Vortexia's Secret

it's been too long since i posted last. and every day since the last post was pretty shitty, with the exception of yesterday. yesterday was great, but every other day (including today) sucked.

i know why women can have shitty self esteem. it's because of other women. catty bitchy women who make mean and degrading comments about other women. like the bitch who publicly insulted by boobs. it hurt, and i can't get it out of my head. even though i know what she said isn't true, i can't help but replay what she said over and over in my head and feel the pain and shock and dismay. my rational thoughts can't compete. if anybody wants to pass along compliments in an effort to drown her out, go ahead and try. none of my thoughts have helped, though.

mayhem was a jerk this morning. hurt my feelings and left me embarrassed. and he lied to me. i know he did. i don't have the energy to try doing anything constructive today because of all this shit. so i'm trying to figure out how to make do without finishing my shopping, filling my car with gas, getting people's gifts, buying groceries, and everything else that needed to be done. me thinks it might be a very shitty christmas for those who are depending on me (with a few exceptions). guess i could always give them mayhem's christmas present and tell him to fuck off.

been hugged by a santa lately? think about it.... it's a fat, hairy, probably sweaty (especially since he's wearing fur) guy who hugs random people and encourages people to sit on his lap. and who calls everybody a ho. oh, and he takes excessive pictures with children sitting on his lap. suddenly i don't think i'm going to push the santa image to kids if i ever have them.

ok, i'm going to go back to moping now, but i feel a little better after throwing a little pity party for one here. who's feeling that christmas spirit? anybody? if you are, how much "holiday cheer" did you have to drink to feel that way?