Sunday, August 29, 2004
Ambivalence...
i'm feeling hungry and tired. not really tired like the i-didn't-get-enough-sleep kind, but the i want to be extremely lazy and do nothing kind of tired. i still feel like i'm being extremely tough, sometimes in a good way, other times in a not quite so good way. i think it's because i'm not letting myself think about things (the death). i feel like i'm supposed to be more emotional about it. like i'm supposed to be thinking about it more frequently. like i'm supposed to be living in a dark cloud, despite all the stuff i have to do and for which i have to be "normal" in order to survive this last year of school and interning. i don't know what it is... if i'm "good" at dealing with it and getting on with life, if i'm in denial, if i'm just not giving myself enough time to process it all, if it's some mixture of the above, or what. and it seems like people want to know how i'm doing (expecting that i'm struggling), but then want me to get past it when the conversation gets uncomfortable for them. granted not all people act like that, and i have some amazing friends who do just whan i need them to do, but it's rough with those who do act that way. it makes me kind of what to avoid them. and i just realized that i still haven't let many people know even. *sigh* more things to do.
ok, just some random thoughts i've been thinking.
P.S. Keep them in your prayers.
|
The official stuff...
|
