Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Life is tough... 

There's a lot going on in my life right now. Things that are hard to deal with. I think it's taking a toll on me. Last night I was so exhausted that it felt like a heavy weight was pushing my body down into the bed. Health problems: Grandma still isn't doing very well and her biopsy results have yet to come in... after this many weeks. Unbelievable. One of my uncles (one I'm not very close with) was admitted into ICU after a heart attack earlier this week. One of my close friends just called another friend during our night class to let us know that her older brother got into a car accident and has been in the hospital all day. He has to have heart surgery tomorrow and apparently it doesn't look good. As much as we want to help, there's nothing for us to do. I had to deal with a sexual abuse case and a seizure issue today at work and after work with my little POS financial advisor who suddenly refuses to see me and is in NO hurry at all to even look at my info to consider giving me a grant as she had enthusiastically assured me she would yesterday. Left work early to be screwed over. Yay me. J and I have been so busy we've talked about 20 minutes all week. Three of my closest friends have gotten totally screwed over by friends this week and have been hurt. I need the cathartic release of writing it all out and talking it all out with somebody, but at the same time I'm too drained to have the energy to do it.

Please pray for: Grandma, uncle, friend's older brother... too many life and death situations for me to handle on my own. One of these days I really will have good things to write about, but in the meantime thanks for your support.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Tuesday, March 30, 2004


i invented this term last night as i was falling asleep, and i decided it definitely needs to be promptly added to the english language. i'm too tired to go into much detail right now, but basically i love my financial counselor. she explained i had done a part of the FAFSA totally wrong by calculating in all the tuition, fees, books, school supplies, etc. into the estimate of money that was given to me last year (aka, mommy and daddy helped pay undergrad... thank you!). soooooo... the FAFSA people looked at it and thought i had a whole lot of money gifted to me in the past year, so my expected financial contribution was over twice the money i own. glad i asked!!!! so as soon as i thought my dad would be home from work tonight i called him, we reworked the figure, and now it's less than half our original figure. we corrected it and my NEW expected contribution is.... drumroll please... $1,234. WOWZA!!! HUGE difference from before. my financial advisor said i was just about $900 over the limit for getting a grad school grant and was hopeful that i could get below that figure by reworking this section. well i went several thousand below. absolutely freaking incredible! i was bouncing off the walls and am going to try to take off a little early again tomorrow in hopes that i can somehow squeeze the financial aid office in between work and school. wednesday is my day from hell, but if i get free money in the form of grants then it will suddenly be a worthwhile day again. ok, exhausted so g'night! i promise i'll get a better update up shortly. and i'll even consider using capitals again. we'll see...

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Sunday, March 28, 2004

Stretching time... 

When somebody is really dreading something or is having a horrible day, I used to remind them that every day is exactly as long as the one before it, so if they got through yesterday they can get through today (or whatever day they're worried about). It's that sound advice that you never take yourself because you don't want to hear it at that point, and the kind of thing that half of you probably just rolled your eyes at as you read it. That's fine, I understand. Logically I know that it's true, but today I could swear that the minutes are just inching along. And thank goodness they are, too!!! I had a major policy analysis paper to write... didn't work on it over Spring Break, didn't get much done during the week other than uncovering more and more and, oh God, more research, didn't get more than the intro paragraph done Friday because my day was cut in half by a meeting (a really good one I need to tell about, btw), didn't get more than the first full section done yesterday because my friend from CO and her fiancee stayed with me and we went and had fun (J came too). SO... today was that horrible day that you knew you'd have to do so much with so little time to do it that you actually consider just pulling the covers over your head and saying to hell with it all I'm just screwed! But I forced myself to get out of bed, stop whimpering, get all my research out again, take a deep breath and start typing. I rationalized to myself that it was 9am and if I worked on it for the next 12 hours it could be done by 9pm, at which time I could click print, breathe a sigh of relief, and collapse into bed. It is now 3:30 and I only have one section left. I have everything mapped out to discuss for this last section as well, so the trick will be to say it without being redundant with the other 8 places I had to say the exact same thing and not go over my max page limit. At the end of this paper I may actually be proud of all the work, effort, and knowledge that I've put into it. Wouldn't that be something? (Ok, so I usually have a lot of pride in my work and stride for good grades, but this is one I really want to show off because I never thought I could understand all the inner workings of a legislative act. Ok, understand everything but the damn budget mush.) At any rate, I have to save what strength is left in my fingers to type the paper and not the endless stream of thought that constantly flows from my "I think way too much" brain. I do need to share the exciting tidbit about the meeting and the possibilities it leaves for me. Ooh, the possibilities (Do hold your breath... I will be back!)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Thursday, March 25, 2004


So I had a couple revelations this week. Today as I was working with the group of 6th grade girls I realized that my roommate might as well be one of them. They all want to be strongly independent, yet still need somebody to hold their hand. They want to act like they're grown-up until life hits them, and then they freak out and want advice. They want to be taken seriously, yet can't understand the concept of being considerate to another or cleaning up before leaving. So it's like I'm taking work home with me every damn day. The roommate has yet to clean up the common area without explicit instruction. She also left a skillet sitting with oil and overcooked beef bits for over a MONTH. At first I let it go, figuring she could have a hectic week and just have forgotten about it. Then it was 3 weeks with nothing done. So I left a note asking her to please clean it up, and reminding her that it could damage the skillet and it was expensive (it was mine of course). Every day she would move the dry erase board out of her way (so she obviously saw it), but still refused to clean it. This morning I was so sick of it, and since I didn't have the time to take drastic measures (and had enough foresight to see that it could provoke WWIII), I wrote a new note: "CLEAN THE SKILLET!!!!!!!!!" She made progress... she dumped the rancid crap, but when I touched it, it was still coated in grease. Talking to J yesterday, we decided that talking to her about it was a bad idea since she is such a psychotic sensitive bitch, but he would talk to her boyfriend the next time he saw him... you know, "man to man" saying that he might want to mention to her that she needed to pull her share because he (J) was tired of cleaning up after her and I sure as hell was. We'll see if it ever happens. Thankfully, I hardly ever see her. Let's all have a moment of prayer for her to move out in May rather than extend her lease through August. Thank you.

Now the other revelation. For about 15 minutes yesterday I considered moving to DC after I finish grad school so I could be an advocate for the homeless. Finding all this amazing info has really pumped me up and made me want to get out there and do something about it. I seriously want to advocate for homeless children so they don't get screwed over by the school system. The McKinney Vento act I mentioned below protects them, but I know not all schools actually take it to heart. I didn't seriously think about the move since I have some serious ties to this area, but now I'm slightly reconsidering that. The friends I mentioned it to yesterday totally supported it, one said she wanted to join me actually, and J could move with me if he wanted. Mo, you could so do that with me! At any rate, I still have a little while to figure out what to do, and I'm sure I'll want to save the world in a hundred different ways by graduation time, but I really do want to make a difference for these people. They need a voice, and I'd love to give it to them.

Finally, I think I might work on a "100 things you don't know about me" kind of page and maybe another on the "things I've learned" that can be added to as I think of more. If you see the links on my Wall of Fame, then check them out! Ok, off to read more research on protecting homeless youth! <3

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Financial aid... 

So after a terrible day yesterday at school, leaving early to save what little sanity was left only to be bombarded with more stress from my mom calling, being re-traumatized by finances (happens every time my mom talks to me about money... I seriously may need therapy or a financial advisor who can be like a money therapist), and having a monstrous hysterical breakdown on the phone with J as a result, I felt like a freight train had hit me this morning. My eyes were so screwed up from bawling that it hurt to open them, and they would spontaneously close when I turned on the lights. I was afraid of what was to come from today.

Luckily, I forced my eyes open enough to drive to work, and managed to keep them open there. After waiting around for my supervisor for a little while, I head over to the main office to discover that she got really sick overnight and wasn't able to come in today. Sad, but at least it gave me a little more time to be productive. I registered with some online apartment moving websites, searched some apartments, and found a couple that might be safe AND affordable (OMG!). Then I pulled out the research for my policy analysis that's due Monday and has yet to be started (or researched beyond clicking print on a couple websites). I was able to at least read the policy that I'm writing about and get through some of the articles. (Unfortunately, I discovered after the fact that most of the research has to be governmental so I can't use most of what I've found.) I still felt pretty crappy and had to go by the financial aid office to beg for help and money, so I made the decision to let myself leave early, told the secretary (as if anyone would really come looking for me anyway), and left. I must have torn through the streets because I left around 2:30, got home (which is usually a good 15 minutes when I usually drive it), stopped at a video store to get the latest apartment guide, parked a few blocks away (nearest available parking), sorted out my stuff and picked out my FAFSA info, and was halfway to the building (walking through a long block with a park and parking lot nonetheless) by 2:45. I know you guys don't really care, but I was muy impressed because I never make that kind of time when I really NEED to. The lady at financial aid was nice, but they hadn't received my SAR yet so I have to try calling in a week. She did say they should be able to help me out with something, but I have a feeling it will be helping like "here's a pamphlet on this loan. Fill it out." Oh well, at least it's kinda sorta financial advising about the whole thing. And THANK THE LORD, the aid award works for summer school as well!!! The FAFSA people (the national ones) had said it wouldn't kick in until July and wouldn't be good for Fall so I was feeling really screwed. But luckily I get it! In a way it's also nice to not have to dwell on that problem for another week so I can at least get this paper written first. It also sounds like I may either be able to find some affordable housing after all or Mo and I may find a place together. Yay for options!

On a non-me note, I found a couple more wonderful websites. One that gives incredible information on homelessness is the National Coalition for the Homeless. I'm working on the McKinney-Vento Homeless Education Assistance Improvements Act of 2001, and this website was an amazing jackpot for knowledge. (Mo, check it out! And if you ever need to advocate for MW kids to get fair educational treatment, let me know. This act is their biggest advocate.) The Finance Project is another good site, and especially the Welfare Information Network and the section on homelessness. The National Center for Homeless Education also has good info, although their website only seems to work every couple times I try to access it. I think that's it for now, but I know I'm always finding great sites and forgetting to add them to my sidebar. I'll add these another night. It's late and I get up early. *UPDATE* I forgot another good site! Homes for the Homeless: The Institute for Children and Poverty should have more good info. Ok, back to working at work!

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Sunday, March 21, 2004

Things I've learned... 

* You can love till it hurts.
* Everyone is entitled to their opinions, no matter how much you wish some weren't.
* Even the people who know you the best don't know all of you.
* The future is a scary thing when you don't know what to expect, and sometimes even when you do know what to expect.
* People are more important than things and deadlines.
* Sometimes to forgive, you just have to let go of it all.
* Housing is hella expensive.
* Everyone needs love.
* Don't judge others too quickly or at all.
* Related: Don't judge others based on their circumstances. Their top choice wasn't to be homeless (or whatever) either.
* Related: Don't judge others based on that which they cannot change. Same principle as above: They didn't decide to have a handicap, to be a certain skin color, to be a certain gender, etc.
* The greatest value to hold is hope (then love... I know the bible has it reversed, but you have to have a degree of hope in order to really love).
* Related: LOVE. LOVE. and LOVE some more.
* Many people share your dirty little secrets and habits... we're all just too afraid to admit them (hence them being dirty secrets).
* Names for others can be good or bad depending on who says them and how they say it.
* Live passionately and fully. Then you'll actually live.

I may keep kind of a rolling list as I think of more. What are some of yours? (Thanks to Mo for the impetus to think about these things. See her list here.)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


My happy little weekend... 

Except for the money and apartment woes, this was a good weekend. It was full of funny quotes, and I wish I could remember more of them. I do know that I offered to french kiss one of my best friends' brothers (actually went to Bennagins for a French Kiss drink), told her boyfriend he had a big mouth (on his shot glass), and we discussed her parents' sex life (and the "brownie point" system), among other things. Yesterday, I also accidentally walked in on J taking a dump in my bathroom in the apartment (quite embarrassing for both parties). Later that night we were able to joke about it, and I added the commentary that was missing from the actual event:
(constipated voice): "Get ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut!"
(normal voice): "Me or the poop?"
(constipated voice): "Booooooooooooth!!!"
LMAO. Oh man! Ok, so it was some seriously low brow humor, but I'm a well-rounded person so I have both a classy side and a dirty side. I see it as a good thing ;)

Anyway, what else for this weekend... Well I visited K and hubby at their house for a couple days. It was fun and we just got to be lazy, until it was time to go to bed. I went upstairs to "my" bedroom (aka the guest room), and heard buzzing. I looked up, and there was a GIANT wasp buzzing around the light fixture. My breath caught in my throat and I ran out of there as fast as I could. Luckily I closed the door behind me to trap it in that one room, and thankfully they weren't asleep (or otherwise occupied). I went back downstairs and called out to them, explaining that there was a huge wasp. They sounded confused, but came to investigate. We finally uncovered it again, only to discover that they did not have a fly swatter. So her Fit Pregnancy mag made the sacrifice. It was a serious comedy of errors on our part because nobody wanted to get stung. Finally, hubbs made one last attempt, found it on the valance of the curtains, and whacked it with all his might. The blow was so strong that the valance sling shot it back at him, it ricocheted off the top of his head, and landed on the bed. Waspy was then carefully scooped into a dixie cup and disposed of. Crisis averted.

The next day, The Beer and I got together and went shopping (and later to Bennagins as mentioned above). We found some seriously cute stuff, and I was able to find a great Guess? swimsuit for only $26!!! I also got a "St. Patrick's Day gift" from Beer... a super cute dress that was too cute to pass up but just a little too much for me to buy myself. (J enthusiastically thanks you, by the way!) We had a ton of fun despite our adventures with creative directions and driving.

Then yesterday, J went apartment hunting with me. Then we got dressed up (I wore the sexy new dress) and celebrated our anniversary in a much nicer fashion. We went out to eat at California Pizza Kitchen and saw Miracle finally. Man I love hockey! I was trying to decide if people who didn't like hockey would have still enjoyed the whole movie, but in the end it didn't really matter since I love it. All in all, it was a great coupley day. Yay. So that's the mini update.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers. (UPDATE: I know also know that the fiance is safe as well.)


Love's sweet sorrows... 

Sometimes it is so hard to be somebody who loves so fully. I lay my heart on the table for anybody with whom I'm close. It makes me incredibly genuine and open to love, but it means that I am more open to pain. The worst part of having somebody you love visit, is the part when they have to leave. I am very familiar with this feeling. J and I were in a long distance relationship for three years, and I can't say it ever got any easier. Now that we're just an hour away it hasn't gotten much better. In fact, we have more logistical problems and it has gotten harder to take time from our frantic schedules to see or talk to each other. This also makes it easier for resentment to enter into the picture. But we're working on it, and I think this relationship is worth the effort. Luckily, these issues should go away if and when we get married. I know others will pop up, but at least right now it's easier being together and even doing household chores together than the torture of being apart so much.

This weekend J came to visit me at the apartment, and it was great... until he had to leave. He was so sweet and loving, and we had so much fun. My alarm was set early this morning, so we were awoken much earlier than we needed to be. We cuddled up to each other and just enjoyed being so close... but the time crept up and then he was late. He decided to just be late, and alternated between watching me sleep, snuggling with me, and kissing me. LOVE IT, but it doesn't make it any easier to part with him. It eventually got to a point when we realized he really needed to leave for both of us to get anything done that day. Unfortunately I cannot concentrate on anything other than him, and it makes my heart ache to know that the decision of when we get married is out of my hands and it won't happen for at least another couple years. I handle situations in which I have some degree of control much better than ones that are entirely out of my control (like this one). *Sigh*

Speaking of things entirely out of my control... I hate money (especially the lack of it). I am a poor, no make that po', grad student. I will be entering a career in which I have a great potential to make a difference to others but a small potential of making any kind of money. I know I chose it and I know I want to make that kind of difference, but I was instilled with too many money worries as a child. I started looking at apartments in the area and will be lucky to find a one-bedroom that is only a $200/mo increase from my current rent and where I wouldn't need barbed wire, a security alarm, and a shotgun to stay safe. I refuse to stay in this crappy complex another year, I won't have another horrible roommate (thus the increase for looking at a one bedroom), and I don't have a clue what I will do. Talking to my mom last night I told her the price of the ones that were potentials and the ones that were quickly crossed off the list. Although I'll be footing the whole tuition bill next year, they'll (thankfully) still be paying rent for one more year. Unfortunately, my parents' mortgage is already $8 cheaper than my current half of the rent, so such a dramatic increase is unheard of to them. I understand, but I don't know what to do. I momentarily considered J and I moving in together as a potential solution, and it did sound tempting. It would solve his similar problems with finding a cheap enough place to rent, it would help with our long distance-ish woes, would make rent affordable again for me, and would offer a little added protection to not be a single woman anymore. Unfortunately, I don't think we could do it without being disowned by family members on both sides. My family would be more likely to hear us out, and at least my mom trusts us that we seriously are waiting until marriage (although how is that technically anybody's business other than ours?); however, there is also the possibility that it could "forever change their perception of me/us" like when I asked about going to bartender school (during the summer, not dropping out of school). I don't think my grandma would approve or ever get over it (a sacrifice I'm not willing to make), and I'm sure his parents would turn it down. I would probably receive mixed reactions from just about everyone in my life, even if they really knew me. SO.... If anybody has any ideas for these money/housing woes, please let me know!

More problems... Like I mentioned above, the tuition is completely on my head for next year. That means fat student loans. Not too easy to pay off when your income will be tiny. My dad is working on the FAFSA this weekend, and discovered that summer school will probably have to be a loan only because the government considers the school year to be from July to July, and summer school starts in May. He didn't do FAFSA for last year, so to have any chance of getting anything for summer he'd have to do the 2003 FAFSA and the 2004 FAFSA for the rest of the school year. Ouch. He also found out that I may get less money just depending on how I arrange my schedule. I may take 13 hours then 7 hours if I do my second internship as a split placement between the two semesters, but if I do the internship all in one semester then I would have 9 hours and 11 hours. Nine hours is considered full time for grad school. So do we say I'm going full time since I might be and will be in one semester? Do we say 3/4 time because it kind of evens out to that but risk losing money I may need? Erg. Like I said, I hate money. I'm frustrated all over again, so this is it for that subject.

I have a lot to get done before school starts back up, so I better go for now, but I promise that I will update on my weekend. Till then...

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Off to see the wizard... 

Ok, well not to see the wizard, but I'll be gone for a few days. I'm frantically packing up so I can enjoy a short bender with K and her hubby, then pay a visit to my parents and have fun with The Beer, then back here to get started on what I've been too lazy to do all week. So no updates till Saturdayish. Sorry!

Oh, but I did get a much needed kissing session last night. I'd been missing that. Mmmm. Oops, gotta run!

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Tuesday, March 16, 2004

My day (as told by me of course)... 

I had slowly eaten myself out of food through the past week, so it was time to make the trek over to Supah-Target for my sustenance needs. Normally I just have a few food needs because I slowly keep it all stocked as things run out. But this week I had truly run out of almost everything. Like hello mustard sandwich... yummm, not so much. At any rate, $60 later I was stocked up again. That sounds cheap to you married folks probably, but that's just food for one. I like to eat. I did restrain myself slightly... I saw that they started to stock the gallon jugs of Arizona green tea again, but I have just gotten off that addiction so I decided it was best to not start it again. Anyway...

I also had to run to the teeny bopper (I can't believe I just said that) white trash-o-rama, aka the local mall, to get my watch fixed. Now there are many nice malls. Malls with "galleria" in the name are generally quite posh. But this local place was pretty crappy. I had to come back in 15 minutes so I decided to just wander aimlessly until something caught my eye. Nothing (and nobody) ever did. It did remind me that I could always find some high class scum that would love to get with me... or at least have me acknowledge his/its dirty little comments. I think I'll pass.

On the way home I started thinking more about song lyrics. One came flooding back. John Mayer's little known "Comfortable." It was before he got famous, before he turned into a self-involved conceited punk. I loved him for these lyrics:
"I loved you/ grey sweat pants, no makeup, so perfect/ Our love was, comfortable and/ so broken in." Oh yeah. Realizing that a woman can still be sexy in sweatpants, no makeup, dirty hair... Good stuff.

Then on the drive home I heard a song I haven't heard in ages. Used to love it. Marcy Playground's "Sex and Candy." Good trip down memory lane. Oh yeah, and if you don't have a 6 Flags nearby, then go here and click the cute old man to see the commercial. The beer's on da phone... gotta go!

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



Well I guess I have been informed that nobody wants to hear my sexual/sensual thoughts. Maybe some were disappointed that they weren't racy enough, and some were disappointed that they were up at all. Oh well, I wanted to get it all out, so you can stop covering your eyes now. Well I did talk to the friend mentioned below last night, and he said he had caught up on reading my blog before calling so he kinda knew what I'd been up to lately. He was considerate and didn't blurt out something about me having a dream about him, but I was a little curious if he was toying with the idea all night. Lol. (Hi, by the way, since you're also probably reading this and blushing.) It's amazing how much we can talk. 2 1/2 hours later we said goodbye but had only scratched the surface. He said he might be up for being my campaign manager if I ever decide that I have to take the governmental situation into my own hands. I think I'd have a real problem making compromises to get a bill passed when I knew those compromises were just selling out and screwing over the people I want to help. And giving meager tax cuts to a couple million people to gain their support while I knew that it kind of indirectly killed a different couple million who depended on the programs that were cut. Yeah, not sure I'm cut out for that. Sorry if I just pissed any of you off with these political thoughts. I don't usually share them as freely to an unknown audience. On another note, if any of you (who know me) want to call me within the next 8 days, please either call from a sprint phone or wait until after 9. I only have about 2 hrs of daytime minutes left and a stupid incident with J yesterday killed another hour's worth that I could have had in addition to the 2. One of the downsides to not having a land line phone anymore. Toward the end of the bill cycle all emergencies must occur after 9 pm. Haha... try telling life to accommodate that. Hmm, if anything really interesting happens I'll post again, but for now this is it! Adios :)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Monday, March 15, 2004

Sexy thoughts (if you don't wanna know, then please don't read)... 

So I've been thinking too much lately. Spring Break from school and work, plus no plans (or having them ruined) gives lots of time to think about random crap. Here are some of my thoughts. First, I would have to say that sleeping in late with minimal clothing on wrapped in a warm cocoon of flannel sheets and comforters with the sun peeking in above the bed is one of the most luxurious things I've experienced in a while. Truly. If you've never tried it, then waste no time!

Second, I just can't understand why so many women don't like their bodies. I know I got incredibly blessed to have this amazing blend of genetics, high metabolism, good looks, etc. (Thanks God!) and I hope it doesn't change on me, but even so... Given the two bodies, the woman's is more naturally beautiful. The male body tends to look more awkward naked, but guys have such a higher level of confidence that they believe they're a Greek god despite a monk-like bald spot and a massive beer gut. So many women with good bodies still don't think they look good because they have low self confidences and pick themselves apart. I could go on and on with theories about why this may be, but all in all I really just wish they could recognize themselves as beautiful. And I'm glad that I know I am. Makes life much more fun. It's probably what makes this possible...

I'm the only girl who regularly gets to hang out with the guys because I serve as a perfect mix of eye candy and just one of the guys. They have to do minimal censoring, I don't bitch about them doing guy stuff (e.g., play video games all night), and I can hold my own drinking with them. Unfortunately, I tend to get admirers who try to tempt me. I've nearly lost some good friendships because of that, and I did lose one (but he turned a little mental). Now I think there's a difference between having guy friends who acknowledge that I look good (but wouldn't cheat to be with me or ask me to cheat) and guys who get drunk and profess their love for me (despite having a girlfriend). Now I forgot where I was going with this, but I do love having guy friends. Sometimes it's much better to have guy friends than catty girl friends. I have many really close girl friends who are absolutely amazing, but I could also name off a handful of girls who I can't stand because of their cattiness. One was actually a fiance of one of my good guy friends and wanted me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding. She had never even met me, but it turned out that she believed "keep your friends close and your enemies closer." She was intimidated by me and wanted to ensure nothing happened between my friend and I. They didn't make it to the point of marriage. Speaking of him, I haven't talked to that guy in ages, but I had a dream about him last night. Maybe that's a sign that I should call him up tonight. I think I will. I've heard before that when you get married you lose your close friends of the opposite sex. That better not be true. I know too many amazing guys. Obviously I can only be with one and I think I've chosen him (for better or worse although it seems like lately has been the worse), but I don't just want to say adios for good to these guys at the wedding reception. How sucky is that? And I've known a couple of them longer than I've known J... and we've been together for 5 years. Ok, all of this is turning very random. End topic here.

A couple other blogs have discussed kissing today, so I guess I'll hop on the bandwagon. Yes, kissing is incredibly good. Long, deep, passionate, hot kissing. Oh baby. It can give me butterflies in my stomach all over again. I think it can be very emotional, too. If you're in an established, loving relationship, it can be like professing your love without ever having to use words. Mmmm, good stuff. And the little happy "Hi!" pecks are good too. They're cute, impulsive, publicly acceptable. Ok, I think that's about it for now. I know some people who read this probably don't want to hear this stuff, so I condensed everything I've been thinking about off and on for a while now into one entry to avoid multiple offenses.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


More thoughts... 

Ok, first the good news! My mom got back home safely from visiting my Grandma. Even more exciting, my Grandma got released from the hospital yesterday afternoon!!! They had originally said that the earliest she'd be released would be today, so I would take it as a very good sign that they let her out a day early. YAAAAAAY!!!

I also realized yesterday that it's a very nice thing to get to listen to music all Sunday. Good music can make you so happy. Puts a better spin on life. I heard the remake of "Mad World" (originally by Tears for Fears and remade my Gary Jules) yesterday and part of it really hit me with this job. (And how freaky is it that a Tears for Fears song just started on my internet radio?! Weird.) Part of it is "Made to feel that every child should/ Sit and listen, sit and listen/ Went to school and I was very nervous/ No one knew me, no one knew me/ Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson/ Look right through me, look right through me." Makes me mad that this is true sometimes. It's such a vicious cycle. Teacher gets tired of the kid who needs more attention, shows it through actions, the other kids pick up on it, then the poor kid has no friends because the other children want to please the teacher and don't want to hang out with the "problem child." My other thoughts will be on another post... if you don't want to hear some racy thoughts I normally wouldn't share, then please don't read it. I just felt like sharing.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.



Just some observations. Blogging seems to attract the top tier of internet users. For the most part, it's people who are intelligent enough to make complete sentences and thoughts, and either spell decently or use spell check. It's thankfully also the people who read what they're typing and make it coherent, rather than the people who use no punctuation and leave out important words. After a little while of blogging, people also tend to lower some inhibitions and write whatever they want, whatever they're thinking, and say to hell with those who disapprove. Even if the people who read it know you, you just stop caring eventually. There are still some people who you'd prefer to not find it, but if they do then they walked into dangerous territory on their own. I have come across some of these myself and quietly stewed in my own rage. Like a former supposed "best friend" of one of my best friends who likes to snipe at her now in her blog. Of course she's a little different because she does it hoping to be discovered so she can get on her self-righteous bandstand. But enough about that. There are also some bloggers who like comments (me) and blog readers who like to post comments (also me). Then there are some who are timid and read the entries but never leave comments. So you never quite know who is checking it out.

Another thought... Why do we think that man invented fire? I never thought of this as a strange concept before yesterday, but think about it. That would mean that during a drought in a forest if a dead tree crashed to the ground, it wouldn't cause a forest fire before man "invented" fire. Just not possible. And if that really was the case then how are Earth, Wind, FIRE, and Water basic elements of the world (not periodic table elements of course)? I know, I know... I think too much. But hey, who would have enlightened you to this strange fallacy we believe if it wasn't me? That's what I thought. Look for another entry later today (it's my Spring Break and J's family kinda screwed over our/my plans... grrrrr, so I have some time on my hands). Anyway, that entry should have a good update on G-maw (as my older cousin calls her). I'll probably enjoy a bender at K's later in the week, so you can take that opportunity to catch up on all your reading here ;)

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Sunday, March 14, 2004

So after a short struggle with Flash, "no-copy" measures, several applications to get to one where it would re-save the pic onto my computer then a website, I give you this picture. To give props to those who originally had it, the photographer's name is still on the bottom (Eduardo Abad/AP) and I got it from MSNBC's Week in Pictures feature.

ANYWAY... my point in doing all of that was to share this powerful image of the mourners in Spain. I thought it was worth the effort.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Saturday, March 13, 2004

Always a bridesmaid... 

But in line for several years before I'll become a bride. At times that bothers me, and at other times I'm fine with it. Just a couple months ago I was a bridesmaid for my bro, last week I was asked to be a bridesmaid for one of my good friends from undergrad, and today I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my best guy friend. The undergrad friend's will be out-of-state (so I'll have to finance it somehow) and the other should be here whenever they get back from Iraq. I got an email from him today (yay!) and they're doing fine, but already faced some scary shit. I felt soooo relieved to hear from him, but some of that went away when I heard what they'd gone through already. Mixed emotions, but as long as they're safe and healthy I'll have to trust they'll be ok. It's hard to do that when one of the people you love and the people they love are in danger. Especially when I'm so the type to want to protect the people I love. But I will be so proud to stand up there with them on their wedding day. Happy thoughts :)

Sidenote: Man, I've forgotten how freakin hilarious Dharma and Greg was! I was listening to a rerun as I typed this and kept cracking up. Ahhh, good stuff.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Sunday, March 07, 2004

Suckfest 2004 

So yesterday was an anniversary. Married couples with kids have more enjoyable anniversaries than this one. (By the way, I really would love to be upbeat on here, but lately life just hasn't been that fabulous. But on the upside, at least this should be the worst semester and it will get better from here.) Anyway... yeah, it sucked. We didn't get to see each other until about 7pm. At that point we watched a TV movie and decided we were hungry, so Mayhem ran for some fast food. Yay romantic dinner. He got back here around the time the movie was over, so he popped in Caddyshack II. Yay romantic movie. Then I went to sleep while he worked on a homework assignment on my computer. He woke me up just often enough to freak me out every time, and then when he had to leave. Yay freak outs and disrupted sleep. I don't know what happened to our plans. I don't know what's happened to us. Our relationship used to be the one good thing amid this crappy semester, but lately it's been sliding down a steep slope, too. I don't need a big expensive celebration, especially since we're both broke, but I did want something to make this day special. I mean it's half a decade for goodness sakes!!! *Sigh* well I have to study for 2 exams, but I'll hopefully be back later on with something more upbeat.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Thursday, March 04, 2004

Lady Godiva 

So I decided several months back that I was going to cut my hair short come springtime and donate all my beautiful long hair to Locks of Love, but now that it's getting to be that time I'm having second thoughts. My hair goes about 3/4 of the way down my back and is still looking gorgeous. In the past when I've let my hair grow long it has started to look bad at a certain point, but now it is still looking great... and sexy. I know Mayhem loves it long and quite possibly fantasizes that at some point way down the line I could imitate Lady Godiva's fashion. I really like it long, too, but at the same time am interested in some change and trying it short again. If anyone has strong input or suggestions (including a cute hairstyle for the big change) leave it in the comments for me. :)

So while I feel like I'm being superficial, I just googled "vortexia" and saw that it has been gaining popularity. Important Disclaimer: I am the one and only Vortexia. Please do not accept imitations or accidentally fall prey to one of my impersonators. Only I am the real deal. Accept nothing less.

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.


Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Stupid People IT List... 

So I decided that it was high time I posted my Stupid People list. Their names have been changed not for anonymity sake but because we make fun of them to keep from killing them. (We being the smart people of the world... and our grad school group)

1. Drivers: It's just inevitable... unfortunately. We would give monkeys drivers licenses if they could prove they were over 16
2. Roommate: This has been a well established fact. Just read the previous literature about her or ask those who hear my regular stories/frustrations about her if you still don't believe this one.
3. Dennis the Menace at age 50: This man is just... *shudder*. He is so off the wall and loves to hear himself talk at every opportunity. Which leads me to...
4. Oh God, no!: This man doesn't really have a nickname because this is the only phrase we can utter when he opens his mouth. He has to say something after EVERYTHING that is said. After another student makes a comment, after the prof says something, after somebody told a story exactly like his... doesn't matter because he HAS to comment or tell a story about EVERYTHING. We really need to buy some duct tape before the next class...

We have plenty of idiots in this program, not to mention the people not in this program who bug me.

In other news... I called BICHMSGC (these are the initials of his true full name) on my way to work this morning (would have been 5:30 am to him) because I was given permission to call him at any obscene hour because he'd just be happy to talk to me, but he had his phone turned off. That punk. I'll have to give an update after he freaks out and calls me back. (He's been waiting a phone call from me for a few months.)

OK, quick disclaimer then I'm off. I really am a nice person. Those who know me know this. Those who don't will have to take my word on it. Take the evidence of how badly BICHMSGC wanted to talk to me as proof if you want. You just have to understand how insane a 12 hour day of 3-hour-long classes with all of these people and coming home to this roommate can be. I've got lots I want to contemplate with you all, but I'll have to save the other topics for another day. Have a great night! Love you guys!

P.S. Keep them in your prayers.

Something I will never hear out of my mother's mouth: "Want me to take you to Tijuana to get drunk and laid?" LOL (This would actually be Loralai from Gilmore Girls to her daughter. Good stuff.)


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