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Sunday, June 20, 2004

You'll never please everyone... 

and other random thoughts.

so it's late, and i have to get up early, and i have bags to unpack. but i feel the need to write. i haven't written in a while and i miss it. and i miss a big glass of milk. back in a moment. so much better. so anyway, i missed writing, but i traded it in for reading. all that reading you think you'll do over a break but don't because you're feeling lazy and a computer or TV gets in the way. i did all of that reading. well, all that could be crammed into like a day and a half. it was great. and i know i should have been reading for school, but i couldn't make myself do it. i needed the "me" time to read a couple of the books that were sitting in that ever growing stack of books on my "must read" list. and i feel like a better, more complete person for having read them. they were just that type of book. anyway... back to the topic at hand.

i have always known that you can't please everyone all the time. but as i took my shower tonight i realized that what felt "off" about one of the people from this weekend was that she was unhappy. and i knew why. she was trying to please everyone... possibly everyone but herself. now she hid the sadness well. she is sweet and considerate and compassionate and all those other good things and seems content and happy and well-liked and well-adjusted, etc. BUT there was just a tiny little hint of sadness that crept in every once in a while. nothing i had noticed before, and probably not apparent enough that the other people even noticed at all. but i realized it today.

she loves her husband immensely, but he doesn't show love in the manner that she wants, i don't think. he is an amazing husband. he kind of reminds me of the ya-ya husbands... he does everything for her and then some without even thinking twice. but the words aren't there. that exclamation of "oh thanks so much, that's amazing!" when she gets him something isn't there. it's the same even keel contentedness that is his regular demeanor, but it doesn't set apart his gratitude. i think that disappointed her... made her feel like once again she hadn't gotten it right. no reinforcement when she pushed the right lever in the maze.

she also has a daughter who is allowed to talk to her in a blunt and brash manner. it's not something i would have allowed, and i was left gasping in disbelief at a couple points, feeling like i had been shoved into a miniature battle ground and was going to have to witness carnage. except there was none. she wasn't rebuked for what she said, she wasn't told that she needed to wait when she interupted, nothing. it kind of bounced off her mom and dad. but she didn't really do it to anyone else. maybe they allow it in the home if she doesn't do it elsewhere. who knows.

finally, i think this woman is kind of caught. trapped. she is liberal, but lives in the wrong area. she is compassionate and very rational about the problems of the poor, but lives among the rich. she has a strange balancing act to handle the rich, conservative republicans and wearing the right brands, buying in the right price ranges, etc but agreeing with the liberal democrats and understanding the plight of the poor. i don't think she consciously realizes all of this. she is frustrated with how difficult it is to know who to share things with. you share too much of the wrong viewpoint with the wrong person and you have a problem. but at the same time she's a little into that ritzy store, ritzy clothing group. like a maid is nothing big, hermes items are a nice luxury, a $200 outfit is perfectly appropriate. but she isn't happy with her body. so she doesn't like the shopping as much. and she is so eager to share her views and research with those who would listen and understand, but it's like a geiser bubbling under the surface because she has to keep it buried around most of her friends. they don't think bush is a bad person. they don't see why the poor have problems.

i know this is kind of a strange entry, but it was kind of an odd revelation. i feel like i had found a hidden passageway into her life and mind, and uncovered all these secrets that were hidden away from the light of the world. maybe it was well known fact to everyone but me. who knows. but i thought it was interesting introspection, and a rare opportunity to piece it together in somebody else's life. maybe tomorrow i'll have a chance to write about other aspects of my time away from the computer and you guys. i've missed ya! send some love my way to get me back into the swing of things! :)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


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