Monday, August 01, 2005
Sinking (relation)ship...
this has been a rough weekend. as you saw, i was in a very contemplative mood on saturday. it was a time to reflect and reexamine some things in my life. that continued through the weekend. my relationship with mayhem is kind of struggling right now. i'm not sure i can explain it right now, but i can try.
like i wrote earlier, i maintain a delicate balance. i can't be tamed, i can't be caged, i have to maintain my independence and freedom. yet at the same time, i want to settle down and have the safety and security of having this one amazing man by my side for the rest of my life.
he is the one who sold me on the idea of marriage in the first place, years ago. now that it still has not happened, i am restless. i am ready to back out of the entire thing because i don't want to realize, years from now, that i have been conned. i fear that he lied to me and claimed we would get married in order to keep me for himself, but never wanted to follow through with that.
i know that everything will be fine in the long run, but i am miserable in the short run. life is a work in progress.
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The official stuff...
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