Vortexia's Secret

i love when i eat my bag of popcorn specialty dinner and end up picking up little bits of popcorn off my chair and eating them. it makes me feel like such the opposite of a loser. like totally. loser misery and ditziness all in one.

now on to the real news...

i made a decision that i am sure will make my popularity soar. i am going to start telling acquaintances and coworkers things about me that really should be kept to myself. inappropriate comments even. like telling the person standing behind me in line that my thong is really riding up my ass. or mentioning to my boss that the rum and coke i had with lunch really hit the spot (note: i DO NOT drink during work time... that was simply a joke. please do not take this seriously and fire me!) oh, or telling my neighbor that i like her husband's ass, or the guy at the mailboxes with me that i hope that my "special medicine" comes in the mail soon because "things" are really getting out of hand. ooh, and telling the little 13 year old "slut in training" in the lingerie store (and her way older looking boyfriend) that she is both underage and therefore illegal and that the tissue is poking out of her training bra, so she really shouldn't try going for the C cup. and finally... yelling "get a room" into the courtyard of my complex at exactly 3:02 am every night, so loud that it echoes and reverberates among all the buildings. yes i think this would make life much funnier. especially if they were all lies, like all of these were. (ok, so my thong does occassionally ride up my ass, but that's the only truth. i don't like my neighbor's ass and i don't have any "special medicine" or "things" that could get out of hand. just so you guys know. i guess the other two weren't really about me but i'll work on that. like maybe i could tell the stuffing girl that she should stuff with hamsters instead of tissue because i've found that it keeps you warm during winter. definitely not something about me, but very funny.)

if you think of any other inappropriate comments that i could use please let me know.