Vortexia's Secret

i'm still alive, but just barely. my body aches, i have more to do than is physically possible to pull off in the time i have left, and i'm still on the verge of a break down. i sincerely hope that i never have to undergo another week like this one. and i may be one of those people who just packs themselves away in one apartment for the rest of their lives. i never want to have to move again. there was major drama every step of the way, and we nearly had to drop an extra couple hundred dollars because the van wasn't back on time, and i barely got the lease signed before they closed (and i had to do it without seeing the apartment and she forgot to get the rent check). so now i have to write down all the little problems that need to be fixed, ask for my other key to the apartment, give her the check, and get my questions answered. fabulous. and i have class all day tomorrow. and i have that paper to write. and my computer is set up on the floor. and i have an exam to study for so i can pass my first class of the morning. and the boy just had tragedy hit his family. and i well up with tears every time i think about that and all the other stuff that has to get done. and how i hurt so much because i can't be there for him and how we can't support each other through both of our ordeals right now because we have our own issues to deal with. and it makes me hate school, hate moving, hate that they never fix everything before you move in, hate how things worked out to all be extremely rushed, and hate that i may be living out of boxes and fast food containers for a month or so because i can't move and fix everything on my own and the boy is now gone. and then i hate how selfish i am and how guilty i feel for even worrying about that stuff when he is hurting so much. and i hate how that stuff still has to be dealt with no matter what may happen in his life because we aren't married yet and people don't accomodate couples who are dating in the same manner as they do married couples. ugh. and if i had a clean bathtub, i would go take a quick bath to calm down, but i would have to find the shower scrub stuff and clean it first, and that would only make things worse. so i'll just go cry, pull myself back together, and come back to write a paper. a fabulously shitty paper because i'm in no mindset to be doing schoolwork right now. but it has to be done. sorry i'm so depressing today. i just can't help it. please give me some hugs and encouragement. thanks, i really need it.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.