Vortexia's Secret

my apartment smells like feet. as you're reeling backward in your chair thinking i'm one of those women with repulsive feet i need to explain. i have very cute, petite, pretty, odor-free feet. with newly painted toenails. mayhem on the other hand does not. last night we were on the couch making out and he took a quick break to kick off his shoes and pull off his socks. holy hell batman! he zoomed in to resume kissing and i kept backing away as politely as i could. he finally asks what's up and i quietly tell him that all i can smell is his feet. he looks a little sheepish and says maybe he should have just kept his shoes on. so he gets up, puts his socks in his shoes and relocates them to my bathroom. ok, so now my bathroom can smell like feet. starts kissing me again, and i have to start pulling away again. i still smell them. i think it's your actual feet that smell. go down there and take a whiff. instead he brings his foot up to both of our faces and determines that they smell. so he roots around in my bathroom and comes out with some lotion. would this help them? uhhhh.... why don't you just WASH your feet and then they won't smell anymore instead of just covering it up with lotion and making lotion footprints all over my floors. oh.... yeah.... that makes sense. another sheepish grin. so he turns on the water in the bathtub and washes away. comes out and decides to go all out with his attack against man odors. gets my deodorant out of the dresser and applies it liberally. then tries to close the dresser. i hear horrible creaking and straining noises from the drawer and ask if he's trying to break it. he said no but he couldn't get the drawer back in. so i go into my bedroom and push on the drawer. slides closed with ease. another sheepish grin. oops. yeah, most people push drawers to close them since you pull on them to open them. yeah. eventually we watched a movie and he talked through the whole thing. it's funny because one of his pet peeves is people who talk through movies....... yet he is one of the worst at doing it himself! i know it's because he wants to share every little thought with me, but sometimes i'm just not up for it. it was one of those nights. any and every plan or idea you have for the night won't work right so you just have to scratch the plans and be willing to go with the flow, no matter how bizarre it gets. we are all so very human. mayhem walked in looking hot and a different look that was totally working that night. mmmmm, did he look good! oh, and he came in with a log for the fireplace and flowers and a movie. so i was thinking this will be a great night. except my heater is working mega-overtime for some reason that i think maintenance will have to determine and short of using the AC with the fireplace it just wasn't going to work that night. and then all the other stuff. so it wasn't meant to be. but all couples and all people have some very awkward nights. and if they can laugh it off, like we did, then we'll all be ok in the end.