Vortexia's Secret

bathrooms are, by far, one of the worst rooms to pack. kitchen probably comes in a close second. but the bathroom is almost purely storage. so you drag a couple boxes into that little room, figuring you'll stash it all and be good to go. then you start opening cabinet after cabinet, drawer after drawer, and realize that you'll probably be lucky to pack it all away in four boxes. and these items have the highest risk of jeopardizing the contents of a multitude of boxes. a lotion bottle that splits. a pump top that won't seal closed. a toothpaste tube that oozes. the glass bottles. that shampoo bottle that wasn't quite dry before entering the cardboard fortress. it's dangerous business.

as i attempted to seal down the pump tops, this time i decided the smartest location for the nasty liquids that were dispensed (projectile lotion is disgusting in my book) would be the toilet. i could simply flush away the mess instead of scrubbing the goo out of my sink or bathtub. i realized as the lotion squirted into the toilet that the sound is very similar to hearing a person vomit into the toilet. not the forceful kind, the "i'm so exhausted already from being sick that it may dribble its way to the bowl" kind. too much detail? i'm sure.

so i am now advocating a ban on the typical default gift for women. all readers should consider an immediate halt to the same old easy gift of marginally expensive scented lotions. if my under-the-sink storage situation is any indication, every woman in the US (if not all developed lotion-wearing nations) has approximately 8,347 bottles of lotion, in varying sizes and scents. she doesn't particularly want to use most of them, but does not see the point of throwing out perfectly good, new bottles of lotion. that would, after all, be extremely wasteful. and it was given with good intentions, even if the person was unsure of a more exciting and creative gift option. so find something else. although i have a similar number of candles, at least i can burn them away and don't have to lather them on my body. so i rate that default gift as a better option.