Vortexia's Secret

so i realized tonight that i always have something to feel guilty about when i'm around my mother. sometimes it's for hinting at being hungry, sometimes for urging her that we better head to the store sooner rather than later (meaning i just want to spend all of her money, supposedly), and other times it's because i cannot find a gift that i was given 4 years ago, which to her means that i didn't like it and probably threw it away. i told her that i knew for a fact that i didn't throw it away, but i just couldn't hunt it down at the moment. not to mention that i've moved at least 5 times since i got it. and that honestly, yes, i did not see a great use for it at the time i received it. i am also ungrateful for having gotten a kitchen appliance that is too big to fit on a kitchen counter top at the moment since i am in a small apartment with very limited counter space. my microwave barely fit, giving just enough room to prepare a small meal and stack the dishes afterward. and i know that she does not mean to cause shame and grief like that, but she seems to have been set on automatic pilot on an eternal guilt trip. and worst of all... if she knew that she caused such guilt by the guilt-inducing comments that anybody else would be positive were said purposefully, then her feelings would be hurt and she would make a comment about never bringing up anything about your life with you ever again. sheesh. and sadly, that fact just really hit me tonight. no wonder i get stressed at home. so according to the date that i'll be giving this, i'm on the road somewhere. according to when it was written, i will leave tomorrow afternoon. that should make things crystal clear... haha.

oh, and andy... i have the ugg knockoffs in real life this time. ;)

tune in sometime after christmas... the beer has been plotting something devilish for christmas. or so i hear. the gift isn't for me, so she has me intrigued. enough for tonight. back later!