Vortexia's Secret

i am started to reexamine my view on cooking. now i don't know that i'll ever become a full blown cook or prefer to make my own meal over getting the instant gratification of having somebody else prepare it and make it magically appear on my plate. however, this cooking thing is growing on me. i like the act of creation. the creativity, the confidence it takes to say to yourself, "i don't have a recipe, but i trust my insticts to believe that this will turn out well." like most other things, i have to do it the "extreme" way. forging my own path. using my knowledge and tidbits of other cooking methods (and yes, sometimes even excerpts of recipes) to make my own creation. substituting, adapting, experimenting. there's something vaguely exciting about that. i seriously doubt you'll see it joining the X game ranks anytime soon, but it can be a fun diversion once or twice a week. like last night. i was hungry, i had hit my second wind and was thoroughly wound up. so i took a single serving of fish that had been waiting for my creative touch. i started to saute garlic, which smelled good enough on its own to make me hover dangerously close to the crackling and popping concotion in the pan. a little of this, a touch of that, two pinches of this, squirt some of that liberally, stir frequently, throw in the fish just until it has heated and browned, take it off heat, slide onto the plate, and wait for judgment day. and the judgment was delicious. the package claimed that it could create 2 servings, but i think they lie. the proof of my cooking skills had disappeared in 8 minutes or less. so delicious. i'll definitely have to try to recreate that sometime soon.

the one thing i don't like is cooking for myself. i love sharing the things i love with others. but when i cook for one, i can only share that with myself. i can't get all excited and have the other person try it and get excited with me. somehow i feel like it's kind of pointless to make a fabulous meal for only myself to enjoy. maybe i miss the praise, maybe i wish i could prove my cooking skills to all the doubters who joked that i would starve living on my own because i rarely practiced cooking at my parents' house (goes back to my first rule of having the food magically appear). it's somehow a fine line between it being altruistic and selfish. altruistic because i want to share the delicious meal experience with somebody i love. selfish because i want a little praise in return. cooking is still more of a pain in the ass than taking a nap while somebody else does the dirty work, so i damn well want at least a little gratefulness for the effort.

ok, so that's where cooking and i stand. not my best buddy by any means, but we get together for some fun times occasionally. maybe i should interview cooking a la tony pierce sometime soon. hmmm, that could be entertaining. i'll toy with that idea. meanwhile, i'm going to get back to my book!