop being so damn happy! it's early!!!
BIC: lol... yeah I'm glad I didn't pick up
BIC: plus I was asleep, so it would have been interesting to talk to me in my sleep
BIC: you could have probed into the depths of my psyche
me: yeah, well you told me i was allowed to call at any time of the night and you'd talk to me
me: i was trying to make sure you honored that
me: then you punked out and had your phone off
BIC: lol... that promise is voided when the phone is off :-D
me: punk
me: bastard punk child
BIC: haha
BIC: you got my number
me: not that you'll ever answer it
BIC: lol I meant that in the vaudeville comedy sense... "you got my number"
me: i know you did
BIC: well...
BIC: blee
...
BIC: I wasn't interesting in the beginning
me: you didn't know you were supposed to be "on"
BIC: haha... baby I'm always "on"
BIC: there's no off position on the genius switch
me: LMFAO
BIC: haha... even kitty laughed
me: i think that's the closest to a come-on you've ever attempted
BIC: HAHAHAHA
BIC: *awkward silence*
BIC: hahaha... here's a quote for you
BIC: I'm starting to look like the jesus guy from the passion of the christ
BIC: I think it's time for a haircut
BIC: I look insane
BIC: it probably has a lot to do with me needing some drinking
me: lol... i have vodka and cosmo mix
me: come over
me: oh but wait... if you won't talk to me on the phone then you definitely won't ever meet me
me: although you were willing to drive the distance for miss texaco
BIC: =-O never
...
[i had to take a quick shower, but i left him with a toothbrush related question to answer while i was gone. this is the response upon my return.]
BIC: hmm... ponder ponder
BIC: I suppose that when one asks a question of toothbrush efficacy, one is really referring to a deeper truth: one that will take us back in time to the beginning of the toothbrush itself. It was nearly 50 million years ago that neanderthal cavemen first fashioned crude dentifrices by fraying the ends of a twig. Flashing forward to the middle ages, French peasants discovered that regular care of their teeth resulted in less decay and fewer infections. Out of straw and small pieces of wood, they fashioned a device that they called the toute brouche or "little wood and straw dental brushing device". It is from this word that we get the name toothbrush.
BIC: blah blah blah etc etc... all toothbrushes are the same
...
BIC: brace yourself
BIC: bic-jeebus
me: omg, lol
BIC: hahaha, yeah
me: you look like a middle school reject
me: (sorry)
BIC: LOL
me: omg, lol... can that be the pic that makes you famous?? :-D
BIC: hahahahaha, oh you evil vortexia picante
me: mua hahaha!
BIC: only if you splice your pic onto it, haha
me: "so i was talking to the middle school reject, aka bic jeebus last night and...."
me: eeeeeeks!
BIC: just make it so that I'm hitting you on the head with my fist instead of holding the camera :-D
me: :'(
BIC: awwww
...
me: do you have a roommate?
BIC: nope
me: oh nice! lucky boy
BIC: that's why I'm so bored!!!
me: haha... i'll pack my roommate in a box and ship her to you
BIC: umm... I probably wouldn't like that
BIC: from what I've heard
me: why not??
me: lol, damn, you've heard the reputation
me: um, she's changed? :-D
BIC: changed... mentally, or implants?
me: haha... her attitude
BIC: oh good ;-)
me: she actually said that she hoped she could get shipped to you to be your sex slave
me: her exact words
BIC: LOL
BIC: that sounds like something that any woman might say, ever
...
BIC: I'll overcome my fear of vortexia
me: haha... if you need to start a support group, let me know
BIC: lol ok
BIC: *Fear*
me: awww, you used to cling to me, but now you're afraid
BIC: *cling*
me: lol... *cling* *fear* *cling* *panic attack*
BIC: hehe... maybe I'm bipolar
me: lol, i think so
me: well go get medicated and i'll talk to you soon

And there ya have it, folks. Sorry it's so long, but I tried to include enough details that you could follow the funny stuff. I hope you have enjoyed this installation into the inner workings of our minds. Until next time... leave comments! (oh, and his future in the blog world depends on your postive or negative comments, so leave something!)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.