Vortexia's Secret

i'm being haunted by issues tonight. they're hunting me down and nagging at my mind. making me feel completely neurotic. i hate it.

to those 2 (approximately) people who know what i mean when i say that i have to deal with this flight issue, do you have any advice? with whom and where? you can call or email me about it, or i may be in contact with you guys for help. with about 4 months to get all this shit together it's really starting to bother me. i don't want to be the horrible friend who causes the heart attack and hidden bitterness about the wedding. which means i have to get this first step done pretty damn fast so i can get the other arrangements in order and all the stuff for the actual wedding settled. erg. if i get these initial things done and she follows through on making it affordable for me, then i can handle it. otherwise... stress city.

also felt neurotic about relationship issues tonight. worrying and stuff. and about things i can never know now with my role model. wondering why i was given something i was given. wondering if she approved. realizing what a potential disaster it could be to have all the various people meet at a future wedding. maybe i should just elope and purchase a photography session at a pretty church instead. that way i get the nice pictures and can make up a sweet story where people got along after the fact. but i don't have to worry about that for awhile. and i have to learn to let go of the things that are haunting me that i can never resolve or understand. so i guess that leaves this friend's wedding stuff as the main thing i have to work on. kind of ruins the whole joy of procrastination when you have something that serious hanging over your head. before it was just procrastinating on getting the last things unpacked in the bedroom and on decorating the apartment. now it's procrastinating with something that could really blow up in my face if i dawdle too long. damn. but sleep still comes first. so until tomorrow...

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.