Vortexia's Secret

i know, i'm sorry, i've been a bad blogger. missed you guys, though.

things truly are falling apart at the seams still. now my body has decided it's a bad idea to sleep at night, and my head thinks it's fun to give me a horrible headache at work when i don't have time for it.

i made a pact with my exhausted self this morning that i would be leaving work early to get some sleep and pursue that much needed personal life. of course it didn't happen, and once my head started throbbing that only slowed me down even more.

so now i'm making a pact with my exhausted self to go to bed early. i hope i keep that promise at least.

so how was everybody's christmas? mine was good, but short. at one point i nearly had a nervous breakdown realizing that it was almost time to go back to work again with christmas a year away, and i had to calm myself down and promise to do better at the great balancing act.

this christmas was just a hard one in general for me, though. too many changes at once made it not really feel like christmas. i only opened a couple gifts, i waited way too long to buy the gifts for others, so i truly did have some IOUs to write. it felt half-hearted, and i wasn't with all my loved ones either.

new goal? (i know i've already mentioned about 5 in this post so far, so i realize i'm making too many promises i won't keep) i want to get to a place where i can do what i think needs to be done in my personal life, whether or not it means i return to a job or not. of course that will be much easier once mayhem and i are married and he is successful in his job. but i want to be in a place where i know my stuff and feel confident that i'm an asset to the company and can then make my demands. i will be off for a week for christmas to visit my family, and a week in the summer for a vacation with my husband. agree on that with me or watch my ass as i walk out that door. right now i'm low man on the totem pole, but it's just a matter of time. or a matter of more financial security. i was raised to love life, not kill yourself over a job. of course i was still taught to do everything to the best of your abilities and succeed, so i am killing myself over a job right now, but once i meet my other goal of balance, then i can have both... i hope.

ok, enough nonsensical ranting from the girl who promises herself the world and delivers a grain of sand. i need sleep. and to hear about everyone's christmasses.