Vortexia's Secret

the other night, i cried so hard that my lip swelled. it was a very raw moment with a lot of very real pain that i had still hidden and shoved deep inside from when my mentor died. i had ignored and denied it because i couldn't deal with it at the time. truth is, i will probably always think of some excuse to never fully feel the pain and heal from it. i discovered long ago that i'm not one who enjoys that kind of "what's wrong?" attention and having to rehash the painful details a million times. plus i figure most of those people are being insincere and just want the scoop so they can gossip. the people i'm closest to know what happened, and i wrote some on here about it, but that's about it.

so now on to the topic at hand... dreams. i've had a lot of weird ones that i remembered lately. so here's a few of them. last night i had a dream where i started a new pack of birth control before i finished the old one, and then discovered that i had two going at once. i know, that one's boring and just kind of weird, but the others get a little more interesting.

in one i had a few nights ago, there was a supreme court justice who wrote a very scandalous tell all book about all the secret drama that goes on in the courts and in the personal lives of all the judges and in his life. he was being mobbed my the media to answer questions about this (not surprisingly) bestseller book that exposes a zillion skeletons in everyone's closets. they also want to know how this is going to affect the supreme court and his job there. he then announced that he was resigning. the media goes into a frenzy, and just as he is about to break free of them, he turns back and tosses out his final remark.... "oh yeah, and i'm gay." then off he goes in his black towncar, as the media roars.

in another dream, two of my superiors at work were talking and were very visibly upset about something. i ask what was wrong, and they couldn't even discuss it. they were just that upset. i kind of stood there with them for a few moments, trying to be supportive and available to comfort them if they wanted to talk. finally one of my coworkers, who is very large, looked down at a sandwich in his hand, and as a means of explanation of how detrimental this news had been, very sincerely told me, "i'm too upset to even eat." hard not to laugh at that irony. thankfully it was just a dream.