Vortexia's Secret

so you remember how i fed myself that line of bullshit about waking up early and acting all bright eyed and bushy tailed so i could get shit done? if you will notice, it is after 3 am and i am still awake. cruel and freaking unsual punishment, i tell ya. i am not seeing 3 am for a fun reason. no, i was writing many different and equally stunning versions of a cover letter. i have been doing this most of the day. i no longer proof read. i open several, extract sentences in pretty patterns, slap them down on the new document, print them off, and sign them. ok, i'm not that bad, but i figure at 3 am these are not going to be tacked up on some cover letter writing website as exemplary examples. the cruelest thing is that some employers use cover letters as writing samples to make sure you're intelligent. i doubt many of you question my intelligence (except for maybe this bit about the cover letters), but i can't write a decent cover letter. they all sound like crap. every time i write one i know the reader is going "this is bullshit. you don't want to work for MY company, you just want a job, any job, please dear god give me a job. i don't like that kind of blatant ass kissing around here." then i go into the trash. not even into the shredder to nicely destroy my personal data so identity thieves can't get to me. no, they don't even care enough about me to do that. speaking of which, that was my only issue with my doctor when i visited a while back. they had me fill out an extra form which ended up being unnecessary. i told them "well, you can just shred that, then." so they nicely folded it into quarters with my confidential information facing up and placed it in the trash can. at the moment, i let it go because i thought, "well, they must be required to shred everything. that must be the trashcan for all the paperwork to get shredded later." but the more i thought about it after it was too late, the more distraught i became. that was just a generic trash can. my confidential information will be thrown into the dumpster with all the other stuff. junkies looking for used needles will tear open the bag and find not only their needles, but also my info so they can score a few grand of drugs off my personal identity. and now i'm just praying that 1) that really doesn't happen, and 2) that i didn't just jinx myself for it to happen to me. oh please tell me it all went straight to the incinerator or something. damn. ok i obviously need sleep. that's it for now.

please no cruel jokes about my identity being stolen. i don't think that's a laughing matter. maybe i should eat breakfast now. oh! cover letters. back to work...