Vortexia's Secret

unfortunately, the nature of the conversation i mentioned yesterday was individualized enough that i can't reveal much. suffice it to say, though, that the friend in question made a mistake big enough to make any of you smack your foreheads in dismay. if you're nosy enough, email and i'll explain. i think she may be the dumbest smart person i know.

in a still awkward part of the conversation, she wanted to discuss orgasms 101. that whole "please reassure me that i'm normal" kind of thing. i don't think i did. this is not her first time to be disappointed like that. the girl should have learned by now.

now seems like a time to give thanks for the rich sexual bounty with which i have been blessed. no uptight stifling private school to shame me into hating my body or the impressive things it is capable of doing. no stuffy, conservative, republican, zealot upbringing to make me feel ashamed of being me. no parents who avoided the sex talks (actually, it was quite the contrary. my mom loved them and i clawed at the car door judging how fast i needed to tuck and roll to survive.) no parents who avoided sex once they hit their limit for desired number of children. of course, that means that mayhem loves to try giving me visuals of their active sex life, but on the flip side, he is the one who has to deal with two parents who are a pain in the ass because they haven't gotten laid in years. of course, this also means that i am the sexpert. which is fine, most of the time. kind of flattering a lot of the time. and means i'm a favorite with my guy friends, which is a great perk. honestly, i find it comical. and kind of sad for them. i mean, why do so many people have to grow up so repressed?! geez. let your kids have room to breathe and grow into the people they should become. (as an obvious sidebar: don't go all anarchy and let them turn into crack whore drug addict sluts with a dozen STDs and an drug problem. i was still the good kid who worked my ass off for the A's. i'm just saying you need some balance.)

and this concludes the single chick giving parenting advice portion of our day. commence orgasming.