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Friday, June 24, 2005

I'm too tired to name this one... 

i'm still sleepy. this is going to be short and sweet because i haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a long time now. but last night i was able to convince mayhem to stay the night instead of leaving like he had originally discussed. i really wanted to cuddle up with him and not let go, and i got to. so yay. yay until the alarm went off way too early.

i totally lost my train of thought thinking about all the fun conversations i had yesterday and all the fun things i did. i took a day off from job searching to remember what it's like to have a life. it was nice. i enjoy that life. have i mentioned that i also enjoy getting to cuddle with mayhem? oh yes, we covered that already.

i think i need coffee. mayhem and i had a domestic moment not too long ago where we became enthralled with checking out all the different coffee makers and all the fun features. i doubt we'll get a nice one until we register for it, but we were still so intrigued! it's those little things...

am i doing twenty minutes with V? maybe. but i have no idea when i started or when i'll end. i think it could be fun to be an organizer or party planner or something. something festive. i'm a people person, so that's a plus. i have arranged and organized several things lately, and it's always been fun. well i probably shouldn't really do that since i need a job that uses my education, but i could always consider it as a fun weekend or on-the-side job.

i wonder if i'll end up moving. i have another location kind of in mind as my second choice should i have to move to find a job. but it has its definite pros and serious cons. i don't know yet which will win out. but ideally, i won't move yet. maybe once mayhem and i are married and are ready to move onto another chapter in our lives and aren't loving our jobs here quite as much. maybe once people stop asking why we think we need to find jobs in the same city and are we holding each other back because of trying to stay together. i try not to hurt them, i really do. we've done long distance for years. no more. we know we're going to get married, so why make that harder by being a commuter couple, something i would try to avoid with every ounce of strength in my body. and when you really get down to it, we still haven't really dated as most people who are living in the same area and are talking marriage do. at most, we might get to see each other for a whole weekend. that is an enormous treat for us. but we usually just get to see each other once or maybe twice a week. it still feels long distance at times, although it is definitely easier being much closer than we had been. but we're still not a quick drive from each other. there is still planning involved to make the visits work. i would absolutely love to not have that anymore. to live maybe a half hour or even less apart and be able to make the last minute choice that we want to have dinner after work at one apartment or the other. and if we decide to watch a video until late in the night, we can just crash together and get ready for work in the morning together and go to our respective offices. if we even attempted that while i was at my last job, i would have to stay at work as late as possible to miss some of the traffic, then drive 2 hours (no traffic, or around 3 with traffic) over to his place to have dinner. then the drive in the next morning would mean i would have to get up 3 hours earlier than usual. that's insane. if it were maybe an hour in traffic, i would definitely consider it.

anyway, that was a long random tangent that i probably really shouldn't have shared with you guys. none of you give us that kind of crap. you know us and you know how rough relationships can get when they become too chaotic. so thank you to you guys for not being one of those people. the ranting will cease immediately. and this was definitely over 20 minutes.


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