Friday, February 04, 2005
More about the boy...
so i have been thinking about my bitchfest of last night. the thing with this frustration with mayhem is that it's a double edged sword. i'm the achiever of our relationship. i'm probably the reason that mayhem will be graduating. when we got together he finally realized that he had to get his shit together and fast because i wasn't going to stick with a guy who was a solid C to F student simply because he didn't try. i am what you might call an over achiever. and for some reason he liked that even though it meant he had to grow up and buckle down. i am immensely grateful that he did that. and he was probably right... if he continued to goof off we probably wouldn't still be together.
but here's the double edged sword bit: i made him this new hard-working, high achieving mayhem. and he wants to stick to it. but when i try to see him and give him a little less time for homework, he pulls the achievement card. don't i want him to continue to make good grades? don't i want him to pass and graduate? last night he told me that he had made the 4.0 club with his grades last semester. which is so fabulous. i don't want that to change. but i know that he could sacrifice something else to continue to do well AND see me. do work while you're at home instead of fucking around on the computer (i know, i shouldn't talk), watching TV, or playing video games. he needs to figure out balance. and he needs to remember that i'm too good to lose. and while i don't want to be the kind of girl who makes a boy give up his videogames and boy stuff, i do think that i am waaaaay more fun than any video game.
well anyway, i don't know where any of this was going. i'll be back later.
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The official stuff...
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