Vortexia's Secret

Mayhem, by vortexia

although it may surprise you, mayhem is not my middle name. it is the nickname of the man who has mesmerized me into dating him. you might find the name a little odd if you see him in his daily suit, but watch for him growling away in the nightlife and then you'll understand.

he is currently saving for full sleeve tats. when he gets them, he's planning to quit the suit job in a most devious manner and start a band based off his charisma alone. he can't sing or dance or play an instrument, but you'll be screaming his name in less than a year. that's just how contagious he is. once you see him unleashed, you'll never forget. he'll flood your mind faster than a monsoon, but he'll never subside.

to complete the transformation into full badass mode, he'll get a massive tattoo across his shoulder blades and back that says mayhem in metallica writing. only more ominous and aggressive. if we get married, his wedding ring will be a 3rd eyebrow ring or a spacer for his ear that also fits his ring finger. it only seems natural.

when he quits his job, he'll pull off something much better than office space. better than fight club. better than carrie. while his coworkers might say good riddance, they'll be reeling from the loss for months. no matter how much he screws them over, every single coworker will secretly wish he would come back. they wouldn't have to do work anymore. they could go back to playing darts in his cubicle, making bonfires on the bosses desk and blaming it on the accountants who are trying to adjust the books, and taking 4 day weekends every other week. he took those weekends every week. that's just how good he was. but his coworkers would also welcome back the one thing that made them stick with a bullshit company all those years. me. mayhem got me out of my job most days to visit him and the boys. every head would pop out of that little cubicle as they heard the door squeak my arrival. for the long catwalk stride down the aisle to his workspace, all eyes were on me. come to think, all eyes were pretty much on me or mayhem at all times. since mayhem started to work there, turnover rates stopped dead in their tracks. when he leaves, the 70 year old office manager will finally retire. the college grads who took the job as a temporary filler will get on with their lives. and turnover rates will skyrocket like never before.

as a couple we are mesmerizing. and individually we both radiate that je ne sais quoi charisma that draws people in. for the past 3 years, we have essentially gotten paid to be us. we haven't worked an hour between us in all those years, but the money never stopped flowing. and the raises always came through. mayhem probably wouldn't even have to quit even though visible tattoos and piercings are against policy. i'm sure they would find a way to make an exception for him. but his boss is getting tired of finding a smoking pile of rubble in place of his desk every week, so he won't put up much of a fight. and he'll finally take the job at corporate headquarters and please his wife with the pay increase and the plane tickets out of town.

i may keep my job a little longer. i figure i don't need to quit until mayhem starts touring. i may join him on stage, or i may just revel in the backstage and after party glories. i'll probably make appearances for the photo shoots and interviews to attract the male audience and bigger sales. we'll retire by 30 and move to the caribbean.

at that point we'll change gears and act like a couple young hippies who are so crazy in love that you swear we must have just met. but it will be almost 10 years by then. we'll sell surfboards, hemp gear, and daquiris. and we'll host the nightly beach parties. the ones the uptight people are afraid to attend because they might have to pay for a piece of the keg, they don't personally know the people throwing it, and they fear the party might get busted. but they won't have to pay, they probably have heard of us, and the party will never get busted. they just don't know it in time to attend. and we want to keep it that way.

where should the story go from here? other story requests? anything?

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.